Eduard Estivil: How to teach a child to sleep. The revolutionary method of Dr. Esteville. How to teach a child to sleep. Dr. Estivil's revolutionary method to read online - Eduard Estivil So that parents can not deviate from clear prescriptions and follow their and

Edward Estiville

How to teach a child to sleep: the revolutionary method of Dr. Estivil

Dr. Eduard estivill

Duérmete, niño

El Método Estivill para enseñar a dormir a los niños

Spanish translation

Reviewer Preface

Dear reader!

Parenting is a very laborious, multi-aspect and time-consuming process. In addition, it must be manageable, therefore it requires additional knowledge and proven skills from parents.

The book “How to teach a child to sleep” contains the most important applied information. She teaches not only an understanding of the process itself, but also - which is especially important - action. The method by which you can achieve the result is explained step by step and therefore seems easy and understandable. This is a distinctive feature of both the Esteville method and the book as a whole.

Dr. Estivil’s method combines the basics of medical, psychological knowledge and knowledge in the field of pediatric neurophysiology. The fundamentals and specifics of the anatomical and physiological needs and capabilities of the child echo in him with the needs and psychological characteristics of the parents.

From this point of view, this method is just developed, or rather, compiled by the author in order to become a kind of "training manual" for parents. And this fully confirms the fact that the upbringing process requires great patience, enormous endurance and consistency in performance from parents: only methodical and regular implementation of certain actions will lead you to the desired result.

The main advantage of the book is that it respects the basics of learning, clearly sets out what needs to be done, how to do it and why.

Raising a child in general and individual skills in particular is a systemic process. All family members are involved in it, and everyone takes part according to their social role. Sometimes this participation can be passive and consist only of a “background presence”, but this is enough to make the upbringing process several times more effective. The formation of any skill takes time, but if you have this book in your hands, a positive result is guaranteed in the shortest possible time! And I sincerely wish this to you.

Marina Grigoryan,

pediatrician, psychologist-psychotherapist

Thanks

To all of you - parents and educators who have applied and continue to use my method to teach children how to sleep - thank you for making my method better.

Greetings from Dr. Edward Estiville

Fifteen years ago, I first published tips on how to teach children to sleep. You, parents, began to call this collection of recommendations and methods in your own way - the “Estivil Method”, but I must remind you that this is not my invention. All this time, I, as a scientist, simply demonstrated and promoted in simple understandable words the knowledge of neurobiologists, psychologists, pediatricians and sleep medicine specialists gained over the past forty years.

It should be noted with great satisfaction that these methods have benefited more than three million parents and carers around the world.

Thanks to the achievements of science, today we know even more and can instill in children the skill of good sleep. Therefore, I once again publish medical recommendations in this book that will help parents and educators better understand the intricacies of children's sleep.

Everything that I write below is confirmed by the world scientific community. The American Academy of Sleep Pathologies, the American Pediatric Academy, and the Spanish Sleep Association provide the same recommendations.

For parents who want to receive more detailed information, I publish a bibliographic note on the most important articles on this topic at the end of the book.

Here we are not talking about dogmas, but about those tips that are necessary to teach a child the skill of sleep, and which are obtained as a result of scientific research. To use them or not is your personal choice. My goal - Orient parents who have decided to follow my method.

It’s not easy to teach a child to sleep. My clinical experience with more than three thousand patients, studies that I will discuss later, reviews of parents and pediatricians who have applied the Method, suggest that if the Method is studied, and then it is strictly followed, it works. “Strictly” means “meticulously”, “meticulously”, without forgetting a single rule.

Dr. Eduard estivill

Duérmete, niño

El Método Estivill para enseñar a dormir a los niños

Spanish translation

Reviewer Preface

Dear reader!

Parenting is a very laborious, multi-aspect and time-consuming process. In addition, it must be manageable, therefore it requires additional knowledge and proven skills from parents.

The main advantage of the book is that it respects the basics of learning, clearly sets out what needs to be done, how to do it and why.

Marina Grigoryan,

pediatrician, psychologist-psychotherapist

Thanks

To all of you - parents and educators who have applied and continue to use my method to teach children how to sleep - thank you for making my method better.

Greetings from Dr. Edward Estiville

It should be noted with great satisfaction that these methods have benefited more than three million parents and carers around the world.

For parents who want to receive more detailed information, I publish a bibliographic note on the most important articles on this topic at the end of the book.

Parents, if you decide to follow this Method, remember that everyone who is involved in raising your child should adhere to it: mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, nannies, etc. On the pages of this book you will find a lot of new things, I will insist on teaching the child to sleep, starting from birth; we will understand how we sleep already in the mother’s womb and how we can learn to sleep at any age and in any circumstances, even if we are talking about special cases: for example, if you had twins or during an illness.

I hope to help you in the future.

Dr. Edward Estiville.

September 2011

Introduction

My child himself does not sleep, and does not give me. And we need to rest. What to do?

Here is the story of a happy couple. Sarah is 33 years old, Pedro recently turned 36 years old. They have been together for four years and have just learned the important news - they will have a child.

The first months of pregnancy pass perfectly, the rest as well - no vomiting, no nausea, no dizziness. Sarah sleeps calmly and gaining a kilogram every month. Her gynecologist is amazed how much a woman's pregnancy proceeds classically, as in a textbook.

Exactly nine months later, they have born the coveted and most beautiful child, the best baby in the world. He’s fifty centimeters tall, weighs three and a half kilograms, according to the results of all examinations of newborns, everything is fine with him. When he is brought to his chest, he immediately takes the nipple without any problems and does not even lose part of the weight that the remaining babies lose. To say that parents are happy is to say nothing, they are overjoyed.

However, even in the maternity hospital, a nurse noticed to parents that their son is very good, but restless: "He is such a lively man, he almost does not sleep." Young parents gently look at each other and exclaim: "But how could it be otherwise, because this is our son."

So, they are discharged from the clinic and sent home. The baby grows and gains weight, only at night he does not sleep in a row for more than one and a half hours. The child constantly wakes up. Sarah feeds him on the clock and thinks that everything is going fine.

After three months of constant nightly vigil of a happy couple, mom meets one of those acquaintances whom you will always find near beginner mothers. A friend assures her that everything is fine, and the child does not sleep because of the colic that all babies have in the first months of life. “These colic do not let your baby sleep. Don’t worry, after three months the colic will pass and the baby will turn into a little sleepy groundhog, ”a new friend calms Sarah.

By this time, several self-help books had already been read (from the most “serious” to the “alternative” ones, in which answers are usually sought). Repeated consultations with a pediatrician, numerous advice from friends who have children, and the instructions of worried relatives could not help in the pressing problem.

How to teach a child to sleep. Dr. Esteville's revolutionary method

Edward Estiville

The child and his care (Exmo)

Can't your baby fall asleep? Do you wake up 100 times a night, do you feel overwhelmed in the morning? Not sure what to do with growing stress in the family? Forget about these problems. The book of the famous Dr. Esteville will help you and your baby sleep with pleasure all night! His method of teaching sleep skills helps in almost every, even the most neglected case, because his main principle is to act with love for his child.

Edward Estiville

How to teach a child to sleep: the revolutionary method of Dr. Estivil

Dr. Eduard estivill

El Metodo Estivill para ense? Ar a dormir a los ni? Os

Spanish translation

Reviewer Preface

Dear reader!

Parenting is a very laborious, multi-aspect and time-consuming process. In addition, it must be manageable, therefore it requires additional knowledge and proven skills from parents.

The main advantage of the book is that it respects the basics of learning, clearly sets out what needs to be done, how to do it and why.

Marina Grigoryan,

pediatrician, psychologist-psychotherapist

Thanks

To all of you - parents and educators who have applied and continue to use my method to teach children how to sleep - thank you for making my method better.

Greetings from Dr. Edward Estiville

It should be noted with great satisfaction that these methods have benefited more than three million parents and carers around the world.

For parents who want to receive more detailed information, I publish a bibliographic note on the most important articles on this topic at the end of the book.

Here we are not talking about dogmas, but about those tips that are necessary to teach a child the skill of sleep, and which are obtained as a result of scientific research. To use them or not is your personal choice. My goal is to orient parents who have decided to follow my method.

I hope to help you in the future.

Dr. Edward Estiville.

September 2011

Introduction

My child himself does not sleep, and does not give me. And we need to rest. What to do?

After three months of constant nightly vigil, happy

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couples mom meets one of those friends whom you will always find near beginner mothers. A friend assures her that everything is fine, and the child does not sleep because of the colic that all babies have in the first months of life. “These colic do not let your baby sleep. Don’t worry, after three months the colic will pass and the baby will turn into a little sleepy groundhog, ”a new friend calms Sarah.

Months pass: the third, fourth, fifth, but at night, parents still do not sleep and in turn rise to the baby about fifteen times. Sarah sees her tired face in the mirror, and Pedro is worth such an effort to concentrate on the workplace that he is already thinking of doing a vasectomy. A child, so beloved and so long-awaited, turned their life into hell.

Six months later, they again meet a friend and tell her that the child eats and grows, and everything is wonderful, only he does not sleep day or night. A friend calms them and says that this is probably due to the fact that the teeth are cut and this pain prevents the child from sleeping. When they erupt, the child will probably sleep peacefully.

The child is eight, ten, twelve months old, he has a mouth full of teeth and a perfect smile, but the baby still does not sleep. Parents again encounter a friend, and she voices a new spell about the fact that the baby is about to be a year and three months old, he will learn to walk, will be very tired, and then he will definitely sleep well at night.

Pedro and Sarah are waiting for the first steps of their offspring, and then one day at home at nine in the evening they get at different ends of the corridor and start calling: “Little one, go to your mother; honey, go to dad. ” It’s already ten in the evening, and the child is moving from one to the other, and Pedro is sure that everyone will get a good night's sleep, hoping that the baby will tire.

At eleven o’clock in the evening they put him in a crib and spend the worst night of all that they have experienced. The child wakes up twice as often as usual, and they do not close their eyes. Sarah is already on the verge of collapse, Pedro is barely holding on, the child is very excitable and is so attached to her mother that she does not give her a sigh.

One of the friends at the meeting advises Sarah to give her baby in a nursery, maybe there they will teach the baby to sleep. Sarah doubts, because she thinks about who will need her child, who himself does not sleep, and does not give others, he is a real demon and does not listen to anyone. Surely he will be returned home on the first day.

Finally, the parents decide to pass the baby in a nursery. A week passes, Sarah asks nothing from the teachers. Bringing and picking him up, she lowers her head low and leaves quickly, so that her teachers will not notice her. Two weeks pass, Sarah does not understand why they do not say a word. Confused, she does not stand up and decides to talk with the teacher. She assures her that the child sleeps well and even twice a day: once in the morning when they bring him in, and a second time after lunch. “But this is not possible,” says Sarah, “he does not sleep at home even on Saturdays and Sundays. How are you doing this? ” The teacher replies that it is very simple: they use the most common method: “We have a room with beds. On the first day, we explain to the children that this is a room specially for sleeping. On the first day, four of them screamed, three cried, two coughed, and one jumped. We again explained to the children that they should sleep in this room and this is good for them. On the fourth day, those who shouted stopped shouting, those who cried, stopped crying, the cough went away for two, and the one who rode began to behave quietly. A week later, everyone was sleeping peacefully. ”

That’s the whole story, dear readers. It is, of course, invented, although it may be familiar to many of you. This is just a story about a child who is healthy and without pathologies, but who does not have a good sleep skill.

Could our couple imagine that their beautiful life would suddenly turn into horror with the advent of a new family member?

From this book you will learn that some children need to be taught the healthy sleep skill.

The book readily describes the Method of teaching such a dream, for each age its own nuances are described. Thanks to this book you can:

Understand what rhythms a newborn lives in, and guarantee a sufficient quantity and quality of his (and yours) rest.

Continue to learn this skill or to wean from a bad habit of not sleeping a child from 7 months to 5 years.

In addition, the book discusses sleep disorders and their treatment, as well as answers to your questions, provides the most useful tips and bibliography.

Nothing is perfect, but we have the ability to learn and learn. Most importantly, we know that we can teach our child to sleep well.

Part one

Basics of the estivill method

Sleep Education and the Problem of Child Insomnia

Of course, it would be ideal for parents to start teaching their baby to sleep from the first day of his life, but most likely this book will fall into your hands when your child is more than six months old. Undoubtedly, you have a growing healthy child, cute and cheerful, maybe even well-fed, but when the time comes to go to bed, the trouble begins. You are desperate. The idea of \u200b\u200bhaving another child at this moment seems ridiculous. You are ready for anything, even for the most incredible things, if only your baby is sleeping. You want your child to get enough sleep, because it is necessary for his normal development, and, in addition, you yourself need rest. Of course, you have already tried everything that is possible, and applied all the advice that was given to you by close people and just good friends, you listened to a large number of opinions and read all the books on this topic. However, everything turned out to be inactive.

I understand you perfectly.

Your child is the most precious thing you have. It’s clear that you want to be the best parents in the world, and you feel worse. That is why I want to help you.

I can well imagine how you feel with a sleeping child in your arms. The feeling of helplessness is terrible, it seems to you that you are the most miserable, you do everything worse than others, and you are never destined to sleep eight hours in a row. However, in reality, this is not so.

You are the best parents in the world, and the only thing you need to do is to streamline a little how you teach your children to sleep.

Do not feel guilty. You have not done anything wrong. Perhaps you are doing something not as good as you would like, but this, you see, is completely different. At least your actions are not suitable to teach your child to sleep. Can you be to blame in this case? Not! After all, no one taught you this. All these reproaches that “young parents care little about their children” are completely untrue. Just someone should orient them how to teach children to sleep.

Your child, like you, also suffers from the effects of poor sleep. Sleep is a very important period in our life, because in order to have a good day, you need to get enough sleep.

Excessive fatigue does not affect young children.

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calm down, but, on the contrary, are excited. A tired child who wants to sleep almost never asks for a bed. On the contrary, he can show increased activity, often cries for no reason, easily gets into a bad mood and requires more attention from his parents - in other words, begins to depend too much on who cares for him.

After the parents, using my method, taught the children to sleep well, they changed their minds about their children, and now I often hear the following sayings: “Even his character has changed. He became calmer, he could play for some time. He’s even become prettier, and he’s in a good mood. ” In fact, the child was like that.

Good sleep is important for one simple reason: no one can live without sleep, even fish and bats. During sleep, the body produces everything necessary for wakefulness the next day. Sometimes poor sleep can lead to stunted growth because growth hormones are produced during the first hours of sleep. If the child is not rested enough, he will feel tired, irritable, nervous and sleepy. Good sleep is also necessary for your mental and bodily health.

The consequences of childhood insomnia

for infants and young children :?

- irritability, bad mood

- frequent crying

- dependence on parents / carers

- growth delays

for school children :?

- bad study

- uncertainty and timidity

- heavy character

for parents:?

- fatigue

- self-doubt (and are we doing everything right?)

- guilt? (Maybe he doesn’t sleep, because he suffers from something, but we can’t help and then we are still angry)

- mutual accusations of parents that another spoils the child

- feeling confused before the problem

- the feeling that nothing can be done

- deep physical and mental fatigue

If you have read up to this point, you must have noted for yourself that you have already experienced some of the listed consequences.

Before proceeding directly to the Method, I would like to dwell on the following general tips.

First of all, you should think things over and decide firmly on the application of the Method. When referring in the plural, I mean the whole family - mom, dad, and everyone who will communicate with the child (nannies, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, etc.). It is imperative that everyone read this book and memorize norms of behavior and common criteria for all difficult situations that inevitably come across your way. If you learn all this at the very beginning, you are guaranteed a successful result.

The method must be applied strictly according to the scheme, without any changes for yourself. Such changes almost never bring the desired result. If you ask friends how they managed to achieve a result, they will definitely answer you that they strictly adhered to the rules of the Method.

Before you begin to apply the Method, make sure that the child is not sick. For fidelity, I would advise even to specially visit a pediatrician. First of all, it is necessary to exclude all possible diseases (the most common in this case are otitis media, milk intolerance, reflux), as well as problems of a psychological or psychiatric nature.

Be sure to make sure that there is no physical or psychological reason that the child is not sleeping.

Parental behavior that affects a child’s lack of sleep

- the presence of parents when falling asleep

- undemanding parents

- lack of any borders

- misconceptions about childhood sleep

- too fast laying process

- overly strict treatment of the child

Medical Causes of Child Insomnia

Starting from the chest period and up to 2-3 years, it is necessary to consider:

Gastroesophagic reflux

An allergy

Epileptic seizures

following diseases:

Asthma, bronchitis, nasal congestion, sinusitis, pneumonia

Acute viral infections

Eczema, psoriasis, excessive sun exposure, burns

Pain for various reasons

Dyspepsia, gas, constipation, diarrhea

Environmental factors:

Noise, glare, sweltering heat or extreme cold

Deviations in development:

Autism, mental retardation, various formation syndromes, Asperger syndrome, etc.

from 2-3 years old it is necessary to consider:

Snoring and Apnea

Restless legs syndrome

Headache

Nightmares, nightly fears, somnambulism. ?

Excitants:

Nicotine (inhalation of tobacco smoke)

Excessive intake of high sugar foods

Side effects of certain drugs

Psychological problems:

Emotional injuries caused by the process of parental divorce, sexual abuse, stress (changing the school or place of residence, new work of the parents, spending less and less time in the parental home, financial problems in the family, the emergence of a new family member - brother / sister or grandfather / grandmother), bullying at school, the death of a family member.

Psychiatric problems:

Depression

Anxiety, etc.

What is a skill and how is it fixed? starting point of the estivil method

All children are different. Each of them is a separate person. Some find it harder to learn, others easier. Some children are calm, others have a more lively nature. This is noticeable from birth, but does not mean at all that these or other babies will not sleep.

Sleep is the same skill as reading or eating. We all learn this, despite the fact that we have different characters. One succeeds faster, others achieve success a little longer, but in the end it turns out for everyone.

Do not adhere to the misconception that if a child is nervous, then it is more difficult for him to fall asleep. It may be more difficult for troubled children to teach sleep, but if you do everything right, the child will eventually learn this.

You are teachers, and you will teach your children to sleep. They themselves cannot learn this. Children need you to instill the right sleep skills. You must be the best teacher. My Method gives you all the necessary tools to teach your child sleep. However, before proceeding directly to the study of these tools, we define what sleep is.

Recall that the biological rhythm is a systematic repetition of the types of activities of our body (for example, to sleep - to stay awake, to sleep - to stay awake).

When a baby is born, its biological rhythm is 3-4 hours. In other words, every 3-4 hours a newborn goes through several stages - he wakes up, he is washed, he eats and sleeps - all this makes one cycle.

As soon as one cycle ends, another begins the same - the baby wakes up again, he is washed, he eats and sleeps. This is an anarchic type.

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After 6-7 months, the cycle becomes daily. Thus, every 24 hours we repeat and alternate activities during wakefulness and sleep.

From the 3-4th month of life, the biological rhythm of the child begins to change more and more. The kid moves from 3-4 hours of the anarchist cycle to a 24-hour "adult" cycle. Children increase the time of the first night's sleep: it happens that it can go up to 6 hours - and this is a small gift for parents.

Already from the age of 6–7 months, children should be able to sleep 10–12 hours without a break (awakenings still happen, but the child should fall asleep immediately, without adult intervention). Three small daytime sleeps should be added to such rest during the day (one after breakfast - at 9-10 hours, the other after lunch - at 12-13 hours and hours at 15-16 - the third, shortest, after an afternoon snack).

These changes occur due to a group of brain cells that work as a biological clock. Their task is to adapt all the needs of the body to a 24-hour biological, that is, to the solar rhythm. But this watch must be wound up.

70% of newborns manage to start the biological clock with the help of daily rituals (take the child in his arms, put him in the crib, wish him good night, shake him, sing him a song). At 6 or 7 months, such children sleep well, which parents rejoice in, saying: “It’s so lucky with the child that he sleeps so well.”

However, in fact, there is no lottery. The remaining 30% of children can sleep as well as the first 70%, while it is important to understand that such children need to have a “stronger watch” or apply clearer ritual actions in preparation for bedtime. These babies have no medical or psychological problems, they just need to adjust their sleep-wake rhythm, because their watches are more anarchic. This feature is not difficult to fix, but you must do this as soon as possible, because the older the child, the more difficult it is to change something.

You can set up a children's watch using external stimuli.

Enhancing the contrast between:

- light (during the day) and dark (at night),

- noisy (during the day) and quiet (at night).

Thus, the child has an understanding that light and noise happen during the day, while awake, and silence and darkness - at night, when everyone is sleeping.

With the help of meals, followed by the following on a daily basis: sleep (night or day).

Teaching your baby the sleep skill. In other words, by showing him how you can fall asleep yourself, without the help of others.

How to master a skill

Key question: what is skill?

A skill is something that we initially do not know how to do, but what we learn by repeating certain actions over and over again.

Skills always have something to do with culture: for example, brushing your teeth, eating soup with a spoon, cycling or skiing are all skills.

They can be performed in different ways, as is the case with food. For example, in Japan, children eat, sitting on the floor, with chopsticks from a cup. We, on the contrary, sit at the table and eat a spoon from a plate. Both skills are correct, although if a Japanese child comes to our country and wants to eat in Japanese, he will have certain difficulties. He will do everything right, but it will take him some time to adapt to the new style of eating. The same thing will happen to us if we find ourselves in Japan.

Skills vary depending on the culture of a particular country, invariably only that they can be taught and trained.

Everyone once dreamed of returning to childhood, on those happy days when it was not necessary to appear at work in the early morning, and also to go to meetings of residents, discussing leaks in the roof. In the first years of our life, our only duty was to eat and sleep in order to satisfy two basic needs: in food and in rest.

Of course, we do not remember this, but even eating and sleeping was not an easy task for us, at least at the beginning of our lives.

We all had to learn to do it right. If no one had taught us to use a spoon and a fork, then we probably would still have poked a rattle on meatballs.

So, we summarize:

Eating and eating is not the same thing. As well as sleeping and sleeping well. It is clear that your child sleeps a certain number of hours a day - no one can live without sleep. Another thing is how he does it, right or wrong, and how many of the hours recommended for his age he sleeps.

You can learn how to sleep, as it is. Sleep is a skill and must be mastered.

Sleep is necessary for the body. Good sleep is a skill that we can educate our children.

How is the skill taught?

First rule: create a ritual and associations

A child learns by repeating the same action and associates external elements with the skill that we teach him.

I will explain how to teach any skill, for example, with nutrition.

When it is time for feeding, parents always perform the same repetitive actions, as if it was a ritual. They seat the child on a high chair, tie a bib and pick up a cup and a spoon. These elements (highchair, bib, cup and spoon) are always present when the child eats his porridge, that is, exactly when he applies his feeding skill.

It would never occur to anyone to exclude any of these elements before the end of the procedure (for example, while there is still porridge in the plate, the child is not taken away the spoon and is not told him to slurp directly from the plate).

After some time, the child already knows this process so well that when he sees the cup, he begins to wave his hands cheerfully, as he knows that the time has come to eat porridge. At the same time, he feels confident and will do everything right.

When it comes to sleep, parents are no longer so confident in creating a ritual. It’s as if it’s not quite clear to them that for proper feeding, they need to put the baby on a high chair, tie a bib and help him eat with a spoon from a cup. Imagine that one day instead of a bib, they will tie a raincoat, and instead of a cup they will take a motorcycle helmet, put the child in a basketball basket in the yard and try to throw him a porridge from the kitchen window. It's absurd, isn't it? Now imagine what parents are ready to do when the child starts yelling in the middle of the night: grab him by the handle, rock him, put him in his arms so that he falls asleep, sing him, put him to bed next to him, ride him in a stroller around the house, carry him around the garden in the car around the apple tree, put it on a tumble dryer or washing machine so that it would automatically rock it ... Yes, parents told all this, they were ready to do anything for the child to fall asleep faster. You cannot even imagine how we understand you. We all experienced something similar when we did not know how to teach a child to sleep.

But what really happens when we take the child by the handle so that he sleeps? It turns out that the hand becomes a direct association with sleep. What do we do when a child falls asleep? We leave because we cannot spend all night long holding the baby by the handle. The child immediately wakes up. In fact, he wakes up not because of some health problem or psyche, but because we all wake up at night for a short time and do not remember this, because we quickly fall asleep again. Waking up, the child again demands that from now on

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he associates with sleep with the help of his only but powerful weapon - crying. What are we doing in this case? All that is possible, if only the baby fell asleep. We run to him and give him water or rock him, take him in his arms, put him in his bed ... In general, we perform a thousand and one actions, just to help the child fall asleep.

In fact, this approach means that we are constantly changing associations associated with the acquired skill of the child, thereby confusing the baby and depriving him of confidence in the acquired skill. The poor child thinks: “When will they decide and stop changing everything?” He wants to grow up soon and learn to speak in order to tell his parents: "Stop on one action and teach me." In fact, all these fabrications and changes in skill associations convey your insecurity to your child. He feels that adults are disoriented, they don’t know what to do, and so they invent different things. In addition, over time, parents become irritated and give up. It is quite clear that in such an environment it is completely impossible for the child to feel confident and learn the sleep skill.

The baby will not learn to sleep until his parents stop changing associations endlessly and give him the confidence necessary to understand that his bed is a place to sleep, not circus numbers.

The second rule: be confident

The child perceives everything that we pass on to him. That is why we must behave confidently and reliably. Children are smart creatures. Just because they are small does not mean that they are stupid. Never forget that. Always remember that children perceive everything that we broadcast to them. All the sensations that the child experiences are transmitted to him from us, all good and bad. The kid himself never injures himself. There is always someone or something that hurts him.

From the first days of life, the child perceives everything that parents tell him according to their tone. He does not need to know the meaning of words in order to understand whether his parents are happy or angry. In this sense, the baby does not matter, as he is called, "fat" or "snotty," if the voice sounds affectionately. But the baby will be scared if she hears the phrase: “You are handsome, baby!” - pronounced in a rude and dry tone.

If, at the age of crawling on all fours, he gets to the outlet to put his fingers in, and we say to him with a smile on our lips and a gentle voice: “Ay-yy-yy! I'll scold you! ” - the baby does not feel the danger - because we do not inform him about it. In fact, you need to make the child understand in a serious and firm voice that this cannot be done, because it is dangerous.

Have you ever seen a three-year-old child sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling and saying: “Ay-yai-yay, it hurts me!” Funny, is not it?

In fact, a child never gets injured for nothing, out of nowhere. Always someone either injures him or punishes him (problems at school, problems with his parents, violence against him, etc.).

In the same way, a child is able to feel their parents' confidence in what they are doing. If parents doubt, then the child will doubt when he will need to do something.

It would never occur to anyone that a child can be “injured” by forcing him to eat yogurt with a spoon, right? Of course, because we accustom him to this gradually and naturally, and not through punishment. No one will say: “And now in punishment you will eat soup with a spoon!” We do not convey to the baby a sense of punishment, and he will never take this training as traumatic. For the same reason, children are not injured by the fact that they sleep in a crib or go to kindergarten.

When parents teach a child to eat porridge, they do it calmly and confidently. Children easily understand everything, because they see that their parents have no doubts about how to eat porridge in this part of the world, their parents do not even have a shadow of uncertainty - they always do it the same way, because they are sure that this is the right thing to do. Parents are so convinced of the correctness of their actions that they would not even listen on TV to the most famous pediatricians, discussing the benefits of new revolutionary methods of feeding children on the floor and through a straw.

Parents will never allow their children to eat in any other way, and not in the way they teach them. If a child puts his hand in a plate or spits apple juice, his parents will explain to him that he is doing wrong, and then show him how to behave, just as they taught him to eat soup and yogurt with a spoon.

When it comes to sleep, we act differently. Maybe you once had to say: "If you behave badly, you will go to bed!" Often parents punish children by forcing them to go to bed and sleep. Thus, they achieve that the child associates his sleeping place with punishment, with something negative and even with the fact that he is injured.

The third rule: remember the principle of action-reaction

As we have said, children are very capable. From the moment they are born, they watch adults continuously and train themselves to get reactions from their parents. As a child grows up, his ability to communicate with adults increases.

From 6 to 18 months (when the children are just starting to speak), the way the child communicates is to do something that provokes an adult's reaction.

A child can:

- smile, say "boo boo", clap your hands. With this, the baby achieves that the parents are excited and inflated with pride, like frogs. However, after the twentieth boo boo, his parents no longer listen to him.

- cry (read about crying on page 47), scream, tear, knock on something. With the help of this effective repertoire, the child ensures that the parents run to him to keep him company and pamper.

In fact, nothing happens to the baby at such moments, he just wants to attract attention and not be left alone.

It is important to understand that a child cannot harm himself, and when he understands that you are not paying attention to his “presentation”, the baby will stop its “performance”.

From 18 months to 5 years, children acquire a new weapon - speech. However, they do not use speech like we adults do. For a child of three years, the word is another action. Children understand that when pronouncing one of the words, parents immediately do something. After numerous experiments, the kids know that:

- the phrase "mom-Coca-Cola" at two in the morning will not have a single chance of success.

- repeating “daddy drink” twenty times in a row at two nights, for the twenty-first time you can get dad to go for water. And despite the fact that the baby really did not want to drink, he still drinks a glass of water. He will do this only so that his parents think that he really was thirsty, poor thing. Thus, if he applies this method during the day, they will pay attention to him again.

- the words "mother-tummy-bo-bo" work flawlessly. Any mother will rush to the child to make sure that everything is fine with him.

Crying tongue

From birth, crying is the first and natural form of communication for a child. Thus, the baby tells us: “I am here. Pay attention to me. ”

He uses crying in an unknown environment (when strangers around him) or when receiving

Page 6 of 7

new experience when he is brought to the kindergarten for the first time and left with new comrades and a teacher. In such cases, the child may cry for several hours in a row, but parents can stand it. Although the baby’s hysteria tears their heart, they know that visiting the kindergarten will only benefit little.

Some wise grandmothers believe that crying develops the baby's lungs. Despite the fact that this has not been proved by science, these words show that grandmothers consider crying to be something natural, and it won’t hurt the child at all if he cries from time to time.

Today we know that there are two completely different forms of baby crying:

The child may cry from unpleasant sensations, for example, if he has an injury or feels physical or psychological pain (when the parents or the teacher do not pay attention to him for several hours). Such a cry is very typical, parents and carers react to it immediately.

There is still the cry of action - a cry rarely accompanied by tears, but which immediately produces an effect on mothers. In this case, nothing happens to the child, he just wants his mother or father to react to him. As soon as they take the baby in their arms, caress or do what they want, the child immediately trails off.

CONCLUSION: What will the child do to have his parents run to him while learning the sleep skill? It is clear that he will use the most disturbing and convincing words, although for no reason, and sometimes even not exactly knowing what they really mean. These may be the following words: “I'm thirsty, I'm afraid, I want to pee, kiss me ...” The child will say anything to the adult to respond. In addition, the baby knows who to contact: for example, the child feels that “pee” has a better effect on his father, and “I want to drink” has a better effect on his mother. Children are so intelligent that they use these little tricks from the first months of life.

Very important: If until now some of the theoretical descriptions presented above have remained unclear for you, I recommend slowly re-reading everything again, point by point. In applying the Method, it is important not to rush and act confidently.

Sleep skills training step by step

It's time to discuss how we will apply the theory that we have already studied. Before you start learning, you should clearly understand one thought for yourself - no matter how old your child is: nine months old or four and a half years.

Remember that the skill (eating, sleeping, brushing your teeth, cycling or skiing) can be mastered at any age.

More importantly, your confidence in being prepared to use the skill correctly. I suggest you take a test, according to the results of which you can check whether you are ready and whether you all know to use the Method. Circle the answers in the test. The more yes answers you get, the less prepared you are.

Are you ready to use the method

(Adapted test by Dr. Gonzalo Pina)

Perhaps, at the beginning of the journey, the test will show that you are not at all ready to use the Method - it's okay. I urge you to read the entire book and pay attention to the results of scientific research given below. If you think that your efforts will harm the child, it is very important that you try and make sure that it is not.

Step # 1: start from scratch

Suppose your baby was born today. He has no habits yet and we need to start from scratch anyway. It doesn't matter how your baby has slept so far. Forget about the ways you invented to get your baby to sleep.

From now on, you are doing what I recommend you, and remember: if I do not say to do something, it is not out of forgetfulness, but because this should not be done. If, for example, I teach you how to feed a child born in Japan and moved to one of the Western countries, I recommend that you forget about drinking bowls, chopsticks and feeding on the floor, and advise you to place it on a high chair and give it a spoon from a plate.

Step number 2: what you need to do before bedtime

Set a clear schedule. It is proved that the brain of a child is able to perceive sleep most easily if we teach it to sleep between 20 and 21 hours in the winter and between 21 and 22 hours in the summer. In some countries, such a schedule may change according to tradition or the existing daily routine.

Given these and other factors, we can conclude that the best dinner time for a child is eight o’clock in the evening (remember that eating helps us “start the biological clock”). If you did not bathe your baby in the morning, it would be nice to do this shortly before dinner.

In any case, as soon as the child finishes dinner, parents should remove all the external elements that are associated with food, including a glass of milk, juice, cookies, fruits and so on. Thus, the child will learn that there is also time for dinner, and that he should not ask for food or drink when he is alone in his bedroom, and even more so in the crib. Everything has its time.

Therefore, we give the baby milk during meals, and not so that he falls asleep. A bottle of milk is food, we should not associate this element with sleep. If parents believe that the baby still needs milk in a bottle, it will become another association with sleep. Think carefully about whether you really need it.

The mood of the "mentors." Remember, you must be unshakably confident in what you are doing.

As is the case with the food skill, the main thing is for the child to see and feel that the parents are firmly aware of what they are doing.

While reading this book, you will discover the scientific method for teaching your child the sleep skill, and you will not doubt that you are doing everything correctly, but will concentrate on performing the step-by-step actions of the Method.

Believe me, you will learn a lot in the process of introducing the Method into your regime, and it will be especially effective if you do everything slowly, correctly and patiently.

Step number 3: emotions and communication skills

After dinner, parents should set aside 10-15 minutes to spend time with the child in some pleasant, soothing activity. It is recommended to practice the skill of emotions in the living room or in another room, but not in the bedroom.

Thus, we denote that the child’s room is only for sleeping. Ideally, you should warn the child each time that such communication always lasts for a certain time, and when mom says "time", then you need to go to bed.

It is the parents who must set the time and rules. You should never allow your child to determine the duration of this activity.

Among others, the external elements of the skill of emotions and communication can be fairy tales, affection, songs, or calm games. You will easily pick up classes according to the age of the child.

While communicating with the baby, exchange smiles, kisses, grimaces, etc.

Remember what happened in a day, discuss plans for tomorrow or something else.

The child will be happy to wait for these moments. Watching TV, playing with the remote control or doing something too exciting before bedtime is not recommended.

Come up with activities that you can do with your child.

You must make it clear to the baby how you love him and how happy you are with him. Important,

Page 7 of 7

so that the child knows and feels at the time of learning the skill of proper sleep.

Step number 4: teach your child to sleep

1. We prepare subjects for training

We choose the external elements of learning that will accompany the child all the time he is in the cradle or crib until he learns the skill.

You are responsible for selecting such items. Do not let the baby do this: remember, we know how to sleep and teach him, not him. Even if your child is 4 years old, in this situation, we must treat him as a newborn who still does not know and can not.

Choose a toy with which he will always sleep. This may be one of those that your baby already has or a new one. When making a choice, think of a name for the toy, if it does not already have it. For example, Vanka is a simple name for a child, but if dad's name is Ivan, then repetition is not recommended.

If the baby still cannot without a nipple, distribute several nipples in the crib so that if he suddenly wakes up at night, he can easily find her.

Think of something that a child can immediately see, only by opening his eyes. For example, dad can cut the moon and attach it to the wall, mom can hang up a mobile or some moving structure: all this should be at a safe distance so that he could not reach and tear these things.

If you want to deprive the baby of some unnecessary association with sleep (bottle, etc.), explain to him that his new night friends replace the old ones, and that they will stay with him all night and in the morning, when he wakes up, they will be with him.

From the age of seven months, the child becomes more mobile and easily folds the blanket. This is absolutely normal and means that the baby is developing as expected. Choose the perfect pajamas for him, in which the child will not be hot and in which he can sleep without a blanket. Thus, the baby will always be warmed, and you will not need to constantly run into the bedroom to cover it.

Like a cup and spoon, all these external elements will soon begin to be associated with the baby's sleep and will become necessary for him to fall asleep. In addition, the child will need them every time he wakes up at night. That is why it is so important that you yourself do not become those external elements that the baby associates with sleep. You need to leave the room before the child falls asleep. You should not help your baby fall asleep by rocking him, caressing him or making grimaces. If you do this, the baby will require your presence after each of your awakenings, and you will have no choice but to install a chair immediately outside the door and carry a guard in it.

Sing songs to him;

Rocking him in his arms;

Rock him in a crib (if he wakes up at night, he will need someone to rock him);

Give him a hand;

Roll him in a wheelchair;

Ride in a car;

Touch him or let him touch our hair;

Clap your hands or caress him;

Give him a bottle with a pacifier or breastfeed;

Lay it in your bed;

Allow him to run until the baby falls from fatigue;

Give him a drink.

2. We enter his room

Having finished with the skill of emotions and communication, you lead (carry) the child into his room and dress him in that very universal pajamas.

In the baby’s room, the toys that we have prepared for him, nipples (if he still uses them), a hanging carousel are already waiting. You do not need to create masterpieces, you can just buy something suitable. The main thing is that the child has something fundamentally new that he likes.

Read this entire book by purchasing the full legal version (http://www.litres.ru/pages/biblio_book/?art\u003d23911754&lfrom\u003d279785000) on LiteRes.

Notes

Reflux is the reverse current of the contents of hollow organs. - Note. perev.

Dyspepsia is a violation of the normal activity of the stomach, difficult and painful digestion. - Note. ed.

Asperger Syndrome is a form of autism. - Note. ed.

We call the "anarchic" first rhythm in 3-4 hours of sleep and wakefulness and the "circadian" - 24-hour rhythm. - Note. author

End of fact sheet.

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Here is an introduction to the book.

Only part of the text is open for free reading (copyright restriction). If you liked the book, the full text can be obtained on the site of our partner.

Edward Estiville

How to teach a child to sleep: the revolutionary method of Dr. Estivil

Dr. Eduard estivill

Duérmete, niño

El Método Estivill para enseñar a dormir a los niños

Spanish translation

Reviewer Preface

Dear reader!

Parenting is a very laborious, multi-aspect and time-consuming process. In addition, it must be manageable, therefore it requires additional knowledge and proven skills from parents.

The main advantage of the book is that it respects the basics of learning, clearly sets out what needs to be done, how to do it and why.

Marina Grigoryan,

pediatrician, psychologist-psychotherapist

Thanks

To all of you - parents and educators who have applied and continue to use my method to teach children how to sleep - thank you for making my method better.

Greetings from Dr. Edward Estiville

It should be noted with great satisfaction that these methods have benefited more than three million parents and carers around the world.

For parents who want to receive more detailed information, I publish a bibliographic note on the most important articles on this topic at the end of the book.

I hope to help you in the future.

Dr. Edward Estiville.

September 2011

Introduction

My child himself does not sleep, and does not give me. And we need to rest. What to do?

Lyubov Khromushina

In love with Italy and the Italian language. Enjoys beauty and harmony in all manifestations. There are no children yet, but dreams of their appearance in the near future.

Photo: designhermomma

In Italy, a heated discussion continues, in the center of which is the sensational technique of the Spanish doctor Eduard Estivil.
The doctor heads the sleep disorder treatment clinic. His book “Sleep Peacefully” was first published in Barcelona in 1996, and then translated into Italian (Eduardo Estivill “Fate la nanna”). Recently, it is gaining popularity around the world.

The technique consists in the fact that depending on the age of the child, different methods are used to put him in bed. Up to a certain age (6-7 months), the baby does not tend to sleep all night, he can often wake up. Further, according to Estivil, he needs the help of his parents to learn how to sleep correctly. From 6 months to 5 years, according to Estivil, a habit of going to bed is formed. A child at this age is already able to oversleep for about 10-12 hours without waking up. You need to either help him in mastering the ability to sleep alone throughout the night, or re-educate him if he is already accustomed to the wrong dream.

Re-education is that the child is put to sleep in accordance with a certain ritual - they read him a bedtime story, do massage, talk. The ritual itself is not so important, Esteville believes, the main thing is that it takes place every evening at the same time. Then they put the child to bed in his room, wish good night and say that now he must learn to fall asleep by himself. After this, the child is left alone. Parents should not pay attention to the fact that the child may begin to worry and cry. They come to his bed at regular intervals and in a calm confident tone tell the baby that he is able to sleep himself. In this case, it is not allowed to take the child in his arms. After some time, the child calms down and falls asleep.

Actually, Esteville’s idea cannot be called revolutionary, since previously a similar technique for laying a child in a bed was formulated by Richard Ferber in the 1980s.

The Italian parents were divided into two camps: many claim that this book really helped them and after long sleepless nights they finally were able to rest and sleep.

Everyone who has used the technique notes its effectiveness. After three nights, during which the child sometimes cried for 30-50 minutes, there was a blissful calm. The child began to fall asleep at the appointed time himself, without whims, and slept throughout the night.

Some directly admit that to apply the technique you need to prove yourself not from the best side:

“A Nazi is hiding inside you. Maybe you don’t know about it, but he hid somewhere deep in your soul. It is time to wake him up to meet the little imp ”- writes Claudia De Lillo.

“No one has yet died of crying. Therefore, if a child, as an obsessed one, emits terrible screams from his bed, then he does not suffer, but implements the devilish strategy for your enslavement, ” - De Lillo addresses inexperienced parents. She is a passionate fan of the Esteville method, because after 3-4 nights “the beast is tamed” and you can sleep peacefully.

photo: joannagoddard

Other parents believe that Estevil’s theory is fascist and applied to children is inhumane and inhumane.

The main arguments against:

First, the biological rhythms of the child are very different from the periods of sleep and wakefulness in adults, children simply cannot physically sleep all night at the age of 6 months.
Secondly, many criticize the mechanistic approach that underlies Estevil’s methodology. All children are different, and parents themselves can understand what is best for their child.
Thirdly, crying baby can usually be distinguished from whims. In any case, he speaks of some basic need that must be satisfied, be it hunger, thirst, cold, malaise, fatigue, fear, etc.
And finally, many parents shudder only at the thought that they will have to leave their child sobbing, locking him in a separate room.

However, some parents suggest using the Esteville method with extreme caution, coordinating it with their inner convictions and not going too far. There is a rational grain in theory, they admit, that it is reasonable to create a ritual for going to bed (telling a fairy tale, singing a song, hugging a toy, etc.), which should be performed daily at a certain time.

photo: joannagoddard

There is another aspect that rarely attracts attention.

Journalist George Kotstsa points to parents about attempts at linguistic manipulation by the author. The following words are used to describe the baby: “Jerk”, “bandit”, “sly”, “imp”. Some features of his personality are deliberately leveled so that they cannot become an obstacle to the implementation of the method. The journalist is sure: Estivil resorts to negative phrases to make parents believe - the child who is preventing them from falling asleep is their enemy.

Children are credited with insidious intentions and evil inclinations:

“He knows very well that such behavior will interfere with his parents ...”
“The child will cry and make the saddest face of the entire arsenal of his faces. This is his deadly weapon and he knows about it, "
“What other tricks will he resort to?”
Relations between parents and children are portrayed as hostilities between people on opposite sides of the barricade: "Be careful ... you can fall into his treacherous traps."

So that parents could not deviate from clear precepts and follow their intuition, Estivel warns them in advance: to achieve a result is possible only by literally following his instructions. Thus, he is engaged in the re-education of not only children, but also the parents themselves.

And he often succeeds: after Estivil’s “linguistic attack”, parents can adopt the proposed method. Indeed, if we do not get enough sleep because of small but vicious children, using all possible means to bring us to exhaustion, to manipulate us, maybe letting them cry for several nights in a row is not that scary? This is for their benefit, parents who read the book think. So children get rid of sleep disturbances.

photo: markandlola

It is worth adding that the Association of Culture of Pediatricians of Italy opposed this method.

“We once again express our disagreement with the method of“ teaching little children to sleep, ”which is based on the gradual cessation of crying. In addition to the usual common sense, scientific studies confirm that the physiology of the child involves receiving maximum care from the adults who care for him. The requirement that a small child fall asleep himself and sleep throughout the night without any contact with an adult does not correspond to the physiology of the child and is unrealistic. This method can cause confusion in parents and great stress in children. The use of this method in early childhood can undermine confidence in adults and in oneself and prevent the establishment of the right relationship between parents and the child. In addition, its use may harm breastfeeding if the baby is small. ”, - says the appeal of pediatricians to the Commissioner for the Rights of Children and Adolescents of Italy Vincenzo Spadafora.

2morrowfilmschool.ru

Eduard Estivil: How to teach a child to sleep. The revolutionary method of Dr. Esteville. How to teach a child to sleep. Dr. Estivil's revolutionary method to read online - Eduard Estivil So that parents can not deviate from clear prescriptions and follow their and

End of fact sheet.

The Italian parents were divided into two camps: many claim that this book really helped them and after long sleepless nights they finally were able to rest and sleep.

Other parents believe that Estevil’s theory is fascist and applied to children is inhumane and inhumane.

There is another aspect that rarely attracts attention.

So that parents could not deviate from clear precepts and follow their intuition, Estivel warns them in advance: to achieve a result is possible only by literally following his instructions. Thus, he is engaged in the re-education of not only children, but also the parents themselves.

It is worth adding that the Association of Culture of Pediatricians of Italy opposed this method.

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End of fact sheet.

The Italian parents were divided into two camps: many claim that this book really helped them and after long sleepless nights they finally were able to rest and sleep.

Other parents believe that Estevil’s theory is fascist and applied to children is inhumane and inhumane.

There is another aspect that rarely attracts attention.

So that parents could not deviate from clear precepts and follow their intuition, Estivel warns them in advance: to achieve a result is possible only by literally following his instructions. Thus, he is engaged in the re-education of not only children, but also the parents themselves.

It is worth adding that the Association of Culture of Pediatricians of Italy opposed this method.

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