I want to tell my story. I met a guy, he is a Lezgin. We are both 25 years old. I was initially drawn to him with an unknown force, although I never thought that I would get involved with a Caucasian. Everything was so perfect for the first months, I fell in love with him, and he with me. He talked about the wedding, about children, that he wanted all this with me, that he would decide who he would be with, but he didn’t know how to present all this to his parents. I decided to come from afar and talked with my father’s uncle, who at one time married a Russian, because she became pregnant, but still, the relatives were not delighted. My uncle approved of his choice and told him to bring me to meet me after the New Year. But who Uncle is, he doesn’t decide anything. In general, one fine day, when most of the relatives were gathered at home for a holiday, my beloved decided to talk to his parents and tell about me. I don’t know the details, but as I understand it, they rinsed his brains and he slowly began to move away from me. He said that he was being forced to marry his wife in the very near future. And that he would go soon to get acquainted, but promised to sort it all out. I was shocked, in fact he just abandoned me, but continued to write. I cried for several days, after which he came and asked if I was ready to go far, I replied that anything, just to be with him. It seems that our relationship began to improve. I already calmly accepted the idea that he would go to meet his “bride,” because he had a plan, as he said, and I completely believed him. And then one day I find out that I’m pregnant! I am shocked! I wrote to him that I needed to meet and talk. As a result, we met, I got into his car, I was shaking... I knew that he would not be delighted with such news at this particular time. When I told him, his face changed and started screaming. It went something like this: “WHAT?!! Are you serious? I'm fucked! I’ll leave soon and get married, but are you going to be a single mother?” To say that I was shocked is to say nothing. He started starting the car and said that we would go now to his parents, I said no, let me out of the car, I need to go. He replied, now you won’t go anywhere else. Then I vaguely remember, he screamed like that. In the end, I still ran away. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and definitely wasn’t ready to go to his parents. Returning home, I felt bad and called an ambulance. I was taken to the hospital and given 3 weeks. I didn't know what to do next. I had no job and no help, I was in a stupor. It was the most terrible period of my life. I only wanted one thing - to die. My beloved wrote all sorts of nasty things to me, which made it even more painful. He insisted on an abortion, said that he would not live with me, although literally a month before that, he began to transport his things to me in order to live together. It was very painful. And I decided on honey. abortion. He gave me money and I told him to forget about my existence forever. But he showed up periodically. He wrote something like: “darling, tell me that this is all just a bad dream, that it’s not true. Why can’t we be together, I can’t live without you.” But I ignored his every word. I had such a strong hatred for this man, for this traitor, that I did not want to hear about him. After some time, he began to write about his suicide. But since my feelings for this man had not cooled down, I decided to meet him and look him in the eyes. I didn't hear anything new. After a while, we meet again and again the same thing. I decided to push myself and put an end to our communication. I saw and knew that he was monitoring all my social networks, writing texts about unhappy love and so on. When he showed up again, I asked him to disappear from my life. We haven't seen each other for a long time. And then the other day he showed up again and came to see me. We spent several hours together and everything flared up again. He said that he could not live with his wife for a long time and pretend. That he will come up with something and we will be together. On the one hand, I understand him, he cannot go against the family, he was brought up that way, but on the other... apparently he doesn’t love me so much, since he is not ready to do anything to be together. Now I think it’s time to end this story, there will be nothing good there. Find a Russian guy and marry him, calm down and live in peace.

DAGESTANIAN

Dagestan girls marry Russian guys. Rarely, but it happens. Especially in the large Makhachkala, in its suburb of Kaspiysk. Here I knew Dagestan girls who married, for example, Russian sailors from the Caspian flotilla. Also, Dagestani women sometimes date Russian guys when they go to study at universities outside their native republic.

CHECHENS

Yes, a Chechen woman can marry a Russian guy. But on one important condition: that he convert to Islam and fully enter Vainakh society. A typical example is someone who married Chechen girl Russian brother of Ramzan Kadyrov, Visita (Victor). Otherwise, you will only have to steal the Chechen passion. And she will never appear in her homeland again.

ADYGHE GIRLS

They often marry Russian guys. Especially in Adygea, where there are actually one and a half times fewer Circassians than Russians. Just the other day I visited Maykop, where I saw many couples in which the wife is Adyghe and the husband is Russian. But this also happens in Kabarda, in Nalchik.

OSSETINS

Ossetian Christian women often marry Russian guys. Sometimes, if an Orthodox Ossetian woman is faced with a pressing choice - to marry her Ossetian Muslim or an Orthodox Russian - then, most likely, she will choose a Russian. So that their common children grow up as Christians.

ARMENIAN WOMEN

I also saw a lot of couples in the North Caucasus, where the husband is Russian and the wife is Armenian. Moreover, often the girl is a native of Armenia. For her, a Russian husband is often a chance to get out of her economically struggling country and into Russia. Armenian women born and raised in Russia also often go to the registry office for love with their Slavic boyfriends. Despite the grumbling of his large family.

GEORGIANS

In Georgia itself, Georgian women, although Christians, rarely marry Russian men. The reason is simple - it’s not so easy to find a single Russian in Georgia now. And in Russia, Georgian women marry Russians quite well. The fact is that the Georgian diaspora is quite scattered and it is not always easy for a Georgian woman to find a Georgian in some conventional Saransk. Even if you really want it. Relatives won’t judge, that’s for sure.

“Darkness, pitch darkness, despair, hopelessness” - all this was experienced by 18-year-old Gulya Mevlyutova from the village of Druzhba, in Dagestan, who woke up blind one morning. And then there were the ridicule of cruel neighbors, dad’s protective “don’t leave the house,” constant falls and injuries. The newborn nephew, who perceived his aunt as she is, became a real joy and Gulina’s eyes.

Over the years, the resentment towards local doctors who did not recognize the developing glaucoma in time subsided, but the talent of a needlewoman was discovered: the girl began to knit charming children's things, dolls and toys. “But I gave up on myself, on my personal life forever, I never even had such a desire to get married,” recalls Gulya.

Before the operation in Makhachkala, which she had to do without anesthesia, enduring hellish pain, she talked with one old man. He looked at her and said: “When 30 years come, a guy will come to get married. Make sure you don’t refuse, you will be happy and rich in life. And your fate will be good. And go do your operation."

The operation did not help, vision did not return, even in Moscow they shrugged it off, saying, “it’s too late”...

Kostya Eliseev’s family moved to Stavropol in 1993 from Abkhazia. The guy has suffered from cerebral palsy since childhood. However, this never stopped him from leading an active social life and doing well at school. Already in the Stavropol region, Konstantin participated in the project for young disabled people “Perspective”, designed for 5 regions: Stavropol region, Adygea, Chechnya, North Ossetia and Dagestan.

Kostya says: “As part of it, we communicated a lot with schoolchildren in different regions. Most adults and children in our country never even think about who disabled people are. “These are people who sit at home and do nothing,” I often heard the answer. We proved to them the opposite.” He quite willingly answers the question about his personal life, which, contrary to popular belief, disabled people also have. “I have been looking for love for a long time, all my 36 years. But there were a lot of disappointments..."

But one day he went to Dagestan on business.

There, someone gave Kostya Guli’s phone number. Who? Why? Fate chooses its own path. “I told her: “Just don’t fall in love, otherwise it will hurt, we haven’t seen each other yet,” smiles a happy Kostya. Gulya cheerfully interrupts him: “I’m blind, I can tell what kind of person a person is by his voice.”

And then she turned 30, and she had long forgotten about the prophecy. But Kostya came from distant Stavropol to get married.

He talks about this story with a laugh - who knew that according to local customs, a woman is allowed to get married only if the eldest woman in the family likes her future mother-in-law. She turned out to be elder sister Guli's father - Gulferez. She quickly found mutual language with Valentina Konstantinovna, mother of Kostya Eliseev. But there was another problem: giving a Muslim woman in marriage to a Christian - this had never happened in their village. But the elders consulted and did not interfere with happiness. "God bless! But this would not have happened if I had not been so persistent in conquering Guli. Like a real Caucasian man, I did everything: I came, I saw, I won,” rejoices Kostya. And he advises everyone: don’t give up, no matter what life difficulties you face.

In the house where they live, they are often mistaken for brother and sister. People don’t believe that disabled people can love each other so deeply.

We are sitting in cozy kitchen, where everything is done by the golden hands of Konstantin, we drink tea with a delicious apple pie, personally prepared by the blind Gulya. And on the table are toys created by her hands and brightly knitted baby booties... They hope for even greater happiness.

Strict, proud, majestic and wise, the Caucasus is home to breathtaking natural landscapes, impressive mountains and picturesque plains. The peoples who inhabit these territories are just as strong-willed, strict, proud, courageous, thoughtful and wise with experience. One of these peoples are the Dagestanis. They are characterized by their own specific features that distinguish them from others; they have their own customs and mentality.

Dagestanis are not a single nation, but a kind of conglomerate of peoples. What is their peculiarity, why is Dagestan called a territory with a unique and specific people? What are they like - Dagestan men and women? The article will discuss the specific character traits and mentality of Dagestanis.

Features of Dagestan appearance

More than 30 nationalities live in Dagestan, half of which are indigenous people. Therefore, it is incorrect to characterize all Dagestanis according to a single standard. For example, the image of rural residents differs from the image of urban residents, mountain representatives of the people differ from lowland residents.

The main features of Dagestan appearance are:

• High growth(more than 170 centimeters).
• Straight coarse hair from black to light chestnut shade.
• Eye color - gray, black, brown.
• The location of the eyes is “Anterior Asian”, or horizontal, the palpebral fissure is narrow.
• The eyebrows are straight, very often fused.
• In men, the hairline is developed normally, the beard and mustache are sparse.
• The face is long and narrow. The facial features are somewhat angular, with prominent cheekbones.
• The forehead is long, straight, narrow, the tip is sometimes raised. Often the forehead and nose form one line.
• Lips are plump.
• The chin is not protruding, but high.
• The back of the head is convex. The ears are high with long lobes.

The beauty and external characteristics of Dagestanis are often discussed on the Internet. It is very difficult to say unequivocally whether Dagestan men are beautiful or not. Beauty is a very relative concept. It should be noted that many representatives of this people have quite bright oriental features that give a certain charm.

Taking care of the home

Traditionally, taking care of home, children, and family is one of the sacred responsibilities of Dagestan men. Their whole life is devoted to arranging and improving their life. The people wish each other: “May your home prosper!” This wish is the whole essence of the attitude towards one’s own and someone else’s home: respect, veneration, careful attitude and a wish for prosperity.

Hospitality

Dagestanis sacredly honor the traditions of hospitality and veneration of elders. Hospitality is a custom that is characteristic of many peoples to varying degrees, but among the mountaineers it is elevated to a cult. No matter how much trouble this may cause to the owner, regardless of the economic situation of the family, self-respecting Dagestanis will do everything to meet their guests with dignity. There is a rule: all the best (bed, food, wine, room) goes to the guest. Even today, children ask if they find a delicacy whether it is for them or for guests.

Respect for elders

A national characteristic of Dagestan men and women is reverence for elders. This is an ancient characteristic feature of household and family relations. Old age has its advantages: young people always give way to old people, the one who is older always speaks first, young people always stand in the presence of old people, you cannot smoke or drink in front of old people, they are served water and food first. Respect for elders is passed on from generation to generation. Disrespectful attitude towards the elderly is condemned in society; such a person may be shouted at after him.

Respect for a woman

Many researchers emphasize the degraded and powerless position of women in the Muslim East, but among them, Dagestan girls are relatively free. Women did not wear a burqa or veil, and female seclusion was not common here.

Respect for women in society is expressed in customs and rituals. For example, when a Dagestan girl passes by a group of men, they stop laughing so that she does not think that they are laughing at her. When an adult woman appears in society (both in the past and now), it is customary to stand up as a sign of respect for her. The dignity and honor of girls and women is strictly protected. An attack on a woman’s honor has served and continues to serve as a reason for blood feud. At the same time, punishment, revenge, murder are not committed in the presence of a woman.

If a woman without a headdress and with her hair down rushed into the center of the fighting, the Dagestanis instantly stopped the bloodshed and the warring parties dispersed.

It should be noted that Dagestan men’s attitude towards women was formed based on two historical prerequisites. On the one hand, from birth boys were taught a respectful attitude towards their mother; they were aware of the need to take care of their own women: mother, sister, wife, daughter or other relatives. Caring for and protecting a woman is a man’s sacred duty.

But on the other hand, a woman has always occupied a subordinate position in the family, that is, the last word has always remained and remains with the man. There is still a division of housework into male and female; most often, women do not work, but do household chores (cooking, washing, cleaning, raising children). Men earn money and provide their family with everything they need.

Interethnic marriages

Relationships in interethnic marriages very complex due to the difference in mentalities, worldviews, and cultures. As a rule, it is still customary for Dagestanis to marry representatives of their people. But there are exceptions when the emerging relationship between a Russian woman and a Dagestan man develops into marriage. It should be noted that relationships can be harmonious only if the traditions and customs of each partner are respected, if there is a respectful attitude towards the culture of the people of your spouse.

• treat him and his relatives with respect;
• do not contradict your husband in the presence of strangers;
• do not provoke him;
• do not artificially create situations in which his jealousy would manifest itself;
• be hospitable;
• take responsibility for your household responsibilities;
• be modest and well-mannered.

Responsibility

A feature of Dagestan men is responsibility. A word is more valuable to them than life: if he promises something, he will do it. But even the most responsible ones are capable of forgetting about little things, especially if it concerns everyday issues, for example, buying a light bulb, renovating a cabinet, installing the Internet, and so on.

Like all men of the eastern type, Dagestanis know how to speak a lot and beautifully, and are able to turn heads in an instant with compliments. But everywhere there are people underwater rocks: Dagestanis are very religious, not everyone can break the traditions of their family and marry a Christian. If he already has his own family, then he will never leave it. Family is sacred, although there can be many affairs on the side.

Attitude to money

Dagestan men love to look after beautifully, give gifts, and make grand gestures. They like to make wishes come true. But the downside of such gestures is squandering, and the worst evil of many representatives of the people is gambling and casinos. Many Eastern men have complex relationships with money, and the Dagestan representatives of the stronger sex are no exception.

Emotionality

Dagestan men know how to openly express their feelings - this is a positive trait that helps build relationships, because it is clear what exactly a person feels, and you can adjust your actions to improve the relationship.

At the same time, if questions arise that concern themselves or their health, they are very restrained. For example, when a Dagestani man breaks his arm, when asked by a doctor what happened, he will most often answer that he was scratched. This is how restraint and sensitivity manifest themselves.

But it should also be noted negative side emotionality - jealousy, most often completely unreasonable. In relationships, men may constantly check their email, Cell phones, social media. In case of family squabbles, you should not make a man angry. Of course, everyone has their own temperament, but assault or destruction of a room are the most common manifestations of a violent temperament.

Religiosity

The peculiarity of the people is their adherence to spiritual tradition, despite the fact that the population of Dagestan is very diverse. Almost 90% of the residents profess Islam, the remaining 10% are Judaism and Christianity. Religion began to spread in Dagestan back in the 7th century. Initially it appeared in Derbent, then on the flat territory. But it became the dominant religion only in the 13th century. Such a long spread of it is associated with and only after the invasion of the Tatar-Mongols, Islam became the religion of all nationalities of the republic. The residents include both Shiites and Sunnis.

Everything is good in moderation. Among Dagestanis there are also ardent religious fanatics. They believe they are acting in the name of God. Before starting a family with a Dagestan man, you should clarify some points: his attitude towards a woman and her role in the family, his attitude towards religion, his attitude towards children. In many ways, religiosity is reflected in other aspects of a person’s life. For example, strict adherence to religious customs and traditions in everyday life, the subordinate position of women, having many children, and so on.

What are modern Dagestan men like?

• These are, first of all, the most hospitable people on the planet. When we meet, they always smile and shake hands.
• Respect for elders has been elevated to a cult and to the rank of law. Any old man will have honor and respect among young people.
• There is no kissing among men.
• They really don’t like middle names and always address people by their first names.
• Very talented, many of them are dancers, singers and poets.
• They love to sing patriotic songs.
• They love positions and external attributes: a car, an office, bright clothes.
• Men have developed strong leadership qualities and always take the initiative.
• They love to compete for any reason and experience defeat very painfully.
• They love grilled meat and khinkali.
• They easily lose self-control. If you want to throw a Dagestani out of balance, touch his patriotism or point out his weaknesses.
• Open, you can safely say about them “the soul is open.”
• They don't like irony or abstract jokes. Everything said is taken at face value.
• They are very emotional, they like to wave their arms, shout, and express their thoughts loudly.
• Many people love horses and dogs, and they are seriously interested in them.
• They know their family almost to the 7th generation.
• They disdain the law and consider themselves free people.
• Generous people will give their last to their neighbor.
• They know how to make friends; they will sacrifice everything they have for a friend.
• They love their homeland, language, culture and customs very much.

The most famous Dagestan men

The peoples of Dagestan gave the country and the world great poets, scientists, artists, athletes, composers and other figures of art and culture:

• Abdulagatov Ilmutdin is a scientist of physical and mathematical sciences.
• Aitberov Timur is a historian, specialist in Dagestan historiography, medieval Dagestan, Persian and Arabic manuscripts, and the history of Islam in Dagestan.
• Alivov Yahya is a famous physicist.
• Alderov Albert is a geneticist in the field of grain crops.
• Aliyev Shamil is a developer of space technologies and missile weapons.
• Apashev Magomed - Doctor of Technical Sciences.
• Ruslan Temirov is a scientist in the field of nanotechnology.
• Temirov Yusup - radio electronics engineer.
• Khalidov Hamid - scientist, inventor.
• Shikhsaidov Muzakir is a famous physicist, currently working as director of Dagtelecom JSC in Makhachkala (Dagestan).
• Khangishiev Muzhaedin - aircraft designer, inventor.
• Shikhsaidov Amri Rzaevich - historian, specialist in Dagestan historiography, medieval Dagestan, history of Islam in Dagestan and Makhachkala.
• Magomedov Nabi is a famous chemist.
• Magomedov Murad - archaeologist, specialist in history during the early Middle Ages.
• Magometov Alexander is a linguist, a specialist in Lezgin languages ​​and languages ​​of the Dargin group.
• Makhov Magomed - Honored Doctor Russian Federation.
• Nazhmudinov Gadzhi is a specialist in the field of philosophy and history of foreign philosophy, social cultural studies, and anthropology.
• Kazbek Sultanov is a specialist in the culture and literature of the peoples of the Caucasus.
• Talibov Bukar - specialist in Lezgin languages, linguist.
• Tarlanov Zamir is a literary critic, linguist, specialist in Russian proverbs and literary language of the 18th century, in the Agul language.
• Mukhtaritdin Batdalov is a famous architect.
• Gamzatov Gadzhi - literary critic.
• Guseinov Abdusalam is a Soviet and Russian philosopher.
• Daidbekov Adilgerey is a professional engineer of Dagestan.
• Kayaev Ali is a Dagestan religious figure and scientist.
• Kurbanali Akaev - silver medalist of the 2007 World Kickboxing Championship.
• Sapiyulla Karachaev is the 1978 European champion in freestyle wrestling.
• Medzhid Bektemirov is the champion of Russia in fighting without rules (2007), the world champion in fighting without rules (2008).
• Jamal Kasumov is a two-time world champion in kickboxing. World champion (2005), European champion (2004).
• Gadzhiev Gadzhi is an honored coach of Russia.

In addition, Dagestan gave the world such great poets: Gamzatov Rasul, Aliyev Faza, more than 60 heroes of the Great Patriotic War, for example, Ismailov Abdulkhakim and many others. You can continue ad infinitum. The school of freestyle wrestling has become famous throughout the world. One of the best wrestlers in history, three-time Olympic champion, Saitiev Buvaisar, appeared here, and judokas and Khaibulaev Tagir brought the country its first gold medals at the London 2012 Olympics.

A year ago I met a Dagestani man. He immediately began to show sympathy for me. Initially, I understood that this relationship would not lead to anything more. I started them in order to have fun, get distracted, have a good time, but nothing more. At that time I was going through a breakup with ex-boyfriend, whom I dated for about 2 years. We broke up on my initiative, but it was still unpleasant. At that time, I still did not perceive the new relationship even simply as a relationship, because religion is quite important to me. I clearly understood that my parents would most likely be against it. Initially, we met very rarely, then more and more often. I didn’t even notice how quickly I got used to him, although after two months I constantly tried to end this relationship, realizing that there was no future and the sooner we parted, the better it would be. I met other men, spent time with them, had fun with my friends, various clubs, parties. I was looking for reasons for quarrels, but I still can’t understand why he always stopped me, asked me not to leave him, even cried because of me. He treated me like no other person has ever treated me (although I had a decent number of relationships). This definitely flattered me and instead of a period, I put an ellipsis again. He gave me flowers, gifts, forgave me everything, could come to me just to stand under the balcony, laid out hearts from flowers for me, spoke and wrote incredible words. For the first few months we never talked about religion. For me this topic was taboo, and he did not start it. Once, I asked my friend to find out what he expected from this relationship, to which he said that he wanted a future and due to the fact that he was born, raised and his family lives in Slavic places, he practically does not observe customs. After about five months, I finally decided to talk about this topic. He said that there is no prohibition on marriage between people of different religions. I said that my parents would never accept this, and neither would his parents. He answered me: “Where did you get the idea? Everything is possible and feasible.” I still tried to break up, but he held me, asked, begged. I knew that he loved me. And I decided to take a risk, to try, I thought, why should we break up now, since we feel incredibly good together? Then I understood that sooner or later, we would have to separate, and I hoped that this would happen for any banal reason, it didn’t matter, but not because of religion. We began to spend more and more time together, I became incredibly attached to this person and felt very strong feelings , emotions, but kept him at a distance, did not allow herself to love him. I stopped communicating with girlfriends, friends, stopped going anywhere to have fun, and if I did go, it was only with him. We spent all our time together. He asked not to keep him at a distance, to give vent to all feelings, asked for seriousness. And I gave up. He said that he wanted to live with me all his life, to be only with me always, he asked me to be only with him always. I still sometimes had thoughts, and I asked when we would separate, meaning that it was impossible to be together. He replied that this was stupidity, that we would not part. He said that he had met the one with whom he would like to spend his whole life. And I believed. I even began to think that if this is really such a strong love, then my parents would understand, and I could try to convince them of this sometime later, in the future. He went to his homeland, and I thought that if we were not destined to be together, he would understand it there, in that environment. But he continued to write and say that he always wants to be with me, that I am the only one in his life, and that he met me for the future. I tried to quarrel again. But he again asked and begged not to leave him, again he wrote the word “always” and I understood that I also loved him and could not live without him. I drove away sad thoughts and tried to enjoy what I had. But they never left me. He saw that I really fell in love, he knew that I needed him and that I was serious in my feelings. And at that moment he began to move away. Everything was the same as before, but I felt that something was wrong. We began to quarrel constantly, I was always the initiator, but he no longer wanted to make peace. I thought that he would always come running and apologize himself. But this did not happen. And I started it all. At this time, I somehow forgot about religion and thought that this was a crisis in our relationship, that we had to survive, try, take risks. We began to see each other less often. He stopped saying the word “always” to me. One day we were talking and for some reason I asked him: “Can we be together?” It was a very difficult conversation. He answered no. This is customary according to their customs. He will marry only his girlfriend. I told him that he needed to fight for love, for feelings. She asked me to talk to my parents. He told us we were never meant to be together. We can not. He knows the parents' answer, because... A similar situation had already arisen in his family. I asked why all those words were there then and he answered that he said what he felt, without thinking about the future. In the end, they decided to remain friends, but he still keeps me, calls, writes, looks for meetings, says that I am still his girlfriend, although his parents told him to get married in a year (perhaps even earlier, and this is what he says). He continues to write, saying that he loves him very much, does not allow him to communicate with other young people. On the one hand, I understand with my mind that all this is bullshit, but on the other hand, I still have strong feelings for him. And it’s impossible not to see each other, and to end it all. I really want to be friends, because the person is good, but I can’t figure out how to be friends with him. Advise something or tell your story of relations with a Dagestani.