Sometimes we automatically say something to our children, without thinking at all about phrases often used in the family.

These phrases are passed down from generation to generation, roll off the tongue easily and imperceptibly, and are often serious damage to the formation of the child’s personality. Moreover, the phrase at first glance may look completely harmless, but, nevertheless... it is better not to repeat it.

Sometimes we automatically say something to our children, without thinking at all about phrases often used in the family. These phrases are passed down from generation to generation, rolling off the tongue easily and imperceptibly, and often cause serious damage to the development of the child’s personality. Moreover, the phrase at first glance may look completely harmless, but, nevertheless... it is better not to repeat it.

What phrases should you not say to children? Find out:

Leave me alone!

There can be many variations of this message: “leave me alone,” “don’t bother me,” “I’m busy right now,” “go away, let me mind my own business,” and so on. As a result of the frequent utterance of these phrases, the child develops a model of parent-child relationships in which his place is far from the first. In the future, this will inevitably affect the relationship between parents and grown-up children. In the most difficult cases, the message “get out of here, don’t bother me” can be taken literally by the child: the child is a nuisance, they are not valued, they dream of getting rid of him.

You are so…

A label placed on a child in childhood is highly likely to have an impact on the formation of his character. Even in a diminutive form, such a label will inevitably cause harm. “Stupid”, “capricious”, “lazy” - it’s better not to use all this when communicating with children. And under no circumstances should such words be repeated several times. Psychologists especially advise avoiding negatively colored labels, although the influence of neutral and positively colored “nicknames” has not yet been fully studied.

Why can't you be like...?

Such comparisons with a sister, brother, neighbor's child or someone else are dangerous not only because they can give rise to long-term resentment and jealousy, but also because they can provoke a negative reaction, reluctance to do what you want from the child.

Hurry up

It is clear that this phrase is heard especially often at a time when parents are in a hurry. At such moments, you want the child to move as quickly as possible, but, as luck would have it, he digs and fidgets, being distracted by everything. It is possible that his exact same behavior in calmer moments does not cause your irritation, and you do not even notice it. If the phrase is constantly pronounced in an irritated or accusing tone, it makes the child feel that the parent is dissatisfied with him, that he is causing inconvenience. If this situation is repeated daily or even several times a day, it will not lead to anything good. At the very least, a drop in the child’s self-esteem, and sometimes protest behavior.

Well done!

What's wrong with this common encouragement line? However, psychologists say that with frequent use of the same phrase as praise, it becomes impersonal and devalued. The child begins to perceive it as a kind of mechanical response, and on a subconscious level ceases to attach any significance to it. That is, mechanically said “well done” is equivalent in his perception to the complete absence of any praise. So it’s even better to praise your child differently each time, without using the same expressions.

Let me help you, you can't do it

Psychologists believe that such a phrase, repeated day after day, programs a child for failure. He is prepared in advance for the fact that he will not succeed, but his mother will do everything for him. By the way, at a certain age a child begins the “I myself” period, during which uttering such a phrase can even provoke a serious conflict!

Take it, just calm down!

The frequent change of strict prohibition to forced permission tells the child that in this way (whining, screaming, hysteria, whims) he can get anything from his parents.

Stop it quickly!

Shut up immediately, calm down right now, quickly, quickly, whoever they told... You wouldn’t allow yourself to talk in such a tone with anyone other than a child, right? The child also takes offense at such treatment, and at the same time feels absolutely powerless. And instead of “stopping” and “calming down,” he begins to protest. Kids cry and are capricious, teenagers say “leave me alone” and withdraw into themselves. As a result of such a phrase, the mother gets the exact opposite result: instead of “stopping”, the child only strengthens the unwanted behavior.

We won’t buy it - it’s expensive (no money)!

A phrase like this implies that you would buy if you had the money, but this is not always the case. It is best to explain to your child that you should not buy everything and you should treat money rationally, because it makes up your family budget.

Don’t get on my nerves, my health is not ironclad!

In fact, you shouldn’t upset a completely healthy mother or grandmother. But many parents often resort to such tricks as “high blood pressure”, “heart pounding”, so that the child stops behaving inappropriately.

Firstly, if you want your child to be honest with you, then don’t deceive him yourself, and secondly, sooner or later he will stop reacting to such tricks and, quite likely, that when you really have somewhere “it stings”, he simply will not pay due attention to it. In a word, don't joke about such things.

You’re a girl (boy), but they don’t behave like that!

Girls must certainly be neat, not play football, not climb fences, but boys must not whine and must certainly be strong. Imposing such stereotypes from an early age will not lead to anything good.

So, as an adult, the boy will be shy their emotionality or lack of physical endurance, and the girl will begin to have complexes about her appearance or “male” work.

A reverse reaction may also occur when, in spite of your eternal pink bows and dresses, a teenage girl will not get out of her jeans and will acquire completely unfeminine manners.

Let children be children, do not deprive them of this joy.

Don't worry, it's all nonsense!

For you this may be nonsense, of course, but for a child it can be very important and meaningful. They took away a toy, laughed at their clothes or actions, didn’t take them to a team game, but you never know how many times children get into trouble. If you always brush it off and call it nonsense, you will ultimately lose trust in yourself and your grown child is unlikely to come talk about his no longer childish problems.

If this happens again, you will get it from me!

The thing is that after such a phrase is uttered, the punishment, as a rule, does not come to execution. And all bans on watching TV or depriving yourself of ice cream are postponed for another time.

And if for the hundred and first time you carry out the threat, then it will definitely not have a pedagogical effect; it will most likely cause bewilderment and resentment.

The child must know what to expect when doing something.

The author of the book “How Many Times Can You Tell,” psychologist Amy Macready, founder of the Positive Parenting program, writes: “How often, with the best intentions, we say words to children without thinking about how they will be perceived. And then we are surprised that they grow up timid, complex or daring.” Parents, be careful with your words!

10 dangerous phrases you should think twice about before saying to your children.

1. “I know you could have tried harder.” Are you upset that your daughter, although she has obvious academic abilities (music, sports), does not show good results? Any comment you make that shows that you are dissatisfied with her progress will not only dishearten her, but may have the opposite effect. She will stop trying altogether. If your “try harder” phrase refers to routine household chores, be clearer about what you expect from your child, for example: “When you tidy up your room, you can go out and play.” Or, if we are talking about studying, it is better to say this: “You see, the time you spent reading a book had a good effect on your grades.”
2. "Are you sure you want another cupcake??» You have good intentions, you want your child to grow up slim and healthy, but it is better to avoid conversations or hints about a bad figure or being overweight. If you are concerned about your child's nutrition, show your concern not in words, but in deeds. Stock your fridge with healthy foods, avoid junk food like chips, and increase your family's physical activity by going for a walk after dinner. And if at some holiday a child wants extra cake, let him have it and don’t pay attention. And take care of yourself, please. Your words are meaningless if you tell your child to take his hands off the cookie box while you eat chips. Avoid labeling your child by saying, “What a glutton you are!” You don't want to instill in him a complex about food, do you? All your comments about food should be positive, for example: “Wow, you like pumpkin soup! Wonderful".
3. “You always” or “You never.” Of course, when we are angry, these terrible phrases come out almost reflexively: “You always throw your dirty socks around!” or “You never call me to tell me you’ll be home late!” But be careful, because these words are like a minefield. These are labels that we mindlessly attach, and there is a danger that children will adhere to them all their lives. It's a sad paradox: our children become what we say they are. Therefore, by scolding a child that he “always forgets to call,” we seem to program him for these actions. Instead, psychologists advise, ask your child how you can help him or her: “I noticed that you seem to have a problem, you forget your notebook for school. What can we do to help you?
4. “Why aren’t you like your brother or sister?” Siblings and rivalry go hand in hand. Everything you say when comparing your children only adds fuel to the fire of their hostility towards each other. Having said the phrase to the younger one: “Your brother is learning to play the piano, and he’s doing great, but why can’t you?” You are essentially pointing out to him that the piano is his brother's thing and he can't reach his level. By comparing brothers and sisters, dividing them into categories - “this one is smart, and this one is an athlete” - you thus turn your child away from doing what his brother or sister succeeded in. Try instead to encourage everyone to do what they are good at, avoiding comparisons with other children in the family. How to avoid jealousy between children.
5. “I told you that waiting until the last minute was a mistake!” You've repeatedly told your child that if he plays video games all day, he won't have time to study for his math test. And what? He stayed up late, went to school sleepy and unprepared, and did worse on the test than he could have done. But every time you say, “I told you so,” you show him that you are always right and he is always a bungler. When he comes home with bad grades, instead of saying, “I told you so,” ask him if you can brainstorm together to study for the next test. Learn to notice the good things he did and talk about it. For example, if he cleaned his room, notice: “When the room is cleaned, it is much easier to find something in it and it is so pleasant to be in!”
6. “You play football better than anyone else!” It is obvious that a negative assessment of a child’s efforts (“You are not an artist!”) can be destructive for his future, but in fact, positive statements can also have a negative impact because they are limiting. If you often tell your child how capable he is, this may cause him to be afraid to try something else. Simply because he was afraid that he would not be very successful there. If your child cannot cope with some task, do not tell him: “But you are so smart!” It will only be worse for him that he does not live up to the label that you pasted on him. Instead, praise your child's efforts: "Good for you for not skipping practice" or "You did a fantastic job on that science project!"
7. "Don't worry, the first day of school will be great." It would seem that what’s wrong is that you encourage your daughter not to worry before her first visit to school? But by saying this, you confuse her. Now she is not just worried, but worried that you are worried, that she is worried. The same applies to the phrases: “don’t cry, don’t be angry.” They shouldn't be said. It is better to ask: “I see that you are worried. Tell me what you’re afraid of, and we’ll think together about what to do?”
8. "Because I said so!" It happens to everyone: you are in a hurry to get to work, and you don’t have time to explain why you need to turn off the computer or go to church, or to the doctor. And you shout: “I said so, period!” This phrase means that you are in control of the situation and you are squeezing your child's growing sense of independence and ability to understand certain things. Speaking so categorically, you are missing an important educational point. For example, your children don't want to visit your great-aunt on a sunny day because they are going to ride their bikes. Your words make them feel unable to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, tell them, “I know you would like to go riding bikes, but Aunt Clara would really like it if you visited her. We must respect all members of our family, especially the elderly." And know that even if they continue to grumble, they will visit the old lady because you took their feelings into account and taught them a lesson about how to behave in a family.
9. “I don’t want you to be friends with him, I don’t like this guy!” All parents have a mental note of “that guy” or “that girl” among their child’s friends that you don’t like. But remember, when you say this phrase, you make the bad guy even more attractive. Determine for yourself what you don’t like about him? That he is not your cup of tea or that he is dangerous for your child and will teach him something bad? If the reason is the first, then grit your teeth and don’t say anything. If in the second, talk with the child openly, ask why he likes to hang out with a friend, what they do, when they meet, where they go. Avoid harsh remarks about your child's friends to stay aware of their relationships.
10. “You're doing it wrong. Give me!" You asked your child to stir soup on the stove, or to stack clean towels, or to wash the car. Of course, you needed help, but you saw that the child was doing it wrong. If you are a perfectionist, then you can’t help but say: “You’re doing it wrong. Give me!" But this is a big mistake. Firstly, your child will never learn to do anything on his own, and secondly, he will no longer want to help when you ask. It's better to put up with crookedly folded towels or a poorly washed car. Or come up and say in a friendly rather than dismissive manner, “Let me show you a simple trick that my mom taught me on how to quickly fold towels.”

Ekaterina Morozova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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When communicating with children, we We rarely think about the semantic load of our words and the consequences of certain phrases for the child’s psyche. But even seemingly harmless words can cause significant harm to a child. Let's figure out what you shouldn't say to your child...

• “If you don’t sleep, the babayka (gray wolf, Baba Yaga, scary girl, Dzhigurda, etc.) will come!” Never use intimidation tactics. From such intimidation, the baby will only learn the part about the babayka, the rest will simply fly by out of fear. This also includes phrases like “If you run away from me, a terrible uncle will grab you (a policeman will arrest you, a witch will take you away, etc.). Don't raise your child to be neurasthenic. It is necessary to warn the child about dangers, but not by intimidation, but by detailed explanations of what is dangerous and why.

• “If you don’t finish your porridge, you will remain small and weak” . A phrase from the same series of horror stories. Look for more humane ways to feed your baby, using constructive rather than intimidating tactics. For example, “If you eat porridge, you will become smart and strong like dad.” And don’t forget, after this childish feat (eating porridge), be sure to weigh the baby and measure his height - for sure, after breakfast he managed to mature and tighten up.
• “If you make faces (squint your eyes, stick out your tongue, bite your nails, etc.) – you will remain that way.” or “If you pick your nose, your finger will get stuck.” Again, we refuse meaningless exclamations, calmly explain to the child why he shouldn’t make faces and pick his nose, and then we tell him that “Cultivated and obedient kids always grow into real heroes and great people.” And we show the little one a photo of the gallant general, who was also once a little boy, but never picked his nose and loved discipline more than anything else.

• “Why are you so clumsy!”, “Where are your hands growing from?”, “Don’t touch! I’d rather do it myself!” If you want to raise an independent and confident person, throw these phrases out of your vocabulary. Yes, your baby can break a cup while carrying it to the sink. Yes, he can break a couple of plates from his favorite set while helping you wash the dishes. But he sincerely wants to help his mother, he strives to become an adult and independent. With such phrases, you “in the bud” kill his desire to both help you and cope without your help. Not to mention the fact that these words lower a child’s self-esteem - then you shouldn’t be surprised that the baby grows up apathetic, afraid of society, and at the age of 8-9 you still tie his shoelaces and take him to the toilet.
• “Your brother has done all his homework a long time ago, and you’re still sitting,” “Everyone’s children are like children, and you...”, “The neighbor Vanka has already brought his tenth diploma from school, and you only got bad marks.” Never compare your child to his siblings, peers, or anyone else. The child should see support and love in his parents, and not reproaches and belittlement of his dignity. Such a “comparison” will by no means push the child to reach new heights. On the contrary, the baby may withdraw into himself, lose faith in your love, and even “take revenge on neighbor Vanka” for his “ideality.”

• “You are my most beautiful, the best!”, “Spit on your classmates - they will grow and grow up to you!” etc. Excessive praise clouds the child’s adequate assessment reality. The disappointment that a child will experience when he realizes that he is by no means unique can cause serious harm to the psyche. No one except the mother will treat the girl as a “star,” which is why the latter will seek recognition of her “stardom” by all means. As a result, conflicts with peers, etc. Nurture in your child the ability to adequately assess himself and his strengths. You need to praise, but not overestimate. And your approval should relate to the baby’s actions, and not to his personality. Not “Your craft is the best,” but “Your craft is wonderful, but you can make it even better.” Not “You are the most beautiful,” but “This dress suits you very well.”
• “No computer until you finish your homework”, “No cartoons until all the porridge is eaten”, etc. Tactics – “you give me, I give you.” This tactic will never bear fruit. More precisely, it will bring, but not the ones you are expecting. The ultimate “barter” will eventually turn against you: “Do you want me to do my homework? Let me go outside." Don't encourage whims by resorting to this tactic. Do not teach your child to “bargain”. There are rules and the child must follow them. While he is small, be persistent and achieve your goal. Doesn't want to clean? Come up with a game before bed to see who can put away the toys faster. This way you will involve your baby in the cleaning process, and teach him to put things away every evening, and avoid ultimatums.

• “I won’t go anywhere with such a dirty guy”, “I don’t love you like that”, etc. Mother's love is an unshakable phenomenon. There can be no “if” conditions for her. Mom loves everything. Always, at any moment, anyone - dirty, sick, disobedient. Love with conditions undermines the child's confidence in the truth of this love. Apart from resentment and fear (that they will stop loving you, abandon you, etc.), such a phrase will bring nothing. Mom is a guarantee of protection, love and support in any situation. And not a seller at the market - “if you’re a good girl, I’ll love you.”
• “We actually wanted a boy, but you were born,” “Why did I give birth to you,” etc. It’s a catastrophic mistake to say that to your child. The whole world that the child knows collapses for him at this moment. Even a phrase simply said “to the side,” by which you did not mean “nothing like that,” can cause serious mental trauma for the child.
• “If it weren’t for you, I would already be working at a prestigious job (driving a Mercedes, vacationing on the islands, etc.) . Never burden your child with your unfulfilled dreams or unfinished tasks - it is not the child’s fault. Such words will hang over the child with responsibility and a feeling of guilt for your “deceived hopes.”

• “Because I said so!”, “Do what you’re told!”, “I don’t care what you want!” This is a tough ultimatum that will give any child only one desire - to protest. Look for other ways of persuasion and do not forget to explain why the child should do this or that. Do not try to subordinate the child to your will so much that he, like an obedient soldier, unquestioningly obeys you in everything. Firstly, there are simply no absolutely obedient children. Secondly, you should not impose your will on him - let him develop as an independent person, have his own point of view and know how to defend his position.
• “Your screams give me a headache,” “Stop terrorizing me, I have a weak heart,” “My health is not official!”, “Do you have a spare mother?” etc. If something really happens to you, then the feeling of guilt will haunt the child all his life. Look for reasonable arguments to “stop the disgrace” of the baby. You can’t scream because there is a baby sleeping in the next apartment. You can’t play football in the evening in an apartment, because old people live downstairs. You can't roller skate on the new floor, because dad spent a lot of time and effort laying these floors.

• “Don’t let me see you again!”, “Get out of my sight!”, “May you fail,” etc. The consequences of such mother's words can be catastrophic. If you feel that your nerves are on edge, go to another room, but never allow yourself to use such phrases.
• “Yes, here you go, just leave me alone.” Of course, you can understand your mother. When a child has been whining “come on, mom, come on” for the third hour in a row, his nerves give out. But by giving up, you open up “new horizons” for the baby - a mother can be “broken” by whims and whining.
• “If I hear that word one more time, I’ll lose my TV,” “If I see that one more time, I’ll never get a phone again,” etc. There is no point in these phrases if you don't keep your word. The child will simply stop taking your threats seriously. The child must clearly understand that violating certain rules always results in a certain punishment.

• “Shut up, I said!”, “Shut your mouth,” “Quickly sit down,” “Take your hands off!” etc. A child is not your dog, which can be given a command, muzzled and chained. This is a person who also needs to be respected. The consequence of such upbringing is equal treatment of you in the future. In response to your request to “come home early” you will one day hear “leave me alone”, and in response to the request “bring some water” you will hear “you will take it yourself”. Rudeness will return as rudeness squared.
• “Ay, I found something to be upset about!”, “Stop suffering over nonsense.” What is nonsense for you is a real tragedy for the child. Remember yourself as a child. By brushing off a child with such a phrase, you demonstrate your disdain for his problems.

• "No money left! I won’t buy it.” Of course, this phrase is the easiest way to “buy off” a child in a store. But from these words the child will not understand that the 20th car is superfluous, and the 5th chocolate bar of the day will lead him to the dentist. The child will only understand that mom and dad are two practically poor people who never have money for anything. And if we had money, we would have bought the 20th car and the 5th chocolate bar. And from here envy begins towards the children of more “successful” parents, etc. Be reasonable - do not be lazy to explain and tell the truth.
• “Stop making up things!”, “There are no monsters here!”, “What kind of nonsense are you talking about,” etc. If a child shared his fears with you (a bug in the closet, shadows on the ceiling), then with such a phrase you will not only not reassure the child, but will also undermine self-confidence. Then the child simply will not share his experiences with you, because “mom still won’t believe, understand and won’t help.” Not to mention the fact that “untreated” childhood fears go with the child throughout his life, turning into phobias.

• “What a bad boy you are!”, “Ugh, what a bad child”, “Oh, you’re dirty!”, “You’re so greedy! ", etc. Condemnation is the worst method of education. Avoid judgmental words even in a fit of anger.

Have there been similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Sometimes a phrase we accidentally throw out sticks deep in a child’s head. Children may not yet fully understand irony, or the hidden subtext behind certain words and phrases, and may take everything said literally. Not to mention the fact that they will associate expressions they find unpleasant with the specific situation when the child heard this expression for the first time.

Especially the formation of a child’s personality is influenced by phrases that have been used for years at every step, in every film, by every person. We invite you to pay attention to these expressions that do not go unnoticed by the child:

1. Don't cry
Even if a child cries as a result of ordinary whims, you should not tell him the banal “Don’t cry.” This will show your child that their feelings or problems are insignificant and not worth paying attention to. Instead, better take pity on the child, or distract him with something interesting.

2. Hurry up
Even if you are in a hurry, and the child begins to dress slowly and leisurely, tie his shoelaces, comb his hair, etc., do not rush him. Especially in an accused or irritated tone. The child will feel that you are unhappy with him, but will not know how to correct the situation, because he is still small and simply cannot do some things quickly that do not take much time for adults. Better yet, help your child to speed up the process, or wait patiently. Remember, he is just learning and trying very hard.

3. Don't interfere!
Moreover, it is not necessary that the phrase sound exactly like that. It could be “leave me alone”, “leave me alone”, “I’m busy right now” and so on. Such words form child-parent relationships in which the child’s place is far from the first, and this, in turn, will affect future relationships between the child and parents. After such phrases, the child begins to think that he is in the way, that he is not needed and has no right to vote.

4. You are so capricious/lazy/stupid...
You can't put a label on a child. This will definitely affect the formation of character. Do not use not only negative “nicknames”, but also positive ones. This lays a certain foundation from which the child builds in the future. Especially when such expressions are repeated several times.

5. Why can't you be like...?
One of the worst phrases that can be said to a child sounds exactly like this. This will only worsen the relationship between your child and the object of your comparison. And predominantly negative emotions persist even into adulthood. In addition, this will not force the child to be different. On the contrary, he will not behave like an object of comparison, which is already associated as something bad.

6. Take it, just calm down!
With this phrase you teach your child that he can achieve anything through whining.

7. Again you're doing it wrong. Let me help you
If you constantly help a child and point out that something is not working out for him, then over time the child will be prepared for failure in advance and wait for help. This kills his independence and desire to solve problems on his own.

8. Stop it quickly, otherwise you’ll get it now!
Threats, for the most part, remain threats, but no one will like a commanding tone. You don’t talk to adults like that, otherwise they would be offended. So the child has feelings, he can also be offended. It’s better to calmly explain why your baby’s behavior upsets you.

9. We won’t buy - no money / expensive
If you don’t want to buy the one hundred and twenty-fifth toy, then explain this to your child. Tell him that he already has such a toy, that he can’t buy absolutely everything like that. It is worth teaching children from childhood to value money and be able to manage it.

10. Well done!
It would seem that such a positive phrase can only bring positive results. However, psychologists say that if you abuse this word and accept it automatically, then it depreciates in the eyes of the child. Then the child begins to perceive the next “well done” as “okay, okay, don’t bother me.” Therefore, praise differently each time and note what exactly you praise the child for.

Sometimes, irritated by the child’s bad behavior, parents utter words in their hearts that they later begin to regret. If an adult easily ignores what is said or simply does not pay attention to it, then the child remembers offensive phrases for a long time.

“I don’t like you like this,” says the mother, and the baby thinks that the most dear person in the world is abandoning him. Hysteria or stress is the most likely reaction to such expressions.

We have prepared a list of unwanted words that should not be said to children.

Parents are the most important people in the life of any child, which is why the child perceives every offensive phrase they accidentally utter in a fit of anger as extremely painful. Therefore, we decided to remind dads and moms about the words that should never be spoken to their child, even if he behaves less than ideally.

What words are best not to be said to children?

These well-known and widely used phrases seem harmless only at first glance. However, few parents think about how much fear and resentment these words bring to young children.

"I do not love you"

It is not for nothing that we included this phrase in the first paragraph of the article, since it is difficult to find more terrible words for a child. The baby, having heard them from the dearest person in the world, perceives this expression specifically: “Mom doesn’t need me anymore, she doesn’t love me, I’m very bad.”

Even if you come to your senses in time and say that you were just joking, the phrase will forever remain in the child’s memory and will pop up from time to time.

Of course, such words should not be spoken to anyone, even the most capricious and hooligan child.

Emphasize that you love your little fidget, even if he doesn’t behave well enough.

"No one needs you"

Sometimes adults, guided by the best intentions and trying to rid the child of any fear (darkness, monster), in response to a child’s complaint, rashly declare: “No one is hiding in the room. Nobody needs you! Hearing this from you, the baby begins to think that he is unworthy of your care, love and attention.

From here it is not far to a decrease in self-esteem, isolation and complexes.

If you want to help your child who is afraid of imaginary monsters, better tell him that you will never give him to Baba Yaga, the ghost, because he is very dear to you.

"I'll give you..."

Often, parents who cannot cope with a naughty baby choose the slippery path of threats: “If you jump in puddles, the merman will take you to him,” “If you don’t eat semolina, Baba Yaga will come and eat you herself,” etc.

The list of scary characters can be listed endlessly: the uncle-policeman, the evil doctor with an injection, Babayka. Anxious and suspicious children react sharply to such blackmail, experiencing constant fear.

Such emotional overstrain ultimately leads to a nervous breakdown and phobias: the baby is afraid to be alone and asks to turn on the light at night. Try to gain parental authority in more constructive ways.

“You are very bad!”

The last argument of parents is the “magic” phrase: “You are bad,” which is categorically condemned by all psychologists.

At an early age, the child evaluates himself from the words of adults and does not doubt the sincerity of their statements. Do you tell your child that he is bad, ill-mannered, greedy, evil? Don’t be surprised that very soon, having entered into the role, he will begin to behave accordingly.

If you want to demonstrate to your baby that bad behavior is unacceptable, use less traumatic options: “Your room is very dirty, put away the toys,” “Please share some candy with your sister, and she will share an apple with you.”

“Let me do everything myself”

Has your baby been fussing with his laces for a quarter of an hour or trying to fasten his zipper? Of course, you will get much better quality and, most importantly, faster. “Let me do it myself, because you can’t do it (you don’t understand, you don’t know how, you don’t know, you’re still too young),” experts are sure that such words program the child for failure, instill uncertainty, and make him lack initiative. Why do something if failure awaits me anyway?

If your child declares: “I myself,” rejoice - it means the child is striving for independence. Therefore, try to be patient, support your baby and be sure to praise him for successful completion.

“Take it, just calm down and don’t cry anymore.”

Of course, not every parent will be able to withstand many hours of children's requests, bitter tears and huge plaintive eyes. “Well, please buy a doll, and I promise to behave well all week,” is a phrase after which many adults give up and, unbeknownst to themselves, fall into a cunning trap.

The child understands that with tears and persuasion he can achieve whatever he wants, and parental refusal should not be taken seriously.

No one claims that the baby needs to be kept under tight control, but constant indulgence in whims can lead to the appearance of a little manipulator in the family. Maybe it's better to try to distract him or wait a little until he calms down?

“Don’t do this, otherwise...”

Sometimes parents, trying to protect the life of their child, quietly go too far, practically isolating him from the outside world. From such mothers (grandmothers are often guilty of this), the baby often hears: “Don’t touch anything, otherwise you’ll break it,” “Don’t touch the cat, it’ll scratch you,” “Don’t run through puddles, you’ll get sick,” “Don’t go up the hill, you’ll fall.”

It’s interesting that children remember only the second part of these phrases: “you’ll fall,” “you’ll get scratched,” “you’ll get sick.” As a result, the previously lively baby becomes timid and insecure, believing that dangers lurk literally at every step.

What to do? The answer is simple - do not give negative forecasts, but point out the desired behavior to the baby: “Let’s walk along the path,” “Hold on to the sled tightly when you slide down the hill,” etc.

"You can't trust anyone"

Wanting to warn the child about the likely difficulties that await him in the process of performing this or that work, some parents say: “Do everything yourself, no one will help you!”, “You need to rely only on your own strength,” “Don’t trust anyone, good people.” very little". The already unfamiliar world around us becomes even more frightening and dangerous for children.

There is a risk that the child will grow up withdrawn, distrustful and aggressive as a result. Do not forget that it is important to form a positive outlook on the world in your child, of course, by teaching him the basics of safe behavior.

"Why aren't you like..."

A popular phrase in the parental lexicon is criticism of a child in the form of comparison with a brother or peer.

“Why aren’t you as obedient as your older brother?” “Look at what a beautiful picture Oksana painted. What did you do?”, “All the children in the group already know how to dress themselves, and only you are waiting for me to button your jacket” - such comparisons (especially with sisters and brothers) only give rise to envy, jealousy and unhealthy rivalry.

It sounds banal, but it is very important and necessary for children that mom and dad perceive them as anyone - good and bad, capable and not so capable, in general, with all their advantages and disadvantages. And it’s better to compare the baby with yourself.

“Why aren’t you the best?”

Children are extremely offended by excessive parental demands: “Why did you only take second place?”, “I’m disappointed that you get B’s in math.” Such words cannot be said, because the child understands that he will not be able to meet the demands of his mother and father, because for this he will need to jump over his head.

Do not forget that it is vital for children to feel the support of their parents, since this is what motivates them to achieve better results.

So express your approval: “Second place? Fine! Next time we will prepare even better,” “I’m proud of you, the most important thing is participation.”

The most effective way to understand what can and cannot be said to a child is to imagine yourself in his place.

Do you want to be constantly pointed out and threatened? Most likely no. Therefore, before you say anything to your child, think for a second: will your words harm the child’s self-esteem?