What is true love? Does it really exist, or is it just a myth, someone’s invention? The answer is obvious. Of course have. But often both men and women do not know how to recognize a real feeling, and often mistake simple infatuation for love. Love- this is, first of all, selflessness towards each other, the desire to live, first of all, for the beloved. There is no need to think that in a love relationship there is only cloudless happiness. Anything happens on the path of life. There are disappointments, resentments, losses, and betrayal. There is no need to demand too much from each other. At the beginning of a relationship, only the good is visible through the prism of rose-colored glasses. But time passes, and one day they disappear from sight, and a completely different man appears before the woman. This is where the catch lies. This often frightens many people; they cease to understand each other, which leads to quarrels and, as a consequence, to divorce. You can do it differently: try not to notice your partner’s shortcomings. This is also a mistaken opinion. You just need to treat them more simply, sometimes even with humor, and try to never “wash dirty linen in public.”

Years pass, and the woman suddenly begins to understand that she needs this particular man with all his bad habits, that without him “life is not a joy”, she agrees to endure hardships, deprivations, as long as he is always there, that together they make up one whole, without him she is just one empty half... All this is called love.

01.10.2013 18:15:03

But there were feelings. Where did you go?

It's simple. There is a small but very significant difference between love and infatuation.

As a result of falling in love, the level of adrenaline in the blood increases, which speeds up the heartbeat, heightens all the senses and causes a feeling of general elation. Sometimes we mistake something completely fleeting for falling in love, just light flirting. Serious love has its own signs. Here are some of them:

The heart begins to beat faster and is just ready to jump out of the chest;

You feel either hot or cold, and your palms begin to sweat;

It seems to you that something is trembling and trembling in your stomach;

Goosebumps run through your body;

The pupils dilate involuntarily;

The feeling of flying never leaves you;

All senses are heightened;

You completely lose your appetite;

The cold that has been tormenting you for weeks goes away;

You feel like you're a little drunk all the time;

You feel an unusual rise, you can “move mountains”;

You can't concentrate on anything;

You stop swearing and arguing with others, feeling unusual love for them;

You want to sing, go crazy and generally do something unusual;

You can sleep just a few hours a day and still not feel tired.

It is clear that this list can be continued. After all, many manifestations of love are very individual. And what is listed on this list is not familiar to everyone. It all depends on temperament, age and gender. The only difference is that a person in a state of love becomes a frantic egoist and owner. But a truly lover is ready to give and sacrifice everything.

Actually, something very happened to one of my friends interesting story, which made me think about the question of love...

“He approached me in a cafe. Milo smiled and offered his company. Although I was not in the mood for communication that evening, for some reason I still agreed to him. We started talking about nothing and everything at once. So easy and relaxed, as if they had known each other for an eternity.

I returned home as if on wings. It would seem that he was an adult, 26 years old, but butterflies were flying in his soul.

He called the next day and again proposed a meeting...

The fairy tale did not last long. His friend, a low and envious man, told both lies. He told her that he was a womanizer, and told him that she was not free. And human pride is one of the worst vices...

She waited, searched, called... But the subscriber was always out of range. When the realization came that he would not come again, she began to cry... Like a child, sobbing bitterly. But there were no curses or insults towards him... The only thing in my head was that he should be alive and happy, with that other...

Time flew by, but she continued to look for him in the crowd, wait, love and see him in a dream. She dreamed that someday they would meet. Perhaps he won’t even recognize her, but again for a moment seeing her beloved eyes seemed to her the highest happiness...

Although time erased images from her memory and heart, and it would seem that the emotional wounds had long since healed, her life never worked out... There was no shortage of men, but there was no other love either.

Try searching on a dating site, maybe you’ll find the one, a friend once advised...

On such sites, of course, you can chat, get to know each other a little and decide whether to agree to a meeting or not. Comfortable. But every day, rejecting another man, she simply became convinced that she was an incorrigible loner.

But then one day...

Out of habit, having opened a website with correspondence, at the very top there was a letter from a man:

Hi, do you remember me?

She looked at the photo. Something familiar…

To say the truth, no…

She enlarged the photo... And her heart suddenly jumped and hit her ribs. It was him... He had changed, but his eyes... Still the same beloved eyes. Only very sad ones.

Do you remember the cafe? - he wrote.

Yes, I remember everything... 10 years have passed.

Can meet?

Let's meet, of course...

As it turns out, the story has a happy ending. Love broke out with new strength. Now they are together, raising a wonderful baby. And happy... Recently I asked her: “Do you quarrel?” She replied: “Of course we quarrel, but one will definitely give in, and the second will come up and apologize.

Chemistry, magic or true love should be like this, everyone will draw their own conclusion. No, skeptics may say that this is just a fairy tale and fiction. But everyone has the right to their opinion...

IN true love there can be no quarrels, selfishness and resentment. Because she's real...

I would like to end the article with words from the song heard in the film “3+2”:

“After all, not to love means not to live. Who will give the answer - yes or no.”

Love and be loved…

Vladislav Tepes

“Love” is a six-letter word that everyone has probably thought about. It scares some and inspires others. Love has been a subject of discussion and heated debate throughout human history. So what is love?

This eternal question is asked by every teenager in love, every poet and philosopher, like curious scientists. We have the answer to this heartbreaking question.

This largely depends on your view of this fact.

Let's look at several points of view:

There are different definitions of love

From a romantic's point of view, love is something idealistic. What is love for you? Do you think it should be easy, unburdensome and non-divisive? Or perhaps you believe that lovers should always understand each other? If you hold this position, it means you are a romantic at heart.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s unlikely that true love is love at first sight. In fact, relationships, just like feelings, need to be worked on to maintain them. According to Sally Connolly, a therapist with thirty years of experience, holding on to the idea of ​​true love can be detrimental to your relationship. From her point of view, this is our sense of touch.

If you are more of a practical person, then you may believe that love is purely physiological. That is, the definition of love is given from a purely scientific point of view. Scientists from Switzerland at the University of Bern conducted a study on the connection between our sense of smell and attraction to another person. They discovered that the presence of a major histocompatibility element in a person's DNA genes can make us fall in love with someone else.

From a realist's point of view, love is like an ocean. A healthy perception of love is to know that it is constantly changing, not in one state. This definition of love has the most adequate and normal understanding of this intangible feeling. But understanding what love is is definitely not easy. Love requires hard work on yourself, which in the future will bring you a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

What is dislike?

While the definition of what love is may depend on how you personally interpret the meaning of that feeling, then there are some very clear facts that determine that what you are experiencing is not love. Look:

Infatuation or love?

Falling in love is a feeling that occurs at the beginning of a relationship. The love that keeps us up at night, distracts us during the day and keeps us in high spirits is just infatuation. Falling in love is easy to confuse with love. Being in love, many of us fall into this trap again and again. Ask yourself, is this love? If this is something that exclusively dominates your relationship, chances are it won't last. Real love is a long-lasting and strong feeling.

Passion or love?

Passion can be mistaken for love. How can you tell it apart? If you are more interested in sex than in communicating with the person, spending time together, or if you run away immediately after sex, it is most likely just lust, not love. You can easily get confused in these two feelings, because each of us wants a big and bright feeling, to meet our half, and sometimes we deceive ourselves, replacing one concept with another, which, in fact, has nothing to do with reality. You can easily skip this and continue such empty relationships, because parting with people is always difficult. We can say that you were captured by your fantasies, invented something non-existent for yourself instead of living a real life in which there are real feelings.

Friendship or love?

Friendship and love are often so similar that it can be easy to get confused and mistake one for the other. This happens because we also feel a feeling of love for our friend, but it is a different kind of emotion. It is easy to confuse friendship with love because we spend a lot of time with our friends and simply cannot imagine our life without them. This is what we experience towards people close to us. The boundaries of such feelings can sometimes be unclear. Therefore, if you doubt something, try to look at the person from the point of view of chemistry, so to speak, whether you are physically attracted to him. In general, the stronger our feelings for another person, the higher the likelihood that this is love, and not just friendship.

Emotional dependence or love?

Sometimes we may be sure that we are in love, but in fact, we are in captivity emotional dependence. What can you say about this? There are a couple of questions you can ask yourself.

• Do you tend to idealize your partner?
• Or is the way he treats you more important to you than the person himself?

If you answered yes to these questions, you may be in emotional distress. dependent relationships, in which there is no love. If you truly understand that you are emotionally dependent on your partner, you should not be too upset and scold yourself. It is very easy to fall into this trap. Many components of emotional dependence, such as idealization of a partner and fear of losing him, can be present in relationships built on love, but sometimes this can go too far. Remember, you are an individual, just like your partner. True love gives us the opportunity to be who we really are.

What is love?

Now we know a little about what love is. But it is still impossible to give a definitive answer to this question. Love is an intangible, high, unpredictable, tender and natural feeling. It is far from perfect and gives us the opportunity to experience emotions that are opposite to ourselves: anger, fear, sadness, pain. Love cannot be bought, it is impossible to pay for something, we cannot demand reciprocity in love. Love appears and exists on its own, without any conditions. Understanding these factors is the first step to finding your true love.

Ideal love: myth or reality? Is such love possible, or is it just the imagination of little dreamy girls. Many people associate love with various emotions that they experience when communicating with the object of their adoration, and come up with ideas for them. various names: selfless love, mutual love, eternal love, unrequited love, etc.

Each person has his own unique and inimitable love. And if the above “types of love” are familiar to many, then “ideal love” remains a mystery. Maybe this is the kind of love that does not require confirmation? But love itself does not require any proof, and it can be difficult to call it ideal. Or maybe it’s a feeling that stays with a person forever. But people change over time, and love changes too. Probably, the ideal feeling of love does not require any obligations and does not limit human freedom. But all lovers strive for this in order to prolong their relationship as long as possible. Eternity. Some consider ideal love to be that which fully corresponds to their ideas about it. Rather, it's beautiful love, not ideal. The higher the ideals, the more difficult it is to find a soul mate who fully corresponds to them. By putting forward excessive demands on the chosen one, a person risks being disappointed and losing heart. Sometimes there can even be a debilitating feeling of resentment and loneliness. It seems to the disappointed person that the chosen one betrayed him only because he could not meet all the requirements and ideas.
There is an opinion that the meaning of love is to forgive all offenses and treat feelings as a divine gift. And a divine gift, by its origin, can only be ideal.

Another sign of ideal love is its immensity. But any person in love does not measure the amount of love given and received. He just loves. So, any love is immeasurable.
One thing is certain: like any other, ideal love fills a person’s life with joy, happiness and meaning. People in love put each other's interests much higher than their own, they try to figure everything out for their soulmate, give warmth and tenderness, and surround them with care and attention. Are these signs evidence that love is in fact an ideal feeling, which not everyone is given to know to its very depth. Each age gives its own shades of love. In youth it is a passion like Romeo and Juliet, in the middle of life - quiet family everyday life and trust in each other, in old age - common memories and joy that your life partner has not yet left you. Ideal love is, of course, a myth. But this is also the real reality. Because for every couple in love, their love is the most beautiful, the truest and the most ideal.

Ecology of life. Psychology: What is unconditional love that everyone wants, some demand, but no one can really express their idea of ​​it?

Why love doesn't bring happiness

What is unconditional love that everyone wants, some demand, but no one can really express their idea of ​​it?

And ideas can be really different. Most people mistake something completely different for love. What we are accustomed to consider love, in the overwhelming majority of cases, is simply neurotic attachment.

Are you ready to bet? Then try to imagine the feelings of a woman who lets her husband go for good to someone else without any offense. And at the same time, figure out how often such high relationships occur in your life. In such a situation, you feel very well where the true you are and where your ego is, what language it speaks to you in, and how much unconditional love you have for living beings. Do you really want your loved one to be happy if he is not happy with you, or do you want to tear a piece away from him? Or vice versa - forcefully give him a piece of yourself so that he doesn’t forget you, although he didn’t ask for it?

You can think that you love a person unconditionally, denying yourself and indulging him in everything. Manipulators of all stripes, by the way, love to use this. “If you love me, you must...” (and then an endless list of responsibilities). And here the lovers run out of arguments, often along with their strength. Because unconditional love does not always presuppose sacrifice, but on the contrary - the ability to distance oneself in time and leave the relationship, retaining warm feelings in the heart and without proving anything to a person who is not able to accept or appreciate this sacrifice.

It is believed that parental love is unconditional, but this is more of the “expectation vs reality” series. Because if this were really so, the notorious problem of fathers and sons, with the eternal war of values ​​and views, would not exist. Indeed, you can think that you love a child and invest all of yourself into him without reserve, but won’t this ultimately be a disservice? To treat your child with unconditional love, you need to know yourself very well so as not to mistake your desires for him for love. Because when a child disappoints, it is no longer love, but disappointed expectations. Those who truly love do not expect anything.

To better understand what true, unconditional love is, we must first assume that this is complete self-acceptance. It is not for nothing that one of the main spiritual commandments says: love your neighbor as yourself. What could be simpler and clearer? After all, our attitude towards ourselves determines the nature of our relationships with the world. If these relationships are complex and confusing, the whole world will be just a distorting mirror for us, where we will see unloved, unaccepted sharp parts of ourselves and constantly get hurt about them, creating painful situations and entering into traumatic relationships.

An ungrown, immature person is not capable of unconditional love. It's like sitting in an inflated pool all your life or going out into the open sea. There is water in both places, but the sensations and scale are incomparable. The ocean terrifies those who have never seen anything but a swimming pool. Although this will not frighten a normally growing child, but will rather attract him to the path of new discoveries. Therefore, any violations of love are the result of obstacles that arose along the path of life in the process of growing up. And if the environment at one time did not introduce the sea, a person is unlikely to be destined to know it, only a vague longing for something unattainable will remain.

And of course, true love requires strength. One in order to swim across a pond with familiar shores, ducks and tadpoles, and a completely different one - to conquer the raging ocean. But you can know the ocean and at the same time not neglect the pond and ducks, seeing the same nature in them and knowing that a proud petrel will never grow out of a duck. An unconditionally loving sage, by the way, is also hardly suitable for ordinary life.

So to each his own, and our main daily small task is to see a piece of the divine in everyone and not forget to cultivate the divine in ourselves. Only then will we be able to move at least one small step closer to that feeling of happiness, which until now has been tinged with something vaguely familiar and unrealizable. published . If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .