"The bad will remain in the old year, and the good will come in the new!" Such a toast often sounds at the set table on the most important night of the year. Easy to say, but not so simple to implement.
Often we drag a heavy load of conflicts and quarrels from year to year. But you can still leave the past in the past. We picked up 9 useful techniques that will help say goodbye to absolutely all insults.
In a relationship
Comfort in a woman’s personal life is the key to success in everything else. But how difficult it is not to be offended by a man, it is easier to relate to his words and actions and forget everything that hurts the soul. "Keeping" claims is also harmful. What can be done?
1. Make peace first. A good technique for those who quarreled just before the holiday. On the one hand, it’s terribly stupid to put up just to celebrate the New Year together, on the other - it’s dumber than waiting for him to meet himself - you can’t imagine.
How it works. Being at a distance from the offender, going into experiences and plunging into sadness, we fall into the power of fantasies, fears, pride and speculation. In fact, anything can turn out to be. He did not want to offend you, meant something completely different, did not understand you, or did not realize that your feelings were hurt. In addition, often men do not know how to put up, do not know how to approach, but will gladly accept forgiveness. To forgive, it is important to know that the other person is also in conflict.
2. Speak out. We are afraid to spoil relations with a loved one more often than with others. Therefore, in many cases we do not even voice unpleasant feelings. Such resentment does not seem strong, but it is precisely very difficult to eradicate.
How it works. On the principle of "lighten the soul." It is important not to get an answer, not to disrupt evil and not to take revenge by provoking similar emotions to the offender. The main thing is to express your feelings. Tell us about what you are experiencing - pain, bitterness, disappointment, sadness. The effect is paradoxical - your attitude towards a person is changing for the better.
3. To regret. Whatever the man touches you - criticism, inattention or ridicule - in the end, all this does not relate to you personally, but to his usual reactions to the usual irritants. We know that all this comes from childhood.
How it works. In this case, the technique will help, during which you imagine your man is not an adult and strong, as now, but a small child. In your imagination, you need to take this baby in your arms, comfort and reassure. The formidable figure of the offender against which you are powerless decreases and ceases to cause anger and anger.
In friendship
The close environment in many cases affects us more than the family. We choose friends ourselves, so often they understand us better, but they also know our weaknesses better. Betrayal of a friend is perceived more sharply, this can permanently deprive us of normal communication and even change our attitude to ourselves. Do not let such things go by chance.
1. Wish you happiness. It sounds outrageous when it comes to the person whom you consider to have benefited from the situation while you were losing. Why on earth, for example, rejoice for a friend who stole a man from you? But if you look distantly, a person decides on such actions, only feeling deprived.
How it works. Louise Hay, a self-help writer and psychological best-selling author, advises this exercise to introduce the abuser on stage and mentally endow him with a happy situation and joys. After that, you need to "stand up" on the stage yourself and also be charged with happiness. Happy people do not harm each other, for them there is no sense in grievances.
2. Mentally revenge. This is similar to the famous exercise of Japanese clerks with a splash of anger on a stuffed boss. Conditional "punishment" of the offender gives relief. By imagining what exactly you want for the “traitor”, you can calm down.
How it works. When resentment exists in the form of woeful thoughts, it is blurred, elusive, difficult to destroy. Anger is a more concrete feeling, this meaning is carried by the sayings "it is better to be evil than offended" and "carry water offended." In addition, we often feel guilty for wanting evil. Having tried to "deal" with the enemy mentally, we can make sure that we are not so angry with him.
3. Defeat the pain. Resentment sits in us like a splinter - it is almost imperceptible, but still not part of a healthy body. And each time, accidentally touching the injured place, we suffer and run from these sensations. What to do? Carefully remove.
How it works. Try to restore to the smallest detail all the feelings about this. Having experienced all the most unpleasant, literally imagine how, overcoming the fear of pain, you take out the insult, as a foreign object and throw it away. It’s important to catch relief right after you get rid of these feelings. You are healthy and this sadness will not return anymore.
In family
Relations with parents and older adults who are authoritative for us are not so well recognized. Therefore, children's grievances go away more slowly, but saying goodbye to them is very important. New Year is a family holiday, but triumph is often clouded by echoes of old conflicts and dissatisfaction with each other.
1. Change the script. Including the scenario of the holiday. Any claims or other behavior of parents offend us because of the inability to solve everything independently. This is a memory of children's relationships when we did not really have this right. Now there is, so we are offended by ourselves.
How it works. Write two plans of behavior. Plan A - how things usually happen, how the quarrels (you, your parents, brothers and sisters) behave, plan B - as you would like. This will help you break the pattern and begin to change your role. The roles of other heroes will change in fact. No offense will be left here.
2. Find your benefit. Family relationships are associated with trust, but life adjusts these beliefs. It is difficult for us to allow ourselves to bargain with relatives, to make a deal with them, although we easily do this in love or at work. We expect a priori understanding from the family. At the same time, taking into account your interests is normal for any relationship.
How it works. If it is profitable for you not to be offended, do not be offended. Resentment tormenting you? What do you get if you decide to forgive? Freedom, joy of communication, intimacy with family. The benefit can be both material and moral. Forgive to get help, praise and attention? Why not.
3. Forgive just like that.The idea of \u200b\u200bforgiveness as such is embedded in the nature of any living creature, therefore animals and children do not hold anger for a short time and quickly return to pure feelings of love and affection. It also helps to forgive the religious feeling - just letting go of the past.
How it works. Parsing old troubles is painful, difficult, and energy intensive. In any case, this is no longer the reality. By letting go of the situation, you start from scratch and a clean slate. Even if the offender remains at the mercy of his emotions, your mood may inspire him as well.
There is very little left before the New Year, but much needs to be done. Feng Shui expert Natalya Pravdina recommends entering the New Year 2015 with renewed vigor and pure intentions, and for this you need to make several important actions that will help you get rid of all the bad things and happily celebrate the New Year 2015.
Clear space
Natalya Pravdina recommends starting with this. If you want to free yourself from negative and bad memories, then change your space! This can be a general cleaning with the expulsion of unnecessary rubbish from the house, a small repair, decoration of the interior, or just a rearrangement of furniture.
Repay debts
You should not drag along old debts for the New Year, otherwise their financial situation in 2015 will remain at the same level. Also, we are talking not only about material debts, but also about these promises. Follow all these promises, it will free you from the burden on the soul.
Forgive resentment and ask forgiveness yourself
It’s not worth taking the bitterness of resentment, bad thoughts about someone, disappointment and guilty feelings with you on New Year’s Day. If someone holds a grudge against you, apologize. If you have been hurt, forgive this person, because nothing poisons a person’s soul like insult and desire to take revenge.
Leave everything bad in the old year
Take a piece of paper with a pen and write what you would not like to see in your life in the New Year 2015. These can be bad habits, activities that do not benefit you, people with whom it is unpleasant for you to communicate, and so on. Natalya Pravdina advises making a list of the most unnecessary things in her life and burning it in a candle flame. This ritual will help you get rid of past negativity and unnecessary things.
Please yourself
New Year is a time of miracles! Stay for yourself Santa Claus and fulfill your desire. Treat yourself to the gift you have long dreamed of. Do not spare money for yourself, then the Universe will see how you are happy about new acquisitions, and in the New Year will send you even more wealth and prospects.
Buy gifts for loved ones
Do not leave this business for later. Natalya Pravdina advises taking care of gifts in advance. Make a list of gifts in advance and make sure that they will appeal to your loved ones. Giving the desired gifts, you will attract a lot of positive energy, which will undoubtedly come in handy for you in the New Year 2015.
Do a good deed
Do a good deed for a person whom you poorly know or do not know at all. Take care of animals that need help. Good always comes back, remember that.
Send a postcard or letter to your old friend
In our age of the Internet, mail is already out of fashion. But how pleasant it will be for your old friend, who lives thousands of kilometers from you, to receive New Year's greetings!
Summarize the year
Natalya Pravdina advises not to be cunning before herself and honestly admit to her mistakes and failures of the past year. Celebrate your achievements! Ask yourself what good you have done this year, what happened bad in your life, and what good. Thank the Universe for its gifts.
Make a wish
Of course, one of the most important things before the New Year is the ritual of making a wish. Write on a piece of paper what you want to achieve in the New Year 2015 and keep this piece of paper all year. After a year, you will be surprised how many items on your list have come true!
Natalya Pravdina advises before the New Year 2015 to complete all unfinished business and draw up an action plan for the New Year. All bad things must be forgotten, burned in flames, thrown out with the old things from the house in order to celebrate the holiday with renewed vigor and positive emotions! Good luck and don’t forget to press the buttons and
20.11.2014 09:17
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“Let all the bad things remain in the old year” - such a wish sounds December 31 more often than the usual “happiness, health”. At first glance, these words seem commonplace and “just to say,” but if you think about it, you understand: how really cool it would be to leave all the negativity in the past year. And we will tell you how to do this.
Of course, one cannot get rid of serious mental wounds in a couple of days. But nothing prevents you from even starting.
We have collected several psychological tricks, thanks to which you can get rid of old grievances and unpleasant emotions and enter the New Year 2017 with a light heart.
1. Direct conversation
Do you know what half of the grievances in your head are based on? At understatement. An inadvertently abandoned word, a timely question not asked “what did you mean?”, And that’s all - you can no longer get rid of the unpleasant sensation that arises every time you think about your offender.
Photos: 123RF / Sebastian Gauert
Why not find out everything right now - before the New Year? Meet, call or write - no matter how, but most importantly, talk with someone to whom there was a grudge. Tell us about your experiences, ask “why?”, Listen calmly and try to accept everything that the interlocutor will say. You’ll see, half of your feelings and an egg aren’t worth it. No wonder they say that sometimes only one conversation separates a person’s happiness.
2. Out of sight
In many countries, before the New Year it is customary to get rid of old trash. No "what if it comes in handy." In Italy, for example, people simply throw out unnecessary dishes, interior elements, and even small-sized furniture from windows. Have you ever thought that this is a great way to free not only a place in the apartment, but also your head from bad thoughts? We do not offer you to throw chairs out of the window of a high-rise building, but why not finally get rid of things that remind you of your former and your difficult parting?
If you are talking about something expensive, post a sale ad. If these are old T-shirts or stupid postcards, just throw them in the trash can. You will see that the unpleasant emotions that you experienced when bumping into one or another thing will instantly disappear.
3. Burn the negative
Psychologists say that this method perfectly helps to get rid of the negative. Take a piece of paper, a pen or pencil and write down all your grievances, fears and doubts. Do not choose words, let thoughts flow freely. Write everything that comes to mind. Offended by a colleague? Are you angry with your husband? Do you blame yourself for rarely calling your mom? Afraid of losing your job? Write it all.
Photos: 123RF / progressman
Are you done? Now take a match or a lighter and burn all the negativity written on a piece of paper. Shake the remaining ashes into the window. Someone is sure that the matter is self-hypnosis. Others say that in this way we actually get rid of the negative that has been accumulating in us for years. Be that as it may, such a ritual really helps. Not always the first time. Sometimes it is necessary to repeat it again and again, but it is necessary to begin with something. The main thing is to observe the fire safety technique in order not to add problems to yourself before the New Year.
4. Empty Chair Technique
You know that it is very important not to hush up grievances, but what if talking with the person who hurt you is impossible for some reason? Then the empty chair technique comes to the rescue. Everything is very simple: you need to stay alone in the room (and even better - in the apartment), put a chair in front of you and imagine that your offender is sitting on it. Sit opposite, choose a comfortable pose and start a monologue. Tell us about your feelings, cry, scream, throw pillows into a chair, you can even kick it if you want - splash out all the negative emotions that have settled inside. You will see, at some point you will feel tired and empty. This will be a signal that the "session" was not in vain. You may want to repeat the “conversation with an empty chair” more than once or twice, you will feel when you have enough. The main thing is to allow yourself to release the negative, do not keep the destructive emotions inside.
Despite the fact that the days until the New Year will be filled with work, buying gifts and hectic preparations for the holiday, try to devote at least a couple of hours to yourself. Let this time the wish “to leave everything bad in the old year” turn out to be not an empty sound for you. A little effort, and in 2017 you can enter a little happier than you were before.
It's time to look back on the outgoing year and decide what you want to leave there forever ...
December 31 is just around the corner. It's time to look back on the outgoing year and decide what you want to leave there forever.
Hint: everything that does not allow your happiness to become complete.
Although sometimes life seems to be difficult, so much needs to be done, and there is no need to try and control your emotions in time and time. Stress will not help.
But in more detail, this list will help you clear your mind of mental “trash” and find harmony.
© theessentialyoublog
It will be necessary to get rid of thoughts that:
Slow down and limit your growth.
They are full of guilt and do not allow you to do what you really love.
Make you think that you are not in order. You need the Universe just that.
New doors are closing in front of you. The unknown does not always carry a negative, give her a chance and leave the comfort zone.
Only regret. Often, the proportion of healthy indifference will not hurt.
Pushed to step on the throat of his song. Be sure to try to fulfill your dreams.
They make you worry because they program you on what you want to avoid.
Shifting responsibility for your life to someone else. Either humble yourself or act - in any case, others are not responsible for you.
Forcing you to do everything in person. Share the burden with others and take care of yourself, at least a little.
They turn the world into a struggle exclusively of black and white, because there are so many beautiful colors between them. Become less categorical and learn to enjoy this variety.
Pull you into the past. Let him go and boldly step into the future.
It is doubtful whether you are in your place. At that. Better ask yourself a question - where do you want to get from here.
They whisper that you are only a miserable loser amid the rest. Now you are exactly where you need to, so instead of wasting energy on comparisons, take care of self-development.
Relatives and ex are not forgiven. Anger hurts you first of all. Remember that good that once bound you, and wish them happiness.
Too ambitious. There is a risk of tearing. You did everything you could, so now enjoy a well-deserved rest.
They demand to know everything in advance. The element of surprise sometimes does not hurt.
They are forced to cycle on financial problems. Think over a strategy for how to solve them, and direct your mind in a positive direction.
Full of thirst for approval. You are unique and without the praise of any other person.
They are pushing to change a person, even if he does not need it. Better take care of yourself, often it is not only more productive, but also inspires others to follow a good example.
Filled with self-hatred. Each of us has not only disadvantages, but also advantages. You deserve your own love, regardless of your appearance or anything else.
