“The bad will remain in the old year, but the good will come in the new!” Such a toast is often heard at a set table on the most important night of the year. Easy to say, but not so easy to implement.
We often carry a heavy burden of conflicts and quarrels with us from year to year. But you can still leave the past in the past. We picked 9 useful techniques, which will help you say goodbye to absolutely all grievances.
In a relationship
Comfort in a woman’s personal life is the key to success in everything else. But how difficult it is not to be offended by a man, to treat his words and actions more simply and to forget everything that hurt the soul. “Keeping” complaints to yourself is also harmful. What can be done?
1. Make up first. Good technique for those who quarreled right before the holiday. On the one hand, it’s terribly stupid to put up just to celebrate the New Year together, on the other hand, it’s more stupid than waiting for him to meet you halfway – you can’t imagine.
How it works. Being at a distance from the offender, losing ourselves in emotions and plunging into sadness, we fall into the power of fantasies, fears, pride and speculation. In reality, anything can happen. He didn’t want to offend you, he meant something completely different, he didn’t understand you or doesn’t realize that your feelings were hurt. In addition, often men do not know how to reconcile, do not know how to approach, but will gladly accept forgiveness. To forgive, it is important to know that the other person is also experiencing conflict.
2. Speak up. We are more afraid of ruining our relationship with our loved one than with others. Therefore, in many cases we don’t even voice unpleasant feelings. Such resentment does not seem strong, but it is precisely this that is very difficult to eradicate.
How it works. According to the principle of “lightening the soul.” It is important not to receive an answer, not to retaliate, and not to take revenge by evoking similar emotions in defiance of the offender. The main thing is to talk about your feelings. Talk about what you are experiencing: pain, bitterness, disappointment, sadness. The effect is paradoxical: your attitude towards the person changes for the better.
3. Regret. No matter how a man hurts you - criticism, inattention or ridicule - in the end, all this has nothing to do with you personally, but with his habitual reactions to habitual irritants. We know that all this comes from childhood.
How it works. In this case, a technique will help, during which you imagine your man not as an adult and strong, as now, but as a small child. In your imagination, you need to take this baby in your arms, comfort and calm him down. The formidable figure of the offender, against which you are powerless, decreases and ceases to cause anger and anger.
In friendship
In many cases, our close environment influences us more than our family. We choose our friends ourselves, so they often understand us better, but also know our weaknesses better. The betrayal of a friend is perceived more sharply; it can deprive us of normal communication for a long time and even change our attitude towards ourselves. You shouldn't leave such things to chance.
1. Wish you happiness. It sounds outrageous if we are talking about the person you think has benefited from the situation when you have lost. Why on earth, for example, should you be happy for your friend who stole your man? But if you look at it from a distance, a person decides to do such actions only by feeling deprived.
How it works. Louise Hay, a writer and author of best-selling psychological books on self-help, advises with this exercise to imagine the offender on stage and mentally gift him with a happy situation and joys. After this, you need to “get up” on stage yourself and also recharge with happiness. Happy people They don’t harm each other; for them there is no point in being offended.
2. Mentally take revenge. This is similar to the famous exercise of Japanese clerks with an outburst of anger on a stuffed boss. Conditional “punishment” of the offender provides relief. By imagining what exactly you wish for the “traitor,” you can calm down.
How it works. When resentment exists in the form of sad thoughts, it is blurred, elusive, and difficult to destroy. Anger is a more specific feeling, this meaning is conveyed by the sayings “it is better to be angry than offended” and “they carry water on the offended.” In addition, we often feel guilty for wishing evil. Having tried to “deal” with the enemy mentally, we can make sure that we are not so angry with him.
3. Conquer pain. Resentment sits in us like a thorn; it is almost invisible, but still not part of a healthy organism. And every time we accidentally touch an injured area, we suffer and run away from these sensations. What to do? Remove carefully.
How it works. Try to restore to the smallest detail all your experiences about this. Having felt all the most unpleasant things, literally imagine how, overcoming the fear of pain, you take out the offense, like a foreign object, and throw it away. It is important to catch the relief immediately after you get rid of these feelings. You are healthy and this sadness will not return again.
In family
Connections with parents and older adults who are authoritative for us are not so consciously realized. Therefore, children's grievances go away more slowly, but saying goodbye to them is very important. New Year family celebration, but the celebration is often overshadowed by echoes of old conflicts and dissatisfaction with each other.
1. Change the script. Including the holiday script. Any complaints or other behavior of parents offends us due to the inability to solve everything on our own. This is a memory of childhood relationships when we didn’t really have this right. Now there is, so we are offended by ourselves.
How it works. Write two behavior plans. Plan A how everything usually happens, how the participants in quarrels behave (you, your parents, brothers and sisters), plan B how you would like. This will help you break the pattern and begin to change your role. The roles of other heroes will change after the fact. There will be no room for grievances here.
2. Find your benefit. Family relationships are associated with trust, but life corrects these beliefs. It is difficult for us to allow ourselves to bargain with our family, to make a deal with them, although we easily do this in love or at work. We expect understanding from the family a priori. At the same time, taking your interests into account is normal for any relationship.
How it works. If it is to your advantage not to be offended, don't be offended. Does resentment torment you? What will you get if you decide to forgive? Freedom, joy of communication, closeness with family. The benefit can be both material and moral. Forgive to get help, praise and attention? Why not.
3. Forgive just like that. The idea of forgiveness as such is inherent in the nature of any living creature, so animals and children do not hold anger in their souls for long and quickly return to pure feelings of love and affection. This is how religious feeling also helps to forgive - simply by letting go of the past.
How it works. Dealing with old troubles is painful, difficult and energy-intensive. In any case, in reality this no longer exists. By letting go of the situation, you start from scratch and a clean slate. Even if the offender remains at the mercy of his emotions, your mood can inspire him too.
There is very little left until the New Year, but there is a lot to do. Feng Shui expert Natalya Pravdina recommends entering the New Year 2015 with new strength and pure intentions, and for this you need to take several important actions that will help you free yourself from everything bad and joyfully celebrate the New Year 2015.
Clear the space
Natalya Pravdina recommends starting with this. If you want to free yourself from negativity and bad memories, then change your space! This could be a general cleaning with the removal of unnecessary trash from the house, minor repairs, interior decoration, or simply rearranging the furniture.
Pay back your debts
You should not drag old debts with you into the New Year, otherwise your financial situation in 2015 will remain at the same level. Also, we are talking not only about material debts, but also about promises made. Keep all the promises you make, this will free you from the burden on your soul.
Forgive offenses and ask for forgiveness yourself
You should not take with you into the New Year the bitterness of resentment, bad thoughts about someone, disappointment and guilt. If someone holds a grudge against you, apologize. If they hurt you, forgive this person, since nothing poisons a person’s soul more than resentment and the desire for revenge.
Leave everything bad in the old year
Take a piece of paper with a pen and write down what you would not like to see in your life in the New Year 2015. It can be bad habits, activities that do not benefit you, people with whom you find it unpleasant to communicate, and so on. Natalya Pravdina advises making a list of the most unnecessary things in your life and burning it in a candle flame. This ritual will help you get rid of past negativity and unnecessary things.
Treat yourself
New Year is a time of miracles! Be your own Santa Claus and make your wish come true. Treat yourself to a gift you've been dreaming of for a long time. Do not spare money on yourself, then the Universe will see how you rejoice at your new acquisitions, and in the New Year it will send you even more wealth and prospects.
Buy gifts for loved ones
Don't leave this matter for later. Natalya Pravdina advises taking care of gifts in advance. Make a list of gifts in advance and make sure that your loved ones will like them. By giving desired gifts, you will attract many positive energy, which will undoubtedly be useful to you in the New Year 2015.
Do a good deed
Do a good deed for a person you don't know well or don't know at all. Take care of animals that need help. Good always comes back, remember this.
Send a card or letter to your old friend
In our age of the Internet, mail is already going out of fashion. But how nice it will be for your old friend, who lives thousands of kilometers away from you, to receive New Year's greetings!
Sum up the year
Natalya Pravdina advises not to be disingenuous in front of yourself and to honestly admit to yourself the mistakes you have made and the failures of the past year. Celebrate your achievements too! Ask yourself what useful things you have done this year, what bad things have happened in your life and what good things have happened. Thank the Universe for its gifts.
Make a wish
Of course, one of the most important things to do before the New Year is the ritual of making a wish. Write on a piece of paper what you want to achieve in the New Year 2015 and keep this piece of paper for the whole year. After a year, you will be surprised how many items on your list have come true!
Natalya Pravdina advises, before the onset of New Year 2015, to complete all unfinished business and draw up an action plan for the New Year. Everything bad needs to be forgotten, burned in a fire, thrown out of the house along with old things in order to celebrate the holiday with new strength and positive emotions! We wish you good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and
20.11.2014 09:17
In order to lose weight, it is not necessary to follow strict diets and limit yourself to your favorite foods. Consultant...
“Let all the bad things remain in the old year” - this wish is heard on December 31 more often than the usual “happiness, health.” At first glance, these words seem banal and “just to say,” but if you think about it, you understand: how great it would actually be to leave all the negativity in the outgoing year. And we will tell you how to do this.
Of course, you won’t be able to get rid of serious emotional wounds in a couple of days. But nothing stops you from at least starting.
We have collected several psychological techniques that will help you free yourself from old grievances and unpleasant emotions and enter the New Year 2017 with a light heart.
1. Direct conversation
Do you know what half of the grievances stuck in your head are based on? On understatement. A carelessly thrown word, not on time asked question“What did you mean?”, and that’s all - you can no longer get rid of the unpleasant feeling that arises every time you think about your offender.
Photo: 123RF/ Sebastian Gauert
Why not find out everything right now - before the New Year? Meet, call or write - it doesn’t matter how exactly, but most importantly, talk to the one with whom you harbor a grudge. Talk about your experiences, ask “why?”, listen calmly and try to accept everything the other person says. You'll see, half of your worries aren't worth a damn. It is not without reason that they say that sometimes only one conversation separates a person from happiness.
2. Out of sight
In many countries, before the New Year, it is customary to get rid of old trash. No “what if it comes in handy.” In Italy, for example, people simply throw unnecessary dishes, interior elements and even small-sized furniture out of windows. Have you ever thought that this is a great way to free up not only space in your apartment, but also your head from bad thoughts? We're not suggesting you throw chairs out of a high-rise window, but why not finally get rid of the things that remind you of your ex and your difficult breakup?
If we are talking about something expensive, post an advertisement for sale. If it's old T-shirts or stupid cards, just throw them in the trash. You will see, the unpleasant emotions that you experienced when bumping into this or that thing will instantly disappear.
3. Burn the negativity
Psychologists say that this method perfectly helps to free oneself from negativity. Take a piece of paper, pen or pencil and write down all your grievances, fears and doubts. Don't hesitate for words, let your thoughts flow freely. Write everything that comes to mind. Offended by a colleague? Are you angry with your husband? Do you blame yourself for rarely calling your mom? Are you afraid that you will lose your job? Write everything.
Photo: 123RF/progressman
Ready? Now take matches or a lighter and burn all the negativity written on the piece of paper. Shake the remaining ashes out the window. Some people are sure that it’s a matter of self-hypnosis. Others say that in this way we actually get rid of the negativity that has been accumulating in us for years. Be that as it may, such a ritual really helps. Not always right the first time. Sometimes you have to repeat it over and over again, but you have to start somewhere. The main thing is to follow the technique fire safety so as not to add problems to yourself before the New Year.
4. Empty chair technique
You know that it is very important not to hush up grievances, but what to do if for some reason it is impossible to talk to the person who hurt you? Then the empty chair technique comes to the rescue. It’s very simple: you need to stay alone in a room (or better yet, in an apartment), put a chair in front of you and imagine that your offender is sitting on it. Sit opposite, choose a comfortable position and start a monologue. Talk about your feelings, cry, scream, throw pillows at the chair, you can even kick it if you want - throw out all the negative emotions that are lodged inside. You'll see, at some point you will feel tired and empty. This will be a signal that the “session” was not in vain. You may want to repeat the “talk to an empty chair” more than once or twice, you yourself will feel when enough is enough. The main thing is to allow yourself to release the negativity, do not keep destructive emotions inside.
Despite the fact that the days before the New Year will be filled with work, buying gifts and hectic preparations for the holiday, try to devote at least a couple of hours to yourself. Let this time the wish to “leave all the bad things in the old year” turn out to be not an empty phrase for you. With a little effort, you can enter 2017 a little happier than you were before.
It's time to look back at the past year and decide what you want to leave there forever...
December 31st is just around the corner. It's time to look back at the past year and decide what you want to leave there forever.
Hint: everything that prevents your happiness from becoming complete.
Although sometimes life seems difficult, there is so much to do, and time and energy are running short, it’s tedious to try to control your emotions. Stress won't help.
In more detail, this list will help you clear your mind of mental “junk” and find harmony.
©theessentialyoublog
You will need to get rid of thoughts that:
They slow down and limit your growth.
Full of guilt and preventing you from doing what you really love.
Makes you think you're not okay. The Universe needs you this way.
New doors are closing in front of you. The unknown is not always negative, give it a chance and get out of your comfort zone.
They only cause regret. Often a bit of healthy indifference won't hurt.
They encourage you to step on the throat of your song. Be sure to try to make your dreams come true.
They make you worry because they program you for something you want to avoid.
They shift responsibility for your life to someone else. Either reconcile yourself or act - in any case, others are not responsible for you.
They force you to do everything personally. Share the burden with others and take care of yourself, at least a little.
They turn the world into a struggle of exclusively black and white, because there are so many beautiful colors between them. Become less categorical and learn to enjoy this diversity.
They pull you into the past. Let him go and boldly step into the future.
Raises doubts about whether you are in the right place. At that. A better question to ask yourself is where do you want to go from here.
They whisper that compared to others, you are just a pathetic loser. Now you are exactly where you need to be, so instead of wasting energy on comparisons, engage in self-development.
They do not allow you to forgive relatives and exes. Anger hurts you first of all. Remember the good things that once connected you and wish them happiness.
Overly ambitious. There is a risk of overstraining. You've done your best, so now enjoy your well-deserved rest.
They demand to know everything in advance. Sometimes an element of surprise doesn't hurt.
They force you to dwell on financial problems. Think about a strategy on how to solve them and direct your mind in a positive direction.
Full of thirst for approval. You are unique without the praise of any other person.
They push a person to change, even if he doesn’t need it. Better take care of yourself, this is often not only more productive, but also inspires others to follow a good example.
Filled with self-hatred. Each of us has not only shortcomings, but also advantages. You deserve your own love no matter your looks or anything else.
