There was a case. More precisely, two. In the mornings I run in Troparevsky park. And one day an unpleasant dog rushes towards me, of medium size, I don’t remember the breed. I love dogs very much, but this one was vile, angry, and false. Nearby - the hostess, smokes. I shout to her: “Madame, would you hold the dog, eh?” Instead of an apology, she replies to run further. I decided not to get involved in the discussion, after all, a lady. I am courteous with them. Rushed off.

For several days he ran quietly. Suddenly again - the same vile little dog. The same madam, she smokes. He stopped: “Madame, I asked you. And I'm not the only one running here. Madam is rude again. I approached: “Listen, this is already tired ...” Madam suddenly pulls out a stun gun, threatens them. Here my courtesy was washed away like blood. You can not bring a Russian man to extreme arguments. Very loudly and passionately I explained to this fool what I would do with her, her filthy dog ​​and where I would put the stun gun. And my vocabulary and persuasive intonations are always ready for me - from the time of a happy adolescence in the Lublin region.

Madam backed away, the little dog fell silent. I never saw Madame and her little dog again in this park. Still would.

Some boring American or Dutch would not say anything. I would turn to the police, the municipality, to The Hague, I don’t know where else. No. We deal with our unreasonable women ourselves. "Woman, know your place!" - as Uncle Slava, my heavily drinking neighbor in the country, said. Already deceased.

When a Russian man is enraged by female obstinacy, absurdity, self-confidence, he becomes terrible. This is not an ordinary male squabble or "to punch you in the face." Between males, everything is primitive, at the level of insects. Bang bang, run away. Forgot. But when a woman allows herself to play a male, there is a violation of the ancient terrible laws. Here, our men open the Slavic abyss. No matter how much we pretend to be civilized people, everyone can break loose, even if he is not in sweatpants, but in a muffler and a candidate of art history. Because the role of a woman is to agree, nod, smile. Lovely whims - please. But within the framework of an unshakable social model. A ring, shoes, a ticket to a Meladze concert.

Terrible? Feudal? wildly? Certainly. We are like that. Asians, slightly covered with napkins.

Actually, Hillary annoyed all of us precisely because: “Where are you, woman, climbed?” And the jubilation about Trump is from the same place: “You did a great job, man!” What each of them has in the program is of no interest to anyone. I'm not sure that everyone will answer which of them is a Democrat and which is a Republican. Nonsense! Man vs woman - that's the whole intrigue from the Russian point of view. They threw Hillary into the sea, from the boat - and the Russian people rejoice.

Ten years ago, I happened to ask Valentina Matvienko when a woman can become president in Russia? Valentina Ivanovna answered politically correct, but the meaning in brief: not in our lifetime. Good girl.

There is an old stupid joke. Can a woman be a colonel? Answer: No, only under a colonel. General laughter.

The new jokes are no better. The farmer who named the goat Merkel also pleases with his wit. The whole country was having fun.

A few numbers. In 2000, Ella Pamfilova ran for the presidency of the Russian Federation. The result is 1%. Who was chosen then - everyone remembers. In 2004, Irina Khakamada ran. There is already a truly triumphant result - 3.84%. None of the girls wanted to repeat the triumph. Unless Poklonskaya tries to become the Chairman of the Union of Theater Workers - we will only applaud, applaud. But, they say, in the faction she was asked not to speak publicly anymore. Beautiful silent girl, what else is needed for the country? For all united Russia?

Yes, sexism, ruthless sexism. Feminists will sing: “Gentlemen, you are beasts!” But who will hear their cries, unless they are in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior? Is that the hearty Ella Pamfilova.

The thing is that our women are sincerely happy with the role assigned to them. Even worse: a man who threatens, scares, is rude - they are damn sweet. Not even nice - they are crazy about such men, it's a delight on the verge of orgasm. More, honey, more!

All Polovtsian dances around bastards like Stalin and Ivan the Terrible are purely women's affairs. Guys, if they are not cunning bureaucrats, in general, do not care. The phrase "How we miss Stalin" - I hear only from women. They, my dears, want a tyrant, a despot, a sadist. Give our girls a chance - they will invite Stalin to bed. They will ask the husband: “Come on today, the three of us, with Osya? Osya - wow! The husband does not have time to answer, Osya is already throwing off his overcoat: “Eh, move over, another comrade Zhukov will be ...”

And cozy domestic assault is everywhere, only the wildest stories reach the court chronicle. They beat their wives and girlfriends. By the way, about the series "Mysterious Passion". Back in 1960, Andrei Voznesensky thundered with the poem "They beat a woman." He clearly describes a case that he himself saw and summarizes: “They beat a woman, they beat her for centuries ...” I note that the verse does not say that the poet rushed and dealt with the scoundrel. No, why, he's a lyrical hero.

Just don't accuse me, fellow feminists, of condoning violence. No. Never. The women themselves justify it. "Oh, he's so hot-tempered!"

I have a familiar married couple, intelligent people, creative profession. One day, the wife suddenly stunned all the friends with a post. It was about how they had a cultural rest, drank, and suddenly the husband attacked, began to beat. It got to law enforcement. With this post, the unfortunate woman, as it were, burned all the bridges. She announced to the world what a bastard her husband is. And he won’t even get close to him anymore, there are no common children, thank God.

Time has passed, literally a month. I meet this couple together. Dove and dove. I did not ask battered questions, why? She burned it down, she built it again. Bruises are gone, live on.

Our man is a dangerous and cruel creature. Our woman loves him for this. A good Russian is a violent Russian. And if he is like a calf - she misses her, she wants the scepter of Ivan, damn it, the Terrible. One of my girlfriends fell into a blues when we lived peacefully, without quarrels. She started a scandal from scratch, on a clean parquet. Literally shook my testosterone with adrenaline in a shaker: come on, come on! It's easy to piss me off, courtesy is enough for seven minutes, I checked. Don't worry, I've always limited myself to a verbal brawl, no right hooks. Then screams, tears, departure to my mother. "How you humiliated me!" A couple of days later, a call, a gentle voice: “So what?” And it dragged on for two years, like an army. Exciting, but very exhausting. I parted ways with relief.

Thank God, I went "to the reserve." Age, health, experience. I live alone. Only aunts in the park sometimes cheer up my Russian spirit. I'm glad to throw off all the synthetic courtesy. Walk freely. Break out into the wild steppe of my Russian soul. Know, woman, your place - in the park, in society, in the store, in history!

... And now you can turn on the camera. I'll tell you how to please our charming ladies on New Year's holidays.

Is it easy to be the wife of a misogynist?

That all men are goats is an axiom, known to women a long time ago. Well, what women are fools, of course, not all men believe, but very many. They are fools, but a man with a normal sexual orientation still has nowhere to go from them. You have to adapt, learn to live next to these creatures in skirts.

Guys, you are not alone! For more than two years now, there has been a “Misogynist Club” in Russia, which helps men in this difficult task.
Today the club has about 200 members, and its ranks are replenished day by day. Moreover, in the very near future, the men plan to register as a political party (fortunately, a presidential decree has come into force that simplifies this procedure). The MK correspondent met with the ideological leaders of the KZhN and found out all the details of the life of their club.

Preparing for the meeting, to be honest, I expected to see either violent outcasts, or glamorous gays, or brutal jocks focused only on their bodies. But it turned out that misogynists are quite pleasant and handsome young men. We met in the VIP room of the capital's sports bar, as that evening there was a match between CSKA and Spartak.

“We have privileges in many Moscow establishments,” says Alexander Romashat, chairman and founder of the club. - In car dealerships, lawyer practices, travel agencies ... This is because there are many of us and among the members there are a variety of people.

Alexander himself is a young and promising lawyer. Two years ago, he had a tragedy in his personal life - the girl left him. He suffered for a long time, suffered, and then decided that it was impossible to allow any woman to mock him like that. It is necessary that women know their place, including in the life of a man. And then he came up with the idea to create the “Misogynist Club”. First, friends joined it, then friends of friends... Today the club already has the status of an international organization: some of its members live in Europe, the USA and Thailand.

Our meetings are held three times a year. So it is written in the regulations, - Alexander explains. “And each member must visit at least one a year. The wife did not let me in - this is not a good reason.

Wait, what wives? You are misogynists!

- Well, of course, "KZhN" is not against women, because we, men, cannot love other inhabitants of the planet with all our desire. We are rather for normal relations between the sexes. Equal. And more often it turns out that in a family a woman rules the ball.

“And if a man cannot pacify his woman, then we don’t accept him into our ranks,” an active member of the KZhN, serviceman Andrey Zhigachev, enters into the conversation. - I have such a friend, he has been asking for the club for two years, but we do not take him. Because he allows his civil wife to yell at him in the presence of friends. She won't let him go anywhere. We do not need such henpecked!

Wife is not a wall

The guys said that some of the now active misogynists at one time fell under the pressure of women due to ignorance and inexperience. And then the guys had to help out the whole club. For example, when one of their brother became a father, the young wife immediately took him into circulation and stopped letting him go to friends at all. He could neither play football nor drink beer in the bathhouse. The chairman and several other members had to personally go to the young wife and persuade (demand) to change their attitude towards her husband.

REQUIREMENT #1

A woman should not limit men's freedom! The husband has the right to decide for himself where, with whom and how much time to spend. And the presence of children does not mean at all that a man should turn into a nanny.

Of course, everything is good in moderation - and men should take part in family life and in raising children. They must be responsible for their household, and this is what the misogynists charge them with. But - within reason!

“For some reason, women are sure that men gather without them solely to cheat with their mistresses,” Andrey Zhigachev argues. “But this is not always the case. Once our club decided to hold its next meeting on the Turkish coast. And many wives were indignant: they say, you can’t let a man go to Turkey for a week. Then, on the KZhN website, the chairman and the initiative group posted an official statement: so, they say, and so, we guarantee that there will be no extraneous women at the meeting. And for those who are especially jealous, they promised to take almost second-by-second photography of their husbands and post it on the Internet. And what do you think? It has worked for many women.

We must give them their due, misogynists make demands on their brethren. Like, if you want to be on good terms with you, so please correspond.

“Unfaithful husbands are not welcomed in KZhN,” says the chairman. All members know this. For example, one of the members of the club recently started a family, a child was born. My wife has postpartum depression - and there are more than enough new worries. And the husband met a young girl, went on a spree. We all agreed and stopped talking to him. We don’t invite you to parties, we don’t invite you to play poker either. His wife is a good girl, she knows nothing, and we, of course, did not tell her about his adventures.

Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

“We helped her,” another community activist, a young successful businessman Yevgeny Karpitsky, joins the conversation. “I don’t have a wife myself, but I have three sisters. And what women need, I know. In short, we sat with her baby, and she was able to go to the hairdresser, go shopping.

“And this traitor quickly finished his tricks,” sums up Alexander Romashat. “Because with a mistress, maybe it’s good, but with friends it’s much better.

The place of a woman in a misogynistic family

REQUIREMENT #2

A woman should treat her man with understanding! If he feels bad because of a quarrel, you can’t play on your nerves and enjoy your power, you need to quickly go to the world. And if she doesn’t do this, then she doesn’t give a damn about the guy - and she should send such a friend of life to hell.

Yevgeny Karpitsky is known in KZhN as the most irreconcilable misogynist. This is what they most often say about him: he really hates women. But he himself believes that this is not so, he is simply strict, but fair. In addition, he is best versed in female psychology: communication with three sisters affects. And it is he who most often helps guys put up with their lovers.

- Seryoga had a fight with a girl (he, by the way, was to blame), - says Zhenya, - he was very worried, but the woman turned out to be harmful - she did not want to forgive him. And so he, and so. And one of the most important functions of our club is to help guys who find themselves in a difficult life situation psychologically. We treated him, treated him. And they took me to go fishing, and to the bathhouse - they won’t come to their senses in any way. We decided that we would have to reconcile them. They assembled a mini-orchestra (for example, I played the saxophone), learned a serenade and played under the window of this girl. Snot in sugar, of course, but what to do when a friend disappears. They are still together.

REQUIREMENT #3

Under no circumstances should a wife be rude to her husband in public, argue with him, let alone shout or insult him. Husband and wife are one Satan, and all disassembly among themselves must be carried out without witnesses.

Misogynists are convinced that a wife should always support her husband in everything, especially in public. And then at home, one on one, you can sort everything out.

A separate issue is the attitude to money. Girls who perceive their gentlemen exclusively as cash cows are not accepted by misogynists at all.

“Of course, the husband must support the family,” Evgeny argues, “but still, a woman must also stand on her feet. And, besides, to maintain order at home and not strain me with washing dishes (I will strain myself if necessary).

REQUIREMENT #4

A woman can inspire a man to make money, but not squeeze all the juice out of him. And always help him difficult task maintenance of the family - if not with their own earnings, then with caress, care and the creation of home comfort.

Misogynists are a tight-knit clan, helping each other in everything: from solving employment issues to legal assistance in case of problems with the police and raising money for expensive operations. It often happened that men support each other in matters of raising offspring. Pick up from kindergarten / school, do homework - no problem.

KZhN activist after its congress. Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

- Many already communicate with families, and their children are friends. We have high hopes for this young generation - they will grow up in the spirit of real misogynists, - says Chairman Alexander.

Women and kebabs are incompatible concepts

- Initially, our club was organized as a joke, - Evgeny Karpitsky recalls. But in two years it has grown into something much more. This is a large-scale male mutual assistance and mutual support in all matters. Our immediate plans are to create our own party. It is very fortunate that the president has now simplified the procedure for registering political movements. By the way, if he wants, we will gladly accept him into our ranks. And we'll give you the honorary panties of a misogynist.

- That is?

- All new members of the club are given our branded shorts with the emblem of "KZhN" upon joining. The main thing is that if you are a misogynist, then you are obliged to wear them on your first date with a girl, - Zhenya explains in all seriousness.

The political program of the future party has not yet been finalized. However, it is already known that misogynists are planning to help defend the interests of fathers in courts.

“Because they are too infringed upon here, in Russia,” Alexander argues. - And women have become bitchy, often after a divorce they do not allow their ex-husband to communicate with the child.

Misogynists also plan to ensure that women also undergo compulsory military service. They believe that this will benefit many representatives of the weaker sex, and see this as an important educational moment. And although the guys understand that not everyone will like their ideas, they still plan to find a sufficient number of associates.

One of the most important events in the life of the club is the congress. Where can men go? Of course, fishing! For two years in a row they have been going to the forest lake near Torzhok. There are three such events per year. These are not banal booze, this is organized event, which hosts initiation into club members, discussion of problems and plans, arm wrestling championships and the signature game of misogynists - golf with a soccer ball and legs instead of clubs. By the way, morning exercises are obligatory on all days of the congress.

Naturally, there should be no women at these gatherings. This is a purely masculine event. As well as pre-wedding bachelor parties, the club arranges them for its members at its own expense.

“And to get out, it’s enough just to declare it,” says Yevgeny Karpitsky. “But we don’t accept back those who left.

You can also drop out of the ranks of misogynists for drunkenness, misbehavior, and failure to comply with the regulations. And in it, in addition to wearing branded underpants on a first date, there are a number of rules. For example, you can take the club flag with you on vacation abroad and take pictures with it near the main attractions.

This year, one important event will take place in the life of the Misogynist Club - the change of the current chairman is coming. The founder and ideological leader of the community marries, and according to the regulations, a married man cannot be at the head of misogynists. Therefore, back in March, within the framework of the community, its own election race began. There are three candidates: Yevgeny Karpitsky, Andrey Zhigachev and the current chairman Alexander Romashat, who still hopes that members of the community will spit on the constitution (regulations) and leave him in power. Elections will be held at the traditional May Congress. There will be debates, speeches, election programs, ballots and ballot boxes. Alexander Romashat, already as the ex-chairman, will perform the ceremony of burying the flag and a bottle of whiskey in a secret place. If he gets divorced, then this treasure will be dug up and drunk. And who knows, maybe there, on the picturesque shores of a forest lake, a real candidate for the President of the Russian Federation will grow up.

Ethnographer Maysarat Musayeva told the Daptar portal about women's space in a traditional patriarchal society.

Everyone has probably heard this phrase. Sounds embarrassing. But, if you do not immediately get into a fight, but think about it, then it becomes not so offensive. After all, Your Place in a traditional patriarchal society is, in particular, the clear boundaries of your territory and the right to protect their integrity. That's it for this, in order to find out everything about the Place that a Dagestan woman should know, we turned to Maysarat Musayeva, a senior researcher at the Institute of History, Archeology and Ethnography of the Dagestan Scientific Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences.

“I’ll start right away with the sore point, okay? Tell me, in that very “gone Dagestan” could a man make comments to a woman who is not his relative?

- Let's start with the fact that, if we talk about traditions, a woman with a man could not do anything that he could even pay attention to. In the presence of men, women and girls behaved very reservedly. It is now that we walk the streets, sit in cafes, cinemas, ride minibuses, work in the same office with men. And in a patriarchal society, the spheres of life were clearly demarcated; in everyday life, the appearance of a man made even a cheerful flock of girls immediately muffle their voices, bow their heads slightly, in some cases even turn sideways and stand like that until the man passes. These were echoes of the "tradition of avoidance". But! At the same time, of course, in no case should the man make a direct remark. Among some peoples of Dagestan, he not only had no right to make a remark, he even walked too close or could not speak with a strange woman, if it was not an old woman. Among the Kumyks, a man, seeing a woman walking towards him, had to turn into the nearest lane. It is clear that the rule was violated, but if it was violated publicly, if there were villagers nearby, such liberties were condemned and could cause gossip. Therefore, approaching a group of girls, the man turned not to the one to whom he wanted to say something or ask her, but to one of his relatives. Like, could you convey Patimat ...

- And Patimat is standing two steps away and giggling.

- Well, yes! But all the rules of etiquette are observed. And if he was dissatisfied with something, he had to turn to women again. It is impossible to say something to a brother about his sister - this is a conflict. So he must find an aunt, maybe a neighbor, maybe a girlfriend or a friend's mother. But in no case do not declare to direct relatives about your dissatisfaction.

- It is reasonable. But then what about the custom, which is mentioned by the same Ahmedkhan Abu-Bakar. I'm talking about girls who, on certain days, lie in wait for foreign men outside the village and mock them in all sorts of ways, up to beating them with nettles?

- This custom (we will call it that, although it is terminologically incorrect), it seems, does not even have a name. Do you know why? Because, and the mention of this can be found among many peoples of Dagestan: among the Kulin Laks, and among the southern Dargins, it was met somewhere, and among the high-mountain peoples - the Botlikhs, the Godoberins ... These are echoes of ancient, ancient rituals that have turned into a certain game form when it is not considered shameful, what is forbidden in ordinary life, for example, to show off a man. Something like European saturnalia, carnivals, when all the usual rules broke down. All these festive, slightly overstepping boundaries, events had a clear calendar reference and took place exclusively in the spring. Awakening time, the time of the beginning of a new life cycle. Well, it was all dressed up in such a ritual practice. This rite is recorded, well, at the very beginning of the 19th century. Although, people remember this. And the travelers who were already here in the middle of the 19th century, they did not observe, but they heard about it, you understand?

Happy, unhappy is another matter, but if she somehow dishonors her husband, then their common children will bear this shame.

- I like most of all that restraint was prescribed for a man during such bullying, he didn’t have to raise his hand or scold the girls, but he didn’t even have to resist. Otherwise, "lost face."

- Well, in general, yes. This is a game moment, and in the game the rules are indicated. Well, if he knew about such orders, but if not? After all, they are not their own, they most often grabbed a stranger. Do you understand? Because he won’t forget his own, and then it somehow backfires. As I say, everything happened within certain limits and at a certain time. God forbid if it gets into someone's head that it was in the order of things. It happens with us, a person reads something somewhere - “Oh, God, we had it!” - and begins to preach and propagate. The trouble here is that when we come across some ancient rites that are incomprehensible to us, we try to explain them from the point of view of modern man, with his ideas and knowledge about the world around him, with his logic, which follows from this knowledge. And this is not always correct. Here are the same "marriage fights" in some villages were also part of the ritual. The girl was supposed to resist. Not very active and not too long, but fight. The same Dubrovin wrote that brides were often shaved bald so that the young husband, asserting his marital rights, could not grab her by the braids and “pacify” her in this way. And be sure the bride's pants were held up, and the hold was in knots. Vzderka is a rope that was threaded instead of an elastic band, but there were no elastic bands. And the groom, before being allowed into the bedroom, was searched for the presence of a cutting object in him so that he could not cut this rope. It was necessary to break it, and it is better to untie it. Untying knots is a very ancient practice - by this action, according to popular belief, the groom was supposed to increase his productive abilities.

- So, the girl could play along with her beloved. And if they gave her in marriage against her will, and she had enough character and strength, she could resist so desperately and for a long time that she would disgrace him in front of the whole village.

- No, you understand what's the matter, even if she loved, she wouldn't show it. She could not make public her attitude towards him, it was condemned. And then look, because in the mountains a woman would never marry some coward who in her eyes would not look like a man. And, of course, if she loves someone, she will never allow it to be shown somewhere in society that he is weak. And even if she does not love, but she has already married, she would still not undermine his authority. This is her family. Happy, unhappy is another matter, but if she somehow dishonors her husband, then their common children will bear this shame.

“But there is a legend about Kamalil Bashir. So beautiful a young man that his own father was forced to kill him, because all the girls, widows and even married women Forgetting about their husbands and their shame, they vied with each other to harass him.

“It's still a legend. And for me, it is not the love component that is more important, but the fact that his own father killed him. He sacrificed his own son in order to maintain peace in the village, he killed himself so that there would be no bloodlines. But I understand that you want to grope and outline the boundaries of the women's world, women's freedom. Then it will probably be interesting for you to learn about the marriage initiatives of Dagestan women.

- And how! With one word, initiative, I am already very happy, and if the initiative is in such an important issue as choosing a husband, then I am doubly happy.

- Here we said that the girl could not openly express her feelings. This is all true, but there were situations .. exceptions. Marriage initiative is, apparently, also a very ancient custom, because echoes are found among many peoples. Among the same Laks, a girl who had reached marriageable age came to the mosque and had to shout “kurmyayav!”. The word is not translated, but everyone knew what it meant: "I want to get married." They say that this custom died out when some girl did not want to go out, she had already been an old maid for many years, and her parents forced her to go .. And she went to the mosque and shouted: “May those who invented this be damned!” . And among the Lezgins and Derbent Azerbaijanis, at night the girl dressed in dark clothes, went out to the roof of her house and started screaming that she wanted to get married. And then people quietly began to look for her groom. For some period of time, this rite disappeared, it was not, as it turns out. But, in the years Caucasian war When there was a certain imbalance of men and women, Imam Shamil revived him. He forced parents to marry their daughters even by force. For widowers, like a second wife, like a third. Because it was necessary to solve the demographic problem. And he lined up all the men of childbearing age, lined up all the girls who stayed at home, including widows, and each had to name the name of the person she wanted to marry. And it doesn’t matter whether he is married or not, he has children, there was no difference. He was obliged to marry.

- Now I like this much more. Alikhanov Avarsky has about this, and I read in Aglarov about the custom “haduy in” (lit. “leave after him”). A girl could fall in love and then she would collect her bundle and stomp right into the house ...

- ... to the chosen one. Very rarely, because it was condemned, and even in the customary (adat) law of some societies, fines and considerable ones are provided for such an act, but that's how it is. Moreover, Alikhanov wrote about Dagestan in the second half of the nineteenth century. And I was told about a relatively recent case, it was in the 40-50s of the twentieth century. There was one man, handsome. He traveled to different villages for work and, apparently, liked a girl from a neighboring village. She came to his house and sat down. And he has a wife and two children. And they were forced to take her as a second wife. And how, if you don’t send it back, you won’t expel it. It's a shame. Despite the fact that such an act did not paint the girl and greatly affected the reputation of her family, this did not give the man the right to refuse her. Sometimes they all lived together until old age. And sometimes men married to keep the custom, but lived with such a wife not more than a year and then divorced. Well, again, the well-known custom of throwing papas through a girl's window. There, after all, she also had freedom of choice, if the guy didn’t like him, his hat flew back. And in general, there are many ways to make it clear whether the guy's family should go to woo or not. Let's not go far, in the village of Ruguja, where I come from, in the past, if some woman came to a girl's house and asked to borrow a rope to tie a donkey, then this is not just. Here is a metaphor...

- I see. We have, they say, an uncontrollable donkey, you have a rope girl ...

- Well, I think that the offensive meaning was not invested in this metaphor, we are again trying to interpret from the point of view of a modern person, for whom an insult is a "donkey". So, she comes and asks, I broke there, everyone has this rope, you need to tie the donkey, please give it. If they give, then you can talk about a future marriage. If they do not give, then there is nothing to meddle. Or, here, they come to conduct a conversation and take a khurjin with them, and there is bread in it. If they come home and find bread that is not their own, then they have changed it, you can talk. But to speak. There are such ceremonies here ... Even if it was 100 percent known that the girl agreed, then the guy's relatives went publicly three times, seeking an answer. They were sent back three times. Although reconnaissance has been carried out, they may have already received their bread, nevertheless, they went three times. So it was accepted!

In the mountains, women had more responsibilities, jobs, but they were still more independent, including financially.

- Sergei Abdulkhalikovich Luguev once told me about marriage through a slander, when a guy and his relatives deliberately spread rumors about a girl in order to ward off competitors and get her into their family. And Aglarov Mamaykhan Aglarovich has references to the “mirror” method, called “notification”. There, the girl, deliberately colliding with the young man, raised a scandal. She screamed that he blocked her path, grabbed her hand, in general, somehow encroached on her honor and now he must marry.

- It's hard to give a definite answer. In many cases, there is simply not enough material, evidence, to speak not about a particular case, but about tradition or custom. The same murder of babies, which Yuri Karpov mentions, they say, they starved newborn girls, it could not be a custom. These are most likely special cases. Or the beating of old parents in the memoirs of Abdul Omarov. Or levirate and sororate - when a man marries the widow of a deceased brother or a woman marries a widowed husband of a sister in order to raise her children. Yes, if the phenomenon has received its name, it means something, it is already a kind of marking. But we can talk about "custom" only when this happens in every second family. If we consider the traditional Dagestan family, then we can state the following - the absolute absence, well, with the rarest exception, domestic violence. Because a man who hits a woman was considered weak. There was such a proverb: to judge whether a wife is good, look at the sleeves of her husband's Circassian, to find out what kind of husband, look at her face. The faces of the Dagestan women were always open, a bruise, abrasion, tear-stained eyes would be noticeable. Sometimes it is explained like this - she has a father, a brother, try to touch her, they will immediately take her away.

- It's good that they will take it away, but divorce is a difficult matter even now. These are property issues, first of all. Who takes the telly, and who gets the dressing table.

- On the plain, where there was a purchased marriage, and there was classical form kalyma, the husband paid the wife's parents a certain amount. And they disposed of this money as they wanted, they could buy a dowry for her with this money, they could keep it for themselves. And it’s another matter in the mountains, because there they often gave land as a dowry too, it was her property and in the event of a divorce, a woman took the dowry in full. True, she could not lay claim to kebin money. Now I will explain to you what it is. So, when I, for example, get married, there is such a kebin, an amount agreed in front of witnesses. It was different in different villages. For different girls she was different, if she was beautiful, then they gave more for you and tede. The woman had never seen Kebin money, but she knew that if she divorced through the fault of her husband, he would pay her this Kebin money. Or, if he dies, his family must pay her this amount or the equivalent - a house, livestock. This is her social guarantee, insurance. That is, in the mountains, women had more responsibilities, work, but she was still more independent, including financially. Men left to work, and then they had to get out and do everything themselves, including sometimes men's work. But when the man returned, he tried not to violate the daily routine and life established by this woman. Because, after all, he will leave again, and it is up to her to restore all this.

- And with whom was the child supposed to stay during the divorce?

Usually with my husband. Especially if it's a boy. Among the Avars, even if a woman divorced, being pregnant, she had to give birth in the house ex-husband. Sometimes the baby stayed with the mother as long as she breastfed him and only then moved to her husband's house. Whether she wanted to or not, that was the way it was supposed to be. In addition, the woman was returning to her parents' house, and neither the father nor the brother would have tolerated someone else's child there, the successor of someone else's clan and surname. This belongs to the house where she has already left. There was also a motivational moment, a woman in the rarest cases divorced, having children. And very rarely a child (and even then, as a rule, only a girl) could stay with his mother. But the father had to pay child support.

- Well, let's digress from the sad topic of divorce, back to the very beginning of marriage. Well, a daughter-in-law came to her husband's family. What was her status? To whom did she obey and whom could she command? And when was the “promotion” waiting for her?

Her status, of course, was low. Especially if there were still daughters-in-law, wives of older brothers in the house. And now let's do it this way, here all the customs and traditions have a zonal feature. The plain is one thing, the mountains and foothills are another. And in the mountains, again, in the feudal estates, one order, in a free society, another. Here, now I will explain to you. On the plain, a large family organization, when all married sons live together, under one roof. They have a common household, only separate rooms. And there is the Supreme Commander - the father-in-law. Or his replacement eldest son. And all household chores - the kitchen, raising children, buying groceries, cleaning, washing - are run by the mother-in-law. She is like a khansha in the house.

Among many peoples of the Caucasus, a pregnant woman was considered sacramentally unclean, but not among the Dagestanis, on the contrary, they had a very respectful attitude towards her.

And intra-family relationships were regulated by the custom of avoidance, the classical form of which was characteristic only of the Kumyks and Nogais. This is when for many years (or even until the end of her life) the daughter-in-law, who came to the house, did not have the right to talk directly with her father-in-law. If he did not specifically give her a gift and thereby did not allow her to communicate with him. And the mother-in-law, due to the fact that she often had to deal with her daughter-in-law in the household, gave such permission much earlier. But she could not give from harmfulness. This was not the case in the mountains, where the families were nuclear and, having married, the son separated and lived, as a rule, in his own house. Only the youngest stayed with his parents, and brought his wife there too. You know, you are used to thinking - "Oh, she is unhappy, poor, she obeyed everyone ...". Yes, she had to work from morning to evening. And, God forbid, if the mother-in-law gets up earlier. God forbid if she goes to bed before her mother-in-law. But she did not work for someone else's uncle, but for herself, for her family. And even when she was expecting a baby ... Many peoples of the Caucasus considered a pregnant woman to be sacredly unclean, but the Dagestanis did not, on the contrary, they had a very respectful attitude towards her. She was considered, how to say, an angel! It was believed that it was impossible to offend her, it was necessary to treat her, with her it was impossible to talk about some such forbidden things. The birth of a child, especially a son, greatly strengthened her position, and over time she herself became a “khansha”.

- And I got the opportunity to recoup on daughters-in-law. Amazing! Here's what I also wanted. Yuri Karpov's book "The Dzhigit and the Wolf" describes men's unions very well. Were there similar women? And I also read from someone about the secret female language. Curiously, what did they talk about in this language, what did they want to hide from men?

- Well, the female language, firstly, not everyone had it, but a specific age group and they did not always speak this language, but in specific situations, most often, in spring holidays where they did not want to be heard. And women's unions, exactly in the form in which they existed among men (with age gradation, operating all year round) were recorded only among Kubachins ... Other peoples of Dagestan did not have women's unions in such a refined form, but some communities gathered at certain times of the year . More often in winter or during calendar holidays. Before the mid-winter festival in Western Dagestan, for example, women gathered: married, old women, young girls gathered. Also, women often gathered for mutual aid actions. Spinning threads, peeling corn, combing felt, that is, any household work that required the labor participation of such a massive one. Sometimes these were closed, only women's "gatherings", and sometimes the girls gathered at some widow's house and young guys were invited there. It was an opportunity to get to know someone, to chat within the limits of decency and etiquette. And here they needed their own language, well, in order, perhaps, to say something that men would condemn you for. A woman is always a woman, maybe she would like to say that this man looks good, handsome, good, all that. But I can’t admire a strange man out loud! And here a secret language is used to tell girlfriends what cannot be said in front of the people. It is possible that the man did not understand the extent of my promiscuity. Because a loose woman is a bad woman.

Svetlana Anokhina

The problem of smart women
(Artist John McCarthy)
In modern culture, a woman knows very precisely what “woe from wit” is. If creating an atmosphere of responsibility, fortitude, and logical actions around herself is a priority task for a woman, then she immediately faces opposition from a fairly large part of men.

Men begin to ignore a smart woman, not allow her to their world, and often take revenge on her to one degree or another, punish her for the “stupidity” of her smart behavior. As soon as a man realizes that with a smart woman he will not be able to be a fool at least sometimes, he begins to push her out of his field of vision. I'm not talking about foolishness and childishness, a smart woman is rich in humor and is not averse to fooling around herself, but about banal stupidity.

Why do some men not want honest relationships?

The fact is that a self-respecting woman, and self-respect is a consequence of her mind, stops playing with men in typical women's games based on guilt. She strives to create honest and open relationships, which are often not needed by men who prefer to expect unreasonable praise from women in their address and unquestioning write-offs of all nonsense.

Men are able to recognize in a woman a mind that is dangerous for themselves literally from her first words or movements. The interlocutor may not even reflect at all, but the non-verbal message of her face, hands, gait, body is very expressive and intelligible.

The mind reveals in a woman new facets of understanding personal beauty, freedom, sexuality, this new way enjoy life. A woman cannot ignore him, therefore she is not able to hide. On the other hand, the behavior of a superficial woman is just as expressive and plays on the easy accessibility of contact, while an intelligent woman is not inclined to make deliberately simple what cannot be simple.

How do men behave in the presence of a smart and free woman?

The reaction of men to the presence of an intelligent woman is sometimes surprising and funny (when not disgusting and rude). They literally do not hear what she says, do not notice her actions. This sometimes surprises them. The idea expressed by a smart woman is literally perceived as her own, and the woman's claims to authorship are declared absurd. He may not say hello or turn his back and be genuinely surprised, noticing his "oversight", from which not far from hidden or overt irritation.

Women's guilt games are an adequate, historically established mechanism that ensures women's survival in the face of physical and social superiority of men. You need to be a little mommy for a man, in some cases take responsibility for his actions in order to cause his infantile behavior. As soon as a man starts fooling around, after a terrible scandal, all his idiotic antics are forgiven him, and along with this forgiveness, a leash woven from duty, gratitude and guilt is put on his neck.

Does a smart woman need such an overgrown child?

Stupid men are satisfied with this alignment - it gives them a chance not to grow up, not to spend money on sometimes difficult introspection, this makes it possible to transfer responsibility for all failures to “mommy”, and attribute all the merits to themselves. Failures according to the rules of the woman's game are welcomed and woven with new threads into a leash that provides a stupid but cunning woman with confidence in the future: "I will not be lost with this idiot."

But a smart woman does not want to live with an idiot who is afraid of her like fire. More precisely, in a smart woman, men are afraid of the obvious need to answer for their actions, first of all, to themselves. It is the very fact that one has to answer for stupid things not to oneself, but to “mommy”, which makes the woman’s game of leash so attractive to men. Because “mommy” can be bypassed one way or another (within the leash), but not yourself.

Smart, free, independent woman - beautiful!

As a result, smart women who have abandoned the Indian games and are looking for honest relationships are forced out by society. On the field of sexual public games, stupid, but cunning women do not at all perceive smart ones as competitors. Smart people do not want to "play by the rules", and because of this, within the framework of these "rules" that form the unfree, dependent relationship between men and women, the smart "lose" - it is much more difficult for them to find a mate.

Which is strange. A woman who does not play women's games is beautiful! You can trust her, she will never test you, because she herself values ​​\u200b\u200btrust. She knows how to understand what is much more important than forgiveness. She is demanding of herself no less, and even more than of you, so you do not need to control her actions. She will honestly tell you the truth, not only about you, but also about herself. One can only feel sorry for men who trade their freedom for the right to be a fool on a string. I do not think that the situation of men's fear of smart women as a social trend can change in the near future, although there is a movement towards the maturation of men in society.

Is strength necessary if there is a mind?

Sometimes there is an opinion that men do not like strong women for the same reason women don't like weak men. They say that the alignment of forces in the family should always be unambiguous - the male remains the last word and the right to direct and coordinate common efforts.

There is confusion here - strength and intelligence are not at all mutually exclusive concepts, oddly enough for men who justify their desire to have the right to tyranny with physical force. We are talking about growing up, about the fact that with physical age people can change goals, values, meanings of life.

A pitiful forty-year-old man who retained his teenage values ​​and dishonored himself and his family with a twenty-year-old waitress. Equally depressing is the picture of the relationship between a stern, domineering woman and a depressed, balding "big" boy. These are not adults, not free, not developing relationships.

The nature of male and female is completely different and this distinction, which is the basis of the beauty of our relationship, should not be blurred.

The masculine principle is revolutionary, active, this is the movement of a person towards God, this is paving the way in the unknown, this is overcoming and getting results.

The feminine principle is evolutionary, observant, this is the movement of God towards man, this is concern for relationships, about space, this is attention to the quality of the process.

Every person has a feminine and a masculine element and main secret A long-term relationship is about mutual learning. A man learns from a woman to feel, accept, empathize, he enhances his results with intuition, a deeper and more multifaceted understanding of responsibility for his actions. At the same time, a smart man remains a man - he includes these skills, integrates them, becomes bigger, smarter on them.

A woman learns from a man volitional decisions, purposeful activity, the ability to act proactively, logically calculate options and always get exactly what she wants. desired results. At the same time, a smart woman remains a woman - she includes these skills, integrates them, becomes bigger, smarter on them.

What does a man give up when he refuses a relationship with a smart woman?

Refusal of a man from a relationship with a smart and free woman in favor of an easily accessible master of women's tricks, this is a refusal to grow up, to become even stronger with age, achieve even more significant results, feel life more fully, have a bright mind and a deep soul. A man who has overcome his baseless, but seemingly so real fear of losing his strength in front of an intelligent woman, gets the opportunity to live a decent, varied life, in which there is a place for all his truly masculine qualities of wise leadership, responsibility and strong-willed lawmaking.

Women do not like weak men because of their lack of will and immaturity. The word "weakness" has no physiological meanings here. Sometimes, inside the ostentatious pornographic appearance of a machiform male, the petty soul of a dependent teenager lives, seeking to hide his moral and intellectual impotence from himself and from others. A woman does not love a weak man because he has not yet grown out of short pants. A man does not like a smart woman because he is seriously afraid that his aunt will take off these panties from him and beat his ass.

Is there a solution to the problem of smart women?

Dear women, who are aware of the intelligence that is so difficult for you! There are three pieces of news for you - the good, the bad, and the million dollar.

I'm sure smart women would prefer to know first bad news.

It lies in the fact that there is no complete and final solution to the problem of smart women if you want to solve it with respect to a stupid man. There are, however, forms of influence that can give you an advantage and turn the situation in your favor. But if this article is really for you, then you are unlikely to want a long-term relationship with a person whose communication is so superficial.

Good news is that with a smart man who won't make you sacrifice your adulthood for your own illusions, there is no such problem as the problem of smart women.

Fortunately, the solution to the problems of growing up cannot be formulated as a short final paragraph to an article in which you could recognize yourself and your friends. I repeat - to joy, because it would be sad if life turned out to be so mediocrely simple and monotonous that you and your unique destinies could be opened with a primitive master key.

There is an invaluable experience of men and women living together for a long time and in the psychological sense of the word growing together. There are personality types with unique approaches to problem solving. There are new stages of development that introduce new degrees of freedom, from which many questions of the previous stages turn out to be much simpler. There are practices that pave the way for you to your inherent wisdom and genius. There are ways to manage your emotional state, ways to increase your own impact on the world.

A million dollar news lies in the fact that there is no such unambiguous polarity as intelligence and stupidity. From many years of psychological practice, I know that each person has enough of both. This opens up room for change, for acquiring new skills and abilities that can enrich your life in every sense of the word. I wish you, glorious, beautiful, subtle creatures, many joys that you can get even in a difficult, but extremely grateful daily development, and not in any way in giving up who you are.

(c) Anatoly Balyaev.

then the women's society was divided into three parts: some were victims, others knew how to manipulate their men, even in the best sense of the word, and still others rebelled and protested in every possible way against such a way of life. Then the pendulum turned the whole world to the other extreme, and suddenly women got everything they fought for. And most of them still "ran into" it. And now, women are hired more willingly than men. And the harder the work, the better they take women there. A woman has the right to be a man, carry bags, drive piles, drink, swear, smoke, lead a promiscuous life, and even be a father to her child. All male roles are within the reach of women. And now, quite naturally, the pendulum has swung back again. The women suddenly howled sharply in unison about the longing for "A strong shoulder", they suddenly got so sick of working, and even wanted to be weak and helpless. And many different psychological girls' schools gladly began to give women what they so want to hear “be weak! Let the man decide! Leave all burdens to him! It suits him, but you don't." And then 90% of women fell into the trap! Just like in a hole covered with brushwood.

Problem 1:

A woman gives up her strengths.

Every woman has her own characteristics. And because we are the children of female warriors who often raised children alone, either de facto or de jure. Which could stop a galloping horse, and into a hot hut, we received a lot of this inheritance. Our generation of women are really strong aunts. And in different areas but almost always in "Men's". Someone is great at doing business, someone is great at moving furniture and carrying heavy bags, someone is passionate about driving, someone just knows how to take responsibility. In general, almost all of us are more or less good with responsibility. We were raised in an adult way “Do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask” and rely only on yourself. And suddenly they say “no”, you take away bread from the peasant, refuse! Wear skirts, let your hair grow, never make decisions without consulting your husband and always give in to him.

And many of us were forced to give up our strengths, which were not just for survival, but also caused pleasure, were part of happiness, the inner harmony of a woman. For example, I like to move furniture, I know how to command. And I also love and know how to manage money. And to take away these three “male weaknesses” from me is to deprive me of happiness. At least a large part of it.

What happens when a woman renounces herself? Or from their parts? She begins to experience constant tension and anxiety inside herself. She
understands that no one will do it better than her, but she has to put up with it. And inside her, a huge aggression is accumulating against unsuspecting men who did not ask to renounce themselves. But for the sake of which she renounced herself. And it's no longer feminine. A woman who sacrifices her pleasures is a woman who cannot radiate happiness and cannot “feed” her family energetically. She constantly fights with herself, all the energy is spent on containing her "Manly" nature, and there is no energy to maintain a healthy microclimate in the family. It would seem that she behaves like a woman, as the coaches said. But they forgot to say “it doesn't matter what you do. What matters is how you feel! If you behave like a woman, but inside you are not relaxed, these actions are worthless. A woman brings pleasure from her insides. Her insides should get high, then the whole family will trample! And health, and prosperity, and love, and anything. What to do?

Give place to your true nature.

You love trousers - yes wear trousers. You like hammering nails, not cooking - hammer nails!

Once, realizing that I could no longer pretend, I told my husband: “That's it, from this day on you are the wife, and I am the husband.” He said "OK." He himself could not cope with men's duties, it was easier for him to wash the dishes and vacuum the floor than to go and quarrel with the repair workers. And we consciously switched roles. If you
you can do it in your pair - be sure to try it! It's an amazing experience. It will not last forever, do not be afraid, but you will learn a lot of interesting things! First, I finally exhaled. I was able to calmly steer, command, lead and not condemn myself for it. Moreover, I stopped waiting for encouragement from my husband, as a wife should wait. I'm on full rights The head of the family immediately bought all the rewards for herself. And when I felt that everything was in my hands and I didn’t need to convince anyone that I needed this or that thing, that my “wife” agreed a priori with my financial decisions, as the “wife” should agree, I suddenly felt great respect for her husband. Trust yourself to one person. And I even wanted to give him something that would please him, and I began to give him gifts. Saying "the wife is worthy of a gift." It was very pleasant for me. And from the skin of the “Man” I suddenly felt this moment, why they give gifts. Because at first he can satisfy his needs, and if no one interferes with him, then this causes great gratitude and respect "thank you for being me
trust and allow me to buy for myself what is important to me. The second discovery that happened to me during this experiment is the understanding of why a wife is needed. In the role of “Husband”, I immediately felt that I can earn money alone and I can also spend alone, and it’s not difficult for me to arrange a showdown with anyone (builders, repairmen, business partners). Question: why do you need another person nearby? And very powerfully I felt that the second person with the name "Wife" is needed for support. Support is when I do what I think is necessary, and the “wife” looks at me with admiring eyes and says “you are doing everything right.” And that's it! As soon as the “wife” behaves like this, you understand that there is nothing impossible in front of you at all. But as soon as this second person starts to climb “not your own business” - that’s all, you don’t understand at all why you need a second person who interferes. For example, I moved a table from one room to another (I generally really like to move furniture around the apartment and around the house). And my newly-minted "Wife" stuck like a bath sheet with cries of "you need to pull out the boxes, it will be easier for you." And I realized that this is the worst thing that “Wife” can do, I myself know how it is easier for me, I already do what is more convenient for me. And if I don’t pull out the boxes, then that’s how it’s more convenient for me. And at that moment I realized how many times in the state of “wife” it was I who climbed into other than my own business, instead of looking with admiring eyes and saying “Oh! you are so strong! You even carry boxes!”

This experience has given me many insights into what we are actually doing wrong from the role of "Wife". And the understanding came that our strong mothers-grandmothers destroyed
men not because they behaved like men around them, but because they did not respect their men. After all, if you respect a man, then even if he plays the role of a “Wife”, you respect him, and appreciate, and thank, and love, and give him your warmth and flow of energy and love. And you will never say “yes, what can you do?”, “yes, I’m all by myself, but who are you here at all?”. No, there is no resentment that he is doing his part. Sometimes you want to teach him a little how to support. Where he should come up and hug, where he should be silent and look with admiring eyes. But there is no desire to humiliate him. And his role of the second left hand is very clear, which is in the wings, which supports, helps, is present, admires. The problem of our ancestors is not in the wrong distribution of roles, but in the lack of respect for each other. Which often starts with disrespect to yourself. It was not in vain that I started with the fact that I, in the role of "Husband", first of all went and bought myself what I expected from my husband, being in the role
"wives". A man should be full, satisfied and satisfied. And he himself is responsible for his satiety and contentment. And he does not shift it onto the shoulders of another, as our women are used to doing. “I am everything to him, and he is nothing to me.” And why on earth should someone think about you until you have learned to think about yourself. When you start respecting yourself, as a consequence you suddenly start respecting the other. Conclusion: dear girls, firstly, do not shift the responsibility for your satiety and contentment to your partner - this is your concern. And second, don't get mad that your partner thinks of themselves first. This is right. He must first respect himself, then he will remember that you also need to give something good and valuable. rejoice,
when a man loves himself and buys himself something. This is healthy behavior. And in order not to stick in anticipation, what you need, buy yourself. A partner is not a parent and should not provide you with what you need, even if it is necessary for an emotional state of goodness. Gifts - that's why they are called gifts - that no one expects them. It's a surprise, a surprise. And surprise is possible only in the relationship of two well-fed people. Satisfied here emotionally and in terms of needs. Your needs are your concern.

Problem 2

A woman dumps on a man a responsibility for which he is not ready.

We were told (and are told) by the same training: give your man the responsibility for survival, and he will learn to navigate your family ship. Rave! It's like giving the wheel of a car to a three, five or seven year old child. And expect that before the end of the trip he will learn to steer, and you will all remain alive and well. Our men were raised by women who didn't trust men. Most of our men are not adapted to housekeeping. They are either sissies, and mothers did everything for them, or vice versa, those who protest against control and actively lead an independent life, but lead it at the level of children. Show off, expensive cars, debts, loans, irrational investments, irrational decisions, etc. With rare exceptions. And so the woman takes and allows her husband to decide everything alone. And he safely lands the family ship on the reefs. I had such an experience too. We were selling an apartment. In fact, I didn't want to sell it. And in principle, it was in my power to say “no!” and stop all encroachments on the deal. But I thought "this is his apartment, it's time for him to grow up, let him learn from his bruises." Yes, he learns from his bruises, but for some reason we had to get out of the wreckage of the destroyed family ship together. So never give the wheel to a man if you understand that he is not yet ready for the responsibility that you are ready for. This is where you need to be very smart. You need to gradually raise a man, to delegate to him a little bit more and more spheres of influence. Gave him a new sphere of influence and carefully watch from afar how he copes. If not, offer help and help. And gradually teach him to master new levels of responsibility. If it is a question of money, let him first learn how to effectively go to the grocery store for dinner, and then you can already give him certain amounts of money and certain decisions for his own consideration. But you can’t immediately blame a person who still doesn’t know how to manage lower levels of responsibility for serious tasks, such as “stuff your bumps”. A woman should not do everything for her husband, she should give him what he already copes with 100% and quietly give
what he does is a little worse. To raise a man is to finish the work of his mother, to teach him to be a helmsman. And if you are more fortunate, and you were taught this, then why not pass this skill on to your husband. Then after some time, maybe in a few months, or maybe in a few years, you will be able to look at how skillfully he copes with tasks that he did not know how to behave before at all, moreover, his skill is clearly superior to the skill of a teacher , i.e. you. And it's nice. So before you drink wine and sleep until dinner in the rank of wife, you need to go through the path of teaching a husband. You don't want to carry everything on your own - great! Give your husband one kilogram every month. And after a certain number of months, this “everything” will be deftly and easily carried by your husband. But if you throw “everything” on him at once, you just bury him under it, he will break physically, mentally, and you will not be very happy with the consequences.

We never meet by chance. Our husbands and men know how to do what is bad
it turns out for us. And we are what they do poorly. And it is important to respect the gifts they bring us. It is generally accepted that a man “owes” a woman financial stability and physical strength. But very often men give us an example of how to be tolerant, wise, sensitive, responsive. And we should learn from them.