Children have many fears - they can be afraid of heights and the dark, spiders and dogs, thunderstorms and even clowns. But most children are united by the fear of being left even for half an hour without their mother - the dearest person who has been nearby from the first minutes of life. With age, this fear becomes less pronounced, but some children, even at 5-6 years old, have a hard time with temporary separation from their mother.

Fear in preschool age

When leaving a 3-4 year old child for at least half an hour, you must be prepared for an emotional reaction on his part. Accustomed to always seeing his mother nearby, he will be at a loss - why did his mother leave, why did she leave him alone. And it doesn’t matter whether the child is looked after by a neighbor, grandmother or elder sister, - he can still cry and ask for his beloved mother without stopping.

There are several reasons why a child is afraid to be left alone:

• close connection with mother;
• lack of independence;
• psychological characteristics.

The most common reasons are a strong connection with the mother and, as a result,. In both cases, the source of the problem is still the mother herself, and not the child - he only accepts the norm of behavior that is set in the family. Maternal care is transformed into excessive care, which deprives the child of so much necessary feeling independence. Wanting to constantly be close, mothers unconsciously tie their children to themselves, and any separation is perceived painfully by both parties.

Also, how a child tolerates temporary separation from his mother is influenced by his temperament. The most difficult situation is with melancholic children. Anxious and sensitive by nature, they see their mother as their main protector and ally, so parting with her is a stressful situation.

A completely different story is the presence of a child psychological characteristics. Excessive attachment to mom can be considered one of the “symptoms” of possible disorders or severe emotional stress. However, there is no need to panic - these are quite rare cases that child psychologists can identify and then correct.

What to do?

Parents are naturally concerned about the question of what to do if the child is afraid to be left without his mother, especially if he needs to go to kindergarten or a development center in the near future. There are no specific methods for solving this problem, but there are some rules and tips, following which you can teach your child to more easily endure separation from his mother:

• Learn to cope with separation more calmly. Often the mother's dependence on the child is stronger than the child's dependence on the mother. And, first of all, the mother needs to learn to react less emotionally to separation, so that temporary separation from the child does not turn into drama.
• Give your child more freedom. Already at 3 years old, children strive to show their independence, but many mothers suppress these manifestations. In this case, having matured, the child actively seeks the mother’s help and support. Let him make some decisions and explore on his own the world. Then the child will feel independent and will be able to calmly experience moments of separation in the future.
• “Train” your child. Children get used to the constant presence of their mother nearby, and this habit needs to be overcome, but only gradually. First, leave the child alone in the room and go about his business, then leave the house for 10 minutes, leaving him with dad or close family members. Over time, the baby will get used to the fact that even if the mother is not around, nothing bad will happen.
• Be honest. You should not invent cunning tricks if you are going to leave your child without mother's supervision. On the contrary, tell him where you are going and ask him to behave well.
• Overcome fear together. The fear of being left without a mother is typical children's fear, and it needs to be worked out. Talk to your child, ask why he is afraid. Explain that you are leaving for a while and will definitely return.

And, what is very important, you cannot scold a child who is afraid of being left without his mother’s supervision. Fear cannot be driven out by punishment; it can only be aggravated, giving rise to a new wave of uncertainty in the child. Trying to quietly leave the child while he is sleeping or busy with his own business is also not very effective. Noticing his mother's absence, he will panic and, most likely, throw a tantrum.

So The best way- adjust the line of upbringing in the family and gradually accustom the child to the idea that the mother cannot always be nearby.

Is your child afraid of being left without his mother's supervision? If yes, how do you combat this problem? Share your tips with other moms in the comments.

Rating: / 0
Details Category: Child from 1 year to 3 years Views: 696

It’s a pity that many mothers wonder “what to do?” already by the time the problem is obvious. It would be much easier to save your own and your child’s nerves if, from the very birth of their precious child, every mother remembered the moment when she would need to leave. No matter how strong mother's love, and the child’s adaptation to society is of utmost importance. Therefore, you cannot build your baby’s entire world around one person.

If there is no problem yet

Those families who, from the day the child is born, begin to prepare him for an independent adult life will be able to avoid many unpleasant moments. Up to one year old, children, as a rule, are not afraid to change hands, recognize every smiling aunt and uncle, and look at the world openly and fearlessly. It is during this period that it is necessary to lay the basics of communication. Determine the circle of family and friends whom you trust and with whom you could leave the baby if necessary. Arrange meetings more often so that the baby gets used to their proximity and participation from the cradle. Adequate guests are also not a hindrance. If your loved ones are not around, don’t forget about such an excellent “developmental activity” as a children’s playground. In portions and carefully, but persistently, teach your child to communicate with other people and children.

Don't forget the importance of tenderness and care for your baby. Their lack on your part will lead to the fact that the child will begin to shun all adults, become withdrawn, follow you like a tail and demand attention until school, and maybe longer.

No way without mom

Every mother, if she had her way, would never leave her baby. But this does not happen, and the child must learn to live outside the confines of his mother’s skirt. Crying, hysterics, increased illness, even nervous breakdowns during forced separations are the result of excessive parental care, perhaps aggravated by the psychotype of the child himself. How to behave if you need to leave your baby?

• Do not look at your child with guilty, tear-filled eyes - this will only worsen the situation. A persistent, calm “that’s it, dear, I’ll be there soon” will be much more effective. Offer a compromise: “I’ll stay with you a little longer and then leave for a while.”
• Talk to your child about the situation: I’m going to work, to the store, to the pharmacy, to throw out the trash, etc. Even if you think that he doesn’t understand anything yet, a calm, confident voice and a promise to return right away will help you reach an agreement. A calm mother means a calm child.
• Turn into the same child for a while. Follow your child's heels, demand attention, start annoying him. Perhaps the baby will stop clinging to you like a straw.
• Support every child's initiative towards independence. I’ll eat it myself, I’ll wash it myself, I’ll get it myself - let it be, even if after that you’re faced with general cleaning.
• Make parting with your child a pleasant ritual - tsem-tsem, friendly high-five, rub noses, etc. Don’t forget about your intonation: only calm, confident persistence will certainly help your child take a step into the big world.

It is important who you plan to leave your child with. If this is a grandmother or aunt, then she should not be afraid of possible hysterics, behave as calmly as you, be able to distract her and not complain about the baby when you return. When enrolling your child in kindergarten or early school, pay attention to the teachers - voice, manner of speaking, behavior with children, reviews of other parents, lesson program. The child should be interested in your absence, only then the separation will become less painful. Don't make radical changes - your time away should increase slowly but inexorably.

Mom, you know, there is a girl in our class, her mother sits with her during lessons,” Polina, a new first-grader, told me.
This was new even for the teacher - a six-year-old child was afraid to be left alone, without his mother. Because of the tears turning into convulsions, I had to agree for the mother to stay with the girl. Only a month later we managed to persuade her that her mother would be in the hallway. They placed a chair for her near the door so that the girl could see her.
She played with the children, answered the teacher’s questions, but periodically checked to see if her mother was there.
(I don’t know what happened to her: they moved to another school, and I lost contact with them).
Usually, by the age of three, the child’s psyche is already ready for him to be able to do without his mother or other significant adults for some time. But different conditions of upbringing, different features the child’s nervous system is reflected in the child’s ability to openly step into the world without hiding behind the mother’s back. Children under three years of age are sometimes characterized by fear of a new environment, fear of distance from mother, fear strangers. This is what makes the baby follow his mother like a tail, trying not to let her out of sight.
We can say that almost all children initially tend to openly accept people. This is the formation of the so-called “basic trust in the world.” This phase (in line with E. Erikson’s theory) covers the first year of life. The degree of trust that a child develops in the world around him, in other people and in himself largely depends on the care that is shown to him. If the child does not receive necessary care, does not meet love and affection, then he develops distrust - fearfulness and suspicion towards the world in general, and towards people individually, and she carries this disbelief with her to other stages of her development.
It is impossible not to mention the second stage of development according to Erikson, which covers the second and third years of life. At this time, the child develops independence based on the development of his motor and mental abilities. At 2-2.5 years old, the child begins to distinguish himself as an individual from what was previously for him a single whole - the family - and, as it were, is born a second time, his overdependence on his mother ends. This is a very important step on the path to independence, and if such a break does not occur in due time, then if the connection with the mother is too deep, the further development of the child may be disrupted. At this time, children begin to realize their autonomy and self-worth. Unformed in early age independence (“I myself”) can cause a fear of independence and, accordingly, a desire to depend on the opinions and assessments of others. In this, a fatal role is played by the anxiety of the parents, the expectation of danger for the baby from any side. Such parents overprotect the baby, even when he can independently do what they want to help him with (feed him, climb a ladder).
Without gaining confidence in communication, the ability to perceive the absence of his mother without anxiety, the child becomes his mother’s tail.”

What are they, these “tails”?

Of course, one cannot help but say about the psychological characteristics of children with “tails”. Melancholic children are usually cautious in communication and hide behind their mother. Features of temperament are visible from the first days of life. According to scientists, there are about 20% of such children. The subtle organization of the psyche, increased excitability, natural reduced sociability, focus more on one’s internal sensations and feelings than on communicating with other people (introversion) determine the behavior of these children in relation to their mother. It is, of course, safer for them when their mother is nearby, and if the people around them are not yet familiar, they are reluctant to get to know them, and in general it is better to hide “out of harm’s way.”
Of course, the presence of a melancholic temperament in itself does not mean that the child will follow his mother and be afraid to leave her. According to experts, fear of external aggression can arise if basic trust in the world around us has not been formed in infancy. The child tries to hide behind the most reliable person he feels - his mother. At first, it looks quite cute: the mother is filled with pride from such trust, from the realization that the baby values ​​her so much as his protector. But by encouraging and developing such a withdrawal from communication and “dangers,” one can develop shyness and even withdrawal in the child.
As already mentioned, until the age of three or four, children learn to cope without their mother for some time. That’s why at the age of three it is advised to begin “immersion in social life” - registration in kindergarten. If the child is younger and does not let go of his mother, you need to more carefully analyze your own behavior and psychological characteristics of the baby in order to prevent the “growing in” of “tailing” at an older age.
You should behave especially carefully with melancholic children, monitor your behavior and “not add fuel to the fire,” because it is best to try to prevent distrust of the world. This needs to be done from the very first days of the baby’s life (and perhaps even earlier).
Unfortunately, much of the child’s worldview is brought in from the attitude of the parents, especially the mother. If the mother is anxious, especially if the family is quite difficult relationships, there is tension in the air, then even an “unconscious” baby feels this tension. In other words, the baby is extremely dependent on the emotional state of the people around him. An experiment conducted by Americans speaks very eloquently about the close connection between mother and baby: mothers of babies who cried often and for a long time were given the opportunity to simply have a good rest. Then, returning to the children, they noted that the kids were calmer. If a mother is afraid to “give her child into the hands” of someone, this feeling is “absorbed with milk.” Remember: didn’t it seem to you on your first walk that your husband, the child’s father, couldn’t handle the stroller, and that only you could do it? At first such thoughts come to mind quite a large number mom.
In such situations, you need to tell yourself “stop” in time. Relax, try to slowly tell yourself: there is no danger that the child will be held by the grandfather (even if this happens for the first time!). When handing over the baby, remain calm, smile approvingly at the “new adult,” and stand next to him. In this case, it plays a big role psychological condition this "new adult". If his gestures are confident but soft, then the baby will not feel mistrust. And if his hands tremble, he is not confident in himself when touching the baby, then this same condition will pass on to the child, and a protest in the form of crying may follow.
In this case, do not console the baby with the words: “Oh, that nasty grandfather, he scared the little one!”, while looking back fearfully or angrily at the “culprit” of your baby’s stress. It’s better to say “Nothing, my dear, everything will be fine. This is our grandfather, you’re not used to him yet.” The intonation of your phrase should also have a subtext for the grandfather: it seems that he himself needs adaptation to the child. Therefore, there should be condescension towards the baby’s fear, not fear, a readiness to protect!
Only your confidence in the child’s safety in this particular situation can restore the child’s trust in other people and circumstances!

"Mirror Ponytail"

Sometimes other children also become “mother’s tails”: these cannot be called melancholic: they are nimble, fidgety... But because of their sociability, they simply cannot remain alone. Even in games they need a “team”, at least in the form of a mother. Of course, the behavior of a sanguine child is very different from a melancholic one. But the constant demand for mom’s presence is also sometimes tiring.
It must be remembered that for the normal psychological development of the baby, he simply needs close contact with his mother. Sometimes you just want to touch her. And if she is in another room, and there is no way to wait, or the baby does not yet know how to move towards her, then it is best to place the child somewhere next to you: arrange a playpen or put a warm carpet in the kitchen, away from the stove. Tie him to you in the kangaroo.
Having become a little older, the sanguine child himself gives “recipes for getting rid of tailing.” This problem disappears at the moment when there is someone else to communicate with, then the baby willingly breaks away from his mother for a while, then this time increases. On for a long time The only problem that remains is to keep the baby occupied with something when he has no one else to communicate with except his mother. You have to be aware: it’s really hard for him to play alone. Such a child needs to be taught to play independently.

It seems to me that it was worth asking him better - what happened today. What did he think, what did he do, why didn’t he come in, how does he think about dealing with this further.
At home I would not give any punishments or show any resentment. Well, nothing happened. It is his right to go or not go to clubs. He didn’t come in, you took him away - I support this, you can’t disturb others.
Let's agree if we go there. If we go, then without any frills. I’m also not interested in going, taking you there, and then leaving. If we don’t go, we won’t go again.
It was wrong to roar and declare a boycott. IMHO.

I would advise you to go to the child and make peace.
Tell him why you are so upset, and that you yourself regret that you were angry with him, that you cried, that you refused to play later. Explain that it was very unpleasant for you to interfere with others and interfere with the lesson, that you are terribly sorry that you had to get dressed, travel, get ready for class when, it turns out, he doesn’t need it, that you are very uncomfortable, that he did not explain clearly, what he wants is that you flared up also from surprise.
And then talk about business.
Ask why he didn’t come to class. Discuss what to do next. Offer options - skip a few classes and rest (if you're tired), quit classes altogether (but it seemed to me that you liked it) or still go to them (let's try next time? But please, without such jokes).

And also. I would advise you to still try to teach your son to remain alone not only in class. At home - in another room. when you are in the kitchen. Perhaps with other children. On the street, when you stepped aside. Still, with dad or grandma, and not with you. Finally, back with the nanny.
It seems to me that these are all simpler and gentler things than attending classes alone. And it was better to start with them.

And talk more about this with your baby. Compose fairy tales about a brave boy (what is his name?) who was not afraid (and about the one who was afraid) to be alone. Laugh with him at the stories that happened to them. Don’t scold your son for being afraid (he’s a coward, like a little girl!), but together with him try to simplify this process. He must understand that you know that he is afraid, that you think that there is nothing scary, you are trying to explain this to him (fun, without getting angry) and help him not to be afraid. 11.11.2004 15:25:14, Anykey

Thanks a lot.
Yes, I asked him right away why he didn’t want to go study. He replied that he wanted to go home. It’s clear that he came up with this explanation, because... At home he only asked when we would go, and walked purposefully with joy.
The problem is that this is not an isolated incident, but is repeated with any activity from time to time.
“It’s his right to go or not to go to clubs”... Yes! But he likes it there, and this is just some kind of whim! And he wants to go there, because... starts whining when I say that we can’t go today, for example.
And in principle, I told him everything in approximately your words. He wants to go to classes, he’s not going to quit, he won’t do it again - he promises, but next time everything will happen again. How can you really restrain your “if you behave like this, we won’t go there anymore”? But it’s a pity, because... very good classes, and we need them for development.
11/11/2004 15:50:54, Confused

I feel so sorry for you, you are so confused. Of course, no one is made of iron. Maybe try to play on the child’s love for you and pity for you? I sometimes did this with my son and daughter: you go to class, remain silent or answer in monosyllables, but affectionately like: “yes, kitten”, “no, bunny” - the face is very sad, calm, tired, indifferent, having lost all hope - exaggerate , as best you can (the child is small, but you need to notice), as soon as he notices - remember all the saddest things in your life, sit down to the level of his eyes and, without twisting your face, look into his eyes with the same universal sadness , shed a tear. Explain that you love and are very proud of your son, but you are very sad that he cannot silently and firmly enter the classroom and sit down at his mat. Tell me how much you want him to kiss mom, say “sit here and don’t leave,” enter the classroom and sit down at his mat. Ask for help and give you the opportunity to admire and be proud of him. Then cry a little together, hugging - this will relieve the child’s nervous tension and he, having worried and cried, will calmly enter the class. (mine would have done anything after that) But don’t be cheerful after the promise, even express some doubts that, they say, you’ve already lost hope. Walk slowly, limply hold his hand. If everything works out, after the lesson, take it in your arms, lift it up, spin it - in short, express your delight. Don’t talk about it anymore - but for a couple of days, smile a lot and pretend to be unclouded by happiness. Then at home, play as he kisses you near some door, says - sit here, don’t leave - walks through the door and sits on a blanket on the floor. He sits for about three seconds, sings something, pretends to be doing something, walks out the door, you grab him under the arms, lift him up and swing him, look at him and laugh. Tell your friends in front of your child how completely desperate you were and how he made you happy.
Ugh... well, I’m a graphomaniac.
Irunchik 11/13/2004 22:11:54, _Irunchik

From whom:

Mom of a 4 year old

Girls, I want to complain, I haven’t been able to calm down all evening...
The child is 4 years old, they started going with him to developmental classes, they demand that mothers wait in the corridor, mine won’t stay to study at all if I’m not in the class, the first few lessons they allowed me to sit, now they insist that I go out, and if they say we will call you to cry. But the child is already stressed, he starts crying from the very house: Mom, won’t you go into the corridor? reached the point of neurosis, he refused to go to the garden, threw hysterics (which he never did).
As soon as I promised him that I would sit with him in class, there was silence and grace. He calmed down, everything got better with the garden, his sleep and behavior returned to normal, that is, as I understood, the reason for the child’s nervous breakdown was precisely the inability to study without his mother.
But the teachers were stubborn and today several times during the lesson they told me in a stern tone to leave. I didn’t go out because I promised the child that I wouldn’t do this until he let me go.
As a result, he began to get nervous, again say “I’m afraid”, in the evening he gave me fireworks of terrible behavior...
I want to understand who is right, because I will have to go to the teacher for the next lesson, the teacher said that she would not let us into classes without his permission.
I want to say right away that we are not in Moscow, and we have no choice, this school is very famous in the city and it is difficult to get into it. My son is studying well, making progress, one might say he is in the top three, he feels comfortable in class, works very actively, if something is not clear, he boldly asks, he is very proud that he does the work himself (modeling, drawing), loves to sing, loves music.
And most importantly, I see what great benefits these classes bring in terms of his socialization and increasing his level of self-esteem. The boy is very fearful and timid, but he is simply growing before our eyes.
I can’t hammer this into my teaching, I can’t get through...
It is clear that it smells like a scoop, but what is there...
The general question is this: do I have the right to attend classes with a 4-year-old child? Can I memorize to say that we will study together this year?
I don’t interfere with classes, I sit in the back corner of the class, the child is on the first desk, there are 10 people in the group, no one is distracted by me, including my child, I don’t make a sound... like shorter furniture.
I REALLY DON’T WANT TO QUIT, understand, both the child and I put so much mental strength into climbing up to this step that it’s a shame to slide down from it to the point of tears...
Thank you for reading...

give up all your activities, at this age you can still do all this at home. you'll go to the garden preparatory group, the child will already be ready. are you laughing? What are good schools if you have neuroses? read about tics and obsessive-compulsive neuroses, this is what they result in if left untreated, and treatment is about creating the most comfortable and calm environment for the child.

says: I’m afraid here without you, I’m afraid of the children, I’m afraid of my aunt... but it seems to me that he’s saying this because he can’t think of what to answer, he’s not afraid of either the children or his aunt when his mother is sitting behind him in class, completely freely communicates
but he’s afraid of his mother’s departure like fire

It seems to me that it is not the child who is afraid of being left without a mother, but the mother without a child. Pull yourself together, and next time, with a smile on your face and a firm voice, say that your son will go to classes on his own, like other children, and in the meantime you will go and buy him a surprise.
After the lesson, do not regret it in any way, but ask gently and again with a smile how the lesson went, what new things you learned, etc.
The main thing is to learn to control your emotions.

I can’t answer your legal questions, but maybe my experience as a “mother’s son” will help you. We first went to educational activities when I was 2 years old, the child went there with interest, but also “by the hand.” He liked everything, but the essence of these activities is not only in sculpting insects, but also in making him a little more independent. We couldn’t leave him alone in the group, and despite the fact that they didn’t send me away (I was young), we stopped going.
At 3, 3 I went with him to physical development- there the children developed their spine, flexibility, etc. Only the first lesson was possible with parents, then by myself. The child said simply: I will walk, but we will “jump” together. NO persuasion helped, we didn’t go again.
At 3.6 I sent him to kindergarten. What I experienced cannot be expressed in words. He screamed for a month, every morning and every evening, although he quickly calmed down when I disappeared from sight. The first year we went to the garden for 4 hours - before bed. A month later he stopped yelling and walked normally, but without desire.
After the summer it all started again - a month of terrible tears, hysterics, screaming, bad sleep. He was 4.6, I went with him to a psychologist. The dear doctor talked to him and said: Mommy, your baby is a wonderful manipulator, he fights for his interests and always defends them. If you have your own interests, learn to defend them too.))) And after a month we fell silent again and went on great for a year.
At the age of 5, I took him to a show. The child started yelling - nooo, I won’t be there, where are you going, you won’t take me, etc. Gone.
Today he is 5.7, we were screaming all September again when we went to the garden, everything went away again, but we don’t go to any sections anymore - I decided that it was better to calmly get used to the garden, go there with pleasure, than to experience the stress myself again .
Mommy's boys are terrible, just terribly difficult. Conversations: why don't you come home from work at 5, but at 4? - we have constants. I don’t go to theaters - in the evening he doesn’t fall asleep without me. He doesn’t go to his grandmothers’ dachas because I work, and he doesn’t go without me. He always looks around like a puppy to see where his mother is, even when we are walking. But there is one plus - boys grow up quickly, and all these attachments quickly go away in about 15 years. Can you endure it?..

At 4 years old, children are quite capable of remaining without their mother in such classes. Remember, mine at two and a half years old also cried for a while when I left her at classes in a private kindergarten, but I just had to get over it. In fact, it was all over quickly. And this happened to several people, they just had to endure the crying, but we also had good teachers.
Now my daughter is 4 years old, she goes to classes at private garden, no one in the group is crying.
Just imagine how the child is going through. He thinks “he’ll leave now, he’ll leave now...”, for him it’s already stressful just waiting for you to go into the corridor.
It can also be a form of manipulation.
You have three options, really. 1. clearly speak with your son at home that in any case you will sit in the corridor and survive this crying (it will end faster than you think, the main thing is that you yourself are determined) 2. Sit with him in class, while challenging displeasure of teachers and other parents. 3 leave classes until next year.
But, I repeat, it seems to me that at 4 years old children are terribly independent and in a society of their own kind, a mother is practically not needed.
I personally tend to consider such manifestations to be pure manipulation.

So you explain, either you behave normally and study, or we don’t go to classes. Other mothers with little dolls don’t sit in class, you see... If he chooses not to go, that means he doesn’t really need them.

I have a completely unmothered child. Of those who calmly ran to kindergarten for the first time, who remained alone at the development centers for a year and several months, etc. But at four and a half years old, he suddenly decided to give me a “mothering” - we went to a new educational activity for him. He categorically did not remain alone in the group, he demanded my presence. I sat in for several classes. And then I decided that enough was enough - firstly, it’s terribly uncomfortable for me to sit there in a corner for an hour and a half, I feel sorry for the time flying by in vain. Secondly, well, I disturb teachers and other children who look at someone else’s aunt and observe the periodic communication between me and the child. Thirdly, it was clearly indicated to me that the teachers are against such a situation. Bottom line - I calmly discussed this topic with the child, “I love you very much and miss you, but in class you will be alone for the reasons mentioned above. I will sit in the corridor behind the wall throughout class and will not go anywhere. At any moment you can go out and check my availability. If you are not satisfied with something in your communication with the teacher, you don’t have to answer or say what you don’t like, they will definitely listen to you...” And she immediately carried out her decision, without exhausting the child with discussions and changes in decisions. I had to sit in the corridor for almost a year! I re-read a bunch of boring books, played all the games on my phone, knitted a bunch of all sorts of unnecessary things. But the result is good - the child remains calm in class. And when trying to repeat something like this this year, it was enough to say once, “You will go to these classes alone. And I will come for you after, and I will come on time.”

First, try talking to the head teacher. It is quite possible that they will meet you halfway. You will always have time to quit classes. You just need to talk without the child... I remembered from the “Evsky” advice: one girl in a similar situation left the child her thing (a bag, it seems) as a guarantee that she would definitely come for him

And here we are six. And nowhere without my mother. We go to development sites starting at four. At first I sat with her all the time. Gradually she gets used to it (i.e. if the development sessions start in September, then somewhere in the New Year she gets used to it). And she goes to some classes on her own, and to some she never goes to alone. But on next year(at five) the same thing again. Before NG we went together or in tears((. And now this nightmare is again. And she is six. And we go to the same kids club, the teachers are the same for all three years. He never agrees to go anywhere else without me (they tried this year). She has already said that she will NOT go to school at all, only if she is with me. And we signed up for training, he says no, he won’t go without me.... I’m already panicking. I thought that it would go away with age, but no... Tomorrow we are going for a consultation with a psychotherapist. What to do...Where really a good psychologist find?

IMHO, your child just doesn’t have enough mother. You take him to kindergarten and it’s quite clear that in the evening the child is looking forward to communicating with his mother, and his mother is going back to his classes. So it’s simple, so that you can at least be present. If you definitely want to go to developmental classes, then on these days (if possible) do not go to the kindergarten, but communicate with your son at home.

I wrote above about the manipulator... I want to explain in more detail why such behavior requires, so to speak, correction. Especially if you have an only child in the family.
For most children, overcoming themselves and their fears
serves as a means to achieve self-esteem and self-recognition. In your case, the child bases his behavior on a position that is not useful to him: “I achieve and do what I want only when I am weak.”
This attitude was formed on the basis of constant experience.
And now you are doing everything possible to be with him in class. However, all his future activities (in the family, at school, in circles) depend on whether he finds himself in a position in which he will see the benefit not from his powerlessness, but from his strength, from overcoming himself. You or someone else (teachers, psychologists) should help him with this.