How to punish a child - what happens if you step over that “fine line” of education

Does the child ignore the requests and requirements of the parents, is naughty and temper tantrums, does everything in spite?

Every mom comes across this from time to time. Someone more often, someone less.

What to do?

How to punish for bad behavior and whether to punish at all? These questions interest all parents.

Why do children not obey

All parents would like their children to be obedient and fulfill all the requirements of their parents the first time.

However, in reality this is unlikely to be encountered. Why do children not obey their parents?

Any kid needs certain rules and order.

So he will feel more calm and confident. Sometimes he wants to check the permissible boundaries and violates the accepted rules.

If there are too many prohibitions, then the child rises and ceases to obey the parents.

Therefore, the number of words “cannot” should be limited. However, it is necessary to be consistent, otherwise it will not be clear why it is possible today, but not tomorrow.

There is such an extreme, when the baby is allowed everythingwhat he wants.
In this case, there is no need to talk about discipline - he simply does not know what can be done and what is not.
Sometimes children do not obey when they cannot understand what they want from them..
Therefore, it is important for children (up to 5 years old) to show the necessary actions and perform them with it until they remember it.
There are times when the child begins to test the permitted limits for strength.
These are the so-called age crises. They come in 3 years, 5-6 years old, adolescence. Usually they are associated with significant changes in skills. For example, he learned to walk, realized himself and so on.
In some cases, children stop fulfilling requests if they want to attract attention.

If the child does not obey, then, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the methods of education, the situation in the family, the requirements for the child and his duties. If parents do not take into account the experiences of their children, their emotions, needs and interests, then it will be difficult to establish discipline.

Why is it and what will happen if everything is allowed

There has long been a debate among educators and psychologists, some of whom consider punishments permissible in certain situations and even necessary, and supporters of a "happy cloudless childhood."

In the first case, it is believed that without building a system of punishments and rewards at the right time, parents will face uncontrollability. After all, they have no leverage over their child.

The second opinion is based on the fact that parents are obliged to create conditions for a safe and happy childhood for their child.

Therefore, it is proposed that he calmly and benevolently treat all the actions of the child, solve his problems, do not scold him and do not punish him.

Children will grow up and themselves will understand all the norms of behavior accepted in society. This direction is guided by the theory of the American children's doctor B. Spock.

His principles were the denial of any punishment.

However, refusal of punishment can make your child selfish and disorganized. He may never learn to respect others.

And is it really possible to endure all the “pranks” of your child for many years and never break? Not. Accumulated irritation breaks out sooner or later.

This will be a shock for a child who is used to permissiveness. He will think that his parents have stopped loving him.

Therefore, refusing to use punishment and indulging whims will not save you from conflicts. In such children aggression is even more often manifested, especially when they leave the family circle and encounter the real world.

In order to properly form the personality of a child, rules of conduct and prohibitions must be established. And if your child is 2 or need to act in completely different ways.

About punishment at different ages

So, the punishment should still be present during the upbringing. But it is worth determining when and how to punish them.

Punishment should occur after the act.

It is worth punishing in exceptional cases if the child consciously committed an act, knowing that it is bad.

It is also important to consider age. Kids up to 2.5-3 years old are poorly aware of what actions they will be punished for. Therefore, it is better for them to simply remind each time what is possible and what is not. You can not be punished if the baby did not even understand why.

It is worth considering the age norms of the psyche. No need to demand from the baby an adult attitude to various situations.

For example, children are often jealous of their parents for each other, do not want to share toys and stuff. Punishment for this is not necessary.

Expert Opinion

At an early age, parents should constantly explain to the baby the consequences of his actions, help to assimilate the norms of behavior accepted in society.

Children under five often repeat the actions of adults. Therefore, it is necessary to monitor their actions and the people around him. Explain what is possible and what is not. It is especially important to show this with your behavior. If the child is forbidden to do something, but continue to do it himself, then he is unlikely to understand that this is actually impossible.

Also, when choosing a punishment, it is necessary to take into account the nature of a particular child, his temperament, emotionality.

Indeed, different children perceive the same punishment differently.

Psychologist's advice - punish without harm to the psyche

Punishment should not cause either physical or psychological harm.

It should help the little man to realize the consequences of his misconduct, draw appropriate conclusions in order to avoid mistakes in the future.

therefore choosing a method of punishment, you must follow these rules:

Do not punish in haste

If emotions are at the limit, then it is urgent to calm down: count to ten, go out for a couple of minutes to another room and more. When a person calms down, he more adequately assesses the situation.

Punish loving

The worst thing for a baby is not the action itself, but the fact that mom or dad might have stopped loving him. If he feels that his parents still love him, then the punishment is perceived as fair.

The limits must be clearly established., and then apply the punishment

That is, the child must clearly know why he will be punished. For example, a kid in a kindergarten took a toy from a friend. If the parents did not explain to him that this should not be done, then punishing him is wrong. First we explain, next time we punish.

It is not the child that needs to be punished, but his misconduct

For example, hit a neighbor boy. He knows that this is impossible. You figured out the situation and found out that your child is really to blame. Punishing him, you need to say that he is not bad, because he hit another, but he did a bad deed.

When punishing, it is necessary to clearly define the time interval

For example, "sit down and sit on a chair for 5 minutes," "tonight you’ll be left without watching the cartoon." The phrases “No more cartoons”, “never get sweet” and the like are inadmissible.

After punishment, there must be reconciliation

Well, if you have your own ritual.

When to start?

At what age should the baby be responsible for his behavior?

It is believed that children under 3 years old should not be punished.

It is based on the fact that until this age the child does not know how to build causal relationships.

If a toy breaks down, he understands that it does not work, but does not realize that he himself became the culprit, some of his actions. Therefore, he will not understand why he is being punished.

However, this does not mean that you can allow everything to the baby. It’s just that in the case of his misconduct, it is necessary for him to explain what cannot be done so that this does not happen again.

If a small child demands something that cannot be done, try to switch his attention to something else. Make it clear to the baby what is possible and what is not needed as soon as possible.

For what it is possible, and for what it is impossible?

Too restrict restrictions on the actions of the child is impossible. If everything is forbidden, then how will he know the world? In such cases, children grow up to be self-reliant and non-initiative.

Expert Opinion

Lisova Alina Viktorovna - teacher

Educational psychologist at a private development center

Nevertheless, for a deliberate violation of previously established rules, a negotiated punishment should be applied. For example, to say "if you call children in the kindergarten bad words, then you won’t get sweets for dinner."

The child has violated this rule, which means that you will not give sweets for dinner, no matter how much he asks. Other family members should not violate the punishment, otherwise the child will not understand that this should not be done.

From the point of view of many psychologists, punishment is necessary for:

Insults, especially in relation to elders.
False.

However, it is worth distinguishing between the lies used to achieve any result and the fantasies that children are prone to. Fantasy will go away as you grow older.

It is important that the parents themselves do not lie and do not learn to lie. Lies cannot be encouraged.

Physical violence.

Do you often punish a child?

YesNot

The child must understand that such behavior is not permissible, even if the parents allow it to him, then others will not tolerate.

It is important that parents do not encourage the use of force against weaker children or animals.

Demonstrative violation of established rules of conduct.

If a child accidentally breaks some rules, then this is not scary. When he knows that it is impossible to do this, but still does it without an objective reason, then such behavior must be corrected.

Theft. It must be severely punished.

What can not be punished:

When a child is hyperactive, he is restless, cannot focus for long on something

In that case it is not worth punishing him. That is his peculiarity.

And vice versa - the child is slow, does everything slowly, does not have time

This often annoys parents, but neither need to scold and rush him, it will not bring benefits.

The child learns the world, is active

Adults are often annoyed by the high activity of children: they run a lot, jump, make noise, indulge. These actions are most often associated not with annoying adults, but with the need to know the world around them. This is their natural behavior.

Some actions caused by the physiological characteristics of the child or diseases

For example, a child does not like fish or milk, you do not need to force him to eat or punish him for refusing. Or the child has enuresis and he described the bed. Scolding him will only aggravate the problem. He did this not intentionally.

Actions caused by negligence. For example, accidentally dropped and broke a cup

The child cannot yet clearly perform all the actions, and adults are often careless.

The manifestation of feelings - jealousy, unwillingness to part with parents, insecurity, unwillingness to share, etc.

Punishment for this is not necessary. Later, they will necessarily form a more mature identity, they will learn how to solve complex social problems, and will be able to control their emotions.

How to be strict, but not lose confidence?

When using punishments in education, the main thing is not to overdo it, so as not to lose the love and trust of your baby. To do this, observe the following principles:

Do not introduce too many bans

Leave your child room for research

Requirements must be age-oriented

Do not demand what he cannot yet remember or do.

Before you punish, you need to understand the situation
If the child was punished, then be sure to make peace with him

Explain your position, remind that you love it no matter what.

You can not humiliate and insult children

Many parents love to slap children on the pope or hands. However, such punishment is rarely effective. Why? If you spank a child weakly, then he would rather perceive it as a game.

Expert Opinion

Lisova Alina Viktorovna - teacher

Educational psychologist at a private development center

It may even specifically be asked for such a punishment to attract attention. After all, such a slap does not bring pain. Only babies in 1-2 years can perceive it as a ban, if at the same time make an appropriate person.

If you spank strongly so that it hurts, then this is physical violence. Although some parents apply such punishment and even cruelly punish naughty children with a belt.

They justify this with the fact that otherwise the child does not understand. However, justifying physical abuse to any degree, parents sign their own helplessness.

Violence begets a response.The child will decide that the stronger one can offend the weak, and will take offense at the one who is weaker, for example, another child or animal.

In addition, the constant expectation of physical pain causes psychological harm to the baby.

Therefore, if parents do not want to lose the trust of their child, then it is worth using other methods of education than physical punishment.

Rules for Parents

Do you manage to stay calm while punishing a child?

NotYes

Do not cause physical or psychological harm to the child.
Punish only for perfect misconduct, not for prevention
For several violations committed immediately, one punishment for all at once follows.
Do not deprive a child of previously donated items or promised rewards if this has not been agreed immediately
Do not blackmail, do not manipulate his feelings
Punishment must be predetermined
It is necessary to punish immediately after the violation, and not after some time

After the punishment, you do not need to remember the child his misconduct all the time.

Modern parents are increasingly faced with hyperactivity syndrome. Read how to behave in the material on our link.

Punishment options

Consider several options for punishing a child for misbehavior and disobedience.

Deprive a child of pleasures

As a punishment, you can deprive for a certain time what the child loves: watch cartoons, play on the computer, eat sweets and more.

Put the child in a special chair for punishment for a certain time so that he ponders his behavior

A variant of this punishment is to put in a corner. However, this option is not desirable, because at the same time the muscles of the legs and back are tense, and this condition does not contribute to reflection.

If the child does not want to collect toys, remove them so that he cannot get them

Do not give for some time, let him promise that he will collect it next time. Discuss the punishment for the violation. For example, will not be able to play toys one day. If you violated the rule, be sure to indicate how you agreed.

Possible punishments for minor offenses: sit down 10 times, repeat a rule several times, for older children - write this rule several times

The main thing is to give real tasks that the child can complete.

Another recommended method is not suitable for every parent: allow the child to draw conclusions from the violation of the rules

For example, allow to get wet in a puddle and catch a cold, do not forbid to beat other children and then no one wants to be friends with him.

Ignoring a child

You should be careful with this punishment. After all, prolonged neglect can cause psychological harm to the child. But, if you refuse to play with him for some time due to bad behavior, then this will serve him as a lesson.

How to raise his child, to punish him or not, and how exactly, each parent decides independently. However, it must be borne in mind that the child must be able to live and adapt in society. Therefore, adhere to certain accepted social norms for all children. How to instill in them these rules is decided by the parents.

Why do many parents actively use physical effects on their own children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, as extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.

Some argue that “It is necessary to spank a child before it has grown”. And this is a tribute to tradition. Indeed, in Russia birch rods were an integral element of education. But today, everything has changed, and physical punishments are equated with medieval executions. True, for many this issue is important and remains open.

Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising children and at the same time do not think about what consequences this can provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously endowing children with head slaps. Moreover, to maintain discipline, the object of intimidation is often hung in a prominent place - a belt, etc.

What are the causes of such fierce medieval cruelty among modern moms and dads? There are several reasons:

Hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own children's grievances already in their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is education without violence. Their confidence that the slap reinforces the said educational words in the child is unshakable;
Lack of desire, as well as time for raising a baby, holding lengthy conversations, explaining that he is wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misconduct, to help him understand his own wrong;
Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents take the belt in their hands only from hopelessness and from ignorance of how to cope with the "little monster";
The removal of resentment and anger for their own failures., Previous and current. Often parents beat their own child just because there is no longer anyone to break loose. The salary is scanty, the boss is cruel, the wife does not obey, and then there is a mischievous child, spinning underfoot. And the parent gives the priest for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more he will come off on the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to feel his own power and power even before someone. And the worst thing is when there is no one to intercede for the child;
Mental disorders. There are also such parents who simply need to shout, to beat off a child, to arrange a showdown for no apparent reason. Further, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to himself and cries with him. Such moms and dads need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Physical punishment refers not only to the direct use of brute force in order to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, and cuffs, and punishment in the corner, and jerking hands and sleeves, and ignoring, and force-feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to inflict pain, demonstrate power over the child, show him his place.

Statistics:most often, children under 4 years of age are punished in physical form, as they still cannot hide, defend themselves or be outraged by the question: “For what?”

Physical influences provoke a new wave of disobedience to the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parental aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.

The consequences of physical punishment. Is it permissible to hit a child?

Do physical punishment have benefits? Of course not. The assertions are incorrect that the carrot does not give an effect without a whip and that light bashing is useful in some situations.

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After all, any physical punishment results in consequences:

Fear of the parent, on which the child directly depends (and at the same time loves). This fear over time develops into a neurosis;
Against the background of such a neurosis, it is difficult for the baby to adapt in society, find friends, and later the second half. This affects the career;
Children brought up by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child is remembered for the whole life with the “right of the strong”. Moreover, he will use this right at the first opportunity himself;
Regular flogging affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
Children who constantly concentrate on waiting for punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
In 90% of cases, the child beaten by the parents will similarly do with their own children;
Over 90% of attackers were subjected to parental violence in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or a masochist;
Regularly received punishment, the child loses the sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, studies, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
With each hit, the child moves away from the parent. The natural connection between parents and children is broken. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems to tyrant parents. And in old age, an unenviable fate awaits parents;
The punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels frustrated, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines and unnecessary to anyone. In such conditions, children are capable of committing such nonsense as going into bad company, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
Entering courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child caught in a hot hand risks an injury, sometimes incompatible with life, in the event that after the cuff of the parent falls and hits a sharp object.

Children must not be beaten. There are effective alternatives

It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a parental strength, a manifestation of its failure. And excuses like “he doesn't understand in a different way” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical abuse. For this:

You should distract the child, turn your attention to something interesting.
Carry the baby with an activity in which he will feel like naughty and naughty.
Hug the baby and convince him of your love. After that you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with your baby. After all, the child does not have enough attention ( We also read: ).
Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, who is the first. The reward can be a good bedtime story from dad or mom. And it will work better than a slap or a cuff.
Use loyal methods of punishment (depriving a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

To beat or not to beat? The story of all condemned mothers -
8 loyal ways to punish children. How to punish a child for disobedience -
7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children -
How not to punish a child -
Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn how to get along with a child without punishment. There are a lot of methods for that. There would be a desire, and you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should never be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you can not beat the children. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions of mummies from forums

Olga: My opinion is that it is very strictly impossible. Because we begin to drive into a tight framework, and when we are not around the children will begin to come off to the fullest. Remember, you always want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To beat or not to beat ?? I am against hitting, although I myself sometimes spank. Then I scold myself. I think raising a hand to the child, it's just that we can’t cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. We have this corner. The little one terribly does not like to stand there, roars. ... But we have an agreement with him, if put there until you calm down, I will not come to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. Probably the most difficult thing is to find a punishment, because one method does not work on everyone.

Zanon2: do not beat and punish! agree. but no beat!

Beloslava: I also sometimes spank, then I think I fell off again, I can’t beat ... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attacked, it usually happens before bedtime, but most of all it depresses me that the child, when she scams and swears, says “beat.” He doesn’t say phrases. I explain that I love him and I don’t want to beat him and I won’t. I try to restrain myself now, like I’ve forgotten ... And our dad thinks we should beat ... and you won’t convince him in any way .. as a child beat ...

Natalinka15: Yes, a difficult topic, I try not to scream, but I don’t accept beating a child, I try to come to an agreement. If you can’t calmly agree, then for some time I leave my daughter alone and just turn around and leave. It reacts differently, sometimes it calms down right away, and sometimes it doesn't. But for when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always turns out, all the pots are decided by the world and we put up.

Okay to the Sun: here’s what I’ve thought about ... why we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child, if he gets out, acts as an irritant, if we can’t agree with him ... why don’t we spank completely unnatural adults? ... they can also annoy, offend ... because we’ll think a hundred times before we put our opponent in the face. same? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, translate the conflict into diplomacy. what with children then it doesn’t work for some?

We also read: How to raise children: a carrot or a stick? -

Video consultation of specialists

Mom's note!

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Accustoming a child to discipline is not an easy task, especially if you have wayward or adult children. Discipline not only teaches children to distinguish which behavior is acceptable and which is not, in addition to this, the very method of teaching children the discipline teaches them to respond to different situations in an adult way. If you react to the poor behavior of children by rational discussion of the problem and finding its solution, then they will learn to do the same, because the children in this case will learn from your example, and not in words. Most experts agree that teaching children the discipline is for the most part ensuring their safety and expression of love.

Steps

Part 1

How to teach a child to realize his bad behavior

Learn to say no to your child. Act as soon as the child begins to behave badly, focusing on the unacceptability of his behavior. It is very important to explain to the child why his behavior is not acceptable, so that he understands why they made a remark. This will teach him to be aware of the consequences of his actions.

Distract the child from the situation. If a child arranges scenes, gets angry, upset, or indulges, distract him from this situation. Find a safe space to discuss his emotions or actions and talk to him about how he can improve in the future. Remember that children do not always know how to express themselves, and punishment is often not the best way to teach them this.

Let your child know that you always support him.
Tell your child that you love him.
Reassure him, thereby making it clear that you understand.
Young children respond most to hugs and physical intimacy in a conflict situation, which helps them feel safe and feel motherly love.
Older children begin to reject parental care and are unlikely to want you to hug them, but you can just tell your child that you always support him and teach him to calm down on his own. This includes deep breathing, counting, distraction, soothing music and visualization techniques.

Treat your child as a boss with a subordinate. Children are often naughty if they are sure that they will get away with it. Find words that will remind the child that you are the master of the house. Repeat these words if the child indulges. Be true to your own decisions, otherwise the child will think that it is he who controls the situation. Remember that you are a parent, not a friend, and your work does not have to be liked, but it should be aimed at ensuring the safety and maintaining the health of the child, and you should strive to teach him decency and responsibility.
- To establish control, try phrases such as “I am a mother” or “I am a mistress here.”
- Defend your position, and it does not matter what kind of tantrum the child rolls. Do not succumb to provocations if he tries to manipulate you (for example, holding his breath).
- With older children is more difficult. Encourage your child to participate in the discussion of decisions that affect his life, and tell him how a particular behavior will affect him. Remember that ultimately the decision is yours, but be prepared to explain how you got to this so that he understands the whole decision-making process.
Part 2
How to positively reinforce good behavior
1. Praise the child. Sometimes children arrange scenes because they know that in this case they will pay attention, so give an assessment and praise his good behavior, instead of reacting only to bad behavior. This develops self-esteem, strengthens the intention to behave well and discourages the organization of scenes. Concentrate on your feelings and the positive effects of your child’s behavior on both of you. Then he will understand that good behavior is a reward in itself.
  
  Reward your child for good behavior. Give your child something insignificant for being obedient, playing obediently, doing housework, or just behaving well. Granting privileges can also be a good reward, but do not use food as a reward, as this can lead to unhealthy eating habits in the future. Do not bribe a child with a reward in advance so that he behaves better.
  
  Allow your child to make some decisions. Children often stage because they feel they have no control over the situation. Give the child the opportunity to make minor decisions, and he will feel great power over the situation, and will not arrange scenes.
  - If the child is still small, allow him to choose between reading a book and coloring before lunch or at bedtime.
  - Let him choose his own clothes.
  - Let him choose what toys he wants to play with in the bathroom.
  - Ask him what kind of sandwich he prefers for an afternoon snack.
  - As you grow older, decisions will become more important. Allow the child to choose what classes to attend if the school allows such a choice, or allow him to decide what kind of sport or other activity he wants to do after school.
  Part 3
  How to explain the consequences of bad behavior to a child
  1. Explain your expectations and consequences. The child must know exactly what is expected of him, and what will happen if he breaks the rules. Take disciplinary action if necessary. Try not to use unnecessary and unreasonable threats, since for a child this is a sure sign that you will not punish him. Once having learned that punishment can be avoided, the child will continue to push the boundaries. Teach him to be aware of the consequences of his actions in a logical way. Relate his behavior to the consequences by saying something like:
    
    Give your child the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. All actions have natural consequences, and institutions such as school, church, and society expect different behaviors from the child. Sometimes a child needs to understand that not only at home are rules imposed on his behavior. It can be difficult, but sometimes it’s important to let the child lose so that he gets a life lesson.

No matter how much parents love their children, sometimes they have to resort to punishment. After all, by indulging a child, you run the risk of raising an irresponsible teenager who believes that everything is allowed to him. The main thing is not to go too far and not harm the children's psyche. How to constructively punish a child?

10 rules for parents

Be consistent. Use the same disciplinary action on the child when he is behaving improperly. Do not arbitrarily change the rules of conduct or punishment without a clear reason. Do not ignore the misconduct of children, even if it is difficult for you to do something with them.
Define clear boundaries. Give your child an idea of \u200b\u200bhow you can behave, and how - you can’t, from a very young age by establishing clear boundaries of what is permitted.
Relate punishment to misconduct. Little pranks or the first committed offense deserve only warning, but deliberate disrespect or aggressive behavior will require a serious reaction. Keep in mind that children are not perfect and learn from mistakes, but they must understand that their bad behavior is unacceptable.
Do not punish for long. The child will lose the connection between misconduct and a ban on watching TV if it lasts two weeks. The punishment should be short-term, but effective.
Keep calm. If you are constantly angry and raise your voice at children so often that it has become commonplace, your anger will no longer affect them. It turns out that you will need to scream even louder so that they notice you.
Speak in a united front with your spouse. Agree with your husband / wife on the general rules of conduct and punishment for children. The child quickly realizes that one of the parents can forgive him, and begins to manipulate him. Lack of consent can cause problems not only with the offspring, but also in your relationship with your spouse.
Be a positive role model. Never forget that children learn by looking at you. Make an effort to be polite, hardworking, honest, and perhaps there will be less reason for punishment.
Remember to reward for good behavior. Disciplinary action is only part of the educational process. In addition to punishing misconduct, spend time rewarding such good behavior as kindness, patience, accuracy, hard work.
Talk about your expectations. It is important that the child knows what you think is good and bad behavior, and also understand what the consequences of breaking the rules will be. If he is already old enough, then he can choose the reward for good behavior, if appropriate.
Consider the age and temperament of the child. No two children are exactly alike. Therefore, one cannot use the same disciplinary methods on a three-year-old and a seven-year-old child. If you have a small melancholy growing up, then threats can harm his psychological health.

Methods of constructive and loyal punishment

Mom's note!

Is physical punishment permissible?

Perhaps, not a single topic in raising a child causes such a heated discussion as physical punishment. Many teachers and psychologists speak out against him unanimously, believing that whipping only gives rise to fear and resentment in adults in a child. To avoid slapping and cuffs, children become dodgy and learn to lie.

True, it is necessary to distinguish between the systematic beating of children with an officer belt with a buckle and the reaction of adults to the dangerous behavior of the child. Surely you could watch how a frightened mother spanks her baby, who ran onto a busy highway and almost fell under the wheels of a car. In such extreme cases, physical exposure usually does not harm the child, since it does not carry humiliation.

How to punish children, it is up to their parents only. The main thing is to do it correctly and constructively. Do not go too far with disciplinary actions, it is better to explain to the child, without screaming and physical punishment, why he behaved incorrectly, and then he will understand you.

We also read:

Many parents argue about the measures that need to be applied to the offending child. And often it is not clear whether the punishment of children is necessary. Some use physical force, others may ignore bad behavior, and someone puts the child in a corner. Experts advise to remember the main nuances of raising children, which are important when choosing the most effective method of exposure.

How much punishment is needed

If parents constantly award a child with spanking for every fault, talk about the terrible wolf as punishment or leave them for a long time in a dark corner, then such a baby can be safely called unhappy. Such educational methods will lead to the fact that in the future he will have low self-esteem and distrust of everything around him. And also not all disciplinary methods can be considered an educational process, rather banal cruelty.

But permissiveness only brings harm. If the kid thinks that he will not be anything for bad behavior, then the boundaries of good deeds and bad ones will be erased. It turns out that the punishment is mandatory, but mom and dad still make mistakes. And the child, growing up, reminds his parents that he was sometimes unjustly punished. If censure has the proper effect, then the child will understand what he was wrong in and will not do so in the future.

Psychologists believe that proper punishment of children has several important tasks:

Correction of unwanted child behavior.
Control over allowed boundaries.
Compensation for harm caused by the baby.
Prevention of similar misconduct in the future.

Thus, most experts agree that punishment is necessary. It remains only to understand how to punish a child, and from what age it can be done.

If the child is under two years old, then he will not understand the connection between his misconduct and the preventive measures that parents will take. For example, Japanese parents prefer not to scold the child until he turns 3 years old. But from this age the child is introduced to the new order, and punishments for misconduct also appear.

Until two years of age, a disciplinary measure should not be applied to a child. It is better to shift the attention of the child to other things. In this case, you must clearly say “no” and make it clear to the baby that a certain behavior is not desirable. At the age of three, the child begins a crisis phase, he begins to protest, disobey some rules and he may have tantrums. Distraction in this case may not work, so you can connect a punishment such as stopping the game or refusing to buy the desired toy.

Many parents want to know how to punish a child at 5 years old correctly. It must be borne in mind that at the age of three to five years the first types of punishments can be applied. Indeed, for a child of this age, the main rules and disciplinary methods are established. At this age, the child begins to put in a corner, and also put on a chair for those who have done wrong.

If a parent wants to know how to punish a child at 8 years old, then you need to consider that corporal punishment must be abolished. If corporal punishment is left, then a child at this age begins to feel humiliation from this method. Parents should conduct more conversations with the child, discuss certain actions. And you can also explain with examples the possible causes of human behavior and develop empathy.

To know how to punish a child at 10 years old, you must remember that you can not use direct duties (cleaning, lessons) as a preventive measure. It is not recommended to compare a ten-year-old boy with other children, self-esteem will suffer from this, and good results will not work. There should be no witnesses at the time of punishment.

Reprimand is necessary even for small misconduct. If this is not done, then each time they will be larger and larger, and it will be harder and harder for the child to stop.

In order to choose the right disciplinary measure for a teenager, it is necessary to take into account that in adolescence young people are very sensitive to the opinions of other people, they tend to go to extremes. For a teenager, you can apply such a punishment as deprivation of privileges, as well as reducing the time for communication with friends.

It must be borne in mind that the child should be punished for a deliberate prohibited action. And the punishment must correspond to the severity of the evil deed. If he stole money, raised a hand to his sister or brother, left home, then the consequence should be appropriate.

And also, before the punishment, the motive for the misconduct should be clarified. Make sure that a serious act was carried out consciously, and not by mistake or ignorance.

You cannot condemn a child in the following cases:

Rules of Correct Punishment

A disciplinary measure also serves to ensure that the baby is aware of his feelings and in the future such situations are not repeated. For greater effect, parents need to follow certain rules:

Must be consistent. Retribution is necessary for the same misconduct. The child’s self-willfulness should not be allowed to go away, even if the parent does not have time to conduct a conversation.
Do not close your eyes to the severity of the misconduct. If this is the first violation of the rules or the child is a little indulged, then only a warning will follow. Strictly react to deliberate misconduct.
The duration of the consequences should have its own scope. The heir must always know when the punishment will end. Otherwise, he will lose the investigative link between what happened and the punishment, which lasts, for example, three weeks.
Actions must be rational. To do this, the parent must first calm down, and then think about the method of punishment.
The husband and wife must agree with each other in choosing a disciplinary measure. Otherwise, manipulation may begin.
Before the eyes of the child should be a positive example. The child often adopts the behavior of parents, therefore, first of all, they should be an example of the desired behavior.