A relationship with a junior partner is less controversial than before and has many benefits. But there are also disadvantages. Dating a young man or guy - is it worth undertaking such a life adventure?
A relationship with a young man ceases to be something exotic. Couples in which the woman is older are gaining popularity. Especially among twenty-year-old guys, you can notice a kind of infatuation with older women. But beautiful ladies are not far behind (society chronicles only confirm this trend). And they can be understood! Dating is interesting, the partner is already splashing with hormones and, moreover, does not yet have ingrained bad habits...
Divide your age by 2 and then add 7 to the result. How much is it? This is exactly what, by Western standards, should be the lower limit of your partner’s age.
Of course, there are reasons for this state of affairs: a relationship with a young man has many advantages. However, there is also a “dark side” - we will consider all of this.
Dating a younger, older woman: the benefits of a relationship
Sex, sex, sex
Men reach their sexual peak in their twenties, when testosterone production is highest. In turn, women experience their best moments in their thirties and forties.
The younger partner generally has more energy and desire to experiment and try some new things in life (not only in bed, but there too). Trying out all sorts of new products increases the production of dopamine, and this increases the desire to spend time with you
Variety of dates
Young men, as mentioned above, love to try new things. Therefore, dates with them often become not classic romantic dinners, but by “savoring” life different ways. When dating a young man, be prepared for the fact that one day he will take you for a walk, the next he will drag you out on a bungee. Thanks to creative dates, you won't be bored in each other's company for a long time.
Inspiration
The younger guy is a volcano of energy that simultaneously inspires and helps to experience a second youth. When your partner is active, works, strives to realize his dreams, and you begin to do the same.
Appearance
Young men take care of themselves, their appearance and attractiveness. Their appearance is important for them, but also for their partner, because it ignites passion in the relationship.
Desire to learn
People say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. This may not be a pretty comparison, but it is a very true one. An older partner or peer already has his own habits (including harmful ones), addictions that will be difficult to get rid of, and this is even under the optimistic condition that the other person will show the will to cooperate. The younger man will want to learn himself and will be attentive to your suggestions.
Less life baggage
It is quite natural that the older we get, the more experience we have. Young man means less experienced. Most likely, he has had fewer disappointments in the past, and because of this, he will be more frank and open with you. He hasn't had time to get burned many times yet. Plus, less experience also means he had fewer exes to compare you to. He also probably doesn't have children from a previous relationship.
Is it worth dating a young man: cons
Difference in lifestyle and mentality
Don’t be surprised if from time to time he wants to take a “vacation from the relationship” and spend time with friends whom he perceives as his brothers. In addition (probably, this will not be very easy for you to bear), say, 10 years is actually not just an age difference, but a change of generations. Your childhood and adolescence were completely different - it is not surprising that you will have difficulty finding mutual language. You were still climbing trees, but he was born with a phone under his arm and taking selfies for Instagram at every step? Of course, everything can work out for you, but you need to immediately understand that there will be problems.
Pressure
A younger man may feel backed into a corner because he does not feel that his time has come to make serious statements and decisions. Dating a guy or a younger man can be difficult because he is not ready to take responsibility for his partner, for example, by deciding to get married. He may be much more impressed by simply being a couple and acting as a boyfriend rather than a groom or husband. And this may be perceived by you as a lack of real feelings.
Even more pressure is felt due to the ticking of the biological clock: perhaps yours is already ticking with all its might, but his is not necessarily ticking. Women feel a special need to start a family between 20 and 30 years of age. In men it appears after a few years. So, if, on top of everything else, your boyfriend is younger than you, you can only hope that he will become the exception that confirms the rule, or patiently wait for the awakening of the paternal instinct.
The need to conform
By deciding to date a younger gentleman than you, you are dooming yourself to worry about your attractiveness and constant comparison with younger potential rivals. Of course, this is a powerful incentive that brings a lot of positive results. However, the struggle for unfading beauty, slimness and youth can turn into an exhausting marathon with an unpredictable finish.
Money
The matter is prosaic, but over time it becomes more and more important. A younger man will most likely have a lower social and financial position than you because he has less experience. Or perhaps he is still studying and is not yet a free bird, but a student who lives on a scholarship and receives money from his parents.
In the beginning, this may not bother you. But if your relationship turns into something more serious and lasting, it may be a burden for you in the long run.
Social stigma
If you enter into a relationship with a younger person and begin to actively date in public, you need to prepare for the fact that people may look at you askance. Some may think that you want to prove something to yourself with this connection, others may think that your partner needs a mother, and not a partner in you. People can be angry and sarcastic, so prepare for this in advance and... live your life. Bitter comments shouldn't affect your happiness.
Whether it is worth dating a young man - every woman must decide for herself, weighing all the pros and cons. However, it is important to understand that all relationships - with a younger or older man - go through certain crises and face many difficulties. Don't despair: if you truly value your relationship, you can certainly find ways to solve problems with your partner, no matter what your age difference is.
Important information: those who have read to the end all the recommended materials listed here: - quit drugs.
Try it too! This works regardless of the duration of use and type of drug.
There is no definite answer here. It all depends on what kind of person he is and, most importantly, what kind of family does he have?.
The last aspect is the most important, because if the family itself is unhealthy, then the chance is too great that after a while he will start again and they will not help or contribute to his healing in any way.
In general, the most important thing here is to look at his current affairs. Not in words, but in deeds! If he sings songs to you about how he will soon earn millions, but in reality, he does not have money NOW even for cigarettes, and has not closed a single loan, then you better calm down and take the noodles off your ears.
But, let's take it in order...
In what cases is it absolutely forbidden to start a serious relationship with a former drug addict?
If your young man himself has never mentioned drugs, but you accidentally found out, asked, and he began to fuss - think about it!
If he doesn't tell you anything about his former use, does not talk about how he quit, for how long and what he used, then he is STILL A DRUG ADDICT.
Also, if he talks about the use as if there's nothing wrong with that and does not list the problems that drugs brought him - HE IS STILL A DRUG ADDICT.
No, he may not consume anything at this moment, but here His psychology is still not healthy. To this day he is a prisoner of self-deception and simply does not realize how serious it is.
And, if he is at this level now, then a breakdown is inevitable. I really don't recommend it to you try to treat him or somehow bring him to the truth, if you do not have downright unearthly love.
Better move away from him and find a more predictable guy. Family life with a drug addict is a living hell and not every wife can force him to leave. Therefore, if the relationship has not yet gone far, it is better not to develop it.
Be sure to be wary if his family is silent about use and avoids this topic in every possible way. This means they are also dishonest and you will have big problems in the future if he starts again.
A normal family, which helped him quit and stopped his use in every possible way, would not behave as if nothing had happened, they will tell you the details.
And, if you received an inarticulate answer to your question, run! Means, they didn't treat him They will not treat and will not help, if something happens.
In general, such a family - absolutely mentally unhealthy and this can affect other aspects of life that relate not only to drug addiction.
Also: if a former drug addict has serious health problems, for example, Hepatitis C or HIV, then I don't think it's worth mentioning that it is better to break off a relationship than to sooner or later “catch” a fatal disease.
No love can cost life!
Besides these there are NO obvious three, you should know other disadvantages that a relationship with a former drug addict can entail.
All this, of course, may not happen, but... In this case It's better to be safe than sorry. Although, in fairness, you can find someone who is not a former drug addict, but he will turn out to be an excellent scumbag, a reveler, and the list goes on.
1.He may have many outstanding loans
Be sure to check with your young man this moment, because unpaid debts are extremely bad.
If he is now paying them intensively - this is a good sign, which means he has a very serious intention of returning to normal life.
If they are dangling by his “tail”, then keep in mind that this problem will affect you too, if you start living with a former drug addict. No, you won’t have to pay them, but you won’t have the opportunity to take out anything on credit.
And this, you see, good help for a young family.
Then, large amounts of unpaid loans put an end to him as a traveler. Are you ready not to go anywhere with him? Are you ready to exchange your free life and travel for a gray existence, but in love?
See for yourself, but as practice shows, love ends quickly when a young family there are a lot of problems and restrictions. The wife will definitely begin to feel dissatisfied and annoyed that she got involved with a loser...
2. He may have no property at all.
And here we are no longer even talking about real estate or a car. Him may not be at all basic things: a camera, power tools for the home, a computer, a normal mobile phone...
That is, such little things which everyone has working people with no history of drug problems.
And if he has nothing, like that Latvian, then you will have to make it all together, because, You won’t be full of love and you won’t be happy.
But, if it works stably, then you can make money very quickly. Unless, of course, he fails...
If it goes wrong, not only will you not make money, He will take your property to the pawnshop too!
3.He may have trouble getting a driver's license.
If you want your future husband to drive, then with an ex-drug addict this can become problematic.
If he doesn't have rights, be sure to ask whether they existed at all. If so, and they were taken away, then in 99% of cases it was for refusing to undergo an examination, which is punishable not only by the loss of rights, but also by a large fine.
That is, to re-obtain rights - I have to pay this fine. Think, are you ready for such difficulties?
4.He may have a criminal record
And this means that not for every job it will be accepted, also, you will not be able to participate in many emigration programs, also, your unborn child won't be able to join the police...
In general, if you are already planning life together with a former drug addict, then calculate everything down to the smallest detail. Maybe you had a dream of winning the Green Card lottery? And with such a person you will have to give up your dream.
5.You won't have a circle of normal friends.
Former drug addicts rarely manage to maintain connections with normal society, old friends, colleagues.
At the time of use, they communicate in drug circles, while they act very dishonestly with old acquaintances (for example, they borrow money and do not pay it back)
As a result, when they quit drugs, they refuse to communicate with their friends who are drug addicts, but They no longer have any normal acquaintances.
This means that in case of any problems, he and there will be no one to turn to. It’s a small thing, grab some money for a couple of days or call someone to move furniture... In general, think.
6.He may have problems working
Therefore, it may be that he was very spoiled at the time of use and I'm used to leaving everything halfway. It will be incredibly difficult for him to work steadily, move up the career ladder, or remain silent once again in front of the authorities...
Still, ex-addict is quite different from people who have never used and have worked steadily all their lives.
7.He may have health problems
Yes, it’s trite, but he may be physically weak and exhausted. This means that he will not be able to go and work as a loader in case of emergency; he will not be able to garden, for example. Yes, he can’t do a lot of things...
Be sure to pay attention to his health, namely: heart, liver. A former drug addict and at 30 years old maybe, literally, semi-invalid and in terms of endurance - like an old man.
Do you need it?
8. He may not be able to stand a simple and boring life.
Well, I left the most important thing for a snack. No matter how much a former drug addict sings songs to you about how he wants stability and a family, think thrice.
Most likely he just doesn't know what does it mean to just live, making money all the time, spending boring evenings, regularly cleaning the apartment and constantly doing some household, routine tasks.
Still, former drug addicts, generally have a hard time understanding the word “should”. This must be realized, since your boyfriend, who will turn into a husband, can very quickly consider your usual family life- unbearable boredom and hopeless, a gray pastime.
Wives are surprised: how??? How does it make no sense? We lived normally, got a place to live, gave birth to a child...
But for a former drug addict, all this is hard work and not at all the norm. He doesn’t want routine and stability, but thrills and doing nothing, alas...
Overall, what can we say? Former drug addict - a problematic person in all aspects. But, if your love outweighs all the risks, try it! You never know? Maybe your guy will be the most best husband in the world?
People are not built as simply as they would sometimes like. It happens that you broke up with the full awareness that this relationship was unnecessary in your life. Or maybe you broke away from the person “with pain and blood” and worried for a long time. Now everything is fine with you, however, sometimes you still remember your former love, and your soul becomes somehow anxious. But you don't live in the past. You have a new partner, with whom you are satisfied with communication. Love and mutual respect are a solid foundation on which you build your new relationship.
However, you understand perfectly well that your feelings for your ex-partner have not completely gone away. Despite the fact that you love your current life and do not want to return to the past, it still beckons and draws you in. “I’ll just look at him (or her), and that’s it,” is how you persuade yourself. But deep down you know how this ends. Old feelings will not return. It will never be possible to rebuild a relationship with someone from the past. But it’s easy to destroy new ones in a sudden impulse. Or you will hold back, really be satisfied with one meeting, but the meeting will cost you dearly. You will unravel something that has just begun to heal.
It's better to refuse to meet with ex-love, if you are not sure that you have no feelings left for this person.
When can you date your ex?
You understand perfectly well that you cannot step into the same river twice. You have changed, and so has this person. Both you and your ex-partner have a good personal life, you are both married or have stable happy relationship. It is possible that in the past you were connected more by friendly feelings than by genuine passion. You were interesting and fun together.
In this case, the meeting can go well if you can find common ground and talk without bringing up the past.
Psychologists recommend dating a former partner only to those people who do not hold grudges and are not fascinated by the past.
Much depends on your character
There are people who have a talent for being friends with their exes. They sometimes even manage to accomplish what others consider a miracle: gather several of their former partners and one current one at one table, and at the same time have a great time, being sure that everyone present is sincerely having fun. If you know how to make friends, if you have forgotten past grievances and feelings that engulfed you, then meeting your former love can be the beginning of a new, great friendship.
