Love does not lie on the road like a stone; it must be created like bread; it must be created anew and recreated all the time.

There are people with souls as deep as the ocean, in whom you want to plunge. And there are people, like puddles, that you have to go around so as not to get dirty.

Live the way you want. Breathe air, drink water, eat fruit. And enjoy the sensations you get.

From time to time, it doesn’t hurt a person to be in silence and solitude - it has its own charm.

How I want not to lose you,
Look into your eyes and enjoy.
At the same time, freezing, understand,
That you and I might not have met.

Sometimes you need a glitch in the system and a groping step in the dark,
And sometimes, to be with the wrong ones in order to finally understand who are the ones.

How sometimes you want to know that everything is not in vain.

What a pity that memory cannot be killed.
She alone is ruining our lives.
How painful it is to remember everything and live...
With the ridiculous phrase “Time heals”!

It takes courage to live the way you want.

I want peace and comfort. Roughly flowing seconds, hot tea and books: favorite or still unfamiliar, atmospheric and whimsical. I want lace of words and falling leaves of emotions. I want beautiful stories with a bit of sadness. I would dissolve in this melancholy, lose myself for a couple of happy nights.

Some people feel that they sometimes or often have a burning desire to be alone. Even with a loved one, with good friends, with your own children - yes, yes! break up for a while. What is this: a normal dictate of the heart for any adult or some kind of psychological pathology? How to respond to this desire: support it or act exactly the opposite? To find out the solution to this dilemma, you need to look at the root of desire itself - where does it come from and what does it lead to?

Where does the desire to be alone come from?
What to do with the desire to be alone: ​​implement it or, conversely, avoid it?
Why is some time so important to some people? be alone?
How to react if it’s not me, but “the girl/boy wants to be alone”?
Is it possible that I simultaneously I want more intimacy, and at the same time I need more time to be alone?

This article is aimed at two types of readers. Firstly, on those who sometimes strive to be alone, but wonder if this is normal, and, secondly, on those who complain about such “strange” behavior of another person, are surprised or even reproached for it. After all, being alone is not so easy: husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, parents, children - there will always be someone who will say: “You don’t love me / don’t respect me / don’t want to see me / …” and, as a continuation, “I’m offended / I myself don’t want to see you ever again / you don’t need me / …” (underline as necessary or add your own version). Therefore, it is highly advisable to read this article together or at least recommend it to everyone who is experiencing difficulties either with their own desire “I want to be alone” or with a similar desire in their loved one.

And now - the simple truth of life. Yes, in fact, the desire to be alone is Fine, there is nothing painful or bad about it.

But it doesn’t happen to everyone in the world, but only to 5% of the world’s population. And, normally, it manifests itself from time to time. Moreover, this desire really needs to be fulfilled - that is, allowed to be in “rich” solitude: when there is silence, peace and absolutely no people around.

Who are these 5%? All of them are sound artists. Of course, any introvert sometimes wants to be alone; there are four such vectors in system-vector psychology. However, loneliness takes on a completely different meaning in the case of a sound artist.

“Today I want to be alone” - sound vector keyword

The sound vector is naturally tasked with thinking about the universe, answering all the “why?” questions that arise in its head. Knowing himself, his mental, subconscious is the thing for which he was born. Therefore, it is very important for a sound person to have the opportunity for “concentrated” solitude - a short period of time when he can concentrate on all this.

If we fail to implement ourselves as planned, we start to have problems. Headaches come, as if hinting that you are doing something in vain. At some point, depression sets in, and even suicidal thoughts. By forcing yourself or a loved one to be in society all the time, to deal with everyday problems, remember that this can lead to the opposite effect.

I want to be alone - how can I put this into practice?

IN real life Some people find it difficult to realize their desire to be alone, especially if it acutely arises right now and suddenly. If you are the mother of a baby, or the manager of a large company with a whole crowd of subordinates, it is very difficult to get up and just go into a quiet room. However, if you think about it, you can always find a way out of the situation.

In a couple, in a family, it is easiest to achieve the right effect. Openly and truthfully explain to your partner why you want to be alone - try to convey the desires of the sound vector (alternatively, let them read this article). It is only at first glance that it seems that an emotional viewer is not a match for a closed sound artist. In fact, the opposite is true, and if a couple has been created, love is formed between people, then this is the right relationship and should not be spoiled by mutual reproaches.

It is a huge misconception to think that if two people are in love, then they must be inseparably together. They simply complement each other, but do not repeat. And all the unique desires that separate you can be realized on the side - the main thing here is to find a middle ground. For example, visual emotions can be filled in the theater, in the cinema, at a party, and you can go there not with your loved one, but with friends. At the same time, the sound engineer will be able to collect his thoughts.

It is very important for sound mothers, especially very young infants, to have the opportunity to relax. Screams, constant demands for attention - all this exhausts the sound vector, increasingly forming the only desire “leave me alone!” This is how such a phenomenon as postpartum depression arises, detachment from one’s own children. To avoid such a scenario, it is important to immediately organize the opportunity for the sound mother to have at least a small opportunity to be alone. There is nothing wrong with this, and this does not mean at all that she is a bad mother - after concentrated loneliness, she will return to her duties with even greater zeal.

At work and at school, when communicating with friends or parents, in any group, it is more difficult to achieve the desired intense loneliness. And here the person with the sound vector himself must apply his intellect to find a solution on how to ensure silence and disconnection from everyday problems.

I want to be alone - sound-visual mood

Now in big cities there live many polymorphic people who combine two vectors: sound and visual. An amazing combination makes a person. There will be everything here: emotional swings, hysterics, and an acute desire to be alone. Such a person can simultaneously demand increased loving attention from his partner, and at the same time push him away, saying that he is stifled by too close communication. The contrast of the two vectors leads to confusion in the soul and a lack of understanding of both oneself and one’s partner. As a rule, the visual vector is suppressed by the dominant sound vector and “breaks through” in a person rarely, but strongly - including in hysterics.

Auditory-visual people need to learn to separate their desires for emotional communication and introverted, auditory fulfillment through abstract thinking. Having managed to do this, many desires open up before a person, among which “I want to be alone” is only a small fraction of desires.

By getting to know oneself, one’s psyche, a person with a sound vector stops having headaches, depression and thoughts of suicide do not come to him. The more he is engaged in his direct destiny, the less “concentrated” loneliness he needs - the more he wants to be with other people, communicate and experience the world through others.

The article was written based on materials from system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. We invite you to attend trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. The introductory part of the lectures is absolutely free and available to everyone at

Is it normal to feel the desire to be alone or am I a black sheep? I would like to sit in silence for at least an hour, so that no one calls or bothers me. Sometimes irritation suddenly arises at work, you want to close your ears and shout: “Shut up! Give me silence!

It’s worse when you come home with the thought of finally letting go and just being alone, and your household is trying to keep you busy. In such moments, loneliness - you wait, you want, you crave!

My dream is loneliness

If a person sometimes has a desire to be alone, this is normal. Moreover, for 5% of the world's population it is sometimes as necessary as drinking or eating. Especially in modern world oversaturated with information.

Let's look at the following issues with the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan:

Who loves loneliness;

Why does a person experience loneliness?

If a person experiences loneliness, should one resist;

If I want loneliness, what is the danger of suppressing this desire;

If loneliness requires its implementation, how to do it without damaging the psyche.

The root of loneliness

Loneliness has a special meaning for a person with a sound vector. Quiet since childhood, loving silence and loneliness, he has a negative attitude towards any loud sounds. He is focused on his inner world and thoughts, so that he can then convey an understanding of his clues in ideas.

The night is his favorite time. I think best at night. So, having sat all night with his thoughts and ideas, he cannot get up in the morning. This is what they say about - the owl.

Due to sensitive hearing, he does not like noisy companies. Therefore, already in kindergarten and at school, loneliness becomes his constant companion. Or a society with the same sound person with whom you can just be silent.

His strongest desire is to understand how the world works, why we exist and whether there is a meaning to all this. But often this desire is on an unconscious level.

This desire may play a role in his choice of profession. The owner of the sound vector is a thinker, poet, philosopher, musician, programmer, scientist who studies the structure of the atom or the depths of space. There are many professions where an abstract and extraordinary mind gives an advantage in solving riddles.

Why does he feel lonely?

Permanent loud sounds and the bustle around make it difficult to concentrate on thoughts. It's impossible to get used to this. Gradually, the sound engineer feels tired of communicating not only with friends, but also with loved ones. He begins to be haunted by a strong desire for loneliness.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to be alone in silence, because you need to go to work, communicate with friends and family. What if you also have a relationship with your loved one? There is no longer time to let go and think about questions about the universe and knowing yourself, your “I”. The inner desire to leave and be alone grows.

No amount of love, money or respect can fill the needs of sound intelligence. His egocentrism also plays an important role. Often it becomes an obstacle to development and knowledge - when a person focuses directly on himself. This leads to even greater distance from others, which, in turn, leads to the desire to be alone, but with a depressive context. Loneliness will seem like the best option.

This stress from the need to meet standards of behavior grows and leads to a misunderstanding of his role in society, he begins to be torn apart by a feeling of loneliness and uselessness, because for some reason others live and are happy, they are not tormented by this constant search for themselves.

The desire for loneliness is a signal

In the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, it is clearly visible: when a person does not strive for what is given to him by nature, problems of a different nature begin. Likewise, excessive loneliness and withdrawal into oneself gradually plunge a person into bad states. Strong tension grows inside, and this can lead to sleep disturbances, even to permanent insomnia.

Another warning sign is frequent headaches, migraines. The body seems to hint that the sound artist is doing the wrong thing and is wasting his potential.

This affects relationships as a couple or with loved ones. Those around him cannot understand his desire. He needs solitude, and attempts to explain are met with statements: “You don’t love me!” - to the point of hysteria. Or another option - suspicion of treason, reaching the point of unreasonable jealousy and constant checks. “Why else would he need to be alone?”

Such situations make the situation even worse. This only increases the desire to be alone. A person wants to hide from the annoying world, but this only further distances him from realizing his potential and can lead to severe depression or suicidal thoughts.

How to realize your desire to be alone

Of course, in real life, the desire to be alone is not easy to fulfill due to many reasons related to work or family. But there is always a way out. The main thing is to think carefully. After all, we are talking about mental health.

If a person works in a large team, and loneliness takes its toll, you need to ensure silence and privacy for at least 20 minutes. This will give you the opportunity to collect your thoughts and think about what is important. The working day will pass in a more relaxed atmosphere, and loneliness will recede after such a little mental concentration.

The same applies to mothers with a sound vector. Especially if the children are infants. Due to the baby's cries and constant caring for him, a sound mother may experience postpartum depression. She is hurt by the feelings she is experiencing, she is overcome by strong despair, and loneliness will be like something very desirable for her.

To prevent such a situation, you need to organize even a small opportunity to be alone. Such a short solitude will give her strength, and she will return to her duties with much greater zeal. Her feeling of loneliness and incomprehensible melancholy will subside for a while. More significant relief comes from understanding the essence of the sound vector, what exactly is happening to it.

Share loneliness with your loved one

If you are in a relationship, everything is much easier. Try to explain why you feel loneliness, try to convey this desire, say that you need loneliness. You can find a middle ground.

If your significant other wants to go to the movies with friends, then you can stay at home and gather your thoughts. You can go for a walk in the park together and just be silent and sit next to each other. This has its own charm and a certain spiritual closeness. Having thus filled your sound voids, you will want communication.

Now you can recognize your conditions without the help of a psychologist, understand your problems, and understand the reasons for the feeling of loneliness. With the help of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, you can change your state through understanding yourself and other people, find your place and understand hidden desires. Then there will be no need to use the “poultices” described earlier. The results of many people prove this.

“...Now I realized that we are nowhere without communication. Without people... why me then? For whom is everything?.. There has come an awareness of the need for society and the people around us. I want to work with them, communicate, and be useful!
...There was a time (a year, probably, maybe more) when I didn’t want to see people or dress nicely. I wore jeans to work and a sweater. Without feeling like a woman. I am not I, I am it. But a few days ago the desire to dress beautifully came, I put on a dress and I can’t get out of it))). I feel beautiful, feminine, desired..."

“...This world is here. He is real! And the meaning of life is also here, and you need to look for it only here! Not alone, but among other people! It is in us and it is different for everyone! And everyone has their own search. I think I'm where I need to be. I want to enjoy this life, hear the sounds of birds, hear how this earth rotates and know that everything is here for a reason. That we all walk and live for a reason. That everything and everyone has its own purpose and meaning in the existence of everyone on this earth! Maybe this is the very answer about the meaning that you are always looking for? How do you think?.."

Register for a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Read often

Few people like loneliness. It depresses and makes you depressed. We always try to be in any society. It doesn't matter which one. The main thing is that silence does not completely surround us. After all, society plays a huge role in our lives. It educates us, guides us, influences us throughout our lives. And breaking away from this familiar circle can be quite difficult for us. But sometimes society becomes too much. Then a person wants privacy, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Loneliness. Everyone perceives it as some kind of failure or deprivation. After all, if a person is lonely, then he constantly loses. The winner cannot be alone. He is always surrounded by friends, family and acquaintances. And if a person is lonely, then something is wrong with him. But this is not true. Many people strive to be alone. For example, you are a big boss. You have calls and meetings all day, even in a traffic jam you talk to someone. I am sure that when you come home, the first thing you want is silence and solitude.

After all, every person has his own personal space. This is a certain zone of space around you into which no one is allowed. And you yourself know that violating our personal space by others does not bring us anything good. This irritates and angers us, and maybe even causes aggression. That is, nature itself has given us a slight craving for being alone with ourselves. At least in the personal space area.

Solitude helps you think more clearly

We all live in cities and have a great idea of ​​how this huge system works. We are constantly running somewhere: from work to home, from acquaintances to friends, from one meeting to another. All this rat race causes us to simply not have time to think. Our head is constantly busy with thoughts about work, home, calls, etc. Stop. Find at least one day a week when you are left to your own devices, think only about what you like and do only what you want. Believe me, by devoting a day only to yourself, you will be surprised by your thoughts. It is not for nothing that many masterpieces were created by masters of their craft in solitude. Maybe you will unexpectedly find an extraordinary solution to a long-standing problem. And before you couldn’t solve it, because your head was constantly filled with other things. You may realize that you are doing the wrong thing at all. Is it bad to change your life once and for all after being alone with yourself?

It's easier to see your mistakes

Very often in life we ​​make mistakes, but working in a team blurs everyone's personal responsibility. Your project is no longer moving for a long time? Someone on the team is constantly making mistakes, but you can’t figure out who? Try to abstract yourself from the team and work alone. Perhaps you are the person who is slowing down all the work, and you urgently need to improve your knowledge in some area. Well, or you will simply feel calmer that you are doing everything right.

No one influences your decisions

Let's be honest. Throughout our lives, someone influences our decisions. First it’s parents, then friends, then your own family, and so on. We hear advice and reproaches all the time. Yes, we are strong individuals, and we always make decisions ourselves. But, albeit unconsciously, society influences our choices. Even if not radically, it can easily shift the vector of our thoughts. Seclude yourself from society for a while. Think for yourself, with your own head, without hearing anyone around. Let only silence or your favorite music help you choose. Believe me, this way you will choose what you want.

Loneliness as a synonym for freedom

When you are absolutely alone, you are free. For example, you went on a trip alone. At first, this idea will seem boring and unattractive to you, because there is no one to even talk to. But on the spot everything will change dramatically. You get up when you want, eat what you want, go where you want. You don't need to look back at anyone. If you wish, you don’t have to leave the hotel at all. You are free to decide and do whatever you want. Then your choice will be yours and no one else's. You will even begin to feel more confident, because it was you who chose this path and only you are responsible for this choice. And you can talk to anyone on the street.

As you can see, loneliness has many interesting sides, and being alone is not so scary. Just try to be alone with yourself and listen to yourself, and not everyone around you. But you shouldn't become a hermit. Loneliness is good in moderation. Still, man is a social being, and this should not be forgotten.

What advantages do you see in being alone?