There was a case. More precisely, two. In the morning I run in Troparevsky Park. And one day an unpleasant dog rushes to me, medium size, I don't remember the breed. I love dogs very much, but this one was disgusting, angry, disingenuous. Nearby is the hostess, smoking. I shout to her: "Madam, you would hold the dog, huh?" Instead of an apology, she replies to run on to herself. I decided not to get involved in the discussion, still a lady. I am courteous with them. Dashed off.

I ran quietly for several days. Suddenly again - the same vile dog. The same madam, smokes. He stopped: “Madam, I asked you. And I'm not the only one running here. " Madame is rude again. Approaching: "Listen, this is already tired ..." Madame suddenly pulls out a stun gun, threatens them. Here my courtesy was washed away like blood. You can't bring a Russian man to extreme arguments. Very loudly and passionately I explained to this fool what I would do with her, her nasty dog, and where I would put the stun gun. And I have always had my vocabulary and convincing intonations at the ready - since the days of my happy adolescence in the Lublin region.

Madame backed away, the dog fell silent. I never saw Madame and her little dog again in this park. Still would.

Some boring American or Dutchman wouldn't say anything. I would contact the police, the municipality, The Hague, I don't know where else. Not. We deal with our foolish women ourselves. "Woman, know your place!" - as Uncle Slava said, my heavy drinking neighbor in the country. Already deceased.

When a Russian man is enraged by female obstinacy, absurdity, self-confidence, he becomes scary. This is not an ordinary male squabble or "give in the face". Everything between males is primitive, at the level of insects. Bam-bam, scattered. Forgot. But when a woman allows herself to play a male, then there is a violation of ancient formidable laws. Here the Slavic abysses open for our men. No matter how much we pretend to be civilized people, everyone can break loose, even if he is not in sweatpants, but in a muffler and a candidate of art history. Because the role of a woman is to agree, nod, smile. Nice whims - please. But within the framework of an unshakable social model. A ring, shoes, a ticket to Meladze's concert.

Awful? Feudal? Wildly? Sure. We are like that. Asians, slightly covered with napkins.

Actually, Hillary annoyed us all precisely because: "where are you, woman, climbed?" And the jubilation over Trump from the same place: "Cool done, man!" What each of them has in the program is not interesting to anyone. I'm not sure everyone will answer who is Democrat or Republican. Nonsense! A man vs a woman - that's the whole intrigue from the Russian point of view. They threw Hillary into the sea, from the boat - and the Russian people rejoice.

Ten years ago, I had the opportunity to ask Valentina Matvienko, when in Russia can a woman become president? Valentina Ivanovna answered politically correctly, but the meaning is short: not during our lifetime. Good girl.

There is an old dumb joke. Can a woman be a colonel? Answer: No, only under the colonel. General laughter.

New jokes are no better. The farmer, who named the goat Merkel, also pleases with wit. The whole country was having fun.

A few numbers. In 2000, Ella Pamfilova ran for the presidency of the Russian Federation. The result is 1%. Who was chosen then - everyone remembers. In 2004, Irina Khakamada ran for office. There is already a truly triumphant result - 3.84%. None of the girls wanted to repeat the triumph. Unless Poklonskaya tries to become the Chairman of the Union of Theater Workers, we will only applaud, applaud. But, they say, the faction asked her not to speak publicly anymore. A beautiful silent girl, what else does the country need? For the whole united Russia?

Yes, sexism, ruthless sexism. Feminists will shout: "Gentlemen, you beasts!" But who will hear their cries, if only they are not in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior? Is that the hearty Ella Pamfilova.

The thing is that our women are sincerely glad of the role assigned to them. Worse: a man who threatens, frightens, is rude - they are damn sweet. Not even nice - they are crazy about such men, this is a delight on the verge of orgasm. More, dear, more!

All Polovtsian dances around scoundrels like Stalin and Ivan the Terrible are purely women's affairs. The peasants, if they are not cunning officials, in general, do not care. The phrase "How we miss Stalin" - I hear only from women. They, darlings, want a tyrant, despot, sadist. Give our girls a chance - they will invite Stalin to bed. They will ask her husband: “Let's three of us today, with Osya? Osya - wow! " The husband does not have time to answer, Osya is already throwing off her overcoat: "Eh, move over, there will still be Comrade Zhukov ..."

And cozy home assault is ubiquitous, only the wildest stories reach the court chronicle. They beat wives and girlfriends. By the way, about the TV series "Mysterious Passion". Back in 1960, Andrei Voznesensky thundered with the poem "They beat a woman." He clearly describes the incident that he saw himself and summarizes: "They beat a woman, they beat him for centuries ..." Note, the verse does not say that the poet rushed and dealt with the scoundrel. No, why, he is a lyrical hero.

Only, comrades feminists, do not accuse me of justifying violence. Not. Never. The women themselves justify it. "Oh, he's so hot-tempered!"

I have a familiar married couple, people of intelligent, creative profession. One day, the wife suddenly stunned all the friends by fasting. It was about how they culturally rested, drank, and suddenly the husband pounced on, began to beat. It got to law enforcement agencies. With this post, the unfortunate woman, as it were, burned down all the bridges. She announced to the world what a scum her husband is. And he won't even come close to him, there are no common children, thank God.

Time passed, literally a month. I meet this couple together. Dove and turtle dove. I didn't ask the beaten questions, why? She burned it herself, built it anew. The bruises are gone, they live on.

Our man is a dangerous and cruel creature. Our woman loves him for this. Good Russian - exuberant Russian. And if he is like a calf, she is bored, she wants Ivan's scepter, damn it, the Terrible. One of my friends fell right into the blues when we lived peacefully, without quarrels. She started a scandal from scratch, on a clean floor. Literally shaking my testosterone with adrenaline in a shaker: come on, come on! It's easy to infuriate me, courtesy is enough for seven minutes, I checked. Don't worry, I've always limited myself to verbal scuffle, no right hooks. Then screams, tears, departure to mom. "How you humiliated me!" A couple of days later, a call, a gentle voice: "Well?" And it dragged on for two years like an army. Recklessly, but very exhausting. I parted with relief.

Thank God, I went to the reserve. Age, health, experience. I live alone. Only aunts in the park will sometimes cheer up my Russian spirit. I'm glad to drop all the synthetic courtesy. Take a walk in the wild. Break out into the wild steppe of my Russian soul. Know, woman, your place - in the park, in society, in the store, in history!

... And now you can turn on the camera. I'll tell you how to please our charming ladies on New Year's holidays.

Is it easy to be the wife of a misogynist?

That all men are goats is an axiom known to women for a long time. Well, that women are fools, of course, not all men think, but very many. They are fools, but a man with a normal sexual orientation has nowhere to go from them. We have to adapt, learn to live next to these creatures in skirts.

You guys are not alone! For more than two years in Russia there has been a "Misogynist Club" that helps men in this difficult task.
Today the club has about 200 members, and its ranks are growing day by day. Moreover, in the very near future, the men are planning to register as a political party (fortunately, a presidential decree has come into force, simplifying this procedure). The correspondent of "MK" met with the ideological leaders of KZhN and found out all the details of the life of their club.

Preparing for the meeting, I, frankly, expected to see either cruel outcasts, or glamorous gays, or brutal jocks focused only on their body. But it turned out that misogynists are quite nice and pretty young men. We met in the VIP room of the capital's sports bar, as that evening there was a match between CSKA and Spartak.

“We have privileges in many Moscow establishments,” says Alexander Romashat, chairman and founder of the club. - In car dealerships, law practice, travel agencies ... This is because there are many of us and among the members there are all kinds of people.

Alexander himself is a young and promising lawyer. Two years ago, he had a tragedy in his personal life - the girl left. He worried for a long time, suffered, and then decided that no woman should be allowed to mock him like that. It is necessary that women know their place, including in the life of a man. And then he got the idea to create the "Misogynist Club". First friends joined it, then friends of friends ... Today the club already has the status of an international organization: some of its members live in Europe, the USA and Thailand.

“Our meetings are held three times a year. So it is written in the regulations, - Alexander explains. - And every member is obliged to visit at least one a year. The wife did not let me in - this is not a good reason.

- Wait, what kind of wives? You are misogynists!

- Well, of course, "KZhN" is not against women, because we, men, cannot love other inhabitants of the planet with all our desire. We are rather in favor of normal relations between the sexes. Equal. And more often it turns out that the woman rules the ball in the family.

“And if a man cannot pacify his woman, then we do not accept him into our ranks,” an active member of the “KZhN” serviceman Andrei Zhigachev enters the conversation. - I have such a friend, he has been asking for the club for two years, but we are not taking him. Because he lets his common-law wife scream at him in front of friends. She won't let him go anywhere alone. We don't need such henpecked!

Wife is not a wall

The guys said that some of the now active misogynists at one time fell under the pressure of women out of ignorance and inexperience. And then the guys had to help out the whole club. For example, when one of their brothers became a father, the young wife immediately took him into circulation and stopped letting him go to friends altogether. He could neither play football, nor drink beer in the bathhouse. The chairman and several other members had to personally go to the young wife and persuade (demand) to change their attitude towards her husband.

REQUIREMENT # 1

A woman should not limit male freedom! The husband has the right to decide for himself where, with whom and how much time to spend. And having children does not mean that a man should turn into a nanny.

Of course, everything is fine in moderation - and men should take part in the life of the family and in raising children. They should be responsible for their household, and this is the responsibility of misogynists. But - within reasonable limits!

“For some reason, women are sure that men gather without them solely in order to cheat with their mistresses,” says Andrei Zhigachev. - But this is not always the case. Once our club decided to hold its next meeting on the Turkish coast. And many wives were indignant: they say, you can't let a man go to Turkey for a week. Then on the website of "KZhN" the chairman and the initiative group posted an official statement: so, they say, and so, we guarantee that there will be no outside women at the meeting. And for those who are especially jealous, they promised to take almost second-by-second photographs of their husbands and post them on the Internet. And what do you think? It worked for many women.

We must give them their due, misogynists make demands on their fellows. Like, you want it to be good with you - so if you please correspond.

- Unfaithful husbands are not welcomed in "KZhN", - the chairman says. - All members know that. For example, one of the members of the club recently started a family, a child was born. The wife has postpartum depression - and there are more than enough new worries. And the husband met a young girl, went on a spree. We all agreed and stopped communicating with him. We don’t invite you to parties, we don’t invite you to play poker either. His wife is a good girl, she knows nothing, and we, of course, did not talk to her about his adventures.

Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

“We helped her,” another community activist, a young successful businessman Yevgeny Karpitsky, joins the conversation. - I myself have no wife, but I have three sisters. And what women need, I know. In short, we sat with her baby, and she was able to go to the hairdresser's, walk around the shops.

- And this traitor quickly finished his tricks, - sums up Alexander Romashat. - Because with a mistress, maybe it's good, but with friends it's much better.

A woman's place in a misogynist family

REQUIREMENT # 2

A woman should treat her man with understanding! If he feels bad because of a quarrel - you can't play on your nerves and enjoy your power, you need to quickly go to peace. And if she doesn’t do it, then she doesn’t give a damn about the guy - and she should send such a friend of life to hell.

Evgeny Karpitsky is reputed in "KZhN" as the most implacable misogynist. This is what they often say about him: he really hates women. But he himself believes that this is not so, he is just strict, but fair. In addition, he is the best versed in female psychology: communication with three sisters affects. And it is he who most often helps guys put up with their beloved.

- Seryoga had a fight with the girl (he himself, by the way, was to blame), - says Zhenya, - he was very worried, but the woman turned out to be harmful - she did not want to forgive him. And so it is, and so. And one of the most important functions of our club is to help guys who find themselves in a difficult life situation psychologically. We treated him, treated him. And on fishing, and taken to the bath - in no way come to his senses. We decided - we will have to reconcile them. They put together a mini-orchestra (I, for example, played the saxophone), learned a serenade and played under this girl's window. Snot in sugar, of course, but what to do when a friend disappears. They are still together.

REQUIREMENT # 3

Under no circumstances should a wife be rude to her husband in public, argue with him, let alone shout or insult. Husband and wife are one Satan, and all showdowns between themselves must be carried out without witnesses.

Misogynists are convinced that a wife should always support her husband in everything, especially in public. And then at home, one on one, you can figure everything out.

A separate topic is the attitude to money. Women who perceive their gentlemen exclusively as cash cows are generally not accepted by misogynists.

- Of course, the husband should support the family, - Evgeny argues, - but still a woman should also stand on her feet. And, besides, to maintain order at home and not to strain me with washing dishes (I myself will strain if necessary).

REQUIREMENT # 4

A woman can inspire a man to make money, but she cannot squeeze all the juice out of him. And always to help him in the difficult matter of supporting his family - if not with his own earnings, then with affection, care and the creation of home comfort.

Misogynists are a close-knit clan, helping each other in everything: from solving employment issues to legal assistance in problems with the police and collecting money for expensive operations. It often happened that men support each other in matters of raising descendants. Pick up from kindergarten / school, do homework - no problem.

Asset КЖН after its congress. Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

- Many already communicate with families, and their children are friends. We pin great hopes on this young generation - they will grow up in the spirit of real misogynists, ”says Chairman Alexander.

Women and kebabs are incompatible concepts

- Initially, our club was organized for the sake of a joke, - recalls Yevgeny Karpitsky. - But in two years it has grown into something much more. This is a large-scale male mutual assistance and mutual support in all matters. Our immediate plans are to create our own party. It is very fortunate that the president has now simplified the registration procedure for political movements. By the way, if he wants, we will gladly accept him into our ranks. And we will issue the honorable panties of the misogynist.

- I.e?

- All new members of the club are given our branded pants with the “KZhN” emblem upon joining. The main thing is that if you are a misogynist, then you are obliged to wear them for the first date with a girl, - Zhenya explains in all seriousness.

The political program of the future party has not yet been finally formed. However, it is already known that misogynists plan to help defend the interests of their fathers in the courts.

- Because they are too disadvantaged here, in Russia, - says Alexander. - And women became bitchy, often after a divorce, they do not allow their ex-husband to communicate with the child.

Misogynists are also planning to ensure that women also undergo compulsory military service. They believe that many of the fairer sex will benefit from this, and see this as an important educational moment. And although the guys understand that not everyone will like their ideas, they still plan to find a sufficient number of associates.

One of the most important events in the life of the club is the convention. Where can men go? Fishing, of course! For two years in a row they have been going to a forest lake near Torzhok. According to the regulations, there are three such events per year. This is not trivial drinking, this is an organized event where initiation into club members, discussion of problems and plans, armwrestling championships and the trademark game of misogynists - golf with a soccer ball and legs instead of clubs, take place. By the way, morning exercises are required on all days of the congress.

Naturally, there should not be any women at these gatherings. This is a purely male event. As well as pre-wedding bachelor parties - the club arranges them for its members at its own expense.

- And to get out, you just need to declare it, - says Evgeny Karpitsky. - But we no longer accept those who have dropped out.

You can also drop out of the ranks of misogynists for drunkenness, misconduct, failure to comply with regulations. And in addition to wearing branded panties on the first date, there are a number of rules. For example, take the flag of the club with you on vacation abroad and take pictures with it near the main attractions.

One important event will take place in the life of the Misogynist Club this year - the current chairman will be replaced. The founder and thought leader of the community gets married, and according to the regulations, a married man cannot be at the head of misogynists. Therefore, back in March, the community began its own election race. There are three candidates: Yevgeny Karpitsky, Andrei Zhigachev and the current chairman, Alexander Romashat, who still hopes that community members will spit on the constitution (regulations) and leave him in power. The elections will be held at the traditional May convention. There will be debates, speeches, campaign programs, ballots and ballot boxes. Alexander Romashat, already as ex-chairman, will perform the ceremony of burying the flag and a bottle of whiskey in a secret place. If he divorces, then this treasure will be dug up and drunk. And who knows, maybe there, on the picturesque shores of a forest lake, a real candidate for President of the Russian Federation will grow up.

Ethnographer Maysarat Musaeva told the Daptar portal about women's space in a traditional patriarchal society.

Everyone has probably heard this phrase. Sounds offensive. But, if you do not immediately get into a fight, but think, then it becomes not so offensive. After all, Your Place in a traditional patriarchal society is, in particular, the clear boundaries of your territory and the right to protect their inviolability. That's why, in order to find out everything about the Place that a Dagestani woman should know, we turned to Maysarat Musaeva, a senior researcher at the Institute of History, Archeology and Ethnography, Dagestan Scientific Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences.

- I'll start right away with the painful one, okay? Tell me, in that very “gone Dagestan”, could a man make remarks to a woman who is not his relative?

- To begin with, if we talk about traditions, a woman with a man could not do anything that he could pay attention to at all. In the presence of men, women and girls were very restrained. Now we are walking the streets, sitting in a cafe, cinema, traveling in minibuses, working in the same office with men. And in a patriarchal society, the spheres of life were clearly demarcated, in everyday life the appearance of a man forced even a cheerful flock of girls to immediately muffle their voices, bow their heads slightly, in some cases even turn sideways and stand there until the man passed. These were echoes of the "tradition of avoidance." But! At the same time, the man, of course, in no case should have made a direct comment. Among some peoples of Dagestan, he not only had no right to make a remark, he even walked too close or could not speak to a strange woman if it was not about an old woman. Among the Kumyks, a man, seeing a woman walking towards him, had to turn into the nearest alley. It is clear that the rule was violated, but if it was violated in public, if there were villagers nearby, such liberty was condemned and could cause gossip. Therefore, approaching a group of girls, the man turned not to the one to whom he wanted to say something or ask her, but to one of his relatives. Like, could you convey Patimat ...

- And Patimat stands a stone's throw away and giggles.

- Well yes! But all the rules of etiquette are observed. And if he was dissatisfied with something, he had to turn to women again. You can't say anything to your brother about his sister - it's a conflict. This means that he must find an aunt, maybe a neighbor, maybe a girlfriend or a friend's mother. But in no case should you tell your direct relatives about your dissatisfaction.

- It is reasonable. But then what about the custom, which is mentioned by the same Ahmedkhan Abu Bakar? I'm talking about the girls, on certain days watching outside the village of foreign men and mocking them in all sorts of ways, up to beating them with nettles?

- This custom (we will call it that, although it is terminologically incorrect), it seems, does not even have a name. Do you know why? Because, and the mention of this can be found among many peoples of Dagestan: among the Kulinsk Laks, and among the southern Dargins, it was found somewhere, and among the high-altitude peoples - Botlikhs, Godoberins ... These are echoes of ancient-ancient rituals that have passed into a kind of game form, when it is not considered shameful, what is forbidden in ordinary life, for example, show off a man. Something like European Saturnalia, carnivals, when all the usual rules were broken. All these festive, slightly overstepping borders, events had a clear calendar link and took place exclusively in the spring. Time of awakening, time of the beginning of a new life cycle. Well, it was all clothed in such a ritual practice. This rite is recorded, well, at the very beginning of the 19th century. Although, people remember this. And the travelers who were here already in the middle of the 19th century, they did not observe, but they heard about it, do you understand?

Happy, unhappy is another question, but if she somehow disgraces her husband, then their common children will carry this shame.

- Most of all, I like that a man was prescribed restraint during such abuse, he didn’t even have to raise his hand or curse the girls, but didn’t even have to resist. Otherwise "lost face".

- Well, in general, yes. This is a game moment, but in the game the rules are indicated. It's good if he knew about such orders, but if not? After all, they are not their own, they most often grabbed a stranger. Do you understand? Because he will not forget his own and it will somehow come back to haunt. I say, everything happened within a certain framework and at a certain time. God forbid, if it occurs to someone that it was in the order of things. It happens with us, a person reads something somewhere - "Oh, God, we had it!" - and begins to preach and propagate. Here the trouble is, when we come across some ancient rituals that are incomprehensible to us, we try to explain them from the point of view of a modern person, with his ideas and knowledge about the world around him, with his logic, which follows from this knowledge. And this is not always correct. The same "marriage fights" in some villages were also part of the ritual. The girl was supposed to resist. Not very active and not too long, but fight. The same Dubrovin says that brides were often shaved bald so that the young husband, asserting his marital rights, could not grab her by the braids and so "pacify" her. And the bride's pants were sure to be on hold, and the hold on was in knots. The restraint is a string that was threaded instead of an elastic band, but there were no elastic bands. And the groom, before being allowed into the bedroom, was searched for a cutting object so that he could not cut this rope. It was necessary to break it, but rather to untie it. Untiing knots is a very ancient practice - by this action, according to popular belief, the groom should have increased his producing abilities.

- So, the girl could play along with her beloved. And if the marriage was given against her will, and she had enough character and strength, she could resist so desperately and for a long time that she would disgrace him in front of the whole village.

- No, you understand what the matter is, even if she loved, she would not show it. She could not publicize her attitude towards him, it was condemned. And then look, because in the mountains a woman would never marry some coward who in her eyes would not look like a man. And, of course, if she loves someone, she will never allow him to show somewhere in society that he is weak. And even if she doesn’t love him, but she’s already married, she still wouldn’t undermine his authority. This is her family. Happy, unhappy is another question, but if she somehow disgraces her husband, then their common children will carry this shame.

- But there is a legend about Kamalil Bashir. The young man is so beautiful that his own father was forced to kill him, because all the girls, widows and even married women, forgetting about their husbands and their shame, vied with him.

- It's still a legend. And for me it is not the love component that is more important in her, but the fact that his own father killed him. He sacrificed his own son to keep the peace in the village, he killed himself so that there were no bloodshed. But I understand that you want to grope and outline the boundaries of the female world, female freedom. Then you will probably be interested to learn about the marriage initiatives of Dagestani women.

- And how! At one word of initiative, I am already very happy, and if the initiative is in such an important issue as the choice of a husband, then I am doubly happy.

- We said that the girl could not openly express her feelings. This is all true, but there were situations ... exceptions. The marriage initiative is, apparently, also a very ancient custom, because echoes are found among many peoples. Among the same Laks, a girl who had reached marriageable age came to the mosque and had to shout "kurmyamyav!" The word is not translated, but everyone knew what it meant: "I want to get married." They say that this custom died out, when some girl did not want to go out, she was already an old maid for many years, and her parents forced her to go .. And she went to the mosque and shouted: "Cursed be those who invented this!" ... And among the Lezgins and Derbent Azerbaijanis, at night the girl dressed in dark clothes, went out onto the roof of her house and began to shout that she wanted to get married. And then people quietly began to look for her groom. For some period of time this ceremony disappeared, it was not, as it turns out. But, during the years of the Caucasian War, when there was a certain imbalance between men and women, Imam Shamil revived him. He forced parents to give their daughters in marriage even forcibly. For widowers, as a second wife, as a third. Because it was necessary to solve the demographic problem. And he also lined up all the men of fertile age, lined up all the girls who sat at home, including the widows, and each had to name the name of the person she wanted to marry. It doesn't matter whether he is married or not, he has children, there was no difference. I was obliged to marry.

- Now I like this much more. Alikhanov Avarsky has about this, and I read about Aglarov's about the custom of “hadui in” (literally, “go after him, follow him”). A girl could fall in love and then she collected her bundle and stomped right into the house ...

-… to the chosen one. Very rarely, because it was condemned, and even in the ordinary (adat) law of some societies, fines and considerable fines are provided for such an act, but that's how it is. Moreover, Alikhanov wrote about Dagestan in the second half of the 19th century. And I was told about a relatively recent case, it was in the 40-50s of the XX century. There was only one man, handsome. I traveled to different villages for work and, apparently, liked a girl from a neighboring village. She came to his house and sat down. And that one has a wife and two children. And they had to take her as a second wife. Why, you can't send it back, you can't expel it. It's a shame. Despite the fact that such an act did not paint the girl and greatly affected the reputation of her family, this did not give the man the right to refuse her. Sometimes they all lived together until old age. And sometimes men married in order to observe the custom, but lived with such a wife for no more than a year, and then divorced. Well, again, the well-known custom of throwing dads at a girl's window. There, too, she had freedom of choice, if the guy did not like it, his hat flew back. And in general, there are many ways to make it clear whether the guy's family should go to woo or not. Let's not go far, in the village of Ruguja, where I come from, in the past, if a woman came to a girl's house and asked for a loan for a rope to tie up a donkey, it is not just that. Here is a metaphor ...

- I see. We have, they say, an uncontrollable donkey, you have a rope girl ...

- Well, I think that the offensive meaning was not put into this metaphor, we are again trying to interpret it from the point of view of a modern person, for whom an insult is a "donkey". So, she comes and asks, I broke there, everyone has this rope, you need to tie the donkey, give me, please. If they give, then you can talk about a future marriage. If they do not give, then there is nothing to meddle with. Or, behold, they come to carry on a conversation and take a khurjin with them, and in it there is bread. If they come home and find not their own bread, then they changed it, you can talk. But exactly to speak. There are such ceremonies ... Even if it was 100 percent known that the girl agreed, then the guy's relatives went public three times, seeking an answer. And they were sent back three times. Although the reconnaissance has been carried out, they may have already received their bread, nevertheless, they went three times. So it was accepted!

In the mountains, women had more responsibilities and jobs, but she was still more independent, including financially.

- Sergei Abdulkhalikovich Luguev once told me about marriage through a reservation, when a guy and his relatives deliberately spread rumors about a girl in order to discourage competitors and get her into their family. And Aglarov Mamaykhan Aglarovich mentions a "mirror" method called "notification". There the girl, deliberately colliding with the young man, raised a scandal. She shouted that he stood in her way, grabbed her hand, in general, somehow encroached on her honor and now must marry.

- It's difficult to answer unequivocally. In many cases, there is simply not enough material, evidence to speak not about a particular case, but about a tradition or custom. The same murder of babies, which Yuri Karpov mentions, allegedly starved newborn girls, it could not be a custom. These are most likely special cases. Or the beating of old parents in the memoirs of Abdula Omarov. Or levirate and sororat - when a man marries the widow of a deceased brother, or a woman marries her sister's widowed husband in order to raise her children. Yes, if the phenomenon got its name, it means something, it is already some kind of marking. But we can talk about "custom" only when this happens in every second family. If we consider the traditional Dagestani family, then we can state the following - the absolute absence, well, with rare exceptions, of domestic violence. Because a man who hits a woman was considered a weakling. There was such a proverb: to judge whether a wife is good, look at the sleeves of her husband's Circassian coat, to find out what kind of husband, look at her face. The faces of the Dagestan women were always open, a bruise, an abrasion, tear-stained eyes would be noticeable. Sometimes this is explained as follows - she has a father, a brother, try to touch her, they will immediately take her away.

- It's good that they will take away, but divorce is difficult even now. These are property issues, first of all. Who takes the TV set and who gets the dressing table.

- On the plain, where there was a purchased marriage, and there was a classic form of kalym, the husband paid the wife's parents a certain amount. And they disposed of this money as they wanted, they could buy a dowry with this money, they could keep it for themselves. And another thing is in the mountains, there, after all, they often gave land as a dowry, it was her property, and in the event of a divorce, the woman took the dowry completely. True, she could not apply for cabin money. Now I will explain to you what it is. So, when I, for example, get married, there is such a kebin, the amount agreed upon with the witnesses. It was different in different villages. For different girls it was different, if a beauty, then they gave more for you and tede. The woman had never seen the money, but she knew that if she got divorced through the fault of her husband, he would pay her the money. Or, if he dies, his family must pay her this amount or the equivalent - a house, livestock. This is her social guarantee, insurance. That is, in the mountains, women had more responsibilities, work, but she was still more independent, including financially. Men left to work, and then it was necessary to get out and do everything by myself, including sometimes men's work. But when the man returned, he tried not to disturb the daily routine established by this woman. Because, after all, he will leave again, and she will restore all this.

- And the child with whom should have stayed during the divorce?

- As a rule - with my husband. Especially if it's a boy. Among the Avars, even if a woman divorced while pregnant, she had to give birth in the house of her ex-husband. Sometimes the baby stayed with the mother as long as she was breastfeeding him and only then went to her husband's house. Whether she wanted it or not, it was supposed to be. In addition, the woman returned to the parental home, and neither the father nor the brother would have tolerated another's child there, the successor of another's family and surname. It belongs to the house from which she has already left. There was also a motivational moment, a woman in the rarest cases divorced with children. And very rarely a child (and even then, as a rule, only a girl) could stay with the mother. But the father had to pay child support.

- Well, let's digress from the sad topic of divorce, back to the very beginning of the marriage. Well, a daughter-in-law has come to her husband's family. What was her status? Who did she report to and who could she command? And when was the “promotion” waiting for her?

- Her status, of course, was not high. Especially if there were still daughters-in-law in the house, the wives of older brothers. Now let's do this, all customs and traditions here have a zonal feature. Plains are one thing, mountains and foothills are another. And in the mountains, again, in the feudal possessions, one order, in a free society others. Here, now I will explain to you. On the plain, there is a large family organization, when all married sons live together, under the same roof. They have a common household, only separate rooms. And there is the Supreme Commander-in-law - the father-in-law. Or his eldest son replacing him. And all household chores - the kitchen, raising children, buying groceries, cleaning, washing - are in charge of the mother-in-law. She is like a khansha in a house.

For many peoples of the Caucasus, a pregnant woman was considered sacred unclean, while the Dagestanis did not, on the contrary, there was a very respectful attitude towards her.

And intra-family relationships were regulated by the custom of avoidance, the classical form of which was characteristic only of Kumyks and Nogais. This is when for many years (or even until the end of her life) the daughter-in-law, who came to the house, did not have the right to speak directly with her father-in-law. If he did not specifically give her a gift and thereby did not allow her to communicate with him. And the mother-in-law, due to the fact that she often had to deal with her daughter-in-law in the household, had given such permission much earlier. But she could not give from harm. This was not the case in the mountains, where the families were nuclear and, having married, the son separated and lived, as a rule, in his own house. Only the youngest stayed with his parents, and brought his wife there. You know, here you are used to thinking - "Oh, she is unhappy, poor, obeyed everyone ...". Yes, she had to work from morning to evening. Moreover, God forbid, if the mother-in-law gets up earlier. God forbid, if she goes to bed before her mother-in-law. But she worked not for someone else's uncle, but for herself, for her family. And when she was expecting a child ... For many peoples of the Caucasus, a pregnant woman was considered sacred unclean, while the Dagestanis did not, on the contrary, she had a very respectful attitude. She was considered, how to say, an angel! It was believed that it was impossible to offend her, it was necessary to treat her, it was impossible to talk about such forbidden things with her. The birth of a child, especially a son, greatly strengthened her position, and over time she herself became a "khansha".

- And got the opportunity to recoup her daughters-in-law. Wonderful! I also wanted this. Yuri Karpov's book "Dzhigit and the Wolf" describes very well male unions. Did women have similar ones? And I also read from someone about the secret female language. Curious, what did they talk about in this language, what did they want to hide from men?

- Well, the female language, firstly, not everyone had it, but in a specific age group and this language they did not always speak, but in specific situations, most often, on spring holidays, where they did not want to be heard. And women's unions, exactly in the form in which they existed among men (with age gradation, operating year-round), were recorded only among the Kubachins ... Other peoples of Dagestan did not have women's unions in such a refined form, but some communities gathered at certain times of the year ... More often in winter, or during calendar holidays. Before the celebration of the middle of winter in Western Dagestan, for example, women gathered: married, old women, young girls gathered. Also, women often gathered for mutual aid actions. Spinning threads, peeling corn, combing felt, that is, any chores that required such massive labor participation. Sometimes these were closed, only women's "gatherings", and sometimes the girls gathered at some widow's house and young guys were invited there. It was an opportunity to get to know someone, to communicate within the limits of decency and etiquette. And here they needed their own language, well, in order, perhaps, to say something for which men would condemn you. A woman is always a woman, maybe she would like to say that this man looks good, handsome, good, all that. But I can't admire someone else's man out loud! And here a secret language is used to tell the girlfriends what cannot be said in front of the people. Perhaps the man does not understand the extent of my promiscuity. Because a dissolute woman is a bad woman.

Svetlana Anokhina

The problem of smart women
(Artist John McCarthy)
In modern culture, a woman knows very precisely what "woe from the mind" is. If the creation of an atmosphere of responsibility, fortitude, consistency of actions around herself is a priority task for a woman, then she immediately faces the opposition of a fairly large part of men.

Men begin to ignore an intelligent woman, not let her into their world, and often take revenge on her to one degree or another, punish her for the "stupidity" of her intelligent behavior. As soon as a man realizes that with an intelligent woman he will not be able to at least sometimes be a fool, he begins to displace her from his field of vision. I'm not talking about foolishness and childishness, an intelligent woman is rich in humor and she herself is not averse to fooling around, but about banal stupidity.

Why don't some men want honest relationships?

The fact is that a self-respecting woman, and self-respect is a consequence of her mind, ceases to play with men in the typical woman's games based on feelings of guilt. She strives to create honest and open relationships that are often not needed by men, who prefer to expect unreasonable praises from women and unquestioning write-offs of all nonsense from women.

Men know how to recognize in a woman a mind that is dangerous to herself literally from her first words or movements. The interlocutor may not even reflect at all, but the non-verbal message of her face, hands, gait, body is very expressive and intelligible.

The mind reveals in a woman new facets of understanding personal beauty, freedom, sexuality, this is a new way to enjoy life. A woman cannot ignore him, therefore she is not able to hide. On the other hand, the behavior of a superficial woman is just as expressive and plays on easy accessibility of contact, while an intelligent woman is not inclined to make deliberately simple things that cannot be simple.

How do men behave in the presence of an intelligent and free woman?

The reaction of men to the presence of an intelligent woman is sometimes surprising and funny (when not disgusting and rude). They literally do not hear what she is saying, do not notice her actions. This sometimes surprises them. The thought expressed by an intelligent woman is literally perceived as her own, and the woman's claims to authorship are declared absurd. He may not say hello or turn his back and be sincerely surprised to notice his "oversight", which is not far from hidden or undisguised irritation.

Women's games on feelings of guilt are an adequate, historically developed mechanism that ensures women's survival in conditions of physical and social superiority of men. You need to be a little mommy for a man, in some cases to take responsibility for his actions in order to cause his infantile behavior. As soon as a man begins to fool, after a terrible scandal, all his idiotic antics are forgiven him, and along with this forgiveness, a leash woven from duty, gratitude and guilt is put on around his neck.

Does a smart woman need such an over-aged child?

Stupid men are satisfied with this alignment - it gives them a chance not to grow up, not to spend money on sometimes difficult introspection, this makes it possible to delegate responsibility for all failures to "mommy", and to attribute all the merits to themselves. Failures according to the rules of a woman's game are welcomed and are woven with new threads into a leash that provides a stupid but cunning woman with confidence in the future: "I will not be lost with this idiot."

But an intelligent woman does not want to live with an idiot who fears her like fire. More precisely, in an intelligent woman, men are afraid of the obvious need to be responsible for their actions, first of all, to themselves. It is the very fact that one has to answer for nonsense not to oneself, but to the "mommy" that makes the woman's leash game so attractive for men. Because "mommy" can be bypassed in one way or another (within the leash), but you can't go around yourself.

An intelligent, free, independent woman is wonderful!

As a result, smart women who have abandoned women's games and are looking for honest relationships are ousted by society. In the field of sexual public games, stupid but cunning women do not at all perceive smart ones as competitors. Smart people do not want to “play by the rules,” and because of this, within the framework of these “rules” that form unfree, dependent relationships between men and women, smart ones “lose” - it is much more difficult for them to find a mate.

Which is strange. A woman who does not play woman's games is beautiful! She can be trusted, she will never test you, because she herself values \u200b\u200btrust. She knows how to understand what is much more important than forgiveness. She is demanding of herself no less, but even more than of you, so you do not need to control her actions. She will honestly tell you the truth, not only about you, but also about herself. One can only pity the men who change their freedom for the right to be a fool on a string. I don’t think that the situation of male fear of smart women as a social trend can change soon, although there is a movement towards growing up men in society.

Do you need strength if you have a mind?

It is sometimes believed that men do not like strong women for the same reason that women do not like weak men. Say, the balance of power in the family should always be unambiguous - the male has the last word and the right to direct and coordinate common efforts.

This is where the confusion occurs - strength and mind are not at all mutually exclusive concepts, oddly enough for men who justify their desire to have the right to tyranny with physical strength. We are talking about growing up, about the fact that with physical age people can change their goals, values, and meanings of life.

A pitiful forty-year-old man who retained his teenage values \u200b\u200band dishonored himself and his family with a twenty-year-old waitress. Equally depressing is the picture of the relationship between a stern domineering woman and a depressed balding "big" boy. These are not adults, not free, not developing relationships.

The nature of masculine and feminine is completely different and we should not blur this distinction, which is the basis of the beauty of our relationship.

The masculine principle is revolutionary, active, it is a person's movement towards God, it is paving the way in the unknown, it is overcoming and getting results.

The feminine principle is evolutionary, observant, this is the movement of God towards man, this is concern for relationships, about space, this is attention to the quality of the process.

Each person has a feminine and masculine principle and the main secret of a long-term relationship is mutual learning. A man learns from a woman to feel, accept, empathize, he strengthens his results with intuition, a deeper and more multifaceted understanding of responsibility for his actions. At the same time, a smart man remains a man - he includes these skills, integrates them, becomes more, smarter with them.

A woman learns from a man strong-willed decisions, purposeful activity, the ability to act proactively, logically calculate options and always get exactly the desired results. At the same time, a smart woman remains a woman - she includes these skills, integrates them, becomes more, smarter with them.

What does a man refuse when refusing a relationship with an intelligent woman?

The refusal of a man from a relationship with an intelligent and free woman in favor of an easily accessible craftswoman using a woman's tricks is a refusal to grow up, from the opportunity to become even stronger with age, achieve even more significant results, feel life more fully, have a bright mind and a deep soul. A man who has overcome his unfounded, but seemingly so real fear of losing his strength in front of an intelligent woman gets the opportunity to live a dignified, varied life, in which there is a place for all his truly masculine qualities of wise leadership, responsibility and strong-willed lawmaking.

Women do not like weak men because of their lack of will and immature. The word "weakness" has no physiological meaning here. Sometimes, inside the ostentatious pornographic appearance of the obnoxious male, the petty soul of a dependent teenager lives, striving to hide from himself and from others his moral and intellectual powerlessness. A woman does not like a weak man because he has not yet grown out of short pants. A man does not like an intelligent woman because he is seriously afraid that his aunt will take these pants off him and push his ass.

Is there a solution to the problem of smart women?

Dear women, who are aware of the rationality that is so difficult for you! There are three news for you - good, bad, and a million dollars.

I'm sure smart women would prefer to learn first bad news.

It lies in the fact that there is no complete and final solution to the problem of smart women if you want to solve it with respect to a stupid man. There are, however, forms of influence that can give you an advantage and turn the situation in your direction. But if this article is really for you, then you are unlikely to want a long-term relationship with a person with whom communication is so superficial.

Good newsis that a relatively smart man who will not force you to sacrifice your adulthood for your own illusions, there is no such problem as the problem of smart women.

Fortunately, the solution to the problems of growing up cannot be formulated as a short final paragraph to an article in which you were able to recognize yourself and your friends. I repeat - to joy, because it would be sad if life turned out to be so mediocrely simple and monotonous that you and your unique destinies could be opened with a primitive master key.

There is invaluable experience of men and women living together for a long time and, in the psychological sense of the word, growing together. There are personality types with unique approaches to problem solving. There are new stages of development that bring new degrees of freedom, from which many questions of the previous stages turn out to be much simpler. There are practices that pave the way for you to your inherent wisdom and genius. There are ways to manage your emotional state, ways to increase your own influence on the world.

AND million dollar news is that there is no such unambiguous polarity as mind and stupidity. From many years of psychological practice, I know that each person has enough of both. This opens up room for change, for acquiring new skills and abilities that can enrich your life in every sense of the word. I wish you, glorious, beautiful, subtle creatures, many joys that you can receive even in difficult, but in extremely grateful daily development, and not in any way in giving up who you are.

(c) Balyaev Anatoly.

then women's society was divided into three parts: some were victims, others knew how to manipulate their men, even in the best sense of the word, and still others rebelled and protested in every possible way against this way of life. Then the pendulum turned the whole world to the other extreme, and suddenly the women got everything they fought for. And most of them still "ran into it". And now, women are hired more readily than men. Moreover, the harder the work, the better women are hired there. A woman has the right to be a man, carry bags, hammer piles, drink, swear, smoke, lead a hectic life, and even be a father to her child. All male roles are within the reach of women. And now, quite naturally, the pendulum has swung back again. The women suddenly howled in chorus about their longing for a strong shoulder, they suddenly got so sick of working, and even wanted to be weak and helpless. And many all kinds of psychological schools for women happily began to give women what they so want to hear “be weak! Let the man decide everything! Leave all the burdens to him! It suits him, but you don't. " And then 90% of women fell into the trap! Just like in a hole covered with brushwood.

Problem 1:

The woman gives up her strengths.

Every woman has her own characteristics. And since we are the children of female warriors, who often raised children alone, either de facto or de jure. Who could stop a galloping horse, and into a hot hut, we received a lot of this inheritance. Our generation of women are really strong aunts. Moreover, in different areas, but almost always in the "Men's". Someone has a great business, someone perfectly moves furniture and carries heavy bags, someone passionately drives a car, someone just knows how to take responsibility. In general, almost all of us are more or less good with responsibility. We were raised in an adult way "Don't believe, don't be afraid, don't ask" and rely only on yourself. And suddenly they tell you "no", you take away the bread from the peasant, refuse! Wear skirts, grow your hair, never make decisions without consulting your husband, and always give in to him.

And many of us were forced to give up our strengths, which were not just for survival, but also caused pleasure, were part of the happiness, the inner harmony of a woman. For example, I like to move furniture, I can command. And I also love and know how to manage money. And to take these three "male weaknesses" away from me is to deprive me of my happiness. At least most of it.

What happens when a woman disowns herself? Or from their parts? She begins to experience constant tension and anxiety inside herself. It
realizes that no one will do it better than her, but she has to put up with it. And inside her, huge aggression is accumulating on unsuspecting men who did not ask to renounce themselves. But for which she disowned herself. And this is no longer feminine. A woman who sacrifices her pleasures is a woman who cannot radiate happiness and cannot “feed” the family energetically. She constantly fights with herself, all her energy is spent on restraining her “muzhikovy” nature, and there is no energy to maintain a healthy microclimate in the family. It would seem that she behaves like a woman, as the coaches said. But they forgot to say “it doesn't matter what you do. It is important what you feel! " If you behave like a woman, but inside you are not relaxed, these actions are worthless. A woman brings pleasure from her insides. Her insides should be high, then the whole family will trample! And health, and prosperity, and love, and whatever. What to do?

Give place to your true nature.

You love trousers - wear trousers. You love hammering in nails, not cooking - hammer in nails!

Once, realizing that I could no longer pretend, I said to my husband: "That's it, from this day on you are a wife, and I am a husband." He said "Ok." He himself could not cope with male duties, it was easier for him to wash the dishes and vacuum the floor than to go and quarrel with the repair workers. And we have deliberately switched roles. If you
you can do it in your pair - be sure to try it! It's an amazing experience. It won't last forever, fear not, but you will learn a lot of interesting things! First, I finally exhaled. I was able to calmly steer, command, rule and not blame myself for it. Moreover, I stopped waiting for encouragement from my husband, as a wife should expect. I, with full rights as the head of the family, immediately bought all the incentives myself. And when I felt that everything is in my hands and I don't need to convince anyone that I need this or that thing, that my “wife” a priori agrees with my financial decisions, as the “wife” should agree, I suddenly felt great respect for her husband. Trust all of yourself to one person. And I even wanted to give him something that will please him, and I began to give him gifts. Saying "the wife is worthy of a gift." It was very pleasant for me. And from the skin of the "Man" I suddenly felt this moment, why they give gifts. Because at first he can satisfy his needs, and if no one bothers him, then this causes great gratitude and respect “Thank you for being me
you trust and allow me to buy for yourself what is important to me. " The second discovery that happened to me during this experiment is an understanding of why a wife is needed. In the role of "Husband" I immediately felt that I can earn alone and spend alone, and it is not difficult for me to arrange a showdown with anyone (builders, repairmen, business partners). Question: why do you need another person nearby? And very powerfully I felt that the second person with the name “Wife” was needed for support. Support is when I do what I think is necessary, and the "wife" looks at me with admiring eyes and says "you are doing everything right." And that's it! As soon as the "wife" behaves like this, you understand that nothing is impossible in front of you. But as soon as this second person starts to meddle "out of your business" - that's it, you don't understand why you need a second person who interferes. For example, I moved the table from one room to another (I generally really like to move furniture around the apartment and around the house). And my newly-minted "Wife" stuck like a bath sheet shouting "you need to pull out the boxes, it will be easier for you." And I realized that this is the worst thing that the "Wife" can do, I myself know how it is easier for me, I already do what is more convenient for me. And if I do not take out the drawers, then this is how it is more convenient for me. And at that moment I realized how many times in the state of “wife” it was I who interfered with my own affairs, instead of looking with admiring eyes and saying “Oh! you are so strong! Even with boxes you drag! "

This experience gave me a lot of realizations of what we are actually doing wrong from the role of "Wife". And the understanding came that our strong mothers-grandmothers destroyed
men not because they behaved like a man next to them, but because they did not respect their men. After all, if you respect a man, then even if he plays the role of "Wife" you respect him, and appreciate, and thank, and love, and give him your warmth and flow of energy and love. And you will never say, "But what can you do?", "Yes, I am all by myself, and who are you at all?" No, there is no offense that he is fulfilling his role. Sometimes I want to teach him a little how to support. Where he should come and embrace, where he should be silent and look with admiring eyes. But there is no desire to humiliate him. And his role of the second left hand is very clear, which is in the grasp, which supports, helps, is present, admires. The problem of our ancestors is not in the wrong distribution of roles, but in the lack of respect for each other. Which often starts with self-disrespect. It's not for nothing that I started with the fact that in the role of "Husband" I first of all went and bought myself what I expected from my husband, being in the role
"wives". A man should be full, satisfied and satisfied. And he himself is responsible for his satiety and contentment. And he does not shift it onto the shoulders of another, as our women are used to doing. "I am everything to him, but he is nothing to me." And why on earth should someone think about you, until you have learned to think about yourself. When you start to respect yourself, as a consequence, you suddenly start to respect the other. Conclusion: dear girls, first of all, do not shift the responsibility for your satiety and contentment onto your partner - this is your concern. And second, don't get angry that your partner thinks of themselves first. It is right. He must first respect himself, then he will remember that you also need to give something good and valuable. Rejoice
when a man loves himself and buys something for himself. This is a healthy behavior. And in order not to get stuck in anticipation, buy what you need yourself. A partner is not a parent and does not have to provide you with what you need, even if it is necessary for an emotional state of goodness. Gifts - that's why gifts are called - because no one is waiting for them. This is a surprise, a surprise. And surprise is possible only in a relationship between two well-fed people. Well-fed here emotionally and in terms of needs. Your needs are your concern.

Problem 2

The woman dumps the responsibility on the man for which he is not ready.

We were (and are) told the same trainings: give your man responsibility for survival, and he will learn to navigate your family ship. Rave! It's like giving the steering wheel of a car to a three, five or seven year old child. And expect that by the end of the trip he will learn to steer, and you will all remain alive and well. Our men were raised by women who didn't trust men. Most of our men are not adapted to housekeeping. They are either mothers' sons, and mothers did everything for them, or vice versa, those who have a protest against control and they actively lead an independent life, but lead it at the level of children. Show-off, expensive cars, debts, loans, irrational investments, irrational decisions, etc. With rare exceptions. And so the woman takes and allows her husband to decide everything alone. And he safely lands the family ship on the reefs. I also had such an experience. We were selling an apartment. More precisely, I didn't want to sell it. And in principle it was in my power to say "no!" and stop all attempts at a deal. But I thought, "This is his apartment, it's time for him to grow up, let him learn from his bruises." Yes, he learns from his bruises, but for some reason we had to get out of the wreckage of the destroyed family ship together. So never give the steering wheel to a man if you understand that he is not yet ready for the responsibility that you are ready for. Here you need to behave very competently. You need to gradually raise a man, delegate to him a little more and more spheres of influence. We gave him a new sphere of influence and carefully watch from afar how he copes. If not, offer help and help. And gradually teach him to master new levels of responsibility. If it's a question of money, let him first learn how to effectively go to the grocery store for dinner, and then you can give him certain amounts of money and certain decisions for his own consideration. But you can't immediately blame a person who is not yet able to manage lower levels of responsibility to blame him for serious tasks, such as "get your bumps in." A woman should not do everything for her husband, she should give him what he already 100% copes with and give him little by little
what he copes with so far a little worse. Raising a man is to finish the job of his mother, to teach him to be a steering. And if you are more fortunate, and you were taught this, then why not transfer this skill to your husband. Then after some time, maybe in a few months, or maybe in a few years, you will be able to look at how skillfully he copes with tasks with which he did not know how to behave before, moreover, his skill clearly surpasses that of a teacher , i.e. you. And it's nice. So, before drinking wine and sleeping before dinner as a wife, you need to go through the path of training a husband. You don't want to carry everything on yourself - great! Give your husband one kilogram every month. And after a certain number of months, this "everything" will be deftly and easily carried by your husband. But if you throw "everything" on him at once, you will simply bury him under this, he will break down physically, mentally and you will not be very happy with the consequences.

We never meet by chance. Our husbands and men know what is bad
it turns out with us. And we are what they do badly. And it is important to respect the gifts that they bring to us. It is generally accepted that a man “owes” a woman financial stability and physical strength. But very often men give us an example of how to be tolerant, wise, empathetic, responsive. And we should learn from them.