Parting How to stop loving a person: advice from psychologists

Love is not always mutual. An unrequited feeling can bring suffering, make a person unhappy and insecure. To feel better, you need to give up the painful feeling. This is not easy to do, because the mental pain is so strong that it literally exhausts you from the inside. Sometimes it costs us so much effort and suffering to part with the person who once seemed the dearest and closest in the world. What steps need to be taken to free yourself from unhappy love? How to stop loving a person? Advice from a psychologist will help you understand this difficult and delicate issue.

Before starting a new life, you need to be able to qualitatively free yourself from the past. There is no point in rushing from side to side every day, trying to forget your loved one. This way you will hurt yourself even more. You need to understand that it is better to make a decision once and for all than to torment yourself every day, trying to cope with an uncontrollable flow of feelings. A firm decision will help avoid negative consequences and the formation of love addiction. When a person decides to break up with his significant other because the relationship causes constant mental anguish, this is an indicator of his maturity. When all attempts have been made to restore the relationship, but they have not brought the desired result, separation appears to be the only worthy solution. For a person who loves, it is like death. It seems that the world will cease to exist and nothing will remain inside. In order not to completely destroy yourself, you need to have specific life guidelines. Only they will help you stand at the crossroads of your individual path.

Awareness of your worth

When a person is driven by the desire to become free and independent again, the process of mental recovery will not be delayed. The first thing you need to come to is an awareness of your own worth. You cannot humiliate yourself in love or allow yourself to be led by other people. It is unacceptable to constantly be in a state of humiliated petitioner, because in this way you lose control over your life. You should not give anyone the keys to your own happiness. Then later you won’t have to think about how to stop loving an unworthy partner. The individual must come to the intention that he will no longer allow another person to control his own life. If someone influences your state of mind or mood, then you are not a truly free person. This is, of course, sad, but sometimes you need to learn to see the truth, even if it causes mental suffering. True independence is manifested in the fact that an understanding of one’s unique essence comes. There is no need to go to the point of self-destruction by wondering how to stop loving someone. You can forget someone who treated you badly and unworthily by working a little on yourself and putting your feelings in order.

Analysis of feelings

You should not try to forget a person as quickly as possible. In such a delicate matter, in no case should you rush and set yourself limiting boundaries. Believe me, such an intention will not lead to the desired result. You will only worry yourself by limiting your actions and actions even more. You should not commit violence against yourself. Don’t hurt yourself, don’t aggravate the suffering many times over, no one needs this! How to stop loving someone who doesn't love you back? First of all, you need to deal with your feelings. The fact is that people often mistake for love painful attachment, emotional dependence, which is dictated by self-doubt and a feeling of fear of being left in splendid isolation. This is not really love, but only a game with oneself, and a carefully disguised one!

Think about whether your feeling is just compensation for your own self-doubt? If a person feels worthless, then no one can truly love him. And the point is not at all about some unimaginable beauty and visual attractiveness, as many believe. Forgetting your soulmate using the method of renouncing yourself will not work. You must learn to respect and accept your own personality. Even if you have made serious mistakes in the past, forgive yourself. There is no need to endlessly dwell in self-blame; it will not lead to anything good. Only then is success guaranteed with the opposite sex when we learn to truly appreciate and accept our essence. After all, external attractiveness comes from within. The advice of a psychologist will help those who are desperate and have lost faith in their capabilities. By the way, a qualified psychologist Irakli Pozharisky will help you understand your specific situation, try Skype consultation.

Working through grievances

To understand how to stop loving someone who just yesterday seemed to you the best and most wonderful in the world, you need to act decisively. Working through grievances plays an important role here. The more negative emotions we accumulate, the more difficult it becomes to make an important decision later. You need to give up the idea of ​​constantly feeling sorry for yourself. Having worked through your grievances, you can come to a completely new understanding of the essence of things. Often what happens around us does not depend on our actions, that is, no one can change the people around us. However, a person has the opportunity to influence his own destiny if he accepts responsibility for everything that happens to him. To do this, you need to stop blaming others for what is currently happening to you. Resentment destroys a person from the inside, forcing him to become a pathetic supplicant, and not the creator of his own happiness.

Parting with the past

Some lovers completely stop thinking about themselves. All their thoughts and feelings are centered around the object of their love. To forget someone who, for some reason, does not want to share life with you, you need to have a certain amount of courage. The psychologist's advice, without a doubt, will be useful in how to stop loving your ex-partner and start your own life. There is no need to humiliate yourself and beg for love. Believe me, this will not bring you back the joy of life, nor will it bring you closer to your cherished dream. Begging for love means moving away from the very possibility of being loved. It is better to understand your mistake once than to make mistakes constantly, experiencing negative emotions over and over again. Only by finally parting with the past can you forget all your experiences associated with a certain person.

Future plans

In order for the process of restoring mental strength to proceed as easily as possible, you must definitely decide on plans for the future. If you don’t do this, there is a high risk that you will get lost and will not be able to enjoy life in the future. Anyone who has no goal cannot come to harmony with himself. Achieving a sense of balance with your inner self is just as important as maintaining a good mood throughout the day. When thinking about how to stop loving an unworthy person, you need to remember the need to love yourself and take care of your own state of mind. This is the most important step you need to remember to take for your own well-being.

Awareness of the shortcomings of a loved one

No person can be called perfect. Everyone has their own shortcomings, even if they are carefully hidden from others. Often people in love begin to idealize their partner, attributing to him qualities of character that he does not possess at all. To free yourself from limiting, painful attachment, you need to stop glorifying your partner in your own eyes. Awareness of a person's shortcomings will allow you to see the true picture, which was hidden due to lack of will. Surely your partner has once offended you or caused significant inconvenience. There is no need to deceive yourself, be sincere.

Working with self-esteem

Nothing helps a person realize happiness more than taking care of himself. Breakup always affects self-esteem. It begins to fall rapidly, and then it seems that nothing good lies ahead. In fact, these are just thoughts that are in no way the truth. Working with self-esteem will help overcome any suffering. You should realize your own strengths and try to pay attention to them as much as possible. Do what brings you joy, enjoy life. Don't isolate yourself!

Open heart

Keeping your heart open means being able to look into the future with hope rather than despair. Many people who have experienced a breakup with a loved one stop hoping for anything at all. It seems to them that they will never be able to fall in love and feel truly happy. This is the wrong approach and does not allow you to achieve the desired goal. You need to come to a state of realization that you are worthy of the greatest gift of fate. You must always be prepared to meet a really close person. And such a meeting could happen in reality very soon.

Thus, when considering the question of how to stop loving a person, you must be guided by a sound position in life. The psychologist's advice given in this article will help you understand your own feelings, forget about the bleeding mental wound, and get rid of negative emotions. You need to stop seeing one big failure in the past and focus on your desired goals and objectives.

People often turn to psychological counseling with the following questions: “How to stop loving a person who doesn’t love you? Is it possible to tear out a heart from which there is no benefit or joy to anyone? And they come not because they need more, but because it takes away so much moral strength that there is no longer any left for the rest of life. And new relationships do not begin, because the old ones are not yet fully completed. The result is pain, despair and mental emptiness, which reach such a degree that a person decides to turn to a specialist with his troubles.

Naturally, each situation is unique and it is impossible to give a general algorithm of actions that will lead absolutely everyone to the desired goal. However, there are some common answers to the question: “How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you?”

who doesn't love you: written practices

Written practices are a method of “discharging the battery” of feelings, that is, removing intensity, passion, reducing This work is done alone with oneself, and its goal is to bring internal experiences outward, to look at them from the outside, detached. It is necessary to carry out tasks step by step, taking this process seriously and responsibly, since it is unlikely that it will be possible to quickly fall out of love with a person who was dear to you without any effort.

Workshop: feelings and desires

You shouldn’t throw your experiences to chance and exclaim: “How can you stop loving a person with whom you have been connected so much? Only time can heal the soul!” It’s better to just take and follow the steps described. Love will pass in a period of a couple of days to a month - and you will again be a free person, open to new relationships.

In every couple, there may come a moment when all good things come to an end, and the paths of former lovers diverge. Residual feelings force people to search on the Internet for how to stop loving someone you love very much: the advice of a psychologist is studied and followed with all responsibility. Several recommendations presented in the article will help you stop loving your ex-partner.

What is love

It is common to think that in the souls of people who are now strangers to each other, love remains - this is not so. Considering classic cases of breakups, psychologists have found that emotions remain, characterized by different words: affection, warmth, passion, resentment. From a chemical point of view, love is a passing process caused by a substance produced by the brain - dopamine. Its production occurs within a period of 18-36 months: after time, brain function stabilizes, the substance decreases, creating strong artificial connections. You will have to fight with them after the breakup.

Removing attachments

Perhaps the first and main thing that does not allow you to let go of your ex-partner is attachments. The sense of community developed over time is difficult to remove: a frustrated consciousness is not able to mentally formulate the meaning of attachments. Don't try to stop loving a person in the first two or three days after a breakup. Cry, sleep and cry again. On the fourth day, start working on your personality.

Take pen and paper to create a clear thesis statement. Describe the facts that tied you to your partner: did he cook deliciously? Great - write it down on a piece of paper. Did you like the way a man adjusted his hat on a frosty morning? Great - write it down as the second point. Make a complete list of what was precious in your relationship with the person.

Do it differently: don’t throw away the list, study and analyze. You will understand that 50% of the list of attachments in your life already exists: from family, friends, acquaintances. Mark any matching actions in the list, even if the actions were reproduced by other people. For example, a guy smiling on a tram would fit perfectly under the item “I loved the way he smiled.” You will quickly fill the list with coincidences and understand that the brain reacts to a certain emotion, and not to the person who created it. This will help you stop loving the person you love very much.

I am a manipulator

Understanding this fact helps you stop loving a person quite quickly. Think about this question in a week. Make value judgments of actions: when you were manipulated, when you were manipulated. What more? Did your partner force you to dance to his tune? We analyze and understand: such a second half is not needed.

Were you a manipulator? Even simpler: relationships based on the subordination of a partner do not bring joy. In the end, in your request you typed the phrase “you love a person very much,” but it does not fit with the subtle psychological technique of subordinating the will. In this case, it will be easier to fall out of love: the basis of manipulative relationships is a feeling of superiority.

Bad half

Often, a psychologist's advice involves writing down the bad qualities of a former lover on paper. It is suggested that you look at the list for days: it will give you an understanding that you need to stop loving a person immediately. As a rule, this is the first thing people who are lost in acquired loneliness do. However, think about why this is necessary? After all, this is a discreditation of your choice: you loved a person, and perhaps made him coffee every morning. And then all of a sudden he became bad.

Go the other way: write down your good qualities. Honestly and impartially put on paper what good you have done for the relationship. And you don’t need to analyze: just speak out and that’s it. And the second half? Wish them happiness: do not write or think badly about the person - there is enough negativity in life.

Leave things alone

You heard correctly: shared items, gifts and cards are not to blame for the end of the relationship. Surely, the former partner made efforts to make living conditions acceptable and surprises pleasant. The psychologist’s advice is conservative: throw it away, give it away, the signature “return to the donor with your head held high.” Believe me, getting rid of material possessions will not help you stop loving a person: after throwing away a brand new kitchen set purchased by a former lover, and looking at the gaping hole in the wall, you will repeatedly remember the discarded furniture. The memory will generate an image of the ex, and then the brain will independently pull up the desired chain of events. Postcards, teddy bears, flowers, rings and figurines are not to blame for the failed union. Leave things alone and learn to be a strong person.

In the West, love addiction is treated in groups working on the principle of Alcoholics Anonymous. You will have to deal with your emotions on your own. There is no doubt that you will succeed!

20:44 21.01.2013

So, you have come to the conclusion: your passion is destructive and causes you suffering. With your mind, you realize that it’s high time to put an end to the relationship. But you can’t help it! Now it is important to understand: there is no point in delaying the end any further. It is naive to believe that you will be able to painlessly easily forget your loved one and get out of the crisis. The breakup of a relationship is a strong mental trauma, and be prepared for the wound to hurt for a long time. But if you can translate your emotions into a rational sphere and learn to control them, over time the pain will pass and only pleasant memories will remain.

Decision is made!

The hardest thing is to make the decision to break the connection. Not the one that can be canceled when feelings come over you again, but the one that is final and irrevocable. Until now, you have not done this because you consider the person you love to be family and friends. It seems to you that he understands you (or will be able to understand), but circumstances prevent him from proving his feelings with action. Answer honestly: if he truly understood, loved and appreciated you, would he have made you suffer like this? Mentally fence yourself off from him with an invisible wall. Tell yourself: “I don’t want to endure this anymore. I am a strong and independent person. And I will not allow myself to be offended. From this day on, I forbid myself to even think about him.”

Gestalt therapy

An important point: the relationship must become complete. This will not happen as long as resentment and omissions live in your soul. The ideal option is to tell the object of your passion everything that you think about him (in person, on paper, in an email). If for some reason this is not possible, use the Gestalt therapy technique: place an empty chair in front of you and imagine that your passion is sitting there. Tell him everything that worries you: about how unscrupulous and callous he is, about how he tortured you. But don’t forget about the good: after all, he gave you pleasant moments! Thank you - sincerely. And forgive - only then will your heart become free. And then say goodbye. Forever.

Agreement with yourself

Any decision requires reinforcement. Make a “Contract with yourself.” Writing! Give yourself time to suffer: a week, two, three. This will be the time when you allow yourself to remember him with tears in your eyes and feel unhappy and abandoned. As soon as the period of suffering is determined and recorded in writing, the situation will be under control. Use this time to intensively “experience” emotions: learn to regulate them, like the sound on a radio. When feelings begin to overwhelm you, give them a way out (cry, remember, say it out loud), but every time after an “attack” smile and say: “That’s it, now I don’t think about it.” You will be surprised how much easier it will become for you! In the contract, be sure to indicate the incentive prize that you will receive upon expiration: a box of expensive chocolates, new shoes or an interesting trip.

Women tend to idealize the object of their passion, attributing to him traits that he never possessed. Often, behind the harsh “male” taciturnity lies an elementary inability to carry on a conversation, and his softness and pliability are simply a consequence of internal weakness. So, take a blank sheet of paper and first describe all its advantages - it will probably be easy to do. Now focus on his shortcomings. Take off your rose-colored glasses and remember all the situations in which he did not behave the way you wanted. Think about whether he is really as kind, generous, smart, gentle, courteous, and honest as he seems. And believe me: if this were so, you wouldn’t be sitting in tears right now and making this list.

Now destroy half of the sheet with the list of advantages without a trace. But re-read the shortcomings in those moments when melancholy rises to your throat.

"Filling" the soul

When your finger is cut, you are unlikely to pick the wound with a nail, but you probably smear it with brilliant green to make it go away faster. Now you have the same wound in your soul, and if you constantly “pick” at it, it will bleed. Use tools that heal the soul: listen to your favorite music, watch a good movie, read a novel a la “The Thorn Birds,” go to the theater, have a party with your friends. Psychologists say that games (with animals, children) are especially useful in this state: they return us to childhood reality.

In addition to the soul, the body also needs care. Solarium, gym, going to a cosmetologist and hairdresser, buying new clothes - all these are small acts of self-love. When a man, to whom all your internal energy flowed, leaves your life, an emptiness forms in your soul. Fill it with something productive and you won't have time left to suffer.

In love by choice

Do you know how famous psychotherapists get women out of love addiction? They... make them fall in love with you! Usually a woman who tends to “hang” on a man suffers from mental loneliness. The psychotherapist first creates the image of an “ideal husband” in his own person, then transfers the patient’s feelings onto himself, and only then gradually disappoints her and brings her down to earth, reducing the dependence to “no.” This technique can be a lifesaver for you! Try to transfer your emotions to a more accessible object - a person who cares about you, who loves and appreciates you. And first of all - to your own spouse (if you are married). Of course, you won’t get 100% results, but you will certainly refresh your feelings for your husband.

You are strong!

Psychologists assure that any woman has such inner strength that allows her to change her profession every 5 years without much effort. So will you really not survive the end of the novel? English scientists have already proven that love fever owes its appearance to catecholamines - biologically active substances that control the activity of the body. If they are produced too rapidly, when a person is “shaking” from emotions and experiences, then after a while exhaustion and a decrease in their level occurs. That's when apathy, melancholy and lack of interest in life come. So this phenomenon is natural, and there is nothing to be surprised at. Doctors give their recipe for love neurosis: always maintain a slightly elevated level of catecholamines in the body, but do not go too far - that is, be in love in moderation. And to do this, you need to reconsider your attitude towards love: maybe you just expect and demand too much from it? In the end, our life is what we imagine it to be, and if you learn to receive only positive emotions from love, protecting yourself from torment and dependence, you will become the happiest woman!

Signs of a fading relationship

A self-respecting woman will not cling to a relationship that is time to end - even if love still lives in her heart. She will find the strength to let go of a man who is no longer interested in her. How to determine this?

• You become the initiator of your rare meetings.
• You want to tell him a lot, but the opportunity never appears.
• He does what is convenient for him: your plans and desires are not taken into account.
• Thinking about him, you experience bitterness, pain, anxiety.
• You find yourself often immersed in memories: grasping at the past without finding anything in the present.
• You lose faith in yourself: you consider yourself unattractive, not smart enough, unsexy.

If all this is about you, say: “Goodbye!” first. If he does this, it will hurt you much more.

Doesn't let go

It also happens: you have decided to break up, you are struggling with feelings alone, and he seems to have woken up: he calls, sends SMS, even waits at the office. And he suggests forgetting everything and starting over! The heart is ready to tremble...

Stop! Don't fall for this bait. Now he has come to life because he feels that he is losing you. You hurt his pride with your action. He is trying to prove to himself (and to you) that you are dependent on him: if you call, you will come running. He really feels like he needs you right now. He feels sorry for losing what you gave him. But as soon as you say “yes!”, you can be sure that everything will return to normal, and you will cry into your pillow again. So be firm: ask him not to bother you, change your mobile number, and if necessary, change your place of work. Break all the threads between you.

5 ideas that bring you back to life

Use them on your path to healing!

1. Diary of joy. Fill your life with positive emotions! Every day, in a beautiful notebook, write down a joyful event that happened to you. By analyzing the minutes you live, you will learn to find joy in the simplest things.
2. A wish list. There can be 15, 45 or 124. Put on paper everything you have ever dreamed of, everything you want to get from life. Then group your desires into abstract ones, those that are difficult to achieve and those that have a chance to come true, imagine an image of already accomplished desires (a technique for materializing thoughts) - and move in the right direction.
3. Laughter therapy. A sense of humor is an excellent remedy for apathy and sad thoughts. Have a fun day for yourself: watch a comedy, browse sites with jokes, draw a caricature of your ex-passion. And life will immediately become easier!
4. Fireworks of communication. This is what you need to not feel lonely. Come up with a funny nickname and jump into any chat: two hours of communication with strangers will revive you to life and remind you how many more cool men there are in the world!
5. Creation. Indeed, why not pour out your feelings on paper? Maybe you can write a stunning story with a happy ending, which will then be published in a women's magazine? Or will you paint a picture called “Freedom”? Go for it!

Meditation for the abandoned

“Oh, he left me! Oh, now I’m on my own!” What's the crying about? Why do I react so desperately to loneliness? I like to be surrounded by people, but I know how to live alone and celebrate my solitude! This is a state when all the strangers have left and I am left alone with the person closest to me - with myself. After all, there is a whole world around me. What is there to cry about?

Yes, a small child screams when left alone. No one entertains him, no one feeds him, and he himself is helpless. But why, left alone, do I scream and suffer? Am I still a little girl? I can’t live without a nanny?...

The world did not undertake to take care of me, much less entertain me, and if it gave me a good companion in life - thank you, world! If my fellow traveler left me, thank you for what happened! Yesterday we could celebrate our love together, today we will celebrate loneliness - it's normal. All the strangers have left. I was left alone with myself. The person who left me evokes complete understanding in me: apparently, he simply considers me an adult.

Olga Noshchenko, psychotherapist

Learn to manage your passions!

The more mature a person is in soul, the more calm his attitude towards love is formed. Mature love is smoother, brighter, more humane, and carries less anxiety. She makes both the lover and the beloved happy. If you fell in love with a good person and received reciprocity in return, great! But if something doesn’t work out, a wise person will not kill himself. He will grieve - sincerely, but not for very long. And after some time he will meet a new love.

We learn anything - read, sew, dance. You also need to learn to love - so that love is a stimulus, and not a “stepping stone”. So that she moves forward, and does not push her to the sidelines of life. To be able to love means to be ready to take risks. This is the risk of loss: you become attached, but life can separate you - and it will be very painful. This is the risk of addiction: can you love while remaining the mistress of your life? This is the risk of vulnerability: love requires openness, but where is the guarantee that you will be accepted and not offended? The dangers of love are obvious: you fell in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time, not mutually, you fell in love outside the family, you fell in love - and then fell out of love. And dangers lead to suffering. And before you rush headlong into the pool, ask yourself the question - are you ready for this?

From the practice of a psychotherapist

Apart is impossible, but together is impossible

The story of Katya S.

A friend brought Katya to see a psychotherapist. The woman was in a deranged state: she cried, was hysterical, and for a long time could not explain what the problem was. She is 31, a manager in a large company, head of a department, earns good money, and carefully monitors her appearance. She is known as a collected and conscientious person. And suddenly - such a storm of emotions. The reason is still the same - neurotic love: “He doesn’t need me, he humiliates me, I broke up my family because of him, and he... But I can’t live without him.”

Katya was married for 7 years. The husband, a quiet, calm “boy from a good family,” was in love with a spectacular excellent student from the first year of college. In the end, he “starved out” - the girl married him. They lived well: Andrei spoiled his wife as best he could and did most of the housework, but Katya was bored in her marriage. She lacked passions and emotions. Somehow, during the course of work, I met Stanislav, the complete opposite of the gentle and quiet Andrey. Decisive, tough in some places, as catchy and spectacular as Katya herself - a real man who captivated her almost instantly. The romance proceeded very rapidly: they were drawn to each other like a magnet. Katya realized that she could not live without Stas. For a long time she led a “double” life, then she told everything to her husband - and left him. But, as it turned out, living with Stas was also impossible: daily scandals and insults. Two weeks ago, Katya found out that Stas was unfaithful to her. She went to see a friend, but a week later she returned: “I’ll forgive everything, just be with me.” And Stas closed the door in her face...

Katya and Stas are a typical vector couple: they are drawn to each other, but they don’t work out together. Both are self-centered and infantile: they require increased attention to themselves, but do not want to give anything in return. The psychotherapist began working with Katya on a personal correction program, the main task of which is to see yourself from the outside and realize your mistakes. This is achieved with the help of “miracle questions”, the meaning of which is to understand “what I am not doing so that we understand each other, and what I should do so that everything is fine with us.” Gradually, Katya seems to take off her rose-colored glasses: she realizes how cruelly she behaved towards her husband, how demanding she was towards Stas. She also understands that Stas does not respect her and does not value her as a person. Nevertheless, the feeling for this person is very strong...

With the help of a psychotherapist, Katya decides to break up with Stas. She learns to “love him without him”: she joyfully remembers the happy moments spent together, but does not allow her feelings to destroy her from the inside. Rejects his attempts to get closer again. Reads literature suggested by the psychotherapist. He begins to attend a women's club, where he finds friends. Six months later, she is completely “cured” of her addiction and... returns to her husband. Now she builds a relationship with him according to completely different principles. And she feels happy and fulfilled!

The love that books and romantic films promote is a strong and bright feeling that, as a rule, remains for life. In reality, sometimes things are different. Circumstances separate people, and this very “strong and bright” feeling is not so easy to get rid of. Unrequited love oppresses and crushes, does not allow you to move on, prevents you from starting a new life and relationship. Dealing with this does not seem easy, but psychologists recommend several effective ways.

Girls, perhaps, suffer the most from unrequited love, although guys also have difficulty weaning themselves from strong feelings, but the male psyche is structured differently. Female psychology in most cases is monogamous in nature and, having become “attached with their soul” to a certain person, women have difficulty getting rid of love, especially when it is strong.

It is impossible to stop loving a guy with a snap of your fingers - it is a matter of long, hard work and psychological exercises. As tips for falling out of love with a person, psychologists note 10 main recommendations.

Throw the person out not only from your head, but also from your environment.

It is extremely difficult to do this, but it is not for nothing that psychologists unanimously insist that you should get rid of any reminders of your ex-partner, whom you need to stop loving as quickly as possible.

When people break up, they do so because the relationship has outlived its usefulness, but things that remind you of happy days together create a false impression that things were good together. As a result, people come together again and disperse again, hurting each other.

Therefore, in order not to hurt yourself even more, get rid of gifts, photos together, forgotten things and other things that remind you of your ex. If you don’t feel like throwing it away or selling it, put everything in a box and hide it in the farthest corner.

Gestalt therapy

At the stage of broken relationships, the most important condition for their passing without a trace is complete logical completion. “When you leave, leave,” said the famous classic, and for good reason: as long as there are omissions, resentments, empty hopes in the relationship and it is not completely clear whether you will get back together or not, you will not be able to calm down. So close the relationship.

There are different methods for this. You can express everything you think about a past relationship in person, in a letter or in a recording, and if this is not possible, then use a Gestalt therapy exercise: put a chair in front of you and imagine that your ex-partner is sitting behind it, and tell him everything what has accumulated. After this it will become much easier, a feeling of completion will appear.

A contract with yourself

An agreement with oneself is a particularly complex decision, it is not easy, and to consolidate it it will be effective to define the boundaries and conditions for making a decision. In some ways, this method is reminiscent of Gestalt therapy, also requiring visualization to set a psychological block.

Take a piece of paper and make a contract with yourself, according to which you agree to stop loving a certain person. And come up with conditions that will work both in case of execution and in case of non-execution. You can even involve a “second” - a third party you trust.

The desire to get something good and the fear of doing something that you don’t want to do will help you cope with unrequited feelings.

Discrediting the image

Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, author of many books, bluntly states that we love not a person, but an image that we create for ourselves. Essentially he is right. We may ignore the negative actions of a loved one because to us they appear positive. And we love precisely the positive image that we like.

In order to fall out of love, one must discredit this image, turn it from positive, if not negative, then at least neutral. For example, sit down and make a list of all the unpleasant situations that occurred due to his fault, his negative qualities and bad habits. Draw a cartoon or admire the not-so-successful photos.

Removal by filling

When emotions accumulate inside, seethe and flare up every now and then, the human mind is busy calming them down and cannot let in anything new. But in order to pour water from a vessel that cannot be turned over, you can “push out” this water.

Yes, it's a little insensitive, but try comparing a mental wound to a scratch on your finger. You won’t be poking around at it, looking at all the details almost around the clock, will you? So you can lose a finger, but the same thing with the soul. Leave her wounds to “heal” and treat her with books, films, music, games, communication with friends, do not forget to do the same with the body.

Changing your social circle

Often, when you break up, common connections or people with whom you often appeared with your former partner remain. Such people remind you of the breakup by the very fact of their existence, and if they also sympathetically ask why you broke up, this will not make it any easier for you.

Try changing your social circle, finding new friends, joining a youth group. New acquaintances will help you get distracted and get a taste of life.

Focusing on your wish list

The recovery period after a breakup drags on for a long time if you do nothing and wait for everything to go away on its own. We all understand this perfectly well, but it’s not clear what to do so as not to sit without strength.

A great option is to make a wish list, and the more, the better. Then you need to start completing the list. This will bring you benefits and positive emotions, and will also help you recover not only from a painful breakup, but also get rid of obsessive, unrequited feelings.

Diary of Joy

Strong feelings that you want to get rid of take away almost all your strength and emotions. Therefore, it is important to accumulate and strengthen any positive emotions distracted from the fever of love.

Get yourself a separate notebook and write down everything that brings you joy. So you will learn to find the bright even in the little things in life. An alternative option is the 100-day photo challenge with a psychological overtone, which consists of taking a photograph for one hundred days of something that made you happy that day, and a new one every day.

Sublimate the negative

Do something that will take away your time for whining and procrastination caused by the impotence of unrequited love. Take overtime, get a second job, start a new project that takes a lot of energy.

This way, not only will you have no time left to think about your feelings, but you will also have additional income that you can spend to your advantage.

Contact a specialist

If nothing helps, and love becomes like mania, it may be better to consult a psychologist or even a psychotherapist. Such strong feelings can destroy your psyche.

Falling out of love with someone who is far away is a matter of time and work on yourself. Is it possible to stop loving a person while living with him is a much more interesting question. When a former partner or husband flashes before your eyes every day, but treats you coldly and indifferently, like a stranger, falling out of love with him seems to be of paramount importance.

In any case, the first thing that should help is a change of living space. It will not be possible to stop loving your husband while living with him, especially during the process of divorce. It is necessary to move away from him as quickly as possible.

Moving away, dotting the i's and changing priorities - this is the main essence of any course of action in order to stop loving a former partner, husband or married man.

Many of the above list of psychological tips work for both sexes, but for men, the following are the best ways to stop loving a girl or wife:

• Do what you love. You can even make a separate list for yourself that brings you the most joy. Try everything you can and find what interests you the most - this is practically the only instant method of getting over a girl. Forgetting, unfortunately, is not the same as falling out of love, but redirecting love to a hobby always works without fail.
• Just wait. Live, look for new girls, mind your own business, over time, old feelings will go away. Running around and seeking the love of someone who doesn’t show it is the last thing a self-respecting man should do.
• Workout. All feelings can be redirected to sports and physical activity. This not only helps to distract from obsessive thoughts, but also cultivates health.
• Meet others. It’s not a fact that you will immediately meet someone else who will help you “cure” from your love for your previous girlfriend, but at least you will be able to compare her with others and understand that the world does not end with one person.

Girls, much more than guys, like to break up without breaking up - that is, to meet and take advantage of the guy’s willingness to help with everything in the hope of restoring the relationship. Therefore, the first thing you should not do is succumb to such manipulation. Clearly differentiate the relationship between friendly and romantic, so as not to harbor false hopes and please the girl’s vanity.

What to do if you fall in love with a friend?

In the life of a rare girl, such a situation has never happened when a spark flashed in a friendly relationship, and there are many rosy stories on the Internet about how a strong friendship turned into a strong family. However, the harsh reality of the “friend zone” happens much more often, when the first step is either taken and the answer is negative, or the circumstances do not imply the possibility of a relationship at all. But the feelings already exist and something needs to be done with them.

Before you do anything, you need to get an accurate answer to two questions:

1. Are your feelings love or affection?
2. Is a relationship possible in the best case scenario?

It's really important to answer the first question before answering the second. Think about it, are you really in love or are you just too attached to a person and are grateful for the emotions that friendship gives you? Often people make a huge mistake by not trying to distinguish between falling in love and emotional attachment. This is difficult, but necessary, and you can do this by analyzing your feelings in previous relationships and comparing them with what you feel for your friend.

If you are sure that you are in love, you have a choice: try to open your feelings or refuse them.

In the first case, it is very important to weigh everything well and decide what is more valuable to you - the friendship that exists, or the vague opportunity to start a relationship. In the second case, it is better to mentally prepare for the worst case scenario and, in order to minimize negative consequences, at least superficially find out what the chances are that your friend also likes you. If he is free, the chances increase sharply, and if he is busy, they decrease by an order of magnitude.

When it is clear that there will be no relationship, but there are feelings, it is extremely difficult to stop loving your best friend, especially if he does not know about your feelings. There are different ways to do this: cut off communication, start communicating more with other people, resort to the options from the first list of tips for girls, or try to wait. Perhaps over time, the fire that breaks out will subside on its own, without replenishment.