We are publishing another thriller of all concerts and evenings - comic skit codenamed "Rubber". Written back in the eighties, it has not lost its relevance and has survived more than one generation of performers. Due to its content, we recommend that this skit be shown to adult audiences only. Very suitable for a motorist's day, a corporate event for a motor transport company, a car dealership or service center. And it will be very suitable for students of mechanical engineering departments of all kinds of universities.

The scene involves: A motorist, a condom buyer, and an online store employee.

Motorist: Hello, is this the point for issuing orders from Vazon dotka ru?

Vazon.ru employee: Yes, Vazon dot ru. What do you want?

Motorist: I ordered: tires for Zhiguli at low prices. Here is an SMS with a confirmation code

Vazon.ru employee: Yes, wait there, I’ll bring it from the warehouse now

The motorist goes to the edge of the stage. A Vazon.ru employee goes to another backstage and comes across a buyer of condoms.

Buyer of condoms: Hello, is this a vazon dotka ru pick-up point?

Vazon.ru employee: Yes. What do you want?

Buyer of condoms: Sorry... I bought it from your website... To be honest, I’m embarrassed to talk about this... I need... in short, here... (gives the order form)

Rabotnikvazon.ru: (loudly) Condoms! What's there to be shy about? Everyone needs them. How much did you order there?

Condom Buyer: Lots! Two!

Vazon.ru employee: Tons?

Buyer of condoms: Pieces

Vazon.ru employee: Two pieces? (grins) Okay, let's do it.

Vazon.ru employee leaves. There is an awkward pause of anticipation. A motorist approaches a condom buyer.

Motorist: Are you talking about tires?

Condom Buyer: Excuse me?

Motorist: Well, have you come to buy tires?

Condom Buyer: No! I mean yes!

Motorist: What tires will you take? Ours or imported?

Buyer of condoms: Of course, imported ones! With ours, you know, it won’t take long to get pregnant.

Motorist: That's for sure. What size?

Condom Buyer: What?

Motorist: Well, what tire size?

Condom Buyer: I don't know...

Motorist: How is it possible - you take tires, but don’t know the size? For example, I know for sure - I have 160, radius 13

Buyer of condoms: (pats the motorist, then himself) Of course, I don’t want to offend you, but, you know, I have more.

Motorist: Why be offended? Technology - it can be different!

Condom Buyer: So, are you a professional?

Motorist: Well, a professional - not a professional, but an experienced amateur.

Condom Buyer: How long have you been here?

Motorist: From the age of twelve. My first one was old, hunchbacked. My brother left for the army and left him. Father's still!

Buyer of condoms: Tell me, what kind of rubber do you prefer to use?

Motorist: Like everyone else - in ordinary summer, in winter - studded.

Buyer of condoms: So, studded ones - only in winter?

Motorist: Yes, to stud in the summer - just wash the studs.

Condom buyer: And your wife thinks so too?

Motorist: Why ask her woman? Her business is small - she sat down and went.

Buyer of condoms: Since we are having such a frank conversation, tell me - is yours easy to get started?

Motorist: Half a kick!

Buyer of condoms: I have such a hard time with mine. And yet I understand everything with my mind, but I can’t do anything.

Motorist: Uh, brother, here, like in any business, you need your hands. After all, until you stick your nose in, nothing will happen.

Buyer of condoms: Tell me, do you trust rubber?

Motorist: Rubber, of course, is a good thing. But the main thing is that there is pressure in the cylinder itself. For example, I won’t be lazy, I’ll get up in the morning, do fifty or sixty exercises, and everything will be fine.

Buyer of condoms: I like it better in the evening.

Motorist: So pump it in the evening, don’t pump it - she’ll still ask for hers in the morning.

Buyer of condoms: Mine doesn’t ask for anything...

Motorist: You probably change tires often.

Condom Buyer: Well... every time after you say "The balloon deflates"

Motorist: So what?

Condom buyer: I take it off and throw it away.

Motorist: What an eccentric man! Why throw it away? You can still seal it!

Condom buyer: No... I, you know, throw it away

Motorist: Well, you rich people won’t understand!

Workervazon.ru appears.

Vazon.ru employee: (To the motorist) Everything is fine, now go up to the second floor and give the documents to the storekeeper. By the way, who are you buying tires for?

Motorist: For Lada

Vazon.ru employee: (to the buyer of condoms) And I left it for you at the entrance - in a bag. I give!

Vazon.ru employee leaves.

Motorist: Who are you buying tires for?

Condom Buyer: Me? For Gali? (leaves)

Motorist: Galya? Oh, these Chinese - new brands appear every month!

Cool scenes for the anniversary
If you want to laugh heartily, laugh, and even bring you to tears, then we recommend you funny scenes for your anniversary. Our funny anniversary scenes will not leave you indifferent to laughter; you will laugh and laugh while the scene is going on. The scenes were created for the anniversary of a man and a woman. The scenes can also be used as congratulations on an anniversary.

For this cool scene you need three people: a car enthusiast, a base worker and a condom buyer.
Motorist: Good afternoon, is this a base? Can I buy tires for my car from you?
Base worker: Yes, base. Yes there are tires. Which one do you want?
Motorist: Here in the advertisement it was written that there is a cheap one for the Zhiguli.
Base worker: Yes, there is only one pair left, I’ll go and write it out for you.
A base worker goes to prescribe rubber and comes across a buyer of condoms.
Condom buyer: Good afternoon, are you a seller?
Base worker: Yes, what do you want?
Buyer of condoms: Yes, here’s the thing, how can I tell you, I need these, what’s their name, condoms.
Base worker: We have them, how many do you need?
Buyer of condoms: How many, how many, let's give a pair
Base worker: Okay, wait, I'll bring it.
The base worker leaves, and silence falls. A car enthusiast approaches a condom buyer.
Motorist: What, also for tires?
Condom Buyer: Who? I? Well, yes, it is necessary.
Motorist: Which one will you buy? Ours, or imported:
Buyer of condoms: You are asking for such personal things.
Motorist: I mean, personal???
Buyer of condoms: I always buy only imported ones. Ours is not strong, you can get knocked down.
Condom Buyer: Yes, you can get pregnant. What size are you buying?
Condom buyer: What do you mean size?
Motorist: Tire size, you said what size the seller needs?
Buyer of condoms: Yes, that seems clear.
Motorist: What an eccentric, he’s buying tires, but he didn’t say the size. For example, I have size 160, and radius 13!!!
Buyer of condoms: (looked at his appellant, then said to himself) I don’t want to brag, but it seems like I have more.
Motorist: But what, the technology is different for everyone.
Buyer of condoms: I can see that you are quite a professional.
Motorist: Not quite yet, still an amateur
Condom Buyer: How long ago?
Motorist: I don’t remember, maybe since I was 12. I got it from my brother, and he got it from his father. Yes, she is old, all hunchbacked.
Buyer of condoms: Which rubber do you use most often?
Motorist: Yes, everything depends on the weather, summer in summer, winter in winter.
Condom Buyer: What's studded only in winter?
Motorist: In the summer you will erase all the studs on a studded car.
Condom buyer: And your wife thinks the same?
Motorist: Who? Woman? Yes, her business is small, let’s go!
Condom Buyer: Hey, what are you like? Does it start easily for you?
Motorist: Yes, half a kick.
Condom Buyer: Lucky you. And I constantly struggle with mine.
Motorist: so the main thing here is in the hands. Until you touch it with your hands, it won’t start.
Buyer of condoms: But do you trust rubber?
Motorist: Rubber is rubber, but I still do 50 pumps every morning
Condom buyer: I like it better in the evening.
Motorist: in the evening, what a waste of pumping. In the morning he will ask again anyway.
Buyer of condoms: Mine doesn’t really ask for anything
Motorist: you probably change your tires often.
Buyer of condoms: Yes, like everyone else, after every time.
Motorist: how?
Buyer of condoms: What do you mean how? I just take it off and throw it away.
Motorist: why throw it away, you can seal it up.
Condom Buyer: Tape it? No thanks, it's better to throw it away right away.
Motorist: you can’t understand rich people
A base worker arrives.
Base employee: (To the motorist) I wrote everything out, go to the second floor, everything is ready there. I wanted to clarify: who are you buying tires for?
Motorist: frets for your old lady
Base worker: (to the buyer of condoms) And you will pick it up in a bag at the checkpoint, I wrapped it in a bag for you
Motorist: I don’t understand, who are you taking tires for?
Buyer of condoms: for Gali
Motorist: For Galya? For a foreign car or what?
And everyone leaves

The scene involves: Motorist, Condom Buyer, Base Worker.

Motorist: Hello, is this a base?

Base worker: Yes, base. What do you want?

Motorist: Here is an advertisement - tires for Zhiguli at low prices. Eat?

Base worker: Yes, wait there, I’ll write you out now.

The motorist goes to the edge of the stage. The base worker goes to another backstage and stumbles upon a buyer of condoms.

Condom buyer: Hello, is this a base?

Base worker: Yes. What do you want?

Condom buyer: Sorry... I'm following an ad. To be honest, I’m embarrassed to talk about this... I need... Condoms, excuse me...

Base worker: Why is this inconvenient? Everyone needs them. How old are you?

Condom Buyer: Lots! Two!

Base worker: Tons?

Buyer of condoms: Pieces

Base worker: Two pieces? (grins) Okay, let's do it.

The base worker leaves. There is an awkward pause of anticipation. A motorist approaches a condom buyer.

Motorist: Are you talking about tires?

Condom Buyer: Excuse me?

Motorist: Well, have you come to buy tires?

Condom Buyer: No! I mean yes!

Motorist: What tires will you take? Ours or imported?

Buyer of condoms: Of course, imported ones! With ours, you know, it won’t take long to get pregnant.

Motorist: That's for sure. What size?

Condom Buyer: What?

Motorist: Well, what tire size?

Condom Buyer: I don't know...

Motorist: How is it possible - you take tires, but don’t know the size? For example, I know for sure - I have 160, radius 13

Buyer of condoms: (looks at the motorist, then at himself) Of course, I don’t want to offend you, but, you know, I have more.

Motorist: Why be offended? Technology - it can be different!

Condom Buyer: So, are you a professional?

Motorist: Well, a professional - not a professional, but an experienced amateur.

Condom Buyer: How long have you been here?

Motorist: From the age of twelve. My first one was old, hunchbacked. My brother left for the army and left him. Father's still!

Buyer of condoms: Tell me, what kind of rubber do you prefer to use?

Motorist: Like everyone else - in ordinary summer, in winter - studded.

Buyer of condoms: So, studded ones - only in winter?

Motorist: Yes, to stud in the summer - just wash the studs.

Condom buyer: And your wife thinks so too?

Motorist: Why ask her woman? Her business is small - she sat down and went.

Buyer of condoms: Since we are having such a frank conversation, tell me - is yours easy to get started?

Motorist: Half a kick!

Buyer of condoms: I have such a hard time with mine. And yet I understand everything with my mind, but I can’t do anything.

Motorist: Uh, brother, here, like in any business, you need your hands. After all, until you stick your nose in, nothing will happen.

Buyer of condoms: Tell me, do you trust rubber?

Motorist: Rubber, of course, is a good thing. But the main thing is that there is pressure in the cylinder itself. copyright - http://site I, for example, won’t be lazy, I’ll get up in the morning, do fifty to sixty workouts, and that’s it.

Buyer of condoms: I like it better in the evening.

Motorist: So pump it in the evening, don’t pump it - she’ll still ask for hers in the morning.

Buyer of condoms: Mine doesn’t ask for anything...

Motorist: You probably change tires often.

Condom Buyer: Well... every time after you say "The balloon deflates"

Motorist: So what?

Condom buyer: I take it off and throw it away.

Motorist: What an eccentric man! Why throw it away? You can still seal it!

Condom buyer: No... I, you know, throw it away

Motorist: Well, you rich people won’t understand!

A base worker appears.

Base employee: (To the motorist) Everything is fine, now go up to the second floor and give the documents to the storekeeper. By the way, who are you buying tires for?

Motorist: For Lada

Base worker: (to the buyer of condoms) And I left it for you at the checkpoint - in a bag. I give!

The base worker leaves.

Motorist: Who are you buying tires for?

Condom Buyer: Me? For Gali? (leaves)

Motorist: Galya? Is it a foreign car?...

Driving test

Traffic police officer
Examinee

Him: Get behind the wheel! So... let's write down your data. Surname?
She: Kverkhtormashkina!
Him: Interesting surname!.. Name?
She: Accident!
He: Inter... (spits three times over his left shoulder) I’m thinking: is it better not to ask for your middle name?
She: Yeah! Better ask what time I rent!
Him: Which one?
She: Thirteenth!.. Do you believe in omens?
Him: I don’t believe it, but... blondes alarm me!.. From which driving school?
She: From the driving school named after. Schumacher! Crash Courses! For those who value time!
He: Good!.. The task is this: we drive for ten minutes - first in the city, then outside the city.
She: Or maybe just outside the city?.. My instructor taught me more outside the city! He says: driving through the forest, between tree stumps, is top class! I even took a bag with food: what if your engine stalls in the forest too...
Him: No, first to the city! The city has enough “stumps”! Turn on the ignition!
She: Turning it on!.. Oh, how excited I am!
Him: How to get started, where is the gear lever, I hope you know?
She: Of course! (without looking, he fumbles with his hand and finds something) Turning it on!
Him: (eyes bulging) Oh my! It hurts, damn it! Unclench your hand! This is the wrong lever!
She: How is it not that one?..
Him: This is the wrong lever! Don't you see?
She: (looks) Oh!.. But I also thought to myself: not a lever, but straight, some kind of button!.. Where is he then?
Him: Here, nearby! Turn on the speed with this lever, and lower this lever! It's a parking brake!
She: Well, you give it! This has never happened before in my practice: holding two levers in your hands at once! I was given only one instructor!.. Well, then, let's go!.. I turn it on!.. Why doesn't the car drive?..
He: Don’t you know where the gas pedal is? Didn't your instructor explain to you where your feet should be?
She: Well, he immediately explained: one foot should be in the right window, the other in the left!..
He: I’m already scared to go with you!..
She: What kind of panic mood is this, comrade examiner? My instructor was not afraid to ride with me! He says: with airbags like mine (strokes his bust), there’s nothing to worry about!
Him: As you can see, I don’t have such pillows!
She: Well, what?.. What's the problem? (winks) I'll share it on the road!
He: I already doubt that we will ever get under way!
She: Don’t worry: everyone touches me! (laughs) They touch their heads!.. Well, tell me, where is the lever? This one?.. I'm turning it on!
He: (covers his groin with his hands) I just ask you very much - don’t mix it up again! I'm planning more children!
She: No... you're not fit to be an instructor! They don't take people like that to driving schools! (sings) “They don’t hire people like that to be cosmonauts!”
Him: Why are you without a belt? Didn't the instructor explain why you should fasten your seat belt?
She: Why, he explained!.. At first he said it so that I would resist less! And then…
Him: What then?
She: And then he fastened it, because he himself began to be afraid!.. When I go into ecstasy, then... once I even tore off the seat! And no belt helped!
Him: Shall we press the gas?
She: We will! Which pedal should I press: left or right? Otherwise I'll get it wrong!
Him: On the right! Right foot!
She: Where is your right leg?
Him: You will kill me! This leg (points to himself) is right!
She understood! (tries to grab his leg)
Him: What are you up to again?! Why did you need my leg? Give me my leg, I say! This is not a pedal!
She: So you pointed it out yourself! (closing his eyes) What a lever that would be!..
He: Honest mother! Isn't it clear? Press with your foot!
She understood! I press!
He presses the gas sharply. Heads are thrown back, then forward, hitting the glass.
She: What was that?.. Who are you?.. Did I press the brake?..
Him: Yes, yes, you are a real brake! Just a stupor! (rubs his forehead) Why am I wasting time with you?.. I’ll give you a “failed” mark, come back later!
She: (trying to cry) Shall we do it again? I won’t do it again!.. I give my word of honor!..
Him: Why won’t I?
She: Press on the brakes! It's me out of excitement!
He: Eh, why am I so cordial!.. I give you one last try! Another number like this - don’t ask me again!.. Touch it! Just slowly!.. Slowly, I said... Gently…
She: Yes - touch it slowly, gently!.. (closing her eyes, begins to stroke his leg) Do you like it?..
Him: What are you talking about! Touch the car! Go!
She: Yes - touch the car!
He: First we go along this street, then turn right. It's on the outskirts, there's little traffic - there are fewer targets for you!
She: Hurray! Let's go!.. It worked!.. Just don't forget to show this intersection!
He: You’ll see for yourself!.. Well, we’re almost there!..
She: I don’t see!
Him: How can I not see this? Can’t you see how cars are going across our movement!
She: It’s good for you to talk, but I have myopia - minus twenty!
Him: How's myopia? Let's start slowing down: the traffic light is red!
She: And I see that the green light is on!
Him: Why are you arguing with me? I'm not colorblind!
She: But I’m colorblind!
Him: How? Women are not colorblind!
She: Look, you got one! I tell everyone that I am a rare woman - you won’t find anyone like her again! One and only!
Him: How did you pass the medical examination?
She: It’s simple: the medical examination passed me!..
Him: Brake quickly! So we will break!
She: No way! Otherwise you won’t give me credit!
Him: How is that, no way?..
She: I gave my word of honor! Don't you remember? I said: I won’t press the brakes anymore! Never!
Him: You are crazy! Why did I believe you! And why am I so cordial!.. For the last time I say - slow down! We're about to crash!
She: That's right: the last time! Let's say goodbye! What was your name?
He: Vasya... Are you tired of living?
She: No, Vasya! I'm tired of walking! Until I hand it over, I won’t give up the steering wheel!
He: Well, that's it! Hold on! (both close their eyes) Ufff!
She: What's strange? Almost all of them studied at the driving school named after. Schumacher! Green – stand, red – forward!
Him: And yellow?..
She: And yellow, naturally – back!
Him: How is that? Can't be!..
She: That's it! Do you know how many graduates of this school there are today? Completely behind the times! And he also works at the traffic police!
Him: Okay! The main thing is that we passed the intersection!
She: Nothing - there will be a new one soon! Don't forget to warn!
Him: I’m warning you: if you don’t stop...
She: And if I stop, then write “passed”?
Him: How can I write to you? With such a ride! You are doing the opposite!
She: Not true! Left behind from life! You'll see for yourself!
Him: Am I behind?.. And here comes the crossroads! Damn, it’s green!.. You can’t stop again! (waves his hand at her) Oh, go!
She: No way! This is when you need to slow down! I still want to live!
He: Go, I say! Green!
She: No way! Look, you see, everyone slowed down too! Those who turn red must be let through! Should I teach you something?
Him: How can I skip it?
She: No... you need to lead the movement of mammoths in the Stone Age! Do you see?.. There they are, off they go!.. Relatives!.. Graduates of the school named after. Schumacher! Accelerated courses!.. Those who value time!.. Hello guys! (waves his hand) And if we went to the green, then that’s it, good luck!.. Well, are we going to stand? The traffic light is on!
Him: So red tanned!
She: And they’re already honking at us from behind, they’re nervous! Do you see that shaven-headed muzzle in the jeep? He's already threatening us with his fist!.. They'll soon beat you up on the road!
He: Eh, eprst! (waves hand) Go! I'll believe it for the last time! And why am I so cordial?.. Let's just go back! And carefully, slowly: soon there will be a pedestrian crossing!
She: Don’t forget to warn me!.. So that I have time to take aim! When I played GTA on the computer, I tried to choose fatter pedestrians!
He: Maybe we should have taken machine guns for you too!
She: No, I can’t complete a single mission with you!.. Many of my classmates at the driving school have been without a license for a long time, but missions happen every day!
Him: What missions?
She: How? Didn't you know? Driving on red – one point; on red on a pedestrian road - two points; on a red light in front of a train - three points; driving in the opposite direction – four points; cut off a car - five points; get away from the cops - ten points! That's it!.. The whole city has been playing for a long time! Didn't you notice, or what?
He: Yoprst! Am I really behind the times?..
She: Yes! It’s a disgrace to drive with one point!.. Well, where is the pedestrian crossing?
He: No, we urgently need to stop before it’s too late! Snuggle up somewhere quickly!
She: And I’m already afraid to cuddle up to you! You are so unresponsive!.. And it scares me!
Him: Nothing scares you! Even the Japanese didn’t have such kamikazes! You should be put behind a torpedo with a steering wheel, shown the target, and sent forward!
She: What!.. The offer is tempting! (looks around the cockpit) And the torpedo is good, Japanese!.. I can imagine!.. How tomorrow we can become stars!.. On NTV!.. And Gleb Pyanykh himself will interview me!..
Him: Who else is this?..
She: How? Haven’t you seen the “Maximum” program and its host, Gleb Pyanykh? My idol!..
He: If you drive like this, then Fyodor Dushegubov himself will interview you!
She: Who else is this?..
Him: How? Have you not seen the prison and its leading investigator, Fedya Dushegubov? My idol!.. Turn here! Let's go out of town! Maybe I'll be lucky there?..
She: What luck? Not really, become my gentleman?..
Him: (desperately) Take the steering wheel away from you! Compared to you, I don’t want to meet my idol!
She: Which way should I turn? There are three arrows on the sign: right, straight and left?
Him: To the left!
She: I knew it! Everyone wants to go “left” with me! You are all the same!
He: Eprst! Well, what a day, on my head! Get out of town! (to the audience) Apparently, I will have to repeat the feat of one military pilot, who, in order not to fall on the city, took the burning car away, and he himself... (sniffs like Nikulin) and himself died... heroically!
She: And I have already accomplished my feat! For the first time, driving by myself! If I don’t pass the exams, then at least I’ll get some driving!.. Do you have a lot of gasoline?
He: The demon has fooled me! As luck would have it, the tank was full!.. We don’t even have the necessary warning sign! Why is there a “student” driving, a “disabled person” driving, but the most important thing is still missing?..
She: Which one?
Him: “Blonde” is driving!
She: They say there is such a sign!..
He: We don’t have that!
She: We have it, but in the Caucasus we have it for a long time! By the way, they love blondes there! There, if they see a blonde driving, a whole tail lines up behind her! Everyone honks, gives way, and pedestrians dance the “Lezginka”!
He: Have you been to the Caucasus?
She: No... The Caucasus was on me!.. His name was Ashotik!.. I often told him: “Take me, well, take me!” I made it!..
He: Eprst! Completely distracted with you! We've been rushing in the opposite direction for a long time!
She: That’s what I see: everyone is honking their horn and dancing “Lezginka” right behind the wheel!
He: But they won’t give in to us! Quickly turn into your lane!
She: How can I turn? It's already late! There are cars there - one to one! But we'll get so many points!..
Him: What points! Then quickly turn left from the road and onto the side of the road!
She: I can’t go to the side! Let's crush!..
Him: Who will we crush?
She: There are beautiful flowers growing there! Daisies!..
He: Eh! Eprst!.. (grabs the steering wheel and twists it to the left)
She: There’s a tree there! (covers eyes with hands)
A blow is heard. Both lean forward, hitting the glass, and he ends up in the “on her” position.
She: (waking up) What was that?.. Who is this on me?.. Ashotik, tell me - is it you?.. And who?.. Vasek?.. Shurik?.. Lyolik?.. (feels) What- I don’t remember this!.. And he tore my skirt! What a cheeky fellow!.. Now she’s made it!.. They don’t even say their name anymore and don’t take off their clothes! Even shoes!
Him: (waking up) Who am I wearing? Lyubushka?.. No: Lyubushka smells like pies... Katyukha?.. Raika?.. (rubbing his eyes) Accident?!!
She: Yeah! Accident! And I recognized you!.. And you seem to be closer!.. Well, come on, hold me tight!.. Do you hear?.. Take me, quickly!
He: How about that?.. We had a driving test?..
She: Yeah, he was there and he floated away!.. Well, take me! Hurry up!.. Just fasten your belt on me tighter! I'm a rare bitch! Now I will take the exam!
He: Eh, eprst!.. (to the audience) What should we do? Okay, I'll believe her for the last time! And why am I so cordial?..

(Can be played on Motorist Day or Trade Day)
For this cool scene you need three people:

A car lover, base worker and condom buyer.

Motorist: Good afternoon, is this the base? Can I buy tires for my car from you?

Base worker: Yes, base. Yes there are tires. Which one do you want?

Motorist: Here in the ad it was written that there was a cheap one for the Zhiguli.

Base worker: Yes, there’s only one pair left, I’ll go and write them out for you.

A base worker goes to prescribe rubber and comes across a buyer of condoms.

Buyer : Good afternoon, are you a seller?

Base worker: Yes, what do you want?

Buyer: Yes, here’s the thing, how can I tell you, I need these, what’s their name, condoms.

Base worker: We have them, how many do you need?

Buyer: How many, how many, let's have a couple

Base worker: Okay, wait, I'll bring it.

The base worker leaves, and silence falls. A car enthusiast approaches a condom buyer.

Motorist: What, also for tires?

Buyer: Who? I? Well, yes, it is necessary.

Motorist: Which one will you buy? Ours, or imported:

Buyer: You are asking such personal things.

Motorist: I mean, personal???

Buyer: I always buy only imported ones. Ours is not strong, you can get knocked down.

Motorist: Yes, you can get pregnant. What size are you buying?

Buyer : You mean size?

Motorist: Tire size, you said what size the seller needs?

Buyer: Yes, it seems so clear.

Motorist: Here's an eccentric, he's buying tires, but he didn't tell me the size. For example, I have size 160, and radius 13!!!

Buyer: (looked at his appellant, then spoke to himself) I don’t want to brag, but it seems like I have more.

Motorist: Well, well, the technique is different for everyone.

Buyer: I can see that you are quite a professional.

Motorist: Not quite yet, still an amateur

Buyer: And how long?

Motorist: I don’t remember, maybe since I was 12. I got it from my brother, and he got it from his father. Yes, she is old, all hunchbacked.

Buyer: What tires do you use most often?

Motorist: Yes, everything depends on the weather, summer in summer, studded in winter.

Buyer: What's studded only in winter?

Motorist: In the summer you will erase all the thorns on the studded one

Buyer: And your wife thinks the same?

Motorist: Who? Woman? Yes, her business is small, she sat down and went!

Buyer: Wow, what a person you are. Does it start easily for you?

Motorist: Yes, with half a kick.

Buyer: Lucky you. And I constantly struggle with mine.

Motorist: So the main thing here is in the hands. Until you touch it with your hands, it won’t start.

Buyer: But do you trust rubber?

Motorist: Rubber is rubber, but I still do 50 pumps every morning

Buyer: I like it better in the evening.

Motorist: In the evening, what a waste to download. In the morning he will ask again anyway.

Buyer : Mine doesn’t really ask for anything

Motorist: You probably change tires often.

Buyer: Yes, like everyone else, after every time.

Motorist: How?

Buyer: What do you mean how? I just take it off and throw it away.

Motorist : Why throw it away, you can seal it up.

Buyer: Tape it? No thanks, it's better to throw it away right away.

Motorist: You won't understand the rich

A base worker arrives.

Base worker: (to the motorist) I wrote everything down, go to the second floor, everything is ready there. I wanted to clarify: who are you buying tires for?

Motorist: For my old lady Lada

Base worker: (to the buyer of condoms) And you will pick it up in a bag at the checkpoint, I wrapped it in a bag for you

Motorist: I don’t understand, who are you buying tires for?

Buyer : For Gala

Motorist: For Gala? Didn't understand. For a foreign car or what?

And everyone leaves