“The guy acts like a child. What to do?" - this is the question looming in the minds of some serious young ladies. Let's try to analyze this problem (is it a problem?) in more detail.

How children and adults behave

Behaviors characteristic of children:

A good-natured attitude towards the whole world.
Openness and joy to everything new.
Positivity, lack of evaluation of someone or something.
Absence of behavioral patterns, stereotypes of thinking.
Trust in people, an open position without concealment or gossip.
Lack of planning your life for five years, a year, even a month in advance.
Laugh when it's funny and cry when it's sad or painful.

Only part of the variety of children's behavior is listed. Look carefully at these points. Adults usually. It is believed that people, leaving childhood and school age, should become different, they supposedly do not have the right to enjoy the world, they must stock up, plan and train their beloved husband, wife and be serious (smile a little). They are also believed to know everything better. But tell me, hand on heart, isn't it sad?

For comparison, below is a description of the behavior of an “adult,” a serious person, wise with life experience:

A preconceived opinion about almost everything in the world that can rarely be corrected.
Avoidance of spontaneous actions.
Strict adherence to behavioral stereotypes that are imposed by society, the team, and the parents of an adult (who was previously a child).
Maintain a calm and serious business expression.
Criticism of everything.

Why does the guy act like a child? Destroying stereotypes.

As popular wisdom says: “The older a man is, the more expensive his toys are.”

Now you can compare from the above how children and adults behave. So, if a guy behaves like a child, doesn’t this mean that his mind is not yet completely blinkered and filled with far-fetched problems (well, maybe one or two of all the problems are real), that he still retains a light, joyful, open mind? attitude to life? Or maybe he just loves you and is happy? It’s hard to believe that there are adults who, behind a serious expression on their faces, do not at least sometimes feel a longing for childhood, as if for a bygone fairy tale.

Judging by the social role of a woman, she is often given greater responsibility than a man. Yes, in prehistoric times a man risked his life to get food, but now both sexes can earn money and use their talents in completely unimaginable areas of human activity. And the woman, just as she bore children and raised them, continues to bear them today, later taking care of the younger generation. That's the difference.

The next point: in the most tender period for all people, the mother plays an extremely important role. The image of a mother or woman, in principle, remains some kind of ideal forever in the subconscious. Special moments in the life of any person are associated with a woman. When a guy and a girl meet, live together, establish relationships, the girl begins to “try on” the role of a future mother. And a guy, especially a loving one, gives her his love, which partially contains a modified tenderness for his mother. Is it bad that next to you he abandons all problems, he wants to fool around, jump, and be happy? This is wonderful!

If something depressed or embarrassed him in the relationship, then you would not see childish behavior. So to the question “The guy behaves like a child. What to do?" the answer is: “Enjoy life as he did, and appreciate the trust and affection shown to you.” If you find yourself thinking “I’m acting like a child with my guy...”, then your couple will turn out to be an excellent, positive union of two happy people, provided that you don’t bother those around you and can take care of yourself in between games.

Why do guys act like children? The appropriateness of such behavior

However, not all “childish” behavior is interpreted as a normal, easy, positive attitude towards life. You need to study in more detail the reasons and nuances of your lover’s childhood behavior. A person is a multifaceted, complex and versatile being, so this is a normal situation of child behavior, but in those cases or periods of life when it is appropriate. If in response to the request “please buy some bread, otherwise we have nothing to eat…” the guy makes funny faces – that’s another story.

If, after a thorough analysis of the motives of your loved one’s behavior, you decide that the guy’s childish behavior borders on abnormality, a devil-may-care attitude, and not an enthusiastic attitude towards life, then you need to do something about it. Let him feel that (exactly half) of your common life together lies with him.

Say that you are not against his self-expression of any kind, but only if he also participates in the formation of the relationship, if he does not put the solution to all issues on his shoulders. Explain that you are not a mother, that your love for him is by no means maternal, but of a different nature.

Taking care of your husband, boyfriend, or fiance is a wonderful manifestation of love, but any concept in this life has boundaries. Yes, they are very vague, but if you feel that your relationship has moved to a different plane, explain your position to the guy. Just don't forget to praise them for something first. Since he behaves like a child, it will work, and he will listen to you and think about what you said at his leisure, if you are dear to him. Follow this rule: don’t overdo it. Keep in mind that the guy will act like a child while you act like a mother. Stick to the golden mean; in 100% of life situations concerning relationships between a guy and a girl, this helps.

Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulletin blog!

“Why does a man act like a child? What is this, immaturity? A woman should be behind a man, like behind a stone wall, and not be his nanny, who should solve problems for him and know what he wants in life,” writes Evgeniya.

“You often mention in your blog about psychologically immature men. What if a man behaves like a child when difficulties begin and problems need to be solved? When I told him about this, he laughed and said that men are big children,” Olga writes.

“At first we had a great relationship, he ran after me like a little dog. Then he suddenly calmed down and, in response to my questions, asked me to give him time to think about whether we should develop our relationship further. I was tired of waiting and I asked him, are we breaking up then or what? He admitted that he doesn’t know if he’s ready for this, because then he won’t be able to go to nightclubs and will have to break up with other girls with whom he periodically meets. It turns out that I was not the only one with him, but simply one of his favorites. And the man, by the way, is already over 40, has never been married. So he will probably jump through life and never grow up. And now I have to start again,” writes Julia.

Read about which men are best to target in my last article →. And in this issue we will look at one strange thing in the behavior of some men.

Is a man a big baby?

It is often said that a man is a big child. And in principle, this is not bad if we are talking about the desire to discover the world, learn new things, develop logical and creative potential through games. Children, unlike adults, are not yet burdened with negative experiences and irrational fears that prevent them from living normally and enjoying every day, every new event.

My friends’ little 4-year-old daughter took an iPhone, downloaded the application and started playing. Dad was amazed at how quickly and easily she learned to use a technique with which he himself does not always find a common language. In fact, the child is not yet subject to stereotypes and fears that learning new things is difficult and scary; his consciousness is free from oppressive irrational thoughts and blocking defense mechanisms.

We often slow ourselves down with stereotypical thinking, fears and stop in our development. Therefore, in the sense of immediate, stereotype-free perception of reality and the thirst to master the world, it is even useful to remain a child, openly smiling at the new day. This is a wonderful quality in both a man and a woman.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Unfortunately, childish behavior is not always a sign of spontaneity. More than 20 years ago, a social phenomenon was discovered in society, which was given the name “Peter Pan syndrome”. This term was introduced by American psychotherapist Dan Keighley. Peter Pan is the main character of James Barrie's fairy tale, a 12-year-old boy who lives on a fairy-tale island and never grows up. You may have already seen this in your life: but still behaves like a child when difficulties and problems arise.

The main feature of men with Peter Pan syndrome is the fear of taking responsibility for themselves and others. They evade their responsibilities in every way, do not admit their mistakes and like to blame others or external circumstances. In other words, these are men who, in the process of growing up, have not developed into a mature personality.

Such men feel that they cannot meet the demands placed on them as adults. They cannot cope with reality and take refuge in their own world, where everything is easy and nothing is serious. They are not able to truly establish close relationships either with a woman, or with friends, or with loved ones. As a rule, their relationships with the opposite sex are short-lived.

Psychotherapeutic practice collected by various specialists shows that “Peter Pan syndrome” can be caused by a genetic predisposition, such as high extraversion combined with low emotionality and environmental influences.

Often, such immature men had a very strict father and did not feel love in their family. The parents made high demands on the boy, wanting to make him successful and guide him along a certain path. Perhaps he was forced to follow in his parents' footsteps and study a certain profession. The boy was forced to play a role that did not correspond to his abilities and interests. In such a situation, the child goes into his inner world, in which he does not grow up.

Another case of the development of “Peter Pan syndrome” is when parents overprotect the child and do not teach him responsibility. If a man was not taught to take responsibility in childhood and adolescence, then it will be difficult for him to do this as an adult. He prefers the easy way: remaining a little boy at heart.

Such men often experience chronic feelings of boredom and are therefore in search of fun and adrenaline. They may be committed to extreme sports, get involved in sexual adventures, alcohol and drugs. On the one hand, they want to be loved, but they lack the maturity to maintain a reliable relationship. On the other hand, they claim that they want to live the life that has always suited them, that is, easily and carefree. Most of them suffer from emotional isolation, which is compensated by exaggerated behavior, such as narcissism or macho behavior.

Staying young at heart is the desire of many people, but it has nothing to do with psychological immaturity. The ability to take responsibility gives us the opportunity for self-realization, the ability to develop further and discover new facets of a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, many women have to deal with psychologically immature men. I know a man who first meets women and then runs away from them, sleeps with his small dog and spends all his income only on his own entertainment. I ask him: " listen, you’re already over forty, when will you get married? To which he answers me like this: “before getting married, I first want to go around the world and see other cultures...” This is truly a big child, for whom life is a continuous adventure and game. To marry means to give up play and adventure, and this is impossible for him.

Greetings, dear readers! If your husband acts like a child, and you don’t know what to do, then our article is for you! Here we will look at the main reasons for this behavior, as well as ways to solve the problem.

By following the recommendations below, you can correct your husband's habits and make him the real head of the family. Do not forget that in order for your husband not to behave like a child, it is important to let him understand that he is the support in the family and you cannot cope without him.

If you already have a child in the family, then this is a good reason to “re-educate” your chosen one. Don’t forget to occasionally tell your husband that your child looks up to him, and therefore it’s time to behave accordingly. Such a comparison will show the chosen one the full responsibility of his behavior.

Try to build a trusting relationship with your husband. Do not criticize or scold him like a child, but rather support him so that he begins to behave differently. The chosen one should feel that you are his comrade-in-arms and good friend, and not his mother. Try to clearly divide housework responsibilities in your family so that your loved one knows which actions he is responsible for and which you are responsible for.

Dear readers, we sincerely hope that in our article you have found effective recommendations on how to make your husband stop acting like a child. We say goodbye to you with the faith that you will be able to have relationships in your family.

If your friends have the same problems in their family as you, you can recommend that they read our article on the social network.

Have you ever heard of the term “KIDALT”? This is a relatively recent concept, but quite suitable for a certain kind of guy. Most of us probably have at least one boyfriend who acts like Peter Pan. A charming adult teenager who touches and irritates at the same time. These are men who are clinging with all their might to an elusive childhood, avoiding taking on responsibilities and abstracting themselves from pressing problems.

There was a lot of talk about Peter Pan syndrome in 1983, when the book “Men Who Never Grew Up” by American psychologist Dan Kiley appeared on store shelves. Who among us does not remember the eternal child Peter, whose life was full of adventure and magic? The desire to remain in a carefree childhood is typical of many modern teenagers. Some children do not know how to grow up, others do not want to. In the first case, we can talk about typical asociality, when the child does not find a way to become part of society. It is difficult for such boys (and subsequently teenagers and adult men) to leave the comfort zone with which they associate a happy childhood. When a child is small, he is cared for, protected, and important decisions are made for him. Growing up, the boy is faced with the need to show independence. It scares. If a teenager does not know how to adapt to adult life, it is partly the fault of the parents, who did not provide answers to important questions in time or went too far with guardianship. If a boy does not want to mature and take responsibility for his actions, this indicates his inability to adapt to the world around him, as well as selfishness, irresponsibility, a tendency to manipulate, and infantilism. According to psychologists, regardless of the nature of the manifestations, Peter Pan syndrome is considered as a psychological deviation, which must be corrected with the help of specialists. In real life, such guys are wonderful friends with whom you can go on a sudden trip, go to bars, snowboard and do other cute nonsense. But when you enter into a romantic relationship with them, your whole life turns into hell.
So how can you avoid the eternal Peter Pans? Here are a few signs of a man who is a scammer:

“Adulting” causes him stress
He is light and funny, he can burst into laughter, he can take you for a walk in the park at night, buy candy with all his money... But as soon as he is fined for jaywalking or reprimanded at work, he falls into a terrible depression, and in some cases sometimes even cries. Often, after this, kids withdraw into themselves, play computer games or watch TV series without leaving home.

Emotional immaturity
He is no longer fifteen years old, but he is still unable to control his emotions. For example, he cries or throws tantrums because he doesn’t get what he wants or because he is unable to cope with the situation.

Addiction
He's just having fun, right? So, it's completely normal that he spent his money on pizza and cheap wine and has already been watching anime all day. Many guys of this type quickly become alcoholics or become addicted to psychotropic substances to escape adult reality. Escapism is a common trait among “manchildren”. Drinking with friends on the weekend is one thing, but if you constantly watch your partner try to drink at least a bottle of beer, think twice. You may already be dealing with a bearded teenager who will spend all his income on soft drugs and action figures of the new "Avengers".

He has a negative attitude towards the institution of family
Marriage and children categorically frighten such men. If their friend gets married, he is immediately perceived negatively, and the connections gradually fade away. Kidalt doesn’t understand why having children and spending time with them. He is afraid of a serious relationship.

Escapism
The man can't face the truth. It is easier for him to ignore problems than to solve them. With age, the fear of reality only grows stronger, and a man looks for ways to escape from it into a carefree illusory world (addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling and computer games).

He cannot cope with a conflict situation. AT ALL.
A cheating man will act in two ways in a conflict situation:
1. Run away from her and pretend there is no problem
2. To take revenge in a childish way and say something in the spirit of “that’s how I am.” You will be accused of all mortal sins, and you yourself will be to blame for everything. ALWAYS.

He still dresses like a child
If your partner is 40, and he still runs to choose a sweatshirt with a funny print at H&M and doesn’t have a single jacket... It’s not so scary. But if your partner refuses to work somewhere where there is a dress code or fundamentally does not go to the opera because of this, think about it.

His priorities are distorted
He will probably forget that the rent is due soon or that all his socks are dirty. He can also spend the whole day tidying up his computer desk while everything around him is a complete mess. He might choose to go to the Avengers premiere or a spontaneous trip instead of a friend's wedding.

He doesn't feel the need to clean up
When two adults live in the same apartment, it is usually expected that they will also share household responsibilities. But he's probably the type of person whose parents did all the cleaning for him, so he just doesn't notice how dirty the house is.

You can't rely on him
If it doesn’t concern such “important” things as choosing a beer or a movie session, then forget that this man will do something for you if it requires any effort. If you tell him even half a year in advance that on a certain date you will need to go to your grandmother’s anniversary, then you will definitely find out that he is going to the concert of his dreams on that day. He will forget to pay your general bills, in short, he will shift all important things to you (financial ones included). He will ask you to buy him plane tickets, book a hotel... In short, you will also become his secretary.

Psychologists note several critical periods for Peter Pan:
Before the age of 17, a boy is diagnosed with anxiety, lack of self-confidence, irresponsibility, misanthropy, and puberty disorders.
From 18 to 22 years old, the young man suffers from narcissism and male chauvinism
Persistent depression is observed from 23 to 25 years of age
From 26 to 33 years old - a man experiences dissatisfaction with himself, the people around him and circumstances; unable to start a family and move up the career ladder
From 31 to 45 years old - continues to be depressed, plunges headlong into the abyss of a midlife crisis
From the age of 45, a man is overcome by gloomy thoughts. In order to somehow diversify his monotonous existence, he falls into childhood (for example, he buys adult toys: cars, equipment, computer games), escapes from reality, gets young companions and prefers to spend time with young friends.

When such a syndrome is identified, serious help from a psychologist is required. Unfortunately, Peter Pan Syndrome can very often lead to divorce, although it happens that a woman suffers with such a man-child all her life.