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100 examples of condolences for death

How to express condolences over death family and friends of the deceased? Mourning words of sorrow and support in difficult times. Sincere words of condolences about death - in short.

Mourning words of mourning for the deceased

Condolences are mourning words of sorrowwho express sympathy for death. Sincere condolences provide for the format of a personal, personal appeal - oral or text.

Within the framework or in public, condolences are also appropriate, but should be expressed briefly... In an expression of sympathy from a believer, you can add: "We pray for ___"... More information about the rules of condolences - on the site "Epitaphia.ru".

Etiquette condolences from muslims is distinguished by a fatal attitude towards death and acceptance of loss, as well as clear requirements for rituals, clothing, behavior, symbols, gestures.

Examples of condolences

Universal short words of sorrow

In the case when the words of condolence are pronounced after the burial or on the day of the funeral, it is possible (but not necessary) to add briefly: "Let the earth rest in peace!" If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then this phrase is convenient to complete the words of condolences, for example “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be of service. Count on me! "

I am shocked by this sad news. It's hard to accept. I share your pain of loss ...
My heart is broken by yesterday's news. I worry with you and remember ___ with the warmest words! It's hard to accept the loss of ___! Everlasting memory!
The news of death ___ is a terrible blow! It hurts even to think that we will not see him / her again. Please accept our condolences with your husband for your loss!
So far, the news of ___'s death seems like a ridiculous mistake! It is impossible to realize this! Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss!
My condolences! It hurts even to think about it, it's hard to talk. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory ___!
It is difficult to express in words how we ___ empathize with your loss of ___! Golden man, what a few! We will always remember about him (her)!
“This is an incredible, catastrophic loss. The loss of a real person, an idol, an exemplary family man and a citizen of his country "(about Ilya Segalovich). .
We empathize with your loss! The news of ___'s death amazed our entire family. We remember and remember ___ as a worthy person. Please accept our sincere condolences!
Weak consolation, but know that we are next to you in grief of loss ___ and sincerely empathize with your whole family! Everlasting memory!
“Words cannot convey all the pain and sorrow. Like a bad dream. Eternal rest to your soul, our dear and beloved Jeanne ”! (Grave and)
Incomprehensible loss! We all mourn the loss of ___, but of course it is even harder for you! We sincerely condole, and we will remember all our life! We want to provide any help that is needed at this moment. Count on us!
It's sad ... I respect and remember ___ and sincerely condole with your loss! The least that I can do today is help with something. At least I have four empty seats in my car.

Condolences on the death of mom, grandmother

I was stunned by this terrible news. For me, ___ is a hospitable hostess, a kind woman, but for you ... The loss of your mother ... I feel so sorry for you and cry with you!
We are very ... very sad, beyond words! It's hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of your mother is grief, against which there is no medicine. Please accept my sincere condolences to the loss!
___ was a model of delicacy and tact. Her memory will be as endless as her kindness to us all. Mom's departure is an incomparable grief. Please accept my deepest condolences!
Woe, incomparable! And I have no words to ease your pain. But I know that she would not like to see your despair. Be strong! Tell me, what could I take on these days?
We are happy that we knew ___. Her kind disposition and generosity amazed all of us, and this is how she will be remembered! It is difficult to express our sorrow in words - it is too great. Let the kindest memories and the bright memory of her become at least a little consolation!
The news of ___ leaving came as a shock to us. We can only guess what a blow her departure was for you. At such moments we feel abandoned, but remember that you have friends who loved and appreciated your mother. Count on our help!
Words cannot heal a terrible wound in the heart. But bright memories of ___, how honestly and with dignity she lived her life, will always be stronger than death. In the blessed memory of her, we are forever with you!
They say they love grandchildren even more than their children. We fully felt this love of our grandmother. This love will warm us all our lives, and we will pass on some of its warmth to our children and grandchildren ...
Losing loved ones is very difficult ... And the loss of a mother is the loss of a part of herself ... Mom will always be missed, but let her memory and mother's warmth be with you always!
Words cannot heal this wound of loss. But the bright memory of ___, who honestly and with dignity lived her life, will be stronger than death. We are with you in the eternal memory of her!
Her whole life was spent in countless labors and worries. Such a heartfelt and sincere woman we will remember her forever!
Without parents, without a mother, there is no one between us and the grave. May wisdom and fortitude help you get through these most difficult days. Hold on!
With ___ gone is the pattern of virtue! But she will remain a guiding star for all of us who remember her, love her and honor her.
It is ___ that you can dedicate kind words: "She, whose actions and deeds came from the soul, from the heart." May the earth rest in peace to her!
The life she lived has a name: "Virtue." ___ is the source of life, faith and love for loving children and grandchildren. The Kingdom of heaven!
How much we didn’t tell her during our lifetime!
Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! ___, as she lived modestly and quietly, she left meekly, as if the candle had gone out.
___ involved us in good deeds, and thanks to her we became better. For us ___ will forever remain a model of mercy and tact. We are happy that we knew her.
Your mother was an intelligent and bright person ... Many, like me, will feel that the world has become poorer without her.

Condolences on the death of husband, father, grandfather

We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was a just and strong man, a loyal and sensitive friend. We knew him well and loved him as a brother.
Our family grieves with you. The loss of such a reliable support in life is irreparable. But remember that we will be honored to help you whenever you need it.
My condolences, ___! The death of a beloved husband is a loss of oneself. Hold on, these are the toughest days! We grieve together with your grief, we are near ...
Today everyone who knew ___ mourns with you. This tragedy does not leave anyone close to indifferent. I will never forget my friend, and I consider it my duty to ___ to support you on any occasion, if you contact me.
I'm so sorry that ___ and I had disagreements at one time. But I have always appreciated and respected him as a person. I apologize for the moments of pride and offer you my help. Today and forever.
Thanks to your statements about his [qualities or good deeds], it seems to me that I have always known him. I condole with you about the death of such a loved one and such a soul close to you! Rest in peace…
I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your dad. This is a very sad and sad time for you. But good memories are what will help you get over this loss. Your father lived a long and colorful life and achieved success and respect in it. We also join the words of grief of friends and memories of ___.
Sincerely condolences to you ... What a person, what a scale of personality! He deserves more words than can be said now. In memories of ___ - he is both our teacher of justice and mentor in life. Eternal memory to him!
Without a father, without parents, there is no one between us and the grave. But ___ set an example of courage, fortitude and wisdom. And I'm sure he wouldn't want you to grieve so much right now. Be strong! I sincerely condole with you.
Your shock from the onset of loneliness is a heavy shock. But you have the strength to overcome the grief and continue what he did not have time to. We are close, and we will help you in everything - contact us! It is our duty to remember ___!
We grieve with you at this difficult moment! ___ - the kindest person, without silver, lived for his neighbors. We empathize with your loss and together with you in the kindest and brightest memories of your husband.
We condole on your loss! We sympathize - the loss is irreparable! Intelligence, iron will, honesty and justice ... - we were lucky to work with such a friend and colleague! How many things we would like to ask him for forgiveness, but too late ... Eternal memory to a mighty man!
Mom, we grieve and cry with you! Our sincere gratitude from children and grandchildren and warm memories to our good father and kind grandfather! Our memory of ___ will be eternal!
Blessed are those whose memory will be as bright as ___. We will remember and love him forever. Be strong! ___ it would be easier if he knew you could handle it all.
My condolences! Recognition, respect, honor, and… eternal memory!
They say about such broad-minded people: “How much of ours has gone with you! How much of yours is left with us! We will remember ___ forever and pray for him!

Condolences on the death of a friend, brother, sister, lover or beloved

Accept my condolences! There was no dearer and closer to him, and probably never will be. But both in yours and in our hearts, he will remain a young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!
It is difficult to find the right words in this difficult moment. I grieve with you! It will be a small consolation that not everyone had a chance to experience such love as yours. But let ___ remain alive in your memory, full of strength and love! Everlasting memory!
There is such a wisdom: “It is bad if there is no one to take care of you. It’s even worse if you don’t care about anyone. ” I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be so sad. Let's ask his mom what she can do now.
My condolences to you! In life, hand in hand, but this bitter loss went to you. It is necessary, necessary to find the strength to survive these most difficult minutes and difficult days. In our memory, he will remain ___.
It is very bitter to lose your loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly bitter when young, beautiful and strong people leave us. God rest his soul!
I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it's hard to imagine if there are such words on earth at all. Bright and eternal memory!
I grieve with you in this difficult moment. It's scary to even imagine that half of you left. But for the sake of children, for the sake of loved ones, we need to go through these sorrowful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
Love will not die, and the memory of it will always illuminate our hearts!
… this too shall pass …
For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love of life illuminate your emptiness and grief of loss and help you survive the time of goodbye. We grieve with you in difficult times and we will remember ___ forever!
The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for life. Be strong!
Be strong! With the loss of your brother, you must become a support to your parents twice. God help you to get through these difficult moments! Bright memory to a bright person!
There are such sorrowful words: "A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be near." In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! We also remember with a kind word ___.

Condolences to a believer, a Christian

All of the above is appropriate in expressing support in difficult times of loss for both the believer and the secular person. A Christian, Orthodox, can add a ritual phrase to condolences, turn to prayer, or quote from the Bible:

God is merciful!
God give you ___!
For God, everyone is alive!
This man was blameless, just and God-fearing, and he fled from evil!
Lord, rest with the Saints!
Death destroys the body but saves the soul.
Lord! Accept the spirit of your servant in peace!
Only in death the sorrowful hour does the soul gain freedom.
God guides a mortal through life before turning him into the light.
The righteous will certainly live, says the Lord!
Her heart /(him)trusted in the Lord!
Immortal soul, immortal deeds.
May the Lord do mercy and truth with him (her)!
Righteous deeds are not forgotten!
Most Holy Mother of God, protect him (her) with your cover!
The days of our lives are not numbered by us.
Everything returns to normal.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God!
Shining peace to your dust!
Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!
And those who have done good will seek the resurrection of life.
Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven.
And on earth she, like an angel, smiled: what is there, in heaven?

P.S. Once again about active personal participation. For many families, even a small financial contribution to the future will prove to be a valuable help in this difficult moment.

When the hard news of the loss comes to a family or a circle of close people, relatives, friends, colleagues, one should remember the need for support and delicacy. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, but it is necessary to find the strength in yourself to find words, to express your sympathy and condolences in connection with the death of a loved one.

What is the right way to offer condolences, tell about how they loved the deceased, what human qualities were especially appreciated and for what respected?

Funeral speech

Parting words at a funeral should be laconic and logical. No matter how difficult it is to pronounce them, they should not be unprepared, indistinct, overly confused. This can be perceived as disrespect for the deceased. therefore over the words that will sound during the funeral and farewell, you should think in advance, highlight the main theses in it, draw up a diagram of the mourning speech. Its main parts and examples are given below:

The main parts of a mourning speech

Address to the guests gathered at the funeral
"Dear family and friends (name of the deceased) ...", "Dear guests!", "Loved ones and relatives ...".
Introducing yourself, indicating the degree of relationship with the deceased.
“My name is (my own name), I and (the name of the deceased) have been colleagues (friends, etc.) for… years”, “We were neighbors with…”, “Dad was…”.
Memories of a tragic event and a short story about their own experiences, about their pain.
“Yesterday we met with him…”, “40 days have already passed since…”, “He is not with us for a year…”.
Characteristics of the deceased.
"He always smiled ...", "He fought to the end for life ...", "He taught me ...".
Condolences or common memorials.
"Sincerely my condolences ...", "May the earth rest in peace", "Eternal memory", "Rest in peace."

Remembering a deceased person, you should not retell his biography at a funeral. A few words can be said about any significant episode in life, an interesting fact that reflect the dignity of the deceased. It is worth focusing the attention of people gathered at the funeral on the quality that is highly valued. It is better to keep silent about negative traits, sins, weaknesses, about an ambiguous attitude towards the deceased, following the Russian proverb "About the deceased, or good, or nothing."

Words of sorrow must come from the heart. Here is an example of a mourning speech delivered by the adopted daughter of Alexander Abdulov, Ksenia Alferova:

“How grateful I am to God, fate, that you were in my life. You are not my own dad - I really never felt that. When I found out about this, I was terribly upset. I thought it was some kind of injustice - he must have a child of his own, and by the end of his life he, or rather, she appeared! At first I was delighted, and then I was afraid that you would no longer need me. Now I realized that it was stupid, I realized that you needed me no less than I needed you ... It's a pity that you understand such things too late.

Examples of short oral condolences

When choosing the words of grief intended for the well-known relatives of the deceased, it is worth considering a deeply personal sympathetic phrase. Words should be sincere and delicate. In moments of bitter loss, at a funeral, the feeling of falsehood is heightened.

The choice of words and the format of oral condolences depends on the circumstances. If a narrow circle of relatives and friends of the deceased gathers, speech can be especially soulful, personal.

If a large number of people are going to lead a person on his last journey, then brief expressions of condolence are more appropriate, because the words of sympathy and sorrow must be uttered by all those present.

Here are examples of such words:

It hurts all of us, but you are the hardest. If I can help you, please contact right away.
Brace yourself. We grieve with you.
I sincerely sympathize with your loss.
Our family empathizes with you very much. With the departure of (name of the deceased), we lost a piece of ourselves.
(The name of the deceased) was such a wonderful person, we always took an example from him. He will forever remain in our hearts.
What a loss! I pray for (name of the deceased).
(The name of the deceased) has done so much for me, I will never forget him. My sincere condolences to you.

Memorial speech

To commemorate the deceased, it is customary to gather a circle of relatives and people close to him on, and through. The words that sound at the commemoration are traditionally imbued with warmth and light sadness. They talk at the commemoration of a deceased person, remember various stories and incidents from life.

Memorial speeches, as well as funeral speeches, are drawn up according to the classical plan. At the same time, we must not forget about the need to declare a minute of silence in memory of the deceased. The role of the steward, who announces it, and also in turn gives the floor to the audience, is usually assumed by a person close to the family of the deceased.
According to tradition, the words of the memorial speech are first pronounced by the people most dear to the deceased person - parents, spouses, children, brothers and sisters, and then friends and colleagues. The steward should always have a few pertinent phrases prepared in case the performance of any of the guests is interrupted by crying.
Memorial words are always pronounced while standing. Their main task is to revive in the memory of the audience bright memories of the deceased.

Here is an example of the words of a memorial speech on behalf of children who remember their father:

“Father has always been an excellent example not only for all of us, but also for many people around him. We learned from him to see and distinguish true values \u200b\u200bin life, to give others kindness. Many people who knew him admired his bright soul. We believe that our father left us too early. Eternal memory to him! "

Poems and toasts

At a funeral, poetry is categorically inappropriate, while at a commemoration - on 9 or 40 days, a year after death, poetry can sound like never before sincere and heartfelt. Poems in these cases are permissible, but carefully and in moderation, and it is better if they are of their own composition.

Mourning is spoken at the table. They should not exclusively concern the person of the deceased. Toasting guests can express words of sympathy and sorrow for all who have died.

Here are examples of poems and toasts:

You passed away too early

Our pain cannot be expressed in words.

Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,

Your memory is always alive.

My soul is anxious without you

Girlfriends and friends are not needed.

Why is it possible without millions?

Why is it impossible without one?

“Friends, today is a day of sorrow. There was a time when with the one who left (her) from us we were merry and happy. But today you and I are drinking this cup of sorrow, having sent a loved one to our last journey. But we will preserve in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having the hope of a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink it to the dregs! "

It is always difficult to convey condolences for loss sincerely and tactfully. Especially if you have to do it in person. There are certain forms of etiquette, thanks to which communication will go smoothly, despite the tragedy of the moment. We hope our tips will help you stand up and show your best sides.

Examples of words of condolence

To find the right expressions, you need to collect your thoughts and look inside yourself.

Don't try to hide behind dry clichés, but don't be overly emotional either. Never use swear words in speech.

If you have to express condolences in writing, avoid exclamation marks. Be short and straightforward - the person is gone forever, and this cannot be hidden by any softening expressions.

How official your appeal will be depends on the specific case, but it is imperative to end it with a question, how you could help.

In both writing and speaking, you can use the following text as an example:

“A wonderful person is gone. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment ”;
“I mourn your loss. I know that this is a heavy blow for you ”;
“I was told that your brother is dead. I am very sorry, and I send you my condolences ”;
“I want to express my deep regret for the death of your father. If I can help you, please let me know. "

When it is customary to express condolences

Time, like words, also matters. You should be tactful with the loved ones of the deceased.

Usually, those who wish to express regret for someone else's death are concerned about two things: will I not interfere with the grieving and is it not too late (not too early) to turn now?

The first point is psychological... Sometimes, there is no experience in such conversations, or you are afraid to enter a house that was recently visited by death, or during the life of the deceased you did not get along with his family ... Most often, people just harass themselves, feeling that they have to come or call, but are afraid to see someone else's grief and do not know how to behave in such a situation.
The second point concerns moral behavior. Is it possible to call the family of the deceased as soon as you find out the black news? Is it worth waiting for the funeral to support his family there? And if you were not invited either to the funeral or to the commemoration, then when will you come with condolences? Will it be late in a week?

No matter how difficult and scary it may be for you, you should show up or call when you feel that this is expected of you. For example, a friend, relative, or neighbor needs consolation. In addition, if you know that your presence or a few nice words on the phone will cheer the person up, you should do it on the "if not me, then who" principle.

You may not be best friends, you may not have been in this family for a long time, but sometimes you need support from outsiders, especially if the grieving person is alone and unprotected. These can be pensioners, widows, orphans, young mothers with a baby, or simply reserved people who find it difficult to count on help.

Don't be too embarrassed. Even if you are taken aloof or asked to be short and leave, then at least your behavior will be correct.

And yet most mourners need and expect visitors and calls. If you are close to them, call as soon as you hear about the grief. If they are not very close, the arrival or call in the first three days after the funeral will be more formal.

After a maximum of a week, it is customary to bring condolences from employees from work, and if you apply even later, then prepare a short excuse (did not know, you were in another country, etc.).

What not to say

The worn-out phrases that you can get off with if a friend just has another trouble are categorically not suitable during the period of grief for the deceased.

Our society has practically lost the culture of condolences. News feeds are full of news of death, but it is not customary for us to talk about death as part of everyday human experience. However, this can be learned ... The head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Patriarch's Compound - the Church of the Resurrection on Semyonovskaya, told the guests of the 25th International Christmas Educational Readings how to talk to a person in a situation of heavy loss.

To share the pain of the bereaved

First of all, you need to understand that sympathy is not a ritual and not empty words, but a joint feeling, and condolence is a “joint illness”. By expressing our condolences, we try to take on some of the pain of others. Condolences can be either verbal or written. Just do not need to do it in the form of SMS messages - for many, this form of expression of sympathy can simply offend.

Condolences are not easy. Condolence is a risk. Behind the words of sympathy should be the work of the soul, we should be prepared for discomfort, for the fact that a person, seized with grief, can react to our words and actions sharply. It must be remembered that unsuccessful forms of expression of sympathy, soulless formal words can cause him additional pain, and the invaluable resource of inner strength will be spent not on overcoming the pain of loss, but on ... “not killing the condolent” ...

The condolent should not restrain himself from expressing his feelings. It is very effective at such a moment to just touch the grieving person, hug, cry next to him, warmly shake his hand. Now, unfortunately, it is not accepted to do this, but experience shows that it works much stronger than words. But at the same time, you need to maintain control over yourself in behavior with the bereaved.

To find the necessary sincere words of consolation, you need to think about your attitude towards the deceased, remember the most important moments of his life, remember what he taught, how he helped and what joys he brought into your life. You need to think about the degree of loss and the history of the development of relations with the deceased of those people to whom you are going to express condolences, try to feel their inner state, their feelings.

Word, deed, prayer

It must be remembered that condolence is not only words, but also actions that can alleviate the situation of a neighbor. Words without deeds are dead. Real help lends weight and sincerity to words. Deeds make life easier for the grieving person, and also allow the condolent to do a good deed. Only words, even the best and most correct ones, are like a car with a steering wheel, but without wheels, but the real thing helps everyone to cope with a difficult situation. Do not hesitate to offer help to the bereaved, find out how you can support him. We can offer help in cash, around the house, in organizing a funeral ... And we will really help the family where the grief happened if we take the trouble to take care of the children living in this family. Children at such a moment, when adults are immersed in loss and the cares of burial, are often left to their own devices. The child reacts to death with a delay, he may not at all externally express his emotions, so it will seem that he is doing a great job himself, and yet it is the children in this situation that are the weakest link. Grief can overtake a child in six months, and others will not even understand why he is behaving so strangely. This is extremely important: children in this situation should not be left to themselves.

Sometimes mourners refuse help. Do not regard such a rejection as a personal attack on you. A person in this state cannot always correctly assess the situation.

You can help with deeds not only by providing material and organizational assistance, although this is also necessary. Our prayer can and should be a deed - both for the deceased and for the grieving. You can pray not only at home, but also in the temple, submit memorial notes. You need to tell the grieving person that you will pray, thereby you show that you do not stop communicating with the deceased, that even after death you continue to love him.

Make peace with the departed

Sometimes we are hindered from sincerely condolences by resentment against the departed or his relatives. In such a state, sympathy, of course, cannot be expressed. Reconciliation is necessary, otherwise our words on duty will inflict additional mental trauma on the bereaved. And if we forgive the insult from the bottom of our hearts, then the necessary words will come by themselves.

It is appropriate here to briefly and tactfully ask for forgiveness for what you think you are guilty of before the deceased, admit your mistake to your relatives and say that you grieve very much that you cannot apologize to him personally.

If nothing comes to mind ...

If it is necessary to say something, but the right words do not come to mind, you can say some standard phrases, in which, of course, there will be no warmth, but which, at least, will not hurt those who are grieving.

"He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you."

“Let it be a consolation for us that he gave so much love and warmth. Let's pray for him. "

“There are no words to express your sorrow. He meant a lot in your life and mine. We will never forget".

“It is very difficult to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me. "

“It’s a pity, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very glad. I would like to offer my help. I would gladly help you ... "

“Unfortunately, in this imperfect world you have to experience this. He was a bright person whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me any minute. "

“This tragedy has affected everyone who knew it. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together. "

“Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy were my arguments and quarrels with this bright and dear person. Excuse me! I grieve with you. "

“This is a huge loss and a terrible tragedy. I pray and I will always pray for you and for him. "

“It is difficult to express in words how much he did me good. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. "

How not to condole

Condolences should be avoided in every possible way bombast, pathos, theatricality... A brief unsubscribe via SMS is one extreme. But there is another - to send a long ornate message in verse, which can be found on the Internet in two minutes. Both are equally tactless, and the basis of these two mistakes is the same problem - the unwillingness to work with the soul. We are often hindered from showing sympathy by elementary selfishness, the fear of disturbing our own mental comfort, as well as a lack of understanding that accepting grief has its own stages.

Completely inappropriate in condolences consolation for the future... “Time will pass, still give birth”, “You are beautiful, then you will still get married” ... The man has not yet really realized his loss, has not mourned the deceased. Maybe in a year this girl will be able to say: "Look, you are such a beauty, be comforted, there will still be family happiness in your life." But now the grieving person is not interested in the future, the pain of loss in the present is too strong.

Very common is ban on grief: "Don't cry, everything will pass." Or even worse: "Do not cry, you will soak the dead man", "You cannot cry, you anger God" and even "You are now neutralizing prayer with tears." You need to understand that in this situation, the principle "do not cry, until the wedding will heal" does not work. The grieving person will simply hide his emotions, withdraw into himself, which can lead to very severe psychological breakdowns in the future. Usually the prohibition on grief arises precisely because of the “sympathizers” who are traumatized by the emotions and experiences of the grieving person.

Totally unacceptable devaluation and rationalization of loss: "So he is better, he was ill and suffered", "Well at least his mother did not suffer", "It's hard, but you still have children", "He died because he would have become a bandit."

Should be avoided in every possible way comparison of losses: "Others are even worse", "You are not the only one." A grieving person cannot compare his own pain to the pain of others.

And of course, in no case should press on a person's guilt: "Eh, if we sent him to the doctor ...", "Why did we not pay attention to the symptoms", "If you had not left, then perhaps this would not have happened."

Listening to Mikhail Khasminsky's speech, I remembered my loss. The news of my father's death caught me two years ago on the train, when I was already approaching my destination. I knew that my dad was terminally ill, but I still hoped ... My God, what for ?! Why did I go at all? I remember that at that moment for some reason I was afraid to shock my neighbors in the reserved seat with my tears. But they treated my grief with understanding. And I will never forget how one girl - I didn’t even recognize her name - just shook my hand tightly and whispered just one word: “My condolences” ...

Newspaper "Orthodox Faith" No. 04 (576)

When a loved one dies, those around them rush to express regret to his relatives. But what is the right way to show your gratitude to them, what to respond to condolences, because the word "thank you" is not very appropriate now?

Funeral etiquette

If a person dies in your family, there comes a time of heavy worries. First of all, you will have to inform everyone about the incident. It is not easy to do, but necessary.

According to mourning etiquette, you need to notify all your acquaintances, even if they are far away, and even those who you personally don't like, but who may have had a good relationship with the deceased.

For those who live nearby, it is better to inform at the meeting, but it is impossible to bypass everyone, there is an option to send messages by e-mail or SMS, but this is not very polite, and what if the person does not receive them. Therefore, it is better to call in person, to say at least a few words. And also be sure to tell us where and when the funeral will take place, leave your contact information so that people can clarify the information.

It turns out that you are in grief and you have to do a lot of things: communicate, run around the shops and funeral homes. There is nothing you can do, gather your will into a fist. Now this is the best thing you can do for the deceased - worthy to spend his last journey.

People will come to the ceremony, some you don't even know, they will want to express words of sympathy, think about how to react to them.

How do I respond to death condolences?

There are no special rules on this topic, it is often difficult to find words in such situations. You can remain silent in response or just nod, do not hesitate, everyone will understand your condition.

Or use boilerplate phrases:

"Thank you";
"You are very attentive";
“I try not to lose heart, thanks to you it is easier for me”.

Everyone has different characters, someone wants to spend these minutes alone, someone, on the contrary, is uncomfortable being alone with their own thoughts. If you belong to the first category of people, do not hesitate.

Of course, you will have to worry about organizing the funeral, meeting guests, everyone will be interested to know the details of what happened, especially when death was a surprise.

But this does not mean that you should now talk a lot and listen to the laments of some aunt from a distant province. Accept her support and go about your business. Even if she is a little surprised at this behavior - it's okay, explain later.

When you come to a funeral ...

The opposite situation - you pay a visit of condolences, how to behave correctly? Remember some simple rules:

Do not dress brightly and brightly, now dark tones are appropriate: women in long skirts, men in suits;
Grab napkins or a handkerchief so that you can wipe away tears when feelings overpower. And maybe some of those present will need accessories;
Remove large jewelry, leave large bags at home;
Talk, but be quiet;
And do not follow the coffin, let your relatives go ahead.

Do you understand that it is necessary to approach loved ones and communicate, show participation, but do not know what words to use when expressing condolences? Take simple phrases:

« I find it difficult to find the right words for comfort, but I sincerely empathize with your grief.»;
« I'm deeply shocked by what happened, hold on…»;
« Let me offer you my condolences».

If you are far away at the time of the funeral, it’s okay, it is believed that you can communicate with your family at other times. It will not look like a belated reaction, on the contrary, you came as soon as you could, which means you remember and worry.

How to respond to death condolences?

Colleagues at work, friends and just acquaintances will offer financial assistance or any other: transport, a room for a commemoration - whoever can.

It should be taken - this is normal, agree that it is not superfluous. The main thing - do not bow in gratitude and do not scatter in compliments, thank calmly. In this situation, you would do the same.

And I also want to warn you - the modern funeral industry works very quickly, with pressure. You will be surprised, but sometimes, not having time to send the deceased to the morgue, people answer phone calls from funeral agencies, who are in a hurry to express sympathy and offer services.

Take your time using these suggestions, come to your senses to begin with. The prices and capabilities of funeral firms are very different. In a couple of hours, when your thoughts recover a little, you will be able to more adequately evaluate the price list. Talk to your friends, they may be able to advise or be able to help with transportation and other matters.

Memorial meal

After the burial, it is customary to invite people to the commemoration, and everyone comes. Christians traditionally serve pancakes, kutya (a dish with wheat, nuts and raisins).

At the commemoration, those who wish to talk about the deceased, but it is not customary to express bad things, it is better to remain silent. What can you tell those present and how?

It is better to perform while standing;
Start with the address: "Friends", "Dear relatives";
Introduce yourself, tell us how you know the deceased;
List its positive qualities. Even if you think that there weren't many of them, the negative ones can be presented from the other side: grumpy - was critical of life, silly - gullible, stubborn - principled;
You can remember interesting cases from life. Sometimes people read the corresponding poems, their own or the author's.

The main thing is not to delay the speech, there are others who wish, and this is not the case. Draw conclusions that the person did not live in vain, bring your words of condolences, make way for the next one.

The death of a loved one is always a difficult event, but you need to do business, organize the funeral process - you have to pull yourself together. To make it a little easier for you to think of what you need to respond to condolences, use the phrase templates that we have offered you.

The main thing, remember - life goes on, a good memory of a deceased person can be his reward for everything he did.