Is your union ideal? Are you really happy in your marriage? To find out the answer to this difficult question, you can pass a simple test for a happy marriage. Try to answer each of the proposed questions quickly and fairly honestly. The main thing here is not to look for the right answer, but to write the first thing that comes to your mind. Try to take it easy. After all, this is just a test, even for a happy marriage. Everything can be corrected, and the correction begins precisely with the awareness of objective reality. Nevertheless, try really not to think too much - let your heart speak instead of the mind.

Happy marriage test

As soon as lovers begin a life together:
a) they understand each other less and less, the perception of the partner becomes dull;
b) the passion passes, giving way to calm and even indifference;
c) their love flares up with a new force. *

Your life together:
a) constantly makes you anxious;
b) measured and unemotional;
c) gives you joyful emotions and fills you with happiness. *

Your near and dear ones:
a) they say that your union is successful and strong; *
b) do not express their opinion on your marriage;
c) sharply criticize your relationship with your partner.

If you had a magic wand, then you:
a) radically change the mindset of your partner:
b) would slightly correct the character of the spouse;
c) would leave everything in your husband as is. *

Your intimate life:
a) bored you because of the monotony;
b) remained the same as a few years ago;
c) became even brighter and more interesting. *

Do you think that your peers have relationships with husbands:
a) much more harmonious and sincere than yours;
b) about the same as yours;
c) not as good as yours. *

Lonely life without a spouse is:
a) too high a price for dubious freedom; *
b) a completely natural phenomenon;
c) of course, unpleasant, but it gives such a coveted independence.

If you were not, your husband:
a) I would not be as happy as with you; *
b) I would find another woman whose life would be about the same as in a marriage with you;
c) would live a fuller and happier life.

Most often people:
a) tend to mentally idealize marriage, which is the reason for the subsequent disappointment in it;
b) think very little about family life;
c) they are initially cautious, but then they are convinced that life in marriage is much happier and better than in solitude. *

You are not visited by thoughts of breaking up with your spouse, because:
a) your marriage brings happiness to both of you; *
b) in principle, your life can be called normal (no worse than others).
c) this still will not happen due to children and common responsibilities.

If you had a chance to return to the past, you would:
a) again became the wife of their current spouse; *
b) perhaps they have chosen a completely different person to be their husbands;
c) they preferred life outside of marriage, but they would not have unambiguously married a spouse.

When you think about the fact that out of all the women, your husband prefers only you one, you:
a) experience real pride; *
b) take it for granted;
c) often feel irritation.

Do you think your husband:
a) practically has no advantages, but he has a lot of disadvantages;
b) a good person, despite some flaws;
c) almost perfect. *

Your marriage is so harmonious thanks to:
a) the identity of your spouse; *
b) successful circumstances;
c) only your ability to endure and forgive a lot.

Having lived so many years together:
a) you feel that you love each other even more; *
b) you are completely chilled to each other;
c) you have ceased to feel any positive emotions towards each other.

Do you think family life:
a) opens up creative abilities in a person; *
b) goes in parallel with the self-realization of partners, without affecting it in any way;
c) impedes further creative development of spouses, limiting their horizons.

Your spouse's personality traits:
a) are so good that even girlfriends envy you; *
b) do not differ from those of other men;
c) disgusting, it is simply impossible to get along with him.

Most often, you and your spouse:
a) stand up for each other; *
b) support each other only when your intentions coincide;
c) busy exclusively with their own problems, paying little attention to the affairs of the partner.

Your husband:
a) quite often commits unnecessary and rash acts;
b) an ordinary person who behaves in the same way as other men.
c) incredibly creative, so it easily finds a way out even of the most difficult situations. *

Do you think that family happiness:
a) either there is or it is not - little depends on partners here;
b) if it depends on the actions and feelings of the spouses, then only to a very small extent;
c) the value is a variable that depends directly on the behavior and efforts of both spouses. *

When you legalize your relationship, your life:
a) has become more stable and measured; *
b) remained the same;
c) for some reason it has only become more complicated.

It seems to you that each of the partners in the marriage:
a) a priori deserves respect; *
b) can count on respect only if he behaves in a certain way;
c) every day and hour, he is obliged to prove to his spouse that he is worthy of his respect.

At home you:
a) love to communicate with your husband, you enjoy his company, regardless of what you do; *
b) practically do not pay attention to the spouse, just live together;
c) you can hardly take out the husband’s society; it bothers and bothers you.

If someone wants you to tell him about life with your spouse, then you:
a) hardly remember at least one happy moment;
b) tell us about the most significant and memorable events: the first meeting, wedding, etc .;
c) you will have something to remember, because in your life together there were so many joyful moments. *

Happy marriage test: keys

Now you should correctly calculate the scores. If your choice matches the answers marked with asterisks, then count yourself 2 points. The intermediate option (1 point) is always the answer “b”. And for a complete mismatch, you get 0 points.

Happy Marriage Test: Interpretation

From 29 points. You can not even doubt the strength of your family and the success of the marriage. Harmony and complete well-being reign in relationships. Those close to you consider your marriage exemplary, try to be more often at your place, since the atmosphere of the house attracts warmth and goodwill. Apparently, a joint life brings happiness to you and your spouse. Even when faced with disagreements, you are willing to seek a compromise and try to support your partner.
Between 24 and 28 points. Your family life is quite successful. Although there is something to strive for. For example, sometimes you may be too categorical and principled. Give your spouse and his feelings more attention. However, remember about yourself: talk with your partner about your experiences, trust him with your emotions, show that you also need his support.
Up to 24 points. The “weather” in your family is poor. Your home routine has captured you so much that you have completely ceased to devote time to your spouse, to pay attention to him and your relationship with him. Perhaps right now the time has come to change something, to make family life more eventful and vibrant (move out from parents, arrange a long joint vacation, think about the child, etc.).

When I returned home that evening, my wife set the table. I took her hand and said that we need to talk. She sat down and began to dine quietly. And again I saw the pain in her eyes.

Suddenly, I realized that I could not say anything. But I had to do it. I wanted to get a divorce. I calmly raised this topic. It seemed that she was not at all angry. She only asked me softly: “Why?”.

I did not answer. And that made her angry. She suddenly started screaming that I'm not a man. That evening we did not talk anymore. She cried. I knew that she wanted to know what happened to our marriage. But it was hard for me to admit that my heart now belongs to another - Jane. That I no longer love her. I just felt sorry for her.

With deep guilt, I drew up divorce papers stating that she would have our house, car, and 30% of my company’s shares. She read it, and then tore it to pieces. The woman with whom we lived for 10 years became a stranger to me. I was sorry that she spent so much time on me, but I could not take my words back - I loved another. Finally she burst into tears. This is what I expected. For me, her tears were a kind of liberation. The idea of \u200b\u200bdivorce, which I have been obsessed with for the past few weeks, has become clearer and more definite.

The next day I returned home late, and found her writing something at the table. I did not have dinner and went straight to bed, because I was very tired after a busy day on the other. When I woke up, she was still sitting at the table and writing. But I didn’t care, so I rolled over on the other side and fell asleep again.

And in the morning she introduced me to her divorce conditions. Nothing was required of me, just postpone the divorce for a month. She asked me to try to live a normal life this month, to make every effort for this. The reason was simple: our son began exams, and she did not want him to be upset because of our breakup.

It suited me. But there was one more condition: every day during this month I had to carry her in my arms from the room to the threshold, as on the day of our wedding. I thought she was losing her mind. But in order not to spoil the relationship in our last days together, I accepted this strange demand.

I told Jane about the divorce conditions my wife had set. She laughed and dismissively said that it was absurd. And also, despite the fact that my wife was planning, she will have to come to terms with the inevitable.

My wife and I have not had any bodily contact since I asked for a divorce. So on the first day, when I carried her in my arms, it looked awkward. Our son stood behind and clapped, rejoicing at how papa carries mom. His words hurt me. But the wife said quietly: "Do not tell your son about divorce.". I nodded, a little upset. I lowered her to the ground behind the front door, and she went to work. I also went to the office.

On the second day, both of us felt better. She held me tight. I could smell her perfume. I realized that I had not looked closely at this woman for a very long time. And I realized that she was no longer young. Small wrinkles on the face, gray hair ... Our marriage left an imprint on her.

On the fourth day, when I took her in my arms, I felt the closeness returning. This woman gave me 10 years of her life. On the 5th and 6th day, I again felt how the feeling of intimacy is becoming stronger.I didn’t tell Jane about it. So a month passed almost unnoticed. Perhaps daily training made me stronger.

And then one morning she was looking for what to wear. She tried on a large number of dresses, but could not find one that sat well on her.

She sighed and said that all the dresses became her great. And I suddenly realized how much she lost weight. Perhaps that is why it was so easy for me to carry it in my arms. I was struck by the thought: “How much bitterness and pain is hidden in it!”. Involuntarily I pulled my hand and stroked it on the head.

At this moment, our son came in and said that it was time for me to carry my mother down. For him, the sight of a father carrying his mother in his arms became an integral part of his life. The wife asked her son to come and hugged him tightly. I turned away because I was afraid that I could change my mind at the last minute.

I took her in my arms, she hugged my neck, and I pressed her even closer. It was the same as on our wedding day. Only her thinness upset me greatly.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could not take a step. Our son went to school. I hugged her tightly and said that I had not noticed how intimacy disappeared from our lives.

I arrived at the office and jumped out of the car without even closing the door. I was afraid that any delay could make me change my mind. I went upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said: "Sorry, Jane, but I don't want to get divorced anymore."

She looked at me in surprise, and then touched my forehead. "You have a fever?". I removed her hand and said: “I'm sorry Jane, but I will not get a divorce. My marriage was boring because I did not value the details of our lives, and not because we no longer loved each other. Now I understand that as I carried her in my arms to the house on my wedding day, I should carry her in my arms until death do us part. ” Jane began to get the meaning of my words. She slapped me, closed the door, and burst into tears.

I went down and left. On the way, I stopped by a flower shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.

The saleswoman asked what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: "I will carry you in my arms every morning until death, he tears us apart."

That evening I arrived home with a bouquet of flowers and a smile on my face and went up to our bedroom. My wife was lying on the bed. Dead.

She had been fighting cancer for several months, and I was so busy with the affair with Jane that I didn’t even notice it. My wife knew that she would die soon, and at the same time she wanted to protect me from the anger of our son, which would have fallen upon me in the event of a divorce. The main thing for her was that in the eyes of my son I remained a loving husband ...

Small details are very important in a relationship. This is not a house, car or money in a bank. These things create an environment conducive to happiness, but they themselves do not bring happiness.

So take the time to be a good friend for your spouse and pay attention to the little things that create intimacy between you. And may your marriage be happy!

This test was originally designed so that you could ask your husband if he is happily married. But the family is not only the husband, therefore it is useful to ask such questions to each other. Or to herself. By the way, if you can’t afford to discuss something with your spouse, this in itself serves as an alarm.

1. When was the last time you met with your friends apart? If you are glued to each other and you have no interests not related to the partner, this can mean a painful addiction.

2. Have the habits of one of you changed recently? If so, what is behind it - fatigue, stress, an attempt to change the routine?

3. Where do you think your relationship is developing? The honest answer to this question is so important that many people prefer not to ask it.

4. When you think about your relationship, what adjective would you describe them?

5. When was the last time you just cuddled? This is an important marker of trust and affection. Hugs help produce oxytocin, a hormone of pleasure and affection.

6. What makes you feel valuable in a relationship? What are your actions and partner responses?

7. What is your language of love? Do you know what your partner will be the most vivid expression of love: teamwork, time together, bodily contact, verbal recognition or gifts? And he - knows what will be the language of expression of love for you?

8. What do you want from the relationship and what you don’t get, both?

9. Do you think your partner is thinking about you?

10. What are your family's three priorities right now? Do they match with your partner?

11. What life values \u200b\u200bdo you and your partner have? Do they match? Sometimes we find differences of opinion not very immediately.

12. Do you have anything to be grateful to your partner? This shows not only what he does for you, but how much you need it. Or how much you are able to notice it.

13. Is there anything you are afraid to tell him? They are not only lying because of the habit of lying. They often lie because they are afraid to tell the truth, fearing a reaction. Is it safe for your partner to tell the truth?

14. How much do you like your sex life? We will not pretend that it does not matter at all, right? Your temperament can cause mutual suffering if you do not match.

15. How good parents do you feel? It may turn out that the wife is killed in caring for children and unhappy with herself, while the husband spends a couple of hours a month with the children and the “father of the year” in his eyes. Both are unfair.

16. Do you think the partner values \u200b\u200byou?

17. Do you think you have changed a lot since your wedding? A common thing: we all try to look better at the time we meet and until the end of the honeymoon and become ourselves with time. The question is, how genuine are you arranging each other now?

18. Can you disagree with each other and not quarrel? A very important point: recognition of the right to their point of view for the spouse. If any quarrel leads to a quarrel, you have a problem.

19. Do you listen to each other? Do you feel heard?

20. Are you ready to change for each other? No, not one way, but both. Marriage is a constant and mutual smoothing of corners for comfortable coexistence. If only one of the spouses is working on himself, this is some kind of nonsense, not a family.

When you ask all these questions, it will become easier for you to understand what you need to do to improve your relationship if you want to do just that. Or that they have outlived themselves and you live in illusions. Then it may be more honest not to try to reanimate what died a long time ago. Or didn’t even start living. You decide.

Fashion

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Does a concept such as the same   person?

And if you are dating a person, how do you know that he or she is? Is this the person with whom you rarely quarrel? A person who has the same interests as yours? A person whose personality test result perfectly complements your own results? Is this the person with whom you see yourself aging? Or does this concept include all of the above?

I present to you the problem, which is that if you think that существует the same ’   man, then also must exist and ‘ not the same ’   person. Such a logical statement may seem harmless - some may even say that it is useful at the search stage. However, if you just get married, like ‘ not the same ’   man ceases to exist.

If you think otherwise, it can have a devastating effect on your marriage.

If we marry with the thought that perhaps we have chosen wrong human, it is unlikely that we will encounter difficulties with the same hopeful frenzy, as if we had done otherwise. If there is a chance that we both will marry not with that   man, then why sacrifice and strain to succeed? Why not file for divorce and start your search of that   person (in the hope that he also did not make mistakes and did not marry with any other person)?

Thought of " not the same»Man flashes in the shadow of many broken marriages.

Romantic way

Many of us have watched movies or television shows.

Those romantic comedies featuring men and women who “should” be together, but instead they are “attached” to someone else? The very “true love” that destiny destroyed.

In the beginning, we often do not want them to meet - we value marriage too much to see how it collapses. But, as the film progresses, it shows a huge number of well-planned events and relationships in order to slowly and following a certain strategy to achieve the location of our hearts. We find in our hearts the hope of the destruction of some relationships to give others a place. In just ninety minutes, we discover how we move from what is wrong to what is perhaps necessary. Towards the end, we feel that we are happy when, finally, the couple unites - infidelity, and that’s all.

The whole genre is dedicated to this plan - a plan that exists only when the idea of \u200b\u200b“ the same"And" not that»Man.

Mr. and Mrs. "Not the One"

Just define for yourself: such a thing as " the same   (or the same) ”Does not exist - except when you are not yet married. That person who is " thereby", This is the person with whom you married. This is what marriage recognizes.

Matrimony is a conscious and declared willingness to devote oneself to a person who has flaws. You do not ignore their shortcomings, you devote yourself to these people, despite their shortcomings. Matrimony includes flaws and dedication (Ephesians 5:25).

And, when we dedicate ourselves, we must remember that we ourselves are “ not that"By man (Romans 3:23)! This is what makes a marriage so beautiful and glorious. One " not that"Man devotes himself to another" not the sameTo man. What would be the triumph of dedication to someone if he has no flaws?

“The same” is the one you are married to

So, instead of looking for " of that”, Look for a spouse who appears to be on the path of sanctification. Once you have married and made a public promise to God and to humanity - our congratulations! - you are married to " thereby". If you are already married: Congratulations! You are married to " thereby"By man (Matthew 19: 4-6).

When you run into a bump along the way, remember that the best marriage in the world is still a marriage between two people who need redemption along with their relationship. And, thank God, Jesus came to restore us and give us a perfect relationship with Him (Revelation 21: 1-5).

Posted by Timothy Trudeau/ © 2017 Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org
  Translation - Victoria Bilyauerfor