The next type of men with whom it is difficult or impossible to build normal relationships and a normal family are Don Juans. Don Juans do not want any relationship with women. They only like extremely fast seduction. Many men, of course, are interested in quick sex, but Donjuans are not interested in anything else.

It is clear that after Don Juan gets his way, he very quickly loses interest in the girl (woman). And if this is really Don Juan, and not just a young man with an excess of hormones, then nothing can be done, no matter how hard the girl tries.

How to understand a man, whether he is Don Juan or not? There are not so many real Don Juans, even home-grown ones. However, due to their incredible activity, they can give the impression that there are almost 30% of them. How to recognize Don Juan?

Increased attention to your appearance.

This is an indirect and not completely accurate sign; nevertheless, it helps to recognize Don Juan well. It can be used only in conjunction with other signs of Don Juans.

At the same time, with the help of it, you can easily and most importantly very quickly weed out potential Don Juans from ordinary guys. Further, you can already look more closely, which usually takes more time.

So the average guy, especially the unmarried guy, pays little attention to his appearance by the standards of girls. The maximum that the guys are capable of is to pump up or buy something expensive. But usually, even if you have money, it is spent on all sorts of gadgets, trips, cars, etc.

Don Juan, on the other hand, pays a lot of attention to appearance, as he knows that this is one of his main tools in the rapid conquest of women.

So what is our potential Don Juan homebrew paying attention to and what are ordinary guys not paying attention to?

- dandruff on the hair. Few guys look at the amount of dandruff on their hair.

- wrinkled shirt, trousers, etc. Most regular guys grab the first shirt they hit, etc. Sometimes even something is stroked, but something is not.

- dirty shoes. Surprisingly, guys under 30-35 years old very rarely wash or clean their shoes.

- armpit sweat smell, unshaven armpit hair. One of the most harmful habits for relationships with girls is the smell of sweat. Yet a lot of ordinary guys don't pay enough attention to this.

- belly in men over 30 years old. In men over 30 years old, in almost 90% of cases, a stomach appears. If he does not appear, then why? Maybe he works in some structure where a high degree of sports training is required? Maybe he is a professional athlete? Maybe he is married and his wife monitors his nutrition and health? Or maybe just Don Juan.

- very small and almost invisible pieces of dirt or food on clothing. Invisible to men, of course. Women usually easily see that there are traces of grease on their trousers, albeit diligently erased by hand. Women can see that there is dirt on the shirt sleeves, collar, etc.

- in principle, cheap clothes, even if the budget allows it. Quite a few, especially young guys, don't spend a lot of money on good clothes, even if income allows.

- hair from ears and nose. No comment.

- unevenly trimmed or even unkempt nails on the hands and feet, etc. Many men cut their nails somehow. There are those who take care of themselves and do it carefully, or even go to the manicure (pedicure) master.

I have listed several main signs by which you can understand a man and determine whether a man is watching himself more or not. I repeat that this is not yet a 100% sign of Don Juan.... It is imperative to look at it in conjunction with other signs. However, at the very least, this is a sign in order to take a closer look at the man and check him for compliance on other issues.

It is possible, of course, that the work associated with constant communication and the need to influence people led the man to the need to pay attention to his appearance.

However, there is usually some kind of inconsistency even in this case. For example, if there is a need to lead people, then good clothes (suit), hairstyle, confidence can be developed, but at the same time there can be a stomach, an unbuilded figure, since this does not affect the ability to lead people. By the way, read about how to become more confident in the book "HOW TO BECOME CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF IN 3 MONTHS" The methodology for developing confidence in this book is suitable for both boys and girls.

Conversely, there may be sportiness due to the demands of the job (law enforcement agencies, coach, etc.), but not pay attention to the rest.

Don Juan, as a rule, pays attention to everything that is important for girls. (Depends, of course, on the level of Don Juan. There are Don Juan hard workers, there are top managers, but the principle is the same).

I must say right away that if a man is married or has been married for a long time, then he can take good care of his appearance (or rather, the wife usually follows). Therefore, there is a possibility that a well-groomed man is not Don Juan in the literal sense of the word, but is simply married.

The second sign that will help you recognize Don Juan is smooth courtship, especially at the initial stage. (Acquaintance and first two dates)

I will probably not open a big secret for you if I say that the overwhelming majority of men, who even had a dozen or even more women before marriage, are not very good at caring for women. What can we say about those ordinary guys who only had a few girls (or none at all).

After all, seduction and courtship are rarely taught where. It is assumed that a guy or a man himself will somehow learn everything, just by communicating with girls. And in principle, this is justified to some extent.

It is “Somehow” the average guy, of whom 90% know how to look after a girl.

And if in detail:

First, he doesn't care about his appearance. (What is above)

Secondly, during courtship, pauses constantly appear, the duration of which is clearly longer than the usual comfortable communication. This means that the man does not know what to say (or blurted out something, but did not work).

Third, the man behaves like an idiot. That is, he tells completely idiotic stories. His anecdotes are not funny, life stories are not interesting. He climbs to hug either too early or too late. He does not know how to compliment a girl. Might even show up for the first date without flowers.

Another thing is a person who has already mastered everything. In our example, this may be just Don Juan-homegrown. (although not always)

Don Juan usually looks fine. But even this is not the main thing. The main thing is the smoothness of courtship.

Everything has been worked out enough and therefore goes without pauses. There are funny stories (for women). A man knows how to present himself. He can give a nice compliment. He can show that he is confident. It is clear that he will not come on a date without flowers or a gift.

I repeat that this feature (smoothness of courtship) cannot be considered separately from others. It is possible that a man from childhood had a pronounced sanguine character (was very sociable, etc.)

But for the vast majority of ordinary men, smoothness of courtship is not inherent. Of course, then, as the girl and the guy get used to each other, as they have common topics for communication and knowledge of each other's character, the smoothness of communication will develop.

However, I'm talking more about the first meeting and the maximum of the first two dates. If, at the first meeting and on the first two dates, the man's courtship is skillful and everything goes like a knurled one, then it is very likely that the man is a local Don Juan .

Once again I will repeat the signs by which one can judge the smoothness of courtship.

— The presence of almost a scenario of acquaintance on a first date. That is, a man does not mutter something indistinct like "What a nice weather, so give me your phone.", and can easily tell a story in a topic, chat, make laugh and invite on a date.

Again, an ordinary standard man will not do this without training. Depending on the age and experience of communicating with girls, he will hum more or less, blunt, be rude (sometimes without noticing it), look greedy (although not necessarily so).

— A well-tried dating program.

The average man doesn't really know what to do on first dates. He suggests that a movie, then a cafe, then go to his house, then something else. Don Juan has a more or less proven program of action.

On the first date, he is unlikely to invite you to look into his house and drink wine. (Unless the girl is really easy prey) He is unlikely to fuss with incomprehensible proposals on how to spend a date (and then the cafe is closed, and there are no movie tickets).

He almost certainly has a program or, for the more experienced Don Juans, several programs of action. Everything worked out. He knows where to climb a skyscraper, he feels at home in nightclubs, he knows where to ride a boat with a girl. He knows what words and compliments you want to hear. (You can continue the list yourself)

- Proven sequence of actions.

The average man constantly gets lost in sequence. Then he is in a hurry and tries to climb with his own hands where it is not necessary. The girl is already ready, but he does nothing.

The more or less experienced Don Juan does everything on time.

- Completed stories, anecdotes.

The fact is that even among relatively sociable men who do not pay attention to Don Juanism, conversations are tuned to men. Their stories and anecdotes are mostly funny to men.

And when these stories are told to girls, the girls do not laugh at least, but as a maximum they can think that a man is not in good terms with reason (if they do not play along, of course, for some reason).

More experienced men, who communicate a lot and successfully with girls, remove from their repertoire those stories and anecdotes that are not funny to girls and do not arouse their interest.

Therefore, if all or almost all of the man's stories arouse interest and laughter in you (as well as nearby girls), then it is highly likely that Don Juan is in front of you.

So smoothness of courtship is one of the best signs of a homebrew Don Juan. If you can recognize this smoothness, you will easily identify Don Juans.

I will make a small analogy. For example, several men gathered and began tossing a basketball into the basket. Someone does not get it at all (an inexperienced man, in our analogy), someone gets it better. And suddenly you see that there is a man who almost always hits the basket with a ball, in different positions, from afar and close.

It is clear that this man is involved in basketball and quite intensively. After all, no one has the innate skill of hitting the basket with a ball.

So it is in the relationship between a man and a woman. There are no men with innate good grooming skills. If suddenly you see such a man, it means that he learned such skills somewhere. The question is where? Of course, you can improve this skill by taking some psychology courses or by training in front of a mirror. However, a good skill can only be through courting a large number of women and some kind of practicing, analysis of the skill. (Don Juan per se)

Do not think that I recommend that you definitely date a man who does not have any skills to communicate with girls. This can be quite difficult and can get boring soon. But too good skills, smooth courtship is a strong sign that the man is Don Juan.

Look for other signs. If they are present to one degree or another, then this is not even an assumption, but almost 100% conclusion.

One of the main signs of Don Juan is that they are psychologically immature.... (either infantile or prone to harsh manipulation)

But without this sign, all of the above may indicate not that the man is Don Juan, but that he is under an excess of hormones (youth or even at an older age), that he is due to something (innate beauty, confidence, money) too spoiled by women, but not Don Juan. That is, you can make a mistake based on only two signs, sometimes costly.

Therefore, I suggest that you first think about whether your acquaintance man has the first two signs. (too much attention to one's appearance, smoothness of courtship). Only then can one already look at psychological immaturity.

How to distinguish between extremely infantile men and men prone to harsh manipulation, you can read in separate articles How to recognize a male manipulator and what to do? and How to identify a manipulator? (Part 2)

But if very briefly, then it can be:

- Excessive selfishness.

That is, the man does not want (cannot) do anything for you. He does not listen to what you say to him (pretends to listen, and then again about his own). He only spends money on himself.

- Unethical manifestation in one form or another.

- Dependence on someone.

- Explicit avoidance of even minor assistance to the girl. (For example, immediately busy as soon as you need help to do something)

On this, perhaps, we can finish.

Let's summarize. Don Juans are those men with whom, due to the peculiarities of their psyche, it is almost impossible to build normal long-term relationships. Even if the girl is the best, well versed in the psychology of men, the most beautiful and the smartest, this will not stop the real Don Juan. (No matter how much the wolf he feeds, he still looks into the forest). The most that you can do is to identify them in time and refuse to communicate with him.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

The man with whom it is impossible to build normal, happy family, impersonates in the first months of acquaintance, if you look closely. Having found in the chosen one clear signs of one of the following 9 types of men, do not hope that he will change, and trust his self-promotion and promises. Such a man is not just “not perfect” or has “flaws”, but is generally incapable of normal relationships. With him, only disappointment and pain awaits ... Do you need it?

What should alert a man

1. Signs of a windy romantic or swindler

Before you met, but he already confesses his love and makes an offer? Romantic! But think for yourself: a person who understands what family and responsibility are, or that a relationship is a deep intimacy, will he propose to an almost unfamiliar girl under the influence of a sudden charm? Such frivolity is more characteristic of an immature, infantile man.

Scammers also behave in this way, hoping to "screw up" you as soon as possible. But even if he does not turn out to be a marriage swindler, then all the same, at the slightest difficulties, he will just as easily abandon his intentions, and in general he hardly imagines what a serious relationship is.

He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually easily make a lot of promises and take on a lot of obligations, trying to impress and assure them of their reliability. But really reliable people very rarely make promises, carefully weighing first whether they can actually fulfill them. And more often they do not promise, but do.

2. Signs of an alcoholic (or any addict)

It's not that he occasionally misses a bottle of beer after work or sometimes plays a "shooter", although this should be alarming, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People of a certain psychological type (dependent personality disorder) have a tendency to addiction, with which it is unrealistic to build a normal family. Even if such a person does not use, he prefers to get away from problems instead of solving them, and is also not fundamentally responsible for his actions.

During the candy-bouquet period, you may not know that he likes to drink or hangs in games for days. How to define such a tendency? Listen to how and what he says. Such a man often speaks about himself in a passive voice or uses impersonal turns of speech, such as: "It so happened", "They brought me", "They forced me", "I was not lucky" - that is, he always finds the reason for what happens to him and what he does, not in himself, but in something or someone else. This is a future (or already real) alcoholic or, at least, an infantile person who will have to babysit.

Even if at the same time he extols, singing her "divine" qualities, allegedly inaccessible to a man, - he still does not recognize her as a man, peremptorily denying her "male" compensations. This will manifest itself brighter, as soon as he considers that some woman does not live up to the standards of the "goddess" - she immediately becomes a "goat" unworthy of human relations.

A man who despises women in principle, considers them "second class" and is capable of being rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he assures at first that you are "special" and not like those "goats". Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he lets out about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put in place) someone from your ex, if you don't want to walk around with bruises.

Anything that the man accuses the ex of will then be addressed to you!

5. Signs of a boor

Ham is a person who is unable to respect others: their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this is not treated. Forcing a boor to make an exception for you personally will not work. Worse, rudeness in the course of life will turn into outright rudeness, up to the use of forceful methods, especially with children. During courtship, he can be gallant and helpful. But this courtesy is ostentatious, and not born of sincere attention, and in the little things he will betray himself anyway.

Be wary if a man is late, without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, does not look after his appearance, stretches his arms and climbs to kiss when you don’t want to. Laughing, overcomes your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that female "no" is "yes" and acts in accordance with this "truth."

But the easiest way to recognize a boor is in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, then he will not stand on ceremony with others. See how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in line, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in the conflict that the boor manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never overstep certain boundaries - he will not insult, humiliate, be rude ... A ham keeps himself within the limits only while everything is good or when circumstances force him to.

6. Signs of a house tyrant

Does a man like to talk about "a woman should"? He speaks: "I need a woman such and such and such and such and you are just the right fit."? It's too obvious that such a person is incapable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook and someone to command ... Perhaps he will even do what a man “should” himself, but he is not interested in you, as a person, or yours feelings and interests. And you won't be interested. Are you ready for this?

It happens that at first the tyrant disguises himself. He emphatically respects your freedom and choice, while avoiding expressing his desires and preferences. This should be alarming. If a person really respects another, he and in him presupposes the same respect for himself - and not only asks about your desires, but also voices his own in order to come to a mutual agreement, and will not play around trying to shift responsibility.

A normal person is not afraid of conflicts of interest, being able to solve conflicts without going beyond the framework of mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflicts, knowing for himself that he will not be able to hide his essence. Instead, he will expect (even demand in the depths of his soul) that his loved ones "themselves figured out" his needs, and take offense at the slow-witted, accusing them of inattention and indifference.

He can say: “As you say!”, “Everything is for you,” because he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to agree, taking into account the interests of both. He has an "either-or" scheme: "win-lose". Sooner or later the poles will change - and you will need “everything for him”, he will try to “win” at your expense.

7. Signs of an eternal bachelor

Is your chosen one the "soul of the company"? These men are very attractive - they have charm, a sense of humor, etc. They have a lot of friends and a lot of ideas on how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a person knows how to rest. It's bad - when he lives only for the sake of entertainment and communication with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career growth ... and family too.

What is he talking about, what is he proud of? If all conversations are built around entertainment, friends and hobbies, he has no business plans, and he has the highest rating for something: "high" is a bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his "freedom". He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you yourself will see that the relationship with you in his life is ... - the tenth place. You may be able to marry him by promising that you will not mind his friends and hobbies. But do you need it?

You will have to have fun with him and accept his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the kids go. Family is not fun, he will be bored and hard, and all the time he will strive to run away to friends, while you flop down with your child, solving all the problems yourself. And even if he is at home, he will still find something to have fun with (it will hang on social networks, for example), and you will not get through ... Even if such a person does not escape from the "bonds of marriage", then you will really be "alone when alive husband. "

8. Signs of a walking man

"You are the most beautiful of all the girls I have met!" - such recognition betrays his passion for "collecting" girls. The womanizer enjoys success with women, he knows how to beautifully, “professionally” look after, while deep down he has a low opinion of women, and believes that anyone can be seduced. And usually he has "all women are whores."

He wants victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will get bored. And if you hear arguments from the series: "All men are polygamous" and "We change only with the body - and this does not mean anything, the main thing is that not with the soul", then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the opportunity to "change the body": ) Unreasonable jealousy can also become an unpleasant surprise from such a man - after all, it is natural for a person to judge by himself.

9. Signs of a jealous person

I think it's the easiest way to recognize a jealous person. The trouble is that women are at first flattered by his possessiveness - they think that this is love, that they are so distinguished from others. Although in fact jealousy speaks of his deep self-doubt. But another thing is more terrible - a jealous person does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her capable of choosing and being true to her choice. It is impossible to build a normal relationship without trust, not to mention the fact that a jealous person is simply dangerous.

A jealous man treats a woman as his property, an inanimate object. At first it manifests itself romantically: "I won't give you to anyone!", "You are mine and only mine!", "I don't want anyone to stare at your beauty, except me - wear this skirt only at home." Can "carefully" fasten the top button on your blouse in public ... And when jealousy takes on threatening forms, alas, getting rid of a jealous person is already difficult.

How not to be mistaken in a man?

Normal, then, worthy men meet at all ?! - Of course, they do - and quite often! Even some of the above signs may not turn out to be a "diagnosis" - it is imperative to take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.

For example, sociability at the age of 16-20 does not necessarily mean that a young man will live for entertainment - these are simply age features. Deliberate rudeness can be just bravado, an awkward display of "masculinity", which will also pass. Drinking and playing does not necessarily indicate an addiction to alcoholism, but may simply be a tribute to the company - it is not the fact of drinking that is important here, but the personality and degree of involvement. We will talk about alcoholism later - subscribe to updates.

It is certainly worth looking at his father and his relationship with his mother. There is a chance that a man who grew up without a father will be a good husband and father if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys already know how to build normal relationships with a woman, and having suffered without a dad, they are unlikely to leave their child. But if a boy grew up with an unworthy father, then the probability that he will reproduce his model of family relationships and life position is almost 100%, no matter how much he says that he does not understand and condemns his father's behavior.

And vice versa, if his father is a worthy and decent person and his mother is happy with him, then there is a hope that some negative signs that you notice in a man will disappear without a trace in the future. But if you find in the chosen one obvious signs of the aforementioned types, and especially several at once, then you should not hope for changes!

Many negative signs are interconnected and follow from one another, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah often happens alcoholic. Misogynist or jealous even more often - home tyrant... There are all signs in one. However, it is useless to try to understand men and memorize the signs of unworthy, without solving their problems.

Whom and why do we choose? If your personal life is unsuccessful all the time, you only come across the heroes of this article, and you do not even believe that there are others, but you hope to heal them with your "love" or just humbly endure, considering it a "female share", then the problem is in you themselves. But this is fixable - I recommend, for example, to read the book and start sweeping out the "cockroaches" that lead to unhealthy relationships.

If it seems that he deceived you, pretended to be a "prince", and then turned out to be a "monster" - it seems. Nobody pretends - a person always reveals his best side when he falls in love. And we all tend to unconsciously demonstrate qualities that are directly opposite to shortcomings. But that's why we turn a blind eye to the “bells”, joyfully believing in the initial demonstration and immediately starting to dream of family and children - a good question. Most often because, and the personality of a man is of little interest.

© Nadezhda Dyachenko

Decency is defined as honesty, incapacity for immoral, base deeds. Thus, a decent person is one who has an honest character and high morality, which allows him to comply with accepted norms of behavior. The main thing in this is the deliberate rejection of impious acts. In fact, honesty and decency mean the same thing, only honesty is narrower in meaning and affects mainly the verbal sphere, and decency is a broader definition in its meaning.

The concept of decency

Everyday life has its own ideas of decency. For example, the decency of a man in the everyday sense often characterizes his responsibility in relation to a girl, the absence of deception on his part. The concept of a girl's decency is often interpreted as her chastity or loyalty to one partner, as well as a “correct” lifestyle from a social point of view. Against this background, statements like "a guy's pride is the decency of his girlfriend" became popular.

However, in fact, this concept is much broader than such a household sphere. What is actually characterized by human decency?

1. This quality allows you to treat other people with understanding, to be friendly and responsive.
2. Decency means that a person has a developed sense of justice, and she will act on the basis of this principle, even against her own interests.
3. Decency means that in any situation a person will act according to his conscience.
4. Decency guarantees respect from other people.
5. This trait allows you to make fair, correct decisions and be responsible for them.
6. Decency is a quality that is appreciated in any situation and at all times.

Decency test

In order to determine your level of decency, it is enough to pass the test. Answer all questions "yes" or "no". If you find it difficult, remember the last month of your life.

1. Sometimes I laugh at an indecent anecdote.
2. If I am treated politely, I will answer in kind.
3. I have financial problems.
4. Even if I do not like a person, I will rejoice at his well-deserved success.
5. Sometimes I postpone urgent matters.
6. I behave differently at home and in the company.
7. I am free from prejudice.
8. I don't always tell the truth.
9. In any game, I strive to win.
10. Sometimes I get angry.
11. Sometimes I make up something to justify myself.
12. Sometimes I lose my temper.
13. As a child, I was obedient and immediately did what I was told.
14. Sometimes I'm annoyed.
15. It happens that I laugh at an indecent joke.
16. Sometimes I am late.
17. Sometimes I gossip.
18. Among my acquaintances there are those who I do not like.
19. I am not saddened by the failures of people I don't like.
20. I happened to be late.
21. Sometimes I brag.
22. Sometimes I don't want to do anything.
23. I have thoughts that I am ashamed to tell someone about.
24. Sometimes I spoil someone's mood.
25. It happened that I told a lie.
26. All my habits are positive.
27. In spite of everything, I will keep my promise.
28. Sometimes I can brag.
29. As a teenager, I had an interest in taboo topics.
30. I sometimes put off until tomorrow what is important to do today.
31. I have thoughts to be ashamed of.
32. Sometimes I argue about things I don't know much about.
33. I do not love all of my acquaintances.
34. I can say bad things about someone.

Count the number of "yes" answers to questions: 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 , 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, and the number of "no" answers to questions: 2, 4, 7, 13, 26, 27. Sum the numbers and see the result.

How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing that any woman pays attention to is her appearance. In a few seconds we scan a man who has fallen into the field of vision, noting to ourselves how he is dressed, shod, how he smells, shaved and combed. If everything suits us from an aesthetic point of view, we put a tick in our mind in front of the phrase “seems to fit”. And we begin to perceive the man "by ear", that is, we evaluate what and how he says. And to observe - to evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here at this stageit is very important not to rush and listen carefully and watch!

The key to the success of future happiness is alreadyin the early stages of the relationship, determine whether the prospective partner is capable of experiencing higher moral feelings - conscience, empathy, compassion, and honesty.

Sometimes this is not easy!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a birthday party with friends. The general feast, slow dances to romantic music, a walk under the night moon brought them together immediately. A week after they met, Lera called Victor her man. He smiled back indulgently.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her boyfriend. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for a date, or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that are unlikely to seriously darken their relationship. Nor did she worry that Victor could yell at the woman on the bus who had hit him with his elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not in any way return the debt to the husband of the very friend with whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she proudly shrugged her shoulders. - "And the rest does not bother me."

When Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed offended and bewildered: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But I knew! I just didn't want to notice!

From the first days Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That here she is - her destiny. Lena was so anxious to close the "question of finding the second half" as soon as possible that she turned a blind eye to Viktor's dishonesty in all its manifestations, by all means justifying the situation, and not even comparing the merits and demerits of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate the merits, and justify him directly there was nothing corny), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude towards her. Lena, being a noble and decent person, really did not want to believe that not everyone in the world is so noble. She didn't want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. The fictional tale seemed very beautiful.

This behavior is very typical for a modern, highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype that has stuck in your head “you need to get married, because if you are too much for men, then you’re some kind of wrong” and even fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of a relationship, women at the very beginning either consciously or unconsciously close their eyes to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of a man. Or they simply have no practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of the man, whose courtship they accept.

To the question asked in the forehead: "Is he a decent person?" - we will hear either a confident "yes", or a vague "in relation to me - yes." While a reasonable, calm and wise answer “I hope so, but I cannot say, since we have known each other for a very short time,” we are hardly lucky enough to hear. And of course, we are unlikely to hear "no", since either a mentally incoherent person or a woman who is guided by a cold cynical calculation can consciously go into a relationship with a villain.

Psychologists, but what are psychologists, ordinary common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent people. Long term no dishonest man can make any woman happy for a long time... That is, by definition. When we say "dishonest" we do not mean a man with amenable to corrective defects, such as slovenliness or laziness in everyday life. We mean a man devoid of the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, sympathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man showing signs of psychopathies . And if you are able to correctly analyze the behavior of a man, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you see, you can easily guess who is next to you, what is the system of his values \u200b\u200band whether it exists at all.

The fourfold principle

Imagine you have an internal counter, and n before judging character human , mentally add one, noticing actions whichth repeatare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are observing, and track the number of repetitions of patterns of behavior that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, a very indicative sign for nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has manifested itself four times or more, keep in mind. Most likely in front of youpsychopath - a person in whom the feeling of anger and cruelty prevails (since revenge is always associated with the manifestation of cruelty and even with the manifestation of violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance, and generosity will focus on forgiveness. Yes, he can merge with the offender, he can even resort to revenge (and, often, later regret it), but these will be one-time, not repetitive situations. ANDif the person took revenge four times,he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you or your child will anger him with something. Are you willing to deliberately become the target of the violent person's revenge? I don’t think so.

The essence of the human soul is most truthfully manifested in crisis situations. No wonder there is a saying that a friend is known in trouble! It is extremely indicative that tohow a person behaves when he has to make a difficult life choice. Does he take a position of unhealthy selfishness and act exclusively in his own interests, and chooses a path that contradictsthe interests of everyone else. Or, in his actions, the idea of \u200b\u200bcaring not only about himself, but also about the environment is embedded. Ba camp person and in a crisis situation will sacrifice personal benefit for the welfare of loved ones.

The behavior of some men against the background of floods in Kh. Crimean (Krasnodar Territory). When some men fled, leaving everyone and everything, including their own families. Others, on the contrary, returned again and again to the filled apartment buildings, collecting and transporting people. Even strangers. Even those with whom we had a quarrel yesterday.

Relationships within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more important than words.

Noble,decent manu important and values \u200b\u200bnot only their own comfort and peace, but equally preserves and values \u200b\u200bthe attitudes of the society in which they live. Pay attention to the facthow your chosen one treats strangers. Does he respectfully communicate with service personnel in a cafe, store or queue. AToutbursts of aggression or rudeness - unambiguous reason alert. Because a man who can be rude to a stranger will then be rude to the one next to him.

Small domestic troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver stuck on the road. You can drive by, or you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take up a lot of time, and yes, you can drive by once, because there is no time, you can take a second one, but when your chosen one regularly ignores victims of this kind, and even allows himself derogatory statements from the series “It’s his own fault ”, Keep in mind that one day he may start treating you in the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic for him in general, and not for would-be drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal gain. They are not capable of disinterested manifestation of positive feelings, if at all they are able to feel (as in the case of psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend to show love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it is beneficial for him, as long as you give him something that he needs, such as sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as their need decreases, the incentive to show their best side in such people evaporates. Having connected your life with a person who is guided by the calculation, you run the risk of one day realizing that you are being trite used.

Consistency and loyalty. Will your love boat crash into everyday life?

The potential propensity for adultery, social and spiritual impermanence can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need forvariety (varied food, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of calm measured life of such aman will be hard to endure. The higher your companion's need for new emotions, adventure, and thrill, the more likely it is to be sexy and social, such as companionship,true spine is unusual for him. He's bored. He will demand continuation of the banquet all the time. Yes, for some it can go away with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to "change the picture", to control it and even include in the process of finding new experiences of their partner, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains that consistency for such people is a difficult choice.

To understand whether you have met the right person, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine events of life. Ask if he was diligent in school. Find out if he has hobi and how often he changed them. Ask your potential partner if he loves parties. Is he fond of extreme sports. Carefully ask, if convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, on the basis of which it is easy to judge whether a person is so constant.

Aggression

The level of irascibility and, as a consequence, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the side. Processes in which a large number of participants are involved, focused on themselves and their line of behavior, that is, non-team social processes are very informative. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by watching him as a participant in public traffic. See how he drives the car. If he gets nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, tries to become the first at a traffic light, "cuts" neighboring cars, you can say with a 99% probability that he will behave in the same way in family life. Before you is a hot-tempered, hot, aggressive person, for whom the environment is second-class people. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

There is no fire in hell for perfectionists, not a damn thing. There are only slightly asymmetrical cauldrons.

Try to pay attention to how muchcriticalman in relation toto myself andto others. It is quite possible that the desire to bring everything to perfection is just a mask behind which there is excessive perfectionism. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicatorlow self-esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? In fact, it isunloved child in childhood, who had to pursue parental love with perfect homework, clean floors, and immaculately carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for perfection and demand perfection from the person who is nearby. Sometimes the perfectionist's pursuit of the ideal turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on a partner, justifying their actions with seemingly noble statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful / correct / perfect”. Perfectionists and critics constantly try to "improve" their family members, gradually instilling in them the idea that they were "not good enough" before. And, although it is possible to fight the manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person to the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - "you can not only take or only give." Nature, whose life rules lie in this plane, will always repay debts, will not be afraid to borrow money if close people need it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of egoism and altruism in a decent person is almost perfect.

Moreover, about how decent a person your companion is can be judged by his fidelity to the word. Decent people either keep their promises or do not give them at all. This also includes selfish lies. If you witness a lie that your relationship partner admonishes someone around him, be on the lookout! He will most likely lie within his own family.

Vulnerability

Power vulnerabilitya partner is determined by how a person reacts to barbs addressed to him - indifferently or shrinking painfully.

It is clear that one should not give oneself in offense and that one should defend the one who is nearby if he is not able to defend himself. For example, a man who stands up for a woman gets approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the person himself came up with it and was offended. Excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes translates into a state of constant tension in the couple, as there is always a fear in the air of saying something "wrong" to such a sissy and getting another scandal with elements of hysteria. And sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal to resentment. The level of vulnerability manifests itself very well when a person is in the center of attention. Allow yourself a bold joke about your partner, and by how adequate his reaction will be, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely related to the person's self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one according to this criterion, it is necessary to monitor his reaction to praise. FROMseems to be grateful and smile - a sign of healthy self-esteem, will begin to make excuses and assure that there is nothing to praise him for, or smugly lead an eyebrow, taking kind words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Needless to say, it is easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem in life together? Because people with low self-esteem tend to be resentful, irascible and perfectionist. And in a relationship, they most often need a nanny, whose meaning of life is to pity and help an innocent victim of life's circumstances. And people with high self-esteem need not a wife, but a fan. People with abnormal levels of self-esteem resist building partnerships, preventing their partner from getting on the same level with them. They need to stand either slightly lower or slightly higher. In both cases, the one who is told which step to take is more affected. In a healthy relationship, people are on the same level and do not consciously or even unconsciously try to manipulate each other.

Having defined person's character, then it is useful to find out what the prospective partner has life goals, interests, what he wants to get from the relationship. Therefore, when communicating, it is important be silent moreask more questions, listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of yours and his values, because conflicts in this area will sooner or later appear. And do not rush to justify the gentleman you like, closing your eyes to the emerging flaws. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast within your union, in relation to you and your children!

And at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has shown certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, irascibility has appeared, this does not mean that the relationship should be put an end to! There are no ideal people, but everyone has flaws. It's just that in some cases they are insignificant and amenable to correction, while in others they are incorrigible and unequivocally destructive. For example, the same irascibility in itself is just a character trait, and not a reason to run away from a man. A person can have a hot temperament, be impulsive, but at the same time he will never allow himself to show aggression towards a woman. It's one thing to scold a politician hotly on TV, and another to raise your voice at family members.

How to find this line between a slight bias towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for healthy partnerships, read in the following chapters of the book "Illusions in a relationship".